a/n: I do not own Twilight.
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Chapter Four
Voice
I spent the following weeks by Jacob's side. We were together constantly. Jacob kept up the façade of protecting me against the super-bear, which continued to make appearances in the woods around Forks and LaPush, but I had a feeling Jacob just wanted to be around me. And that was fine with me. He came to pick me up after school daily, much to Mike's displeasure. When I walked out of my last class to the parking lot, I would feel a smile spreading at the mere sight of the Rabbit.
Since Jacob was set on being my personal bodyguard, we had decided to use our extended time together to our advantage. Or, more like, to the bikes' advantage. Almost every afternoon was spent searching for motorcycle parts.
First, Jacob had taken me to the dump where he climbed piles of rubbish, pulling out scraps and chunks of machinery. His face would light up with every piece he could find.
When the dump was thoroughly expended, Jacob took me to mechanics in the surrounding towns around Forks. He would negotiate prices on parts and come back to the car jubilant with armfuls of what looked to me like greasy junk.
As January came to an end, the motorcycles started to take form. They were now standing upright on kickstands, complete with new tires with deep treads wrapped around shiny new rims. Their old, faded color had been completely scrapped off to prepare for the new paint job. I shared in Jacob's excitement that they would soon be finished, but would eye my bike wearily. The fact that one of these mammoths belonged to me rattled my insides with unease.
When I wasn't on the reservation or eating dinner with Charlie, I was bearing my forced friendships at school. Jessica was practically humming with anticipation over Valentine's Day next week. We walked together after last period as she rambled on about Mike and her hopes that he was going to ask her to be his Valentine.
"I mean, who else would he even ask?" She shot a glance at me and then continued, "We've been kind of together for months now. You know, off and on. Close to a year if you count from prom." She smiled happily at that.
I shrugged. Interpreting Mike's hot and cold behavior with Jessica really wasn't my specialty. Especially now that Mike had become increasingly more distant to me ever since Jacob declared himself as my boyfriend. I found his escorted walks to my classes, as well as any kind of light touching, had stopped. Although, I couldn't really complain about that.
"Oh and if he does ask me, I know just what I'll wear! I went to Seattle with Lauren last weekend and got the hottest outfit! It's got this red top and black skirt-Mike will love the skirt. You know how guys are… easy access." She flit her hand as if to suggest this was common knowledge.
"Hmm," was all I could add to the conversation. Easy access? I shuddered at the thought of Mike wanting to access anything of mine.
We made our way into the parking lot while Jessica debated which restaurant she wanted Mike to take her to. She ruled out ones that cost anything less than fifty dollars a plate. I smirked at her. Apparently she thought Mike's job at the sporting goods store was well enough paid to accommodate her lavish lifestyle.
Once we were in the center of the parking lot, I searched the rows of cars for Jacob's Rabbit. It wasn't there. A stab of disappointment hit me. He wouldn't forget. Wouldn't just not come without telling me. I started to worry if something had happened to him, keeping him from coming to see me.
At that moment I heard the loud roar of an engine. I whirled my head to the sound it was coming from. And could not believe my eyes.
Jacob tore through the parking lot on a shining black motorcycle. His black hair was trailing behind him and his long russet-colored arms stretched out in front of him, gripping the handle-bars. He wore sleek, tinted sunglasses that disappeared into his hair. Jessica gasped next to me and I turned to see her mouth drop.
The bike came to a stop in front of Jessica and me. Jacob planted his feet to the cement and smiled wildly.
"You finished it!" I shouted over the thunderous engine. "Jake, it looks amazing!"
Jessica stood beside me stunned in silence for once.
"Yea...it's pretty bad-ass," Jacob agreed. He slid forward a little and made room on the double seat behind him.
"Hop on." He patted the leather seat.
"What?"
"This is the maiden voyage, Bells. You've got to ride with me!"
