Twilight and all things related are not owned by me. Stephenie Meyer owns all rights to her stories and characters.

Chapter Nine

Answers

Emmett's run was neither smooth nor easy. I didn't feel comforted or set at ease by my decision to go with him as I clung to his back for life. His run, which was really more like a barreling gallop, matched his personality perfectly: rash, audacious, and animalistic. He propelled himself through the woods, clawing any ill-fated obstacles out of his way with brute ferocity. I should have expected as much from him. It was like trying to ride atop a wild bear.

Wildlife steered clear of us. Along with the constant whoosh of our run, I could hear the darting sound of hooves and paws as other animals frantically scattered away from us. If we brushed closely by one, Emmett snarled enthusiastically at the poor animal as it scurried in the other direction.

I had given him all the directions I could remember and soon we were past the point of my recollection. Emmett was now following the trace of Edward's scent alone. And from what I could discern from my clutched position on his back, he was thoroughly enjoying the hunt.

I kept my eyes closed and my face pressed into the cool marble of Emmett's back. My body shivered, the thin cotton between Emmett's icy skin and me was not enough to keep me warm. I held onto him tighter though, and my body conformed around his in a familiar way. It almost felt like Edward.

Eventually Emmett slowed into a steady trot before he stopped abruptly and cocked his head to the left.

"He's here," he informed me, "And now he knows I brought you. He's not going to be happy about that."

I could practically hear his smile.

I opened my eyes, finally, to see the woods around us. They were quiet and still and a small part of me remembered telling Charlie how I would stay away from trees.

Too late for that now, I thought and let myself slide down Emmett's back to the ground.

I turned slowly, surveying the forest, looking for the spot where the trees would clear for the meadow. I put my hands to my hair, detangling several leaves from it absentmindedly. When I turned back to Emmett he was watching me and smiling with that bemused look on his face again.

I cocked a raised eyebrow at him but he only shook his head.

"He's in the meadow, which is just a few feet that way," he said and nodded to the left. "You go on ahead, Bella. I'm staying out here…so you'll have some privacy." Then he paused and murmured something lower and deeper in his throat, "but I won't be far, incase you need me."

I could tell that last part wasn't meant for me. He was speaking to Edward—who would be able to hear his low voice as clearly as if they were standing next to one another.

Emmett must know about last night. How Edward's regret had angered him to the point where his resentment towards me was almost tangible. Apparently Emmett felt the need to stay close in case Edward needed him. For what I had no idea.

"Thank you, Emmett," I said and squared my shoulders. I needed to gain back some of my nerve. The question 'why did I come here?' was nagging at me, but I quieted it immediately with the answer. Because I want to know everything.

Emmett looked back at me, his eyebrows knitted into a deep crease on his forehead.

"Bella, wait," he said, "don't let Edward get away with all of his secrecy shit anymore. Don't let him pussy out this time either."

I nodded, even though I had no idea what he meant about "pussying out", and then Emmett stepped away from me and started walking in the opposite direction of the meadow.

"I'll be close," he reminded.

I watched him disappear into the thick cover of the trees. Across the other side, Edward was waiting for me in our meadow.

My thoughts came to a halt—not our meadow. Not anymore. Nothing was ours now.

It was unnerving making my way through the woods. Knowing that Edward was listening to my approach and that he could hear the crunch of ground under my boots with each step I took. He also undoubtedly heard my "umph" as I tripped on a rock, but caught myself before my face hit the dirt.

The woods began to thin and sunlight broke through the tops of the trees. The clear opening to the meadow was just ahead of me when my feet suddenly stopped.

My stomach flipped as my body registered his closeness.

What am I doing here? I asked myself again. What happens if the anger is back in his eyes and he runs away again? This time for good? Do I go back to being broken?

No, I shook my head. And knew it too be true. I'm different now. Not broken. Not anymore.

In an attempt to channel that same rush of adrenaline from last night, I pictured the moon and how I had called to it. If I was lucky, it would bring back that feeling of unbridled freedom.

I'm like the moon, I thought. I had revolved in and out of the shadows. Going from whole to only a sliver of my former self and back again. Pulling myself out of the darkness….

"And into the light," I whispered, leaving the woods, the cover of the trees, and entering the meadow.

