DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT, ITS CHARACTERS OR ANY OF ITS PROPERTIES. Stephenie Meyer owns it. None of it is mine. No copyright or trademark infringement intended!
Also, the title of this fic is take from the lyrics to the My Chemical Romance song "The Black Parade". So all credit goes to them for the title of this fic. I picked this title, because I felt it suited my three main characters: Bella, Jacob and Edward.
a/n: This story takes place during New Moon. It follows Bella after Edward has left her. Instead of having Bella suffer alone, I wanted her to do what I think would have come naturally to her. Be with Jacob Black. It makes sense to me that Bella would allow herself the chance to get better, even if it meant settling for Jacob. Or trying at least, to restart her life. For all my Edward/Bella fans, don't worry! This story will have some Jacob/Bella pairing but is ultimately an Edward/Bella story! Just bear with me for a bit!
And if anyone is reading this, I am beyond flattered!
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Chapter One
Date
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It will be as if I had never existed.
Disbelieving, I had reached out my hand for one last touch of Edward's icy pale skin, but he was gone. My hand held nothing but damp, misty air. He had left me there in the forest. Alone. So horribly and excruciatingly alone.
That was months ago. Another life ago. Those months, weeks, days, hours spent without Edward were foggy and clouded in my memory. School, friends, Charlie. Nothing existed, or at least, nothing I could remember.
The only thing I could recall with any clarity was my time spent with Jacob Black. Charlie had taken me down to the La Push reservation in a flailing attempt to pull me out of my zombie-like depression. Charlie and Billy would hang around the Black's house talking and laughing, while I sat inside on the couch in a daze untouched. Jacob would come inside and sit with me, chattering away.
As the visits became more frequent, my time on La Push started to feel lucid. Jacob's voice no longer sounded like a muffled whisper. I could make out words, even sentences; I became more alert. Jacob would then drag me into his garage, showing me the Volkswagen Rabbit he was restoring. Watching him talk about his car, as he slid his hand down the hood with care, rustled something inside me. For the first time in so long, I felt the nudge of interest.
Charlie, realizing his plan was having a positive effect on me, kept bringing me over to the Black's. He would drop me off on the weekends he had to work, and I would watch Jacob work on the Rabbit all day before Charlie picked me up for dinner. After a month of this routine, I overheard Charlie mention to Billy that it seemed like I was "finally waking up."
Being around Jacob was somehow easy for me. The concept of a real friend, a human friend, was new. I always felt like I never fit in with the human world. For a brief time, I thought I had found my place with the Cullens, who were so gloriously inhuman, until I was abruptly discarded by them. Jacob was a welcomed breath of fresh air. In our month together, I started talking, feeling, something besides the numbing pain. It was like being dragged out from drowning.
La Push was safe for me. There were no memories of my past life there; nothing to set me off recalling my too short, too beautiful time with Edward.
I could not let myself think about Edward. Not ever.
But especially not tonight.
Tonight, I had a date. Oh god, an actual date. I winced at the thought. This was my first official date with a boy...ever. Edward and I never actually went on dates-unless you counted vampirc baseball games that ended in a death-chase.
I sighed.
Don't think about that, I urged myself. Don't think about him.
Each memory from my past life caused the numbing lonliness to rear its ugly head, growling for attention. It never got any easier to suppress it. But I would will myself to push it away. Bury it.
I opened up my closet door and stared at my clothes. What do you even wear on a date?
I felt ridiculous accepting Jacob's offer to go to the movies-as a couple. We had been getting along so well as friends. Just working on his car in his garage. Okay, Jacob worked on the car. I mostly just stood there and tried not to trip over anything.
Then, yesterday, Jacob had to go all Romeo on me, in what was probably the most unromantic setting ever. I was sitting in his garage near a pile of tools on the floor watching him work, the smell of gasoline and boy-sweat pungent. Jacob didn't appear to be thwarted by something as insignificant as the atmosphere. He had reached out for a wrench that lay beside me, but his hand passed gently over it and instead rested over mine. As if that was what he had wanted the entire time.
My head had snapped up in his direction and he met my gaze with his dark brown eyes. They were hopeful.
"Bells," he had said looking up at me.
I couldn't think of anything to say. I just stared at him...acutely aware of his rough, warm hand covering mine.
"Come here," he grinned.
I shook my head once and closed my eyes. Hoping that when I opened them—he would be back to fixing his car, wrench in hand.
And then his lips were on me, warm and wet, pressing against my own. My eyes were still shut as his hand slipped under my hair and cupped my neck, pulling me to him. The shock of it delayed my reaction. When I had realized what was happening I tried to pull back, but Jacob's grip on me was firm. He held me to his lips and kissed me.