I caught my breath. The bike was roaring and vibrating with power. I was terrified of it. But Jacob just looked so good on it. The bike was the same jet-black color of his hair. His large hands enveloped the handles completely. I felt myself wanting to sit behind him, to wrap my arms around his body as we soared through town.
"Okay," I grinned back at him.
"What?" Jessica suddenly came back to life. "Bella! You aren't going to get on that thing! Are you?" she demanded.
"Of course I am," I said without looking at her, "I helped build it."
Okay, so that last part was not entirely true. Maybe I only supervised.
Her mouth dropped open again.
I walked over to Jacob on the bike. He reached behind him and unclasped a small silver helmet from the side and handed it to me.
"Safety first," he smiled. His face was practically burning with excitement.
I was grateful for the helmet. At least if we crashed, my head would be fine. I didn't want to think about the rest of my body parts.
I clipped the helmet under my chin and straddled the bike. It shook with aggressive vigor beneath me.
My hand reached behind me to check my book bag on my back. It felt securely in place, so I didn't have to worry about it ripping open during take off.
"Bella!" Jessica called again. "What are you doing?"
I finally turned to look at her. Her eyes were wild with envy. I could tell she so desperately wished it was her climbing on the back of a motorcycle in front of the entire school.
At that thought, I looked around us and saw that a crowd had formed. They were gawking at Jacob on his bike. I could make out the faces of Angela and Ben, Mike, Katie and Austen- who was glaring at the motorcycle enviously. It looked like he was regretting giving up the bikes so easily.
"Don't forget to hold on," Jake said. At his words, I pushed away the images of the crowd. I wanted to enjoy this.
I lifted my body from my seated position, trying to get my face as close to Jake's as possible.
"I don't think I'll mind that part," I said, grinning. Did he realize how good he looked?
I sank into the seat again and slid my arms around his waist, holding to him as tightly as I could.
I closed my eyes. My breath was coming faster. I buried my face into the back of Jake's t-shirt.
Then we were flying. The wind whipped at my sides. My hair twisted and twirled frantically behind me. I gripped him tighter.
He turned off of the pavement and onto a dirt road, slowing a little so the bike could adapt to the change of terrain. I could feel his body shaking with laughter. He was enjoying this.
I squeezed him with my arms. And realized, so was I. I was enjoying this.
"Faster," I urged him, and smiled widely along his back.
Then I heard it.
"You are being reckless and stupid, Bella."
Ice ran through my veins.
It was him. His voice. His command.
Edward.
The sound hit me like lightning.
I gasped and my arms broke their hold on Jacob. For a brief second I was free in the air, falling. And then my body smacked into the dirt road and tumbled, limbs flailing.
Pain. Real pain. It was everywhere.
"Bella!" I heard Jacob call. The sound of his footsteps sprinting towards me pounded against the earth.
I heard myself screaming. Screaming at the top of my lungs, relentless.
"Bella! Bella!" I felt Jacob's hands cradle my head as he unsnapped the helmet and slid it off.
"Please, Bella! Please be alright!" His voice was catching on something.
I tried to look at him but my vision was blurry. Tears poured from my eyes.
"The pain," I cried.
"Where? Where Bella!" Jacob screamed. He was frantic.
My shoulder was hurt, I could feel that. But the pain that was over taking me, that caused the screams to rise in my throat, was from hearing the perfect voice. More than memories of being left behind. More than the cold, suffocating sadness of losing everything. This was him. In my head. Speaking to me in his perfect voice, reminding me of all that was lost. Of all that I had tried to forget. Of how much my love hurt ripped me apart. His voice tore a hole in my chest, and this felt like bleeding out, only on the inside.
"When will it stop?" I sobbed.
"What?" Jacob's voice was distracted. I felt his hands moving along my body, feeling out different bones and spots that might be injured.
"Bella, I'm going to pick you up, okay?"
The screaming did not stop. Would not stop. I could not control it.
It was all consuming. The voice still rang clear in my head. I wanted nothing more for it to stop. But I was afraid of what would happen to me again once it was gone.