The sun was blinding and I had to immediately shield my eyes from it with a hand stretched across my forehead. Looking out into the meadow, the first thing I saw was the grass. Blade after blade of it. Just like in my dream.

The sun coated the open field in warming bright light. I felt it on my skin and saw it gleam on the green grass. Yes, it was exactly like my dream.

A growing understanding spread through me as I stood in my manifested fantasy. I had dreamed of this moment. I was meant to be here. I closed my eyes as the certainty settled in. This moment was my fate all along.

When I opened them, Edward was there. He stood in the center of the meadow, dressed in light grey trousers with a soft cotton tee-shirt, his hair tangled in its usual bronze muss. His long alabaster arms glittered brightly in the sunlight, shining in thousands of tiny facets.

If I am the moon, I thought, than he is the sun. Shining and sparkling beauty. No matter how I felt about him, no matter how frustrated or freed of him I felt, I couldn't deny the absolute beauty of Edward in the sunlight.

Don't think about that, I urged myself. Don't think about how beautiful he is. I forced the moon-image back into my brain. The new moon. Whole again, with only the memory of the shadows that had swallowed me. I tried hard to dredge up the anger I once had. The agony I had felt at his leave, the hate I had for myself and Jacob when we tried to right it. I needed to feel it all so that Edward could feel it too. I had forgiven myself for it all, but now what I wondered was, after all of this, could I forgive him?

I narrowed my eyes, not to shield the sunlight, but in determination. I wouldn't be distracted by his presence. This would not be an encore of last night, where I had stood waiting for him to do something, only to be left behind. I wanted answers. And I was going to get them.

"Are you going to run away again?" I said sharply, my voice holding out. It still sounded hoarse, but at least it didn't break.

His answering smirk startled me.

"I'm sorry about that," he said, and I noticed the change in his voice. It was neither strained or shallow as when I last heard it. It was his voice. Calm and smooth. "I wish that it could have been different for us last night. It was impolite of me to leave so abrupt. To not explain…" he trailed and then smiled crookedly, "It is easier now."

Impolite? Easier? I had to remind myself to take a deep breath.

"I hope you know I have no idea what you're talking about," I said.

He seemed to acknowledge this and chuckled.

"I know you don't. I was counting on that, anyway. Emmett hasn't told you much. He's a good brother to me," he said appreciatively, "Even though he brought you here. It was a risk to do so. It was something I should have foreseen. Emmett enjoys risk."

"I told him to take me here," I said tartly, "It's not Emmett's risk. It's mine. I know I'm a part of whatever is going on. I just want to now how."

"Answers," Edward replied, "The thing we both crave from the other."

His serene retort stunned me. What could he possibly want to know from me when he had the more pressing issue of explaining why he was suddenly here?

"You want answers from me?"

He nodded. "Just a few. And…one theory."

Theories. We were back to guessing each other's motives. It seems I did come full circle. Here I was, alone with Edward, trying to guess what was going on. And him, trying to read my mind and asking me for theories. I thought of that restaurant he had taken me to in Port Angeles. Theories. It was how it all began. Relenting, I let my arms fall.

"What theory?" I asked.

"On last night. Why I reacted the way I did. Why I sent Emmett into your bedroom this morning."

"You sent Emmett into my room?" I asked, grimacing. That explained the open window. Leave it to Emmett to be careless about covering his tracks.

Edward smiled crookedly and I had to look away again. That stupid smile was going to ruin everything for me. I sighed, looking down at my feet and digging the hard tip of my boot into the ground.

"My theory…" I paused, wondering what to say and what to withhold. I swallowed, letting the saliva coat the back of my throat, wishing for a glass of water now, and decided the hell with it and just say what I wanted.

"My theory on last night is that you left because something was wrong. We both felt it, didn't we? That cold tension between us? You said it had been too long. But I think you were wrong. It was too close for us. We're not supposed to be that close anymore. Not that you want to be. You made that pretty clear. But being near me only makes you loathe my entire existence even more."

I stopped speaking, my last words caught in my throat. Unable to look at him, I stayed focused on unearthing the grass with my boot. Jamming my foot into the soil and wishing I could crawl beneath it. All of a sudden the sun felt very hot and the breeze non-existent. But I had come here for answers…so I just sighed and went on.

