Merlin was accustomed to always being behind Arthur. The invisible manservant, the hired help and nothing more. If he was anything more than that, it was rarely vocalized. Yet as the group of knights and their king rode to the castle that held Elaine inside it, Arthur made sure that Merlin rode right beside him.
Vocalization wasn't needed then. Arthur was a king, and Merlin a warlock. As they rode side by side Merlin couldn't help but watch Arthur out of the corner of his eye, Kilgharrah's words echoing inside his mind. Two sides of the same coin.
For a reason not known, Merlin had never liked that phrase. But in that moment his cuffs broke away, and with them his secret, he understood. Two sides of a coin was a tragic thing. A coin is one thing, one being, but both sides face away from each other. Perhaps that was the tragedy of it. Arthur had always been attached to him, but was facing away. He saw a different world then Merlin did. But perhaps now there was a chance for something different. Maybe they could both see a little of the other side.
"Do you see the castle ahead, Merlin?" Arthur asked, turning to face the warlock. Merlin nodded, encouraged by the smile that the king had been wearing all day. Merlin knew that Arthur was wearing that smile for him, a way of telling him that he wouldn't change his mind.
"I see it." Merlin responded. Arthur nodded.
"I know now that I cannot defeat her without your help." Arthur gave a pause. "I don't think I have ever won a battle without your aid- have I?" Merlin laughed.
"Not once. Camelot would have burned to the ground a dozen times over had it not been for the aid of your loyal manservant." Arthur frowned at this, and turned his attention back to the road ahead of him. For a moment Merlin thought that perhaps he had said something to upset the king, but before he had time to ask, Arthur spoke.
"Don't say it." Arthur said, almost pleading "I already know."
"Know what?" Merlin noticed Arthur's hands tighten around his reins, discomfort clearly painted on his features.
"That I'm a prat."
"Arthur, I-"
"You are a forgiving person Merlin, more so than many people deserve. More then I do. You may have forgiven me, but I have not forgiven myself. The things I said to you, the things I did to you- they were no worse than the actions of anyone who has ever tried to harm my kingdom. And you, Merlin, are a part of that kingdom."
"I never knew that you cared." Merlin muttered after an almost awkward moment of silence.
"Do you really mean that?" Arthur asked in a voice so soft that it was nearly lost beneath the sounds that came from the hooves of his horse as they made contact with the ground. "That you never knew- that I never showed you any kind of thanks for the things that you have done for me?"
"No." Merlin said, and his voice was enveloped in sincerity. "I think I knew." Arthur opened his mouth to answer, but whatever it was that he wanted to say was never meant to be voiced as Leon's horse suddenly came up beside the two men.
"It is less than a mile before we approach the castle." The knight said. Arthur raised his eyebrows.
"Yes…. I do see that."
"Well it's just…." Leon frowned. "Well I was talking to the men, and we aren't really sure if we have a plan." Arthur could suddenly feel the eyes of his knights on him, and swallowed nervously. In that moment he was reminded of the various pros and cons of actually being the king of Camelot. It was nice and convenient when the title earned you a breakfast larger than you could feasibly eat or to have servants to feed the fire inside your chambers every hour, but less so when it meant riding into a possibly lethal battle and being expected to have the entire attack plotted out.
"The plan." Arthur said, drawing the syllable out longer than was necessary. If he was honest with himself, he had spent the ride occupying his mind with thoughts of how to regain Merlin's favor and atone for his sins rather than actually dealing with the issues at hand.
"We don't have a plan." Merlin said, not bothering to come to Arthur's aid, and instead taking the route of honesty. "We usually don't. At least, none of you do. You just carry around swords and swing them when it feels right."
"We do not!" Arthur cried out.
"Yes you do. And then you get knocked out and I take it from there." Arthur stared at Merlin in a mixture of disbelief and offense when, to his surprise, the sorcerer smiled. The smile was so full of relief and of honesty that no anger would be able to plague Arthur today. He knew now that when Elaine revealed Merlin's talents it should have been something good. It should have been a chance for Merlin to at last be something he truly was- that much the boy deserved.
"So… then you tell us what to do." Arthur said with some difficulty. Apparently, although it was sometimes necessary to change oneself for the sake of others, it wasn't always easy. What made it the smallest bit easier, however, was the smile on Merlin's face that refused to falter.
"I don't see why we should do anything differently than we always do!" He practically sang with laughter in his tone. Arthur nodded. He didn't have a problem with that.
MM
Elaine sat at her chair, weaving on her repaired loom. It was as she had always done, and it was what she did still when the knights burst into her castle. Her back was to the door when they entered, and she didn't even bother turning to face them.
"Back again, are you?" She asked. She now saw the reflections of the men in her mirror, and her hands flew across her loom, threads of silver and red that was the same shade of their cloaks weaving in and out of each other. Arthur turned his head slightly to look at Merlin, who was hanging back a few feet. There was determination firmly set in the man's features, but no amount of determination would be enough to mask the fear. Setting his jaw, the king turned his attentions back to Elaine, who was still speaking. "Have you come to give the sorcerer to me? I still have use for his talents."