Then my body was lifted and the heat of Jacob enveloped me. He curled me into his chest and I felt a steady shaking. He was running.
I closed my eyes. Reckless and stupid. The hole tore. And then there was nothing.
.
.
My eyes opened and at first I didn't recognize where I was. There was something soft beneath me, like pillows, so I knew I still wasn't on the dirt road.
"Bella?" a voice spoke.
Not the Voice.
I winced. I did not want to remember the sound of his words in my head. Wasn't it torture enough that he was in my every dream, my nightmares? I did not want to be haunted by him while I was fully conscious. I could not handle to hear him everyday at any moment whenever he pleased. I was trying to piece myself back together. How could I do that when the sound of him ripped me apart?
"Are you okay, hunny?" This voice was Charlie's.
"Dad?" I breathed.
"I'm here." I felt him sit beside me. I searched for his face. His warm eyes were looking down at me. They were red and puffy.
"How do you feel Bella?" It was another voice from somewhere in the room. I turned and saw Dr. Gerandy standing over me.
I breathed deeply, closing my eyes to focus on my body.
"My shoulder hurts. And…" I held up my left hand, a thick bandage wrapped around my wrist and up my palm "my wrist."
"Anything else?" Dr. Gerandy asked.
I breathed again. My back and legs stiffened.
"Just aches," I answered.
"That's good," Dr. Gerandy announced, sounding pleased.
"Good?" I asked.
"Well, Bella. That's what we already knew. You have a shoulder contusion." He registered the confused look I was giving him. "A uh, bruised shoulder bone if you will. And you sprained your left wrist. Not bad for a motorcycle accident," he grinned. "The helmet saved your head from injury and your school bag softened the blow to your back."
"It wasn't an accident," I admitted slowly, "I let go."
"You what?" Charlie cried.
"I let go of Jacob. He was being perfectly safe. He even slowed down." I looked down at my hands.
"Why would you let go of him, Bella?" Charlie asked with an accusing edge to his voice.
I winced again, remembering the reason.
"I don't know," I said quietly, "I guess I got spooked." I shuddered at my own words.
I shifted cautiously and sat up to see exactly where I was. It was Charlie's living room. Charlie sat next to me on the couch, Dr. Gerandy had moved to lean against the fireplace mantle, and Billy Black was seated in his chair in the far corner of the room.
"Where is Jacob?" I asked looking around the room. He was the only one missing from our little gathering.
Billy coughed from his chair.
"He's outside," Charlie muttered.
"Outside?" I looked to Charlie but he turned his face away from me.
"I didn't want him in here. He's sitting out on the porch waiting."
"Dad! Why?"
Charlie turned to me, his eyes were hard now and his lips pulled down into a frown.
"Because. This is his fault."
"Now Charlie," Billy's gruff voice spoke, "Bella knew very well what she was getting herself into with the motorcycle. You just heard her say that she let go of Jacob. Don't blame this all on my son."
Charlie ignored him.
"Dad! If this is anyone's fault it's mine! I got frightened. And I was stupid enough to let go! So I fell! So what? I fall all the time. My body's been through worse than this," I reminded him.
"She's right," Dr. Gerandy chimed in. "I saw her x-rays that were sent over from the hospital in Phoenix last year. Compared to that, recovering from this one should be child's play for Bella." He chuckled lightly.
Charlie glared at him.
I gritted my teeth and spoke slowly and deliberately.
"Will someone please go and get Jacob."
My eyes fixed on Charlie but Dr. Gerandy spoke up.
"I'll get him, dear. I should be going anyway. Not everyone gets house calls, you know." He winked.
"Wait," Charlie stood and stepped toward him, "Is she going to be okay?"
Dr. Gerandy smiled.
"She'll be fine. She should go easy on the shoulder but it's nothing a little ibuprofen won't help. Just be glad she was wearing that helmet, Chief." He patted Charlie on the side of his arm and then walked out of the living room. I heard the door open and Dr. Gerandy's voice tell Jacob he could go inside.