"So you sent Emmett to do your bidding just so you wouldn't have to be near me. That's why he's out there, isn't it? In case you can't stand me any longer. And he told me about tracking Victoria and about Jasper…." I trailed, knowing better than to bring up Jasper's accident, "And he said that you needed to tell me yourself why you're both in Forks again. Something is going on and I just want to know what it is. When it's over, we can go back to pretending nothing ever existed between us."

I finally looked back to him, wanting to see the expression on his face. Maybe it would show if I was right or wrong. But it was only a distant blank canvas giving me no insight.

Then he stepped forward…closer to me.

"You think I hate you? That I left last night because I couldn't stand to be near you?" he asked and took another step.

"I'm not stupid," I said willfully, "I know nothing has changed. That you still don't want me."

"You're wrong," he said.

He walked towards me, slow and steady, his voice like velvet in the warm air.

"I thought it to be obvious. I assumed that last night you had seen the monster I truly am. Just as you had seen it the day we met," he sighed, "Do you remember that? Our first sight in Biology?"

I nodded.

"When I entered your room last night, it was very much like that first day. Being away from you for so long had weakened my tolerance for the scent of your blood. I did not expect that. Even so, I tried to endure it, waiting in your room for you. And then you walked in, saturating that tiny room with your scent. It was everywhere. When that door closed, sealing us in together, all I could taste was your blood in my throat. It did not sing to me as it always does, but screamed."

I swallowed roughly. Too close, I had thought then. Yes, we had been too close. It was instinct that had kicked in last night, warning me to stay away. It had felt familiar because it was. Last night was our first sight all over again.

Edward's voice hardened.

"I was not angry with you, Bella. I was enraged with myself. I reacted like a monster because I am one. The reason why Emmett is staying close is for my own assurance. He knows what your blood does to me."

Was this true? I wondered. Was I in real danger last night? But if nothing had changed, where was instinct now? Now that he was standing so close to me…closer than we had been in six months.

"And now?" I asked, "Now that we're out in the open air, you're just fine again?"

He chuckled lightly, as if he was in on his own private joke.

"It is not that simple. I had to take precaution, of course. I had to ensure that it would never be like that again."

Edward took another step, and now we were a little less than arm's length from each other. He titled his face and the bare skin of his glittering neck exposed a line of silver cutting through the bright facets of light. It was a thin chain that hung as a necklace. And as I traced my gaze down the length of it, I found a deep red pearl sitting neatly on his chest.

Memories swept over me: The smell of incense, mixed with a stronger, closer musk. My hair brushed to one side as silver glided along my skin. Fingers at the nape of my neck, securing the chain around me.

It was mine. The necklace. The pearl.

It was the blood pearl.

"My necklace!" I said and lunged for it. Edward was too fast, of course, and parried away from me, catching my wrist in his hand and pulling me to him. My feet fumbled on top of his and for a second I felt the cotton of his shirt graze my cheek. I looked up to meet his eyes. His face was so close to mine I could feel his cool breath on my skin.

"Yes," he said.

"Where did you get that from? Why are you wearing that?" I tugged at my wrist, trying to free it from him but he only held me tighter.

"This is why," he said firmly and lowered his face to the underside of my wrist. I felt the cool tip of his nose brush lightly against my skin as he inhaled. Not once, but twice he breathed in the scent of my skin and what pulsed beneath it.

"I said I needed to ensure," he spoke softly against my skin, "And for that I had to obtain something of yours that was permeated with your scent." He paused, looking down at the pendant. My eyes followed his gaze to the red pearl that lay on his hard chest. "This held a strong part of you. I am not sure why. But it works perfectly. I inhale you with every breath I take. Even when you are miles away."

He let my hand fall, releasing me from him. Then he stepped back and smiled at me.

I had to right myself. My head felt light and my breathing seemed to have stopped all together. My wrist was still tingling from his cold touch. It had jolted me, sending every emotion out of me in one sweep of his skin. But looking at him in the sun, wearing a pendant that was meant for me, sent fire through my veins.

It didn't belong there. It belonged on my neck, the way the person who gave it to me had intended. It was a part of me that wasn't Edward's. It was mine.

