A/N: A very short, but intense chapter...

Chapter 05

Julia had just admitted that she was a lesbian, but that fact -by itself- did not make Maura nervous. In fact, she concluded that being a lesbian would explain why Julia would have confused two very close female friends for lovers. What made her really nervous was being so aware of Julia's body next to hers, and feeling again like an inadequate teenager.

Julia's honesty had really moved her; it was time she did the same and finally faced things -as she had decided during the last couple of days.

Finding Julia's eyes, she inhaled deeply and started. "Meeting and getting to know you these past few days has been most pleasant."

"Hmm. I sense a 'but'... Why does getting to know me make you nervous?" Julia seemed to be hanging on to every word with a glimmer of hope in her eyes."

Maura pressed her lips by the way of a smile and struggled on. "Not a 'but', but yes, you are right. There is more. I am… perplexed by the sheer intensity and nature of the connection we seem to be having." Maura knew she was being too vague, too indecisive, too unclear, but this was a completely new territory and the map had disintegrated against Julia's intense stare and her own overwhelming reactions to it. "There is something I can't explain that makes me very... nervous."

Julia's laugh startled Maura.

"Sorry, I'm not laughing at you. I get that all the time, it's like a curse. I don't live life; I devour it. Many are put off by it, some like it, but it seems outside my control," Julia took a deep breath and sat back, her eyes following the pattern traced by her fingertips on the smooth linen tablecloth. "I can't help it. Especially not with you."

Maura's heart skipped a beat.

"Thing is, I really like you, Maura. You are smart, incredibly knowledgeable, well travelled, kind, beautiful." She smiled, trying to downplay the emotion in her eyes. "I also find you very attractive, and I guess that's a great part of the intensity you felt. But, because I thought that you were involved with Jane, I was really not expecting more than getting to know you, spend time with you as friends. It's been such a long, long time since I met someone with whom I seem to have so much in common, and I don't want to give that up."

Maura stopped breathing for a second, unable to understand Julia's words.

"Don't worry, Maura. Even if you are not involved with Jane, you are still not gay, so there's nothing to worry about... Like I said, I just really hope we can be friends -if you can live with my intensity, that is." Julia, for the first time ever, had not a trace of a smile on her face. Her eyes shone clear, honest, holding Maura's with a moving mixture of resignation and hope. Her next words were soft, almost pleading. "Do you think there is a chance we can continue seeing each other?"

Maura shook her head; confusion raging against disappointment until it pushed outwards. Her voice came out hoarse, dry, softly, almost as if she was thinking aloud.

"I know I don't understand why you are giving up before even trying."

Julia stared at her, baffled, but her eyes shined with hope. And just like that, they clouded and the contact was broken. She sat back, eyes firmly cast down, but Maura could still see the deep lines crossing her forehead.

Instant regret cursed her body. "I'm sorry, Julia, I didn't mean to upset you… I-"

"Oh, no, no, Maura. You didn't say anything wrong."

It was Maura's turn to be baffled.

Julia heard the unspoken question. "What I mean is… No matter how much I like you, I can't... I- I don't date straight women, Maura. You are straight. I can't."

The confession struck Maura right in the center of her chest. It couldn't be. She couldn't have gone through all that she did to get here, only to be disqualified by a lack of experience.

Her answer came out fast and strong, surprising her. "Sexuality is not a series of boxes, Julia. It's a whole spectrum, mostly shaped by social conventions. The fact that I have always been with men, and never attracted to a another woman until now may be due to many factors, none of them forcing me to outright discard opening up to new, unexplored possibilities."

Maura stumbled into Julia's deeply perplexed eyes. With no more words to help her through this, she let her hand extend over the table and reach Julia's. She covered it, trembling and sweaty, and she didn't care. She needed to touch her, find confirmation to what she already knew. Tremors cursed through her body with such intensity that she felt like crying, although she knew she wouldn't allow herself to. She could feel the trepidation in Julia's tense hand. When Julia finally met her eyes, she saw her caught in the grip of an ancient struggle.

Maura felt herself falling forward until her lips were touching Julia's, not caring if the entire world saw.

The kiss was soft, so soft.

It was nice, very nice.

And then it was over, as Julia leaned back and exhaled, her eyes closed.

Maura opened her eyes and since she couldn't read Julia's reaction, she panicked. "Sorry, I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. Please forgive me, Julia."

"For kissing me?" She laughed softly, meeting Maura's eyes again. "Never apologize for a kiss as sweet as that. I've been wanting to do that every time I looked at you, but..."

Maura's head was spinning. Part of her wanted to dive in again, part of her wanted to leave and forget this all, but she knew she couldn't. The connection was there; the kiss confirmed it, but the echo of rejection was deafening.

"Why did you kiss me, Maura?"

Maura tilted her head, still dizzy from the contact. "I wanted to. I had to." Then she realized the implications of it. "And now you can't say I'm completely straight."

Julia laughed, shaking her head. She looked at Maura with a warm smile in her eyes and, reaching out softly, she caressed her face.

"You are an incredible woman, Dr. Isles."

Maura felt good, back in control even in the face of a completely new situation. It felt easy, simple, natural. She looked at their now linked hands.

"So… what do we do now?"

Julia squeezed Maura's hand just before releasing it gently. "Now we need time to figure out what we want to do. Both of us."

.

A/N: Really curious to know: Did you see all that coming? What do you think will happen now? ;)