The living room was silent while we all listened to Jacob's soft footsteps as he entered the room. His face was drawn and his eyes were as red as Charlie's. His T-shirt was smeared with dried blood and dirt.
"Bells?" he whispered. He sounded lost.
"Oh Jake," I said softly and he walked closer to me.
Charlie stepped to the side blocking him.
"Dad!" I yelled and Charlie moved reluctantly, eyeing Jacob as he set himself down in the armchair.
Jacob walked quickly to my side. He knelt on the floor and his face looked down over me.
"I'm so...so sorry Bells," his voice quivered.
I reached my good hand to his hair and stroked it. It was matted and dirty.
"Jake," I moved my fingers to his face, lightly touching his temple, "there is nothing to be sorry about. Honestly. This was just me being..." Crazy, I thought, but finished with "Clumsy" instead.
He brought his hand to mine and cupped my hand to his cheek.
Charlie cleared his throat loudly. I'm sure he wasn't happy about all of this touching.
"Dad, Billy, will you give us some privacy please?"
That didn't help Charlie's bitter attitude. He stood from his chair too quickly and it skidded backward against the floor. He walked to Billy's chair and gripped the handles, pushing Billy towards the kitchen.
I straightened myself on the couch and held out my arms in front of me to assess the damage. Besides the ace bandage wound tightly around my left wrist, there were a few sizable scrapes running up my arm. They looked like they had been cleaned and were starting to dry out. My palms had scratches and cuts caked with clotted blood and my fingers suffered a few split nails but otherwise I looked okay from what I could see.
Jacob watched me silently. He wore a look of utter guilt.
"What is the matter with you?" I crossed my arms over my chest. Ow.
"What? With me?" He raised his eyebrows.
"Stop looking at me like I'm on my death bed. Has no one told you? I'm fine!" I smiled gently, trying to convince him all was well.
"You don't look fine," he said and glanced over my wrist and hands.
I sighed.
"Well, I feel fine. Just a few scratches. A bruise or two. Really, Jake." I moved over on the couch to make room for him. My body was definitely achy- it practically creaked as I moved.
The instant he sat next to me I leaned into him and rested my head in the crook between his shoulder and chest. I would not let my mind wander. I would not let myself think about what had happened on the bike.
"I just don't get it," he sighed.
"Get what?"
"We were on the dirt road. And everything was fine. I heard you say "faster" so I was going to really gun it but then you were….gone. Just gone." He shook his head in disbelief, like he doubted his own story. "And then," he swallowed hard. "I heard you screaming. I've never heard anything like that before. You wouldn't stop."
Well, there went not thinking about it. I bit my lip. I wanted to lie. To tell him I was afraid of the motorcycle. Or the speed. Anything but the truth. Because I did not want to admit it to myself, either. It would make what happened real. But Jacob deserved an explanation. I couldn't let him think this was his fault. What other reason could I possibly give for leaping off a motorcycle and then screaming my head off when he came to help me? I decided to go with the truth.
"Jake," I started. I kept my voice low.
He took my hand in his, listening.
"When we were riding, I did want to go faster. The feel of the wind…and holding you... I wanted more." I paused, thinking of how I should continue. I closed my fingers around his hand.
"Then, I heard something. In my head. I got… scared I guess. Shocked, more like it. And I just let go."
"What did you hear?" He sounded confused.
I winced. I had hoped he wouldn't have asked.
"A voice," I said weakly, holding my breath as I waited for his response. What would he think when I admitted to hearing a voice in my head?
"A voice?" Jacob repeated. "What did it say?"
I closed my eyes. I did not have to think to remember the words. They were burned into my memory, whether I wanted them there or not.
"He said I was being stupid. Reckless."
The muscle in his jaw twitched. "The voice is a he?"
I didn't mean to let that out. But, if I was going to offer Jacob the truth, than I should give him all of it.