"That is personal property. I want it back."

"It couldn't have meant much to you," he frowned, "Emmett found it beneath a pile of worn clothing in your bedroom. The necklace appeared to have been discarded, I was told. Besides, it was broken. I had to repair the chain in order to secure it around my own neck."

I winced at his words. True, I had discarded it. Not long after the chain had snapped from the motorcycle incident, I had put my necklace somewhere, possibly on my dresser, or my desk, either way…I figured Charlie would fix the clasp whenever I asked him. But I never did. I had forgotten it. And until now, I hadn't thought of the red pearl Jacob bought for me on our first date. Had I thrown Jake away just as carelessly?

I eyed the blood pearl. It held a strong part of me, Edward had said. Of course it did. It held the Jacob part.

"Give it back." I said roughly, "Give it back to me now."

Edward shook his head.

"No."

"That has nothing to do with you," I snapped back, "You have no idea what he means- what it means to me."

I put my hand to my heart. It was racing again and I knew Edward would notice. I shook my hair so it fell to the sides of my face. I felt out of breath, like I had just run a mile. The necklace meant more to me than I ever could have imagined. It forced Jacob into my thoughts. Forced me to remember how I had treated him. How angry I had been at him. How I had blamed him when I was the one who was wrong. I had used Jake in the most terrible of ways. I used his love for me against him.

Edward was quiet, but his eyes did not waver from mine. He no doubt caught the slip up in my words. He sighed again and spoke lower, solemnly.

"No, I do not. It seems a lot has changed in six months."

I bit my lip. Edward didn't seem to know exactly how much had changed since he left. How, specifically, one physical part of me had definitely changed.

"It has been too long."

The sound was only a breath. So soft, I hadn't realized that it was me who had spoken it.

"Yes," Edward sighed.

His golden eyes drew downward and I felt the air of our conversation darken. So much had happened during our time apart. It was strange to know that Edward had his own existence without me and to know that, for certain, he had no idea what I had went through in the wake of his absence. It was obvious that Alice had not been watching over me. She would have foreseen the necklace and, then, Edward would have already known about Jacob.

The wind picked up and I tucked my hair behind my ears. Edward's eyes shifted once, towards the wood to my right. I thought briefly of Emmett, idly wandering among the trees somewhere. Somewhere close, as he had reminded us.

Edward's eyes flicked back to mine. It had only been a second, but I had noticed.

"I understand," he said finally. His voice was coated with sorrow. "Tell me, Bella, about Jacob Black."

The name froze me.

He knows, he knows, he knows, he knows was the only thing I could think. But he couldn't. It would be impossible.

"What did you say?" I asked, my voice shaking, giving me away.

"Jacob Black. I need to know the answer to the question that has consumed my every thought."

He was going to ask me what I had done with Jacob. Ask me about what had happened on Valentine's Day in that tiny shed of Black. The day of the storm. And how would I answer that question?

But instead, Edward exhaled deeply and asked "Do you love him?"

Relief and shock hit me at the same time. I sputtered for a response.

"Why do you—"

"I said I wanted answers too, Bella," Edward cut in, "I've wanted to know everything that happened since I left you on the trail. I wanted to know if you ever moved on. If, maybe, a normal boy would ask you out. If you would say yes. I thought perhaps it had been Newton. I had a blind, raging moment when I first heard him in Charlie's house with you last night. But it only took one second of his thoughts to realize that wasn't true. Mike Newton was consumed with thoughts of the Black boy. He wondered if you thought he was as attractive as Jacob. He wondered if he should grow his hair long. He wondered," Edward paused, his teeth grinding, "how far you had gone with him."

I gasped. There was no way Mike could have known what happened between Jacob and me. Even if Jessica had said something to him. No one knew how far we had gone. Just me. And just Jacob.

"And so, the more Mike dwelled on your relationship with Jacob, comparing every minute detail to himself, I wondered too. I submerged myself into his thoughts, urging him to just ask you, so that I could hear the answer and finally know. Could it be that you had found what I had once hoped for? A safe, normal boyfriend? A normal life free of me?"

I almost choked on my sudden, humorless laughter. Normal. A normal life. What I had crawled and clawed at so desperately to obtain.

"You have no idea."