"Be with me." His breath was hot against my face. He was still so close.
"I am with you," I whispered, eyes still shut.
"Not like that, Bells. You couldn't before. So I waited. But now, you can. The way I've wanted."
He still held my face in his hands, and he had pulled away to look at me when he spoke. His eyes searched mine, probably for an answer, since he was met with nothing but silence.
I had nodded once, unsure of what else to do, and hoped that would be enough for him. It was, until he asked me out on this nonsensical date.
Remembering our kiss, I sighed again and I grabbed at the first shirt my hand reached. I pulled it over my head and then gently lifted my hair from under the shirt, letting it spread across my shoulders and down my back.
Jeans and sneakers seemed the best way to finish off the ensemble. Jacob had seen me in much worse. I shuddered with embarrassment, reminding myself of the weeks I had walked onto the La Push reservation wearing Charlie's old sweatpants.
Just then, the sound of someone-Jacob-knocking on the front door filled my bedroom. I froze in my steps.
He's here.
I heard Charlie below opening the door and greeting Jacob enthusiastically. Charlie, of course, was beyond grateful to Jacob for pulling me out of my four month stupor. The fact that we were… dating… was just icing on the cake.
"Bella," Charlie called up the stairs, "Jacob's here."
I contemplated checking myself in the mirror before exiting my room, but turned down the thought. I strode past my mirror without as much as a glance.
"Hey," Jacob said, standing at the foot of the stairs watching me as I walked down.
I gave him a crooked smile as I neared the bottom. Of course, my foot caught on the third to last step. Like a clumsy but well staged soap actress, I fell right into Jacob's open arms.
Perfect, now I'm blushing.
Behind us, Charlie chuckled. "Easy there, Bells."
I moaned. This was off to a great start already.
Jacob held me in his arms a few seconds longer than necessary. Long enough for me to notice, but not enough for Charlie to.
"Ready?" Jacob asked, a smile playing on his lips as he released me.
"Ready." I nodded. It didn't seem like I had another choice.
We drove to Port Angeles for the evening showing of the movie. It was some horror film about zombies called Dead End. It was either that, or a romantic comedy, and something about sitting in a movie theater with Jacob watching two people gush over each other, made my stomach flip. I opted for the flesh eating zombies instead.
Jacob parked the newly finished Rabbit and we walked through town toward the theater. He walked very close to me and his arm often brushed against my shoulder. He was so damn tall. His lean muscles wrapped around his long arms. Most of his boyish features had hardened in the past few months. The roundness in his face was gone; his jaw had squared, brilliantly framing his ever constant smile.
He walked confidently, like he was aware of the fact that we were touching and was pleased by it.
I kept my arms wrapped around my waist. My anxiety was pretty much taking over. He peeked over to me with narrowed eyes, but in spite of himself he was grinning ear to ear.
"Not having fun?" he teased.
"What? Oh, no—I mean—yes! I'm...just nervous," I rolled my eyes at myself. I sounded like an idiot.
"Aw, come on Bells, it's just us. Nothing to be nervous about," he laughed and continued smiling.
He reached his arm up and wrapped it loosely around my shoulders as we walked. His grin widened. Jacob gave off such an aura of happiness that it was impossible for me not to smile along with him. I loosened my grip on my waist, relaxing under his touch.
We made our way to the movie theater, but decided that we didn't want to be cooped up inside for two hours on a night that was - miraculously - not raining. So we continued to walk through the town.
I was surprised how much this felt like any other day with Jake. I thought dates had to be stuffy and romantic. Hours spent gazing into each others eyes, or awkward attempts at trying to hold the other person's hand, for instance. This was different... easy. Jake joked and laughed, keeping his arm around my shoulders, and bringing me closer to him as people passed us on the street. I cozened up to his side. He was warm.
"Whoa! Check out this place!" Jake said, nodding toward one of the shops.
I recognized the store at once. It was a new age, free spirit bookstore. It had crystals hanging in the windows, and various wind-chimes blowing in the light breeze. I had come here once before, almost a year ago, but hadn't gone inside. New age reading wasn't really my thing. Instead of browsing through the store that night, I had wandered down a dark alley, followed by dark men, where if it weren't for...
Don't think about that, I reminded myself. I closed my eyes and forced the image of a shiny Volvo screeching down the alley out of my head.
"Let's go in," Jake said, breaking my memory. I welcomed the distraction.
I opened the door for us, setting off the wind-chimes as we entered.
The scent of incense and hemp immediately hit me. A woman with long, curly blonde hair sat behind a counter reading a book, and holding one of her palms facing up on the table, lazily dragging her pointer finger across it. Palm reading. I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes. She glanced up at the sound of our entrance, smiled, and then went back to her book.