I nodded into his chest. I couldn't say the name out loud. Steeling myself, I whispered, "It was his voice."
Jacob's body went rigid. "Let me get this straight. You heard his voice in your head telling you that you were being stupid. When you were with me."
I sat up surprised that he would take it that way.
"No! No, Jake. Not because of you. Because of the motorcycle. Because I wanted to go faster. It was like he was…giving me an order… to be safe." I winced again, knowing what I said had not helped.
"You are safe. With me." Jake answered stiffly.
"I know that."
Jacob looked at me, his eyes sharp. And then he closed them for a moment, our hands still clasped in his lap. Then nodded once to himself and opened his eyes back to mine.
"Does he— it, happen often?"
Finally I was proud of my next answer.
"No. This was the first time. And, I hope it will be the last. I don't want to have him in my head. Not anymore."
I felt my throat close and my eyes were stinging. Jacob had no idea how much I had once wished to hear Edward's voice again. How I had spent months in my room, fantasizing my name being spoken from those lips. How I had cried over it, longing for it. And now, when I was finally trying to change...it was here, haunting me and hurting me. No, I did not want to hear his voice in my head again. I could not endure the pain of it.
"Oh, Bella, don't…" Jacob said, his voice getting softer. He leaned into me and kissed the tip of my nose.
Well, that did it. Tears spilled over my cheeks. I wiped at them with my good hand.
"Okay," he said slyly and wrapped his arm around me, "So you hear a voice. I can handle that. I always knew you were nuts anyway," he laughed.
I sobbed in relief.
"You don't hate me?"
"Hate you? Bella, how could I ever hate you? I mean, you scared the shit out of me. But I could never hate you."
I sighed, grateful that no matter how much crazy I threw at Jacob, it never bothered him.
"I didn't mean to scare you like that." I straightened up, ignoring the pain in my shoulder. "I promise to never let go of you again."
As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew they would mean something different to him than I intended. I should have clarified that I meant if we ever rode his bike again.
"I'll hold you to that," he grinned.
Jacob stood and lifted me off the couch; his arms lingering at my waist.
"Come on, I bet you're hungry. Rolling around in the dirt can take a lot out of you," he teased and then patted me lightly on the butt. I stiffened automatically. It had been the first time he had ever touched me below the waist.
"Not really," I said, not paying attention to what he had asked. My entire being was now acutely aware of his hand resting on the back of my jeans.
"Well, I am. Carrying your girlfriend across town works up an appetite." His arm slid up my back and around my shoulder. He was careful of the injured one, but tucked me under his arm and we walked to the kitchen.
We didn't get far before a loud banging noise erupted into the hallway. Someone was furiously knocking at the front door.
"What the—"Jake started.
I slipped out from under his arm and darted to the door.
"Just a second," I called, hoping the person would ease up before they knocked down the door.
Turning the knob, I swung the door open and there was Sam Uley standing on Charlie's front porch. His hands were balled into tight fists at his side.
"Hello, Bella," he said with a controlled tone, "I heard about the accident. Are you alright?" He asked me in a way that sounded like he didn't really care about my well being, but didn't want to be rude.
I nodded slowly, confused as to why Sam was here at my house, and also how he had found out so quickly about the accident.
"Good," he answered methodically. Where is Jacob?" His teeth grounded on name.
I stared at Sam in shock. Why would he want to see Jacob? Why was he here? All I could think of was how Jacob had said there was some kind of gang on the reservation…and Sam was their leader. I did not want to hand over Jacob to a gang member on my front porch. So I didn't answer.
"I'm right here." Jacob stepped beside me. His eyes met Sam's glare and then he moved in front of me, putting his body between me and Sam Uley.
"I need to talk to you."
"Yea, what about?" Jacob snapped, "What does this have to do with you?"
I grabbed Jacob's arm. The two of them were standing a little too close for my liking.
"Don't," I whispered to Jacob. He ignored me.