"Then explain."

I turned on him.

"No! I owe you nothing. I don't care how badly you want to know or if you're asking yourself the same questions Mike did. And that makes you no better than him, doesn't it?"

He did not respond so I kept going.

"You said that I should just move on and be normal because I wasn't good for you. But suddenly you care who I am good for? Just as long as it isn't you." My voice was shaking, rattling inside my sore throat. And it did not surprise me when I felt tears in my eyes. I didn't care now about crying in front of him. About looking weak. I just wanted it out. All of it out.

"And you come back, just poof! Here you are! In my room. Not speaking or moving or explaining anything. You punched a hole in my wall and sent your brother after me. And still I came here to find you so I can figure out what the hell is going on! You want answers? Theories?" I yelled, "Well too bad! This is what I want! I want to know why you're back. Why are you here, Edward?"

I stopped, panting and out of breath. My throat burning for water. But I pushed that all down and away. Only wanting to hear his answer.

"You," he said.

I blinked at him, uncomprehending.

"You, Bella," Edward repeated, "I am here, I came back, for you."

"But what do I have to do with anything? With you and Emmett coming back to Forks? With Victoria?"

He shifted in the grass and light glinted off of his face in perfect sync with his movement.

"You have everything to do with my return because you are the sole reason I am in Forks."

"But why?"

"Because I need you."

I could not speak, but only look at him in some twisted daze of shock. He reached an arm out, as if to touch me, then stopped- reconsidering the gesture and placed both of his hands in his pockets. Then he spoke slowly and carefully, his hands never leaving his pockets and his eyes never leaving mine.

"I did not think it would be as difficult as it was. I sat outside that house for hours, listening to you sit with that insipid boy. Listening to Mike Newton hold your hand. Knowing that he could touch you and I couldn't. I listened, trying to find the courage to come through your window. I thought of Newton and Jacob Black and wondered if I should just turn around and leave. I almost made myself do it. But I couldn't. Instead I waited in a room that pulsed with your scent, memorizing thousands of words to say to you when I could finally see you after so long."

Last night, I remembered, picturing the four of us in that house. Myself just having a meltdown on the front lawn; Charlie, confused and worried for me; Mike, dopey and hopeful…and Edward, silently brooding alone in my room. Obsessing over thoughts of Jacob and Mike. Inhaling my scent for hours and it still not being enough.

Edward paused, licked his lips and continued.

"I ended up unable to voice even one of them because I had expended all my air simply saying your name. I had to leave because I was afraid to inhale anymore of your scent. I left to keep you safe. Though I know now that I should have never left you at all. Not for one second.

I don't feel fear as others do, Bella. I have no fear of peril for my existence. My kind is not attuned to that emotion. The only way I ever felt fear at all was for you. I could never have you in danger. The fact that being with me put your life at risk terrified me. Then, my own brother almost takes your life and you dismiss it, because it could only be expected for us to react as monsters. I knew then that I could not pretend any longer. Your life was far too great a risk. So I left and hoped that whatever happened to you, you would never be in as much danger as every second you were with me."

I focused intently on Edward's mouth as he spoke. I did not want to miss one word. Because this was what I had wanted. It was everything.

"That is what you have to do with Victoria, Bella. I murdered her with my own hands to keep her from hurting you. I couldn't just leave you here, unprotected, when someone like Victoria preyed on revenge. My brothers and I hunted for her the moment I left Forks and I was eager for the distraction. I felt that as long as I was keeping you safe, a part of me was still with you. It held me together. When it was over, and she was no more than ash, and Emmett was sated and pleased with himself, and Jasper had left in shame, that I found out what I didn't know to exist for me."

Edward didn't have to finish his thoughts. I knew the next words he was going to say without doubt. Because I had gone through it too.

"I did not know," he said solemnly, "that I could feel pain. Such that I had never known before…human or vampire. Pain that ripped me apart, made a hole. Constant through the rise and fall of the sun. I couldn't think of you. Not even your name. The pain was far too great. It made the fear seem small. It pulled me toward you like a magnet, back to Forks, back to your room. I need you Bella, because without you I cannot survive. I need to love you. I want to risk the fear to just be near you."

Edward stopped, taking a step towards me and finishing his speech in a voice that had seemed to crack down the middle.