Jake's arm fell from my shoulders as we separated to scope out the store. There were books on star alignment, chakras, and organic witchery. I traced my fingers along their spines as I walked. Behind me, I noticed a shelf lined with "healing stones". I picked one up and rubbed it between my hands.
"Ah, the heart stone…" a soft voice spoke from next to me. It was the curly haired woman. I hadn't heard her approach me. She eyed the stone in my hands.
"The what - ?" I asked, opening my hand to get a better look at it. It looked like any old rock, except that embedded deep in the stone were tiny speckles of red, glimmering like miniature rubies.
"The heart stone, dear," she smiled, "it heals a wounded heart." She took the stone gently from my hand and wrapped her slender fingers around it. She brought it to her chest, about where her heart would be, and rubbed it against her in a circular motion.
"Oh," my eyes dropped to the floor. I felt my cheeks heating up and knew I must be blushing.
The woman stopped the movement of her hand and placed the stone back on the shelf. She eyed me for a moment and then turned to search the store, looking for the boy I came in with. Her eyes watched Jacob leaning over a jewelry display.
"Of course," she whispered, "new love can mend just as well." She shot me a quick smile and then walked over to Jacob. I heard her ask him if he was interested in anything on display.
I turned back to the stones. As if this was all I would need to be whole again. If I had believed i any of this, I would have bought the rock in an instant. But I knew my wound was much too deep to ever be healed by a rock in a store.
"Bella?" Jacob's voice was behind me.
"Yes?" I turned around.
He held up his hand and dangled a silvery necklace with a deep red pendant in front of me.
"Jake-" I started.
"Yeah, yeah, don't try to argue with me. Just, turn back around so I can put it on you."
Jacob's hands tucked under my hair and I felt the necklace glide along my skin.
"It's beautiful…" I said.
I fingered the pendant. The red color was so deep, it was almost black.
"It's called a 'blood pearl' or something," Jacob shrugged. "Whatever that is."
"A pearl? Jacob this is too expensive!" I protested.
He laughed. "Don't sweat it, Bells. It's not a real pearl." He shrugged and slipped his arm around my waist. "Let's go." He led me to the store exit.
I looked up at Jacob. A new love, the woman had said. Maybe, I thought. Maybe… if I tried.
It would never be the same as what I had. That I knew. But, it might be enough.
Walking back to Jacob's Rabbit we passed a bar. The sign, I noted, displayed the name "One Eyed Pete's". I wondered idly if there was some kind of pirate theme inside. A group of men were leaning against the building. One was smoking and talking to the others, while the rest of them watched the streets, scoping out the passersby.
I shuddered lightly. The four men reminded me again of the dark alley. How similar my nights here in Port Angeles were, and yet, still so different.
Jacob must have felt my shiver; he tightened his arm around me and held me closer to him. I glanced back at the men and closed my eyes, willing myself not to remember anything from the past.
Jacob insisted on walking me to Charlie's front door. This was the only part of the evening that actually felt like a real date. My anxiety crept back up as I realized that this was the part where the boy kisses the girl goodnight.
Sure, Jacob had kissed me once before but this kiss would be different. This time, I knew it was coming.
We stopped at the door. Jacob looked nervously back to his Rabbit, the engine still running as it sat parked in Charlie's driveway.
A new love. The words rang in my ears again. For Jacob, for me. If I did not kiss Jake tonight, it would hurt him. Enough that it would kill our friendship. I would be alone again, without my best friend. He would be alone, discarded and unhappy. I didn't want that for him.
I can try, I pleaded with myself.
Jacob turned back to me and opened his mouth to stay something. But before he got the chance, I stepped on the tips of my toes and kissed him. His lips were warm and almost sweet tasting. I smelled his musk, wooded scent. Then, after a moment, I pulled away from him and smiled.
His eyes were shining in the light of the porch lamp. His smile widened and he bent over and kissed me again.
"Bells," he whispered, "This is how it's supposed to be. Do you feel that? That rightness?"
I pushed myself against him, taking him in my arms and crushing my body against his. He accepted this as my answer.
I held him there on the porch, breathing in his scent. I would stick by this. I would be with Jacob Black. Hopefully, slowly, I would mend. He would have me, and be happy. This could be our new love.
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a/n:
I had two betas help me with this chapter. Mistyrious Charades and GreekChic. They are both amazing and so helpful! Thank you both for getting this story going and making Chapter One the best it can be! (and for stroking my ego so that I would actually post this fanfic instead of keeping it to myself)
This is my first attempt at writing FF so please leave a review! Any comments, suggestions will be much appreciated and taken into consideration! Chapter 2 is not far behind!