"I will not speak like this in front of the girl," Sam said.
"Her name is Bella. And she's my girlfriend." Jacob's voice rose and he inched closer to Sam.
They were practically nose to nose.
"Jacob, please," I begged, pulling at him to come inside.
Sam ignored me. "Come outside."
Jacob's voice was low but forceful. "No. Get out of here."
"Jacob, you are being incredibly reckless with her."
That was it. Whether it was just Sam's attitude, or the wrong choice of words, Jacob's eyes flashed with fury and he shoved Sam square in the chest. Instinctively, I shut my eyes, preparing to hear Sam stumble off of the front steps. Jacob was strong when he wanted to be. There was no way Sam could have braced himself for that.
But instead of a fall, I heard grunting and shuffling of footsteps. I opened my eyes and saw that Sam was pulling Jacob by the wrist into the front yard.
"Jake!" I shouted and flung myself out the front door.
"Stay put," Sam ordered me.
"Don't you tell her—"Jacob snarled, but Sam restrained him, holding Jacob's arms tightly to the side of his body.
"Relax!" Sam ordered Jacob. "You need to control yourself!"
"Get off of me!" Jacob bucked under Sam's clutch. This didn't seem to bother Sam, or even sway him from the force of it. He just stood there holding Jacob steady, waiting patiently for him to stop fighting.
"Bella?" I heard Charlie call behind me from the kitchen, "What's going on over there?"
I stuck my head through the door.
"Dad! It's Sam Uley! He's fighting with Jacob!"
Charlie came into the hallway and Billy rolled his chair behind him.
"Sam is here?" Billy asked. He sounded as though he had expected it.
"Yes!" I called, rushing to them, "They're outside! Sam has Jacob and—"
Charlie pushed by me and strode to the front door. I hurried behind him expecting to watch him run to the front yard and break up the fight.
But Charlie just leaned against the open door frame and exhaled.
"They're not fighting Bells," he said smiling at me.
"What?"
I checked outside. Sam and Jacob were now talking quietly at the end of the driveway. Jacob still looked agitated, and the guilt from before had returned to his face. Sam was speaking to him, and when he put his hand on Jacob's shoulder, Jacob shook it off.
Billy wheeled beside me.
"Come inside, let's allow them to talk in private," he suggested. Something about his voice made me think that Billy knew exactly what was going on.
Charlie and Billy retreated to the living room. I heard the television turn on and a sport announcer start shouting about a score.
I went to follow, but instead I just leaned against the frame just as Charlie had. I noticed a car was parked in front of the house. Inside there were three La Push boys, well, they really looked more like men. They were all very large and seemingly crammed into the car. Each of them had buzzed hair, just like Sam.
I heard footsteps and brought my attention back to Jacob. He was walking toward me with his shoulders hunched and his eyes down.
"What was that about?" I said, reaching out to take his hand.
Jacob walked passed me without a glance.
"Let's go to your room," he said flatly.
I nodded and followed him up the stairs. Once we were inside my room and the door closed, Jacob went off in a rage.
"Sam Uley! What an asshole! As if I don't feel bad enough!" He paced through my room, his hands formed tight fists and he pressed them against his temples.
"What did Sam say to you? Why was he here?" I sat on my bed watching him stalk past me.
"I can't believe he had the nerve to- Just strolls up like he—" Jacob cut himself off each time, muttering profanities under his breath.
"Jake, calm down! You're shaking!" And he was. His whole body was trembling.
"I'm fine," he said and then stopped mid-step to steady himself. "He came here to reprimand me for putting you in danger. He said I was being irresponsible. That members of the tribe—men—wouldn't act so," he clenched his teeth; the last word barely made its way out, "reckless."
I felt my face turn red. Reckless. And stupid. The exact words the Voice had used. His voice. Jacob definitely wouldn't have liked that.
"Why would Sam care what happened to me?" I was confused.
Jacob snorted.
"He's a Protector, remember?"