"So when I said I didn't want you, it was a lie. The blackest lie ever spoken. I want nothing but you. Forever."

Edward stepped forward again, his hands coming from his pockets and twitched towards me.

I'm supposed to go to him now, I thought, walk right into his arms and have him hold me.

Instead, I stepped backwards.

"What about everything else?" I said, my voice breaking.

Edward titled his head to mine in a questioning glance.

"What about me not being good enough? What about not wanting me enough you uprooted your entire family just to get away from me?"

"Bella, listen…" he whispered.

"No!" I snapped, "You felt pain? Good! Cause I felt it too! What about that? What about the pain I needed so desperately to run from? I had to live with it. I couldn't just go and find you and say I needed you. I was left here. I was consumed by it."

Edward's face crumpled in sorrow. His eyes closed and put his hand to cover them.

"Let me explain," he said in ragged breath.

"You broke me," I gasped, "And I had to bring myself back to life just to get through it. Now, you're telling me that was all for nothing! Because everything you left me for was just a lie! I tried so hard to change. I did things…things out of sheer desperation just to get you out of me. I don't know what happened but I did it. I got you out and now you're pushing yourself back in! You need me? Well, I need to not be that old Bella again... the one who only wants you."

"You don't have to be her. You don't have to do anything. I came back here because I simply need to love you, Isabella Swan. I need to be near you, see you, and-" he grabbed the blood pearl into his palm, "breathe you. Without you, I have no reason to exist."

I looked around me. At the grass. The endless, flowing grass of our meadow. If it was my fate to be here with Edward—was this it to? To ultimately decide what I wanted? To be with him? To send him away? I had come here for answers and now I had to give one. It was like a fork in the road or a hand offering an apple to bite. I was being handed a choice.

"I—" I stumbled over words. Not knowing what to say or how to say it. But only feeling. Feeling the sun beat down directly over me, feeling the warm breeze blow through my hair, feeling Edward's stare, feel my heart racing, my mind reeling. And feeling undeniably real, tangible, breathtaking love.

"You don't have to feel the same," Edward said and I heard the blatant hope in his voice, "But... do you? Is there any part of you that may still love me?"

I looked up at his face, into his golden eyes and knew my answer before I even spoke it aloud.

"No."

The lie tasted bitter on my tongue and I turned my face away, so I didn't have to look at him. The longer I stared into the meadow the harder my eyes burned. I blinked rapidly, trying to keep everything inside. Not wanting anything to show. I blinked until my eyelashes felt wet.

I felt him move closer to me and when I looked back at him, the buried pull to be near him coursed through me. It hooked behind my ribs and pulled. To my other half. To the one person I had ever loved wholly and true. Standing only a foot away from me, Edward looked back at me with hurt, wary eyes. There was pull in them too.

I stepped forward, but only slightly. And Edward, as if sensing my need, was at my side in an instant.

I shook my head again. "No," I whispered, "No, no, no. I don't love you. I don't." And fell smoothly into his arms. He wrapped them around me, putting his face to my hair. Tears ran down my cheeks, salty and hot. I put my face to his chest. His floral scent was everywhere and I breathed it in, thinking I could drink it if it were possible.

"I know," Edward whispered in a broken voice. I could feel his breath in my hair.

He held me cradled in his gentle embrace. His chest swelled as he breathed me in. All of me. Just like he wanted.

I knew the next move was mine. That I had to break from his arms and walk away. Because we couldn't go on like this. Needing and hurting the other.

I counted in my head. One more second. Just one more second in his arms, then I'll let go.

But he beat me to it.

Edward went rigid, dropping his arms from mine. Then suddenly he was in front of me with his arms stretched wide, creating a physical barrier between me and…the empty meadow.

Except that it wasn't empty. Not for long. I had to strain to hear it, but eventually I could hear what Edward had no doubt registered much sooner than me. The sound of male voices and leaves rustling. Men were approaching us, and quickly.

They emerged from the trees into the clearing. Three, tall, brute men with russet brown skin and short, black hair. They were shirtless and massive.

One of them spoke. And it was a dark, raspy voice I recognized at once.

"Motherfucker."

It was Jacob. And he was sprinting towards us.