"So do I." Arthur replied. At his words he could almost hear the last traces of Merlin's doubt melt away, and in what felt like less than a moment the servant had appeared next to his master's side.
"Elaine." Merlin said. His voice was suddenly husky with emotion. Arthur raised his eyebrows in surprise.
"Have something to say?" The woman asked, her attention still on the knight's reflections rather than the real beings. Merlin nodded,and cleared his throat.
"Elaine, I know what alone is."
Oh. Arthur thought. So that was it.
"I know what hurt is."
That was what Arthur had missed.
"I know what pain is."
As a young man, a prattish prince and later starry eyed king.
"And I know what it is be something that you cannot be, but that you are regardless."
Arthur had always missed the actual the person behind the definition. People could not be divided into classes so simple as that. Sorcerer. Knight. Physician. It was never that easy, that devoid of complication. Same as Arthur could never be labeled as just the king of Camelot, Merlin could never be labeled as sorcerer. Nor could anyone else. That wouldn't be right.
"But I also know what it is to be given something you never deserved. And to in return offer it to someone else."
Merlin knew. He had always known.
"I know what it is to love." Arthur turned to face Merlin. Inside the man's eyes he saw a young man in Ealdor that died saving the small village. He saw a dragonlord that earned a sword in his flesh and Merlin's tears for days after. He saw himself, and everyone else that had ever earned Merlin's love. And Elaine….
"You think I do not know what love is, boy?" She asked. The woman stood from her seat, her calm demeanor ripped away. She at last turned away from her mirror in order to face the group. "You claim that I know nothing of pain?" Elaine practically screamed.
"No. No, I know. And I offer you empathy."
"I will have none of it." She spat, venom lacing her tone. "Camelot had him." Lancelot's name remained unspoken, but the shadow of it echoed across the room. "And as a punishment for that, Camelot took my father from me. My goal is revenge, young sorcerer, and do not think that any pretty words will deter me from that goal." Elaine let out a string of words that were understood by no one but Merlin. At her command a burst of air set Arthur flying across the room. The king let out a cry as he hit the ground with a crash.
"Arthur!" Merlin cried out, but he sounded more amused than worried "This is generally the part where I do something."
"I'm not unconscious yet." Arthur grunted. Elaine turned to Arthur with a wry smile.
"Not yet. I can fix that however. How would you like to stop me, sorcerer? What is your next move?" Merlin looked to Arthur on the floor, but this situation was unlike every other one before it. This time there was no panic inside Merlin, no fear for the king's life. For this time Merlin knew there was a way.
"I'll use what it was you reject, Elaine. I think we both know what that was." Merlin shot his hands out towards the mirror, and Elaine's eyes followed it.
"You can do nothing to the mirror, not even with your magic. The one thing that could really destroy it has happened once and it won't happen again." Merlin stood still a moment, his hand still held out. "You can do nothing to it!" Elaine repeated.
"I cannot alter the physical mirror. The reflection, however." Elaine stepped away from Arthur, her full attention on the glass that held all the sorrows and all the emotions that had forever plagued her. Merlin began to whisper, a string of words falling from him.
Before Merlin now stood the flickering image of a man, a man whose soul no longer walked this world. Merlin spoke to life the image of Lancelot, this near translucent shell of the man, and his reflection shone true and clear inside of Elaine's glass.
"No!" Elaine cried out. "It is not really him. It isn't him!" Tears sprang to Elaine's eyes, yet try as she might she could not tear her eyes away from the mirror. The image of Lancelot almost mocked her, and as she drank in the reflection of the man who would never love her, the once stagnant crack began to grow.
"I am sorry." Merlin said, almost in a whisper. As he stopped speaking his magic, the unsmiling imagine disappeared, but it had done it's job. Elaine let out a scream, and the mirror shattered. The woman fell to the ground, a beating heart no longer her ally. Merlin stared down at the body, not even moving when Arthur stood from the ground and came to stand beside him.
"I take no pleasure in robbing anyone of their life." Merlin said, almost in a sob. "It doesn't matter what their crime."
"I know." Arthur replied. "No one can ever hope to take pleasure in that." Arthur turned to Merlin and clapped him on the shoulder. "We will give her a proper burial. And after that Merlin, we will go on as we always have. As friends."
Merlin gave a small nod. Friends.
Two sides of the same coin.
Welcome to today's edition of I Am A Horrible Person. I realized that this fic literally has two chapters left to it and I left it hanging. So I decided to finish it off despite the fact that literally no one will still be reading it. I have one chapter after this one and it's done. That's it. Never-update-Merlin-fic finally coming to an end. Oh yes! I do not own Merlin or any of it's characters. Yay for useless knights doing nothing in this last scene!