"Oh, right." I nodded. "Wait, I thought just for the reservation?"
"Yeah, well I guess when one of us gets a girl from town into a motorcycle accident, it doesn't exactly reflect well on our people. So Sam and his gang came to remind me of that."
I remembered the men in the car.
"Is that who those men were? In the car? His gang?" It made sense. I wouldn't want to cross any of them, Sam included. They were all enormous. Bigger than Jake even.
Jacob went to the window. He stood in front of it, looking out.
"Yea. Sam, Paul, Jared, and Embry. The Protectors." Jacob laughed without humor at the last word.
"Embry?" I stood up in shock. "Embry is part of Sam's gang?"
"Yeah," Jacob said, not looking away from the window. "I didn't know for sure until now. He hasn't been around for a while, you know? He was sick and his mom kept him home for a few weeks. Ever since that day he came to my garage, remember? After that, Quil, me, no one saw him. I guess Sam did, though. Cause he's one of them now."
"Oh Jake," I sighed and went to him. My wrist and shoulder protested in discomfort as I wrapped myself around him.
Jacob bent his towering body into mine and spoke softly into my hair.
"As if I need them to come here and tell me how awful I am for doing this to you. For letting this happen. They don't need to make me feel guilty for hurting you. I've got that covered."
I pressed my cheek to his.
"Stop thinking like that. I've told you this is not your fault. Don't let Sam Uley and his gang of meat heads make you feel any worse about this. Screw them!" I added hotly.
Jacob laughed beneath me.
He took his time uncurling himself from my embrace. I loosened my arms around him as he raised his head, pressing his face into my neck. His warm lips grazed my skin there before kissing me once on the throat, then again just under my ear. I closed my eyes and focused on his touch. His lips pursed against my cheek, my forehead, my eye-lids.
He whispered softly, "I don't know what I would do without you. You say you're crazy, but sometimes I feel like you're the only thing that holds me together."
Before I could make sense of his words, his lips met mine. He kissed me softly, sweetly.
I raised myself onto my toes, bringing myself closer to him. Jacob may say he needs me, but he has no idea how much I needed him. If today proved anything, it was that I was no where close to being normal again. I had to work harder at it. Try harder. For both of us.
He reacted quickly to my encouragement. Tucking one arm around the small of my back, he lifted me off the floor. His lips never leaving mine.
He stepped quickly to the bed and pushed me onto it, climbing over me as my back slid along the comforter. He kissed me harder, his tongue entering my mouth. He eased himself on top of me, propped up on his elbows. I felt the weight of his body on top of me. It felt comforting, safe. My fingers found their way into his long hair, twirling it as we kissed. A moan came from Jacob's throat, and I felt his hand go to my shirt.
I froze.
Jacob pulled his face from mine.
"What's wrong?" he asked, his hand still grasping the hem of my top.
"Um," I bit my lip, "nothing."
"Am I hurting you?" he asked. He looked to my shoulder.
No, everything's fine there.
"No, it's not that. It's just. We're laying on my bed, making out… and you were about to go up my shirt." I stated.
He grinned. "Oh, that." Then brought his lips back to mine.
"Jacob!" I broke away.
"What Bella? Does this bother you? Do you want me to stop?" He said, still smiling… like he already knew my answer.
When did he get so cocky?
No, I did not want him to stop. Physically, anyway. But... other parts of me were not as agreeable. I wasn't mentally prepared to become intimate with Jacob, and the shock that it was actually happening sent up warning flares in protest.
I shook my head to clear my thoughts. I knew why my body was reacting this way. Before, in my past life, I had decided that there was only one person I would want to be this close to. Only one boy whom I would let hold and touch me the way Jacob was doing now. From somewhere deep within me, a small part was still holding on to that, to save myself for the one person I loved.
That person did not want me. There was no one to be faithful to, no one to betray with infidelity. Except myself.
"No. Don't stop," I whispered to Jacob, because if I was really going to try to make this work, I had to start somewhere. It might as well be with my shirt.
He dove back to my lips, pressing them harder against me as he pulled at the hem again. I shifted underneath him and allowed his hand to slip under the soft fabric, my stomach doing flips. His fingers trailed across my skin, gentle and smooth. I kissed him back, focusing on the sensation of his warm skin on mine. It was thrilling, to be touched liked this. No one had ever done this to me before. Somehow, something inside me stirred. Desire.
Jacob gave another throaty moan and pushed his hand fully onto my breast. He cupped me in his palm, his whole hand around me, kissing me and panting into my mouth.
He squeezed his hand roughly around me and my breath hitched. To my complete surprise, it felt good. I kissed him back with growing enthusiasm. My hands in his hair pulled him closer. He removed his hand from me and brought them both to the outside of my shirt, balling it up as to remove it.
"Jacob?"
It was Billy, calling from downstairs.
"Shit," Jacob said. His hands fell from my shirt.
"Bella?" Charlie called now.
Jacob pushed himself off of me and rolled onto his back on the bed. He grabbed a pillow from the corner of the bed and placed it over his lap.
Um, okay. What's that about?
"Shit, Dad," he groaned.
I sat up and fixed my shirt. It was wrinkled and creased from being wadded up between our bodies.
"We're coming!" I answered, then stood up and grabbed Jacob's hand.
"Come on," I urged him. "They're going to think something is up if we don't move."
Jacob sighed and batted the pillow away. I chanced a glance, but everything looked fine down there. Maybe it was a false alarm.
I pulled him out into the hallway at the top of the stairs. He moved slowly behind me. Reluctant. His face was completely flushed and I was guessing mine was as well.
"Let's go Jacob," Billy said once he saw us emerge from my room. "Bella probably needs to rest."
Jacob nodded at his father and turned to me.
"Hey," he whispered and he dug his hand into his pocket, "I almost forgot about this." He lifted his hand and held up my necklace. The deep red pendant twirled on the chain. It was broken.
"My necklace!" My hand went to my throat but, of course, it wasn't there.
"Yeah, it must have broke when you fell. It was lying there in the dirt. Maybe we can get it fixed this weekend," he sighed and placed the necklace in my hand.
"Oh no," I breathed.
"Don't worry about it, Bells. Something was bound to break. I'm just glad it wasn't your neck."
I scowled at him playfully and then perched myself on my toes again to kiss him on the nose.
"Goodnight," I said. And then, as an afterthought, "That was really nice."
His eyes flickered with understanding that I didn't mean the return of my necklace. He grinned widely. "Night, Bells." He kissed my forehead and then barreled down the stairs.
I leaned over the railing to watch him leave. After Charlie shut the front door, he turned to me.
"Bella, you want to come down here and talk about this?" Charlie asked. For a brief but horrid second, I feared he knew what had just transpired upstairs. But then I realized he only wanted to get some answers about the accident. Like how Jacob acquired a motorcycle, maybe?
"Not really, Dad. I'm beat," I yawned for good measure and wished Charlie goodnight before going back to my room.
I sat down on my bed. The room felt warm, like Jacob, and his scent was still lingering on my bed. It was comforting, but even still I was bothered by a sense of unease.
The voice had found me. That little part of me that still clung to the past, conjured up the one thing that would scare me straight. That would send me reeling back into a depression.
It almost worked. If it wasn't for Jacob.
He seemed to be the key to getting better. True, I wasn't there yet. The screaming in the road made that clear.
I was trying to put myself back together. Like Humpty-Dumpty. I was trying to be a girlfriend. Normal. And still the past crept up on me. I could not hide from it. It had found me.
But, maybe there was a way to completely let go of it.
I clutched my chest, doubling over. I ached at the thought of it.
I have to let go, I told myself.
There was only one way I could think of to let go of Edward.
I had to completely and wholly give myself to Jacob Black.
.
a/n: Please review! Hope you liked it!