'I'm scared'? … 'I need you'?
Regina's heart was beating fast in her chest. Those words were not exactly what she had expected to get as a reply.
Before Regina knew it, she was sitting in her car, driving to Emma's mansion. Her eyes were fixated on the road in front of her, her fingers grabbing the steering wheel much harder than necessary. It was foggy and, of course, still the middle of the night – but Emma needed her.
She hadn't expected the other woman to sound so desperate and it worried her. It worried her to think that it was actually Emma texting her. That the woman she cared for was trapped inside her own body, struggling with the dark one, probably not knowing how long she would be able to resist all the desires that were even more dangerous than turning someone into her sex puppet.
She drove as fast as she could. Of course she could have teleported herself into Emma's house, but then again she didn't want to show up there unannounced. She wanted to make sure that Emma truly wanted her to be there, so she decided to take the conventional way. If only the conventional way were a little faster!
When she finally arrived at the mansion, Regina parked her car right in front of its entrance with squealing tires, hastily stumbling out of her seat and knocking against the door only a second later.
"Emma… Emma it's me."
She couldn't hear anything, not even music, and it worried her. Emma had sent the text about an hour ago. Maybe she had fallen asleep?
"Emma, please. I just want to make sure you're okay."
The door swung open, even though Emma was still nowhere to be seen.
Regina stepped inside, turning on the lights, following the hallway into the direction of the living room. The pictures on the wall were gone.
"Emma…?", she asked again, standing in the doorframe.
Then she saw her.
Lying on the floor, several empty bottle next to her head.
"Oh god, Emma, are you okay?", she asked, running over to the other woman who was, thankfully, wide awake. Her make-up was smeared all over her face and she was staring at the ceiling, the room illuminated by nothing but a few candles on the table.
"You came…", Emma whispered.
Her head didn't move, only her eyes wandered over to Regina and a soft smile was tugging on her lips.
"Of course I came…", Regina said softly, kneeling down on the floor next to her. "You said you needed me."
Regina looked around the room and only then noticed that the pictures that had previously been on Emma's wall were now spread behind her on the floor. Some of them looked as if they had been set on fire, others were ripped into many small pieces.
It broke her heart to see Emma like this. She looked completely broken and, unsurprisingly, wasted.
"Do you want to talk about it?", Regina asked carefully and Emma shook her head.
"Okay then…" Regina went on and lay down next to the other woman, only a few inches of space between them.
They were lying like this in silence for a while until Emma found her voice again.
"What did you mean?" she whispered.
"What did I mean by what?"
"Your text", Emma clarified. "You said you didn't know why I was doing this to you… What did you mean?"
Regina took a deep breath, deciding that honesty was the only thing that would get them anywhere.
"I've been having… dreams. Of you. Or us, rather."
"What kind of dreams?", Emma queried, slowly turning her head to look at the other woman.
Regina reached out her hand, her thumb brushing lightly against Emma's face in order to wipe away the mascara that was running down her cheeks in dark, black lines.
Emma shivered at the unexpected touch.
"We were in the Enchanted Forest. The dreams keep coming back, though the scenario is slightly different. There's… fire… and we're…" She swallowed. "We're close."
Emma smiled, biting her lower lip.
"You're having sex dreams of us, Madame Mayor?"
Regina huffed, yet she couldn't hide a small smile.
"If that's how you want to put it."
Emma shifted her position until she was laying on her side, supporting herself on one elbow, looking straight into Regina's eyes.
"And you're wondering what it means…"
Regina nodded.
"Does it make you uncomfortable?", Emma wanted to know, though her voice was sincere and not as mocking as Regina had expected it to be.
"It confuses me", she admitted, brushing some hair behind her ear.
"You…", she continued, "…you don't have anything to do with it, do you?"
Emma laughed, shaking her head.
"I wish. I can do a lot of things, but I don't think I can do that, Regina. That is your own brain. Congratulations."
Regina nodded again, avoiding the other woman's eyes.
"You said you were scared…" Regina tried again. "What are you scared of?" She knew she probably wouldn't get an answer to her question, but she was here to help after all.
"My heart…" Emma replied softly. "My heart is turning black. Like Gold's."
Regina could feel her body tense.
The heart she had wanted to protect so badly.
The thought alone hurt.
"Have you seen it?"
Emma nodded.
"I have."
Regina got up into a sitting position, hugging her own knees in front of her body, toying with her fingernails.
"I'm sorry, Emma."
Why on earth hadn't she found a way to help her yet? She wished she could talk to Gold, but the man was still in a coma. She wondered if he'd ever wake up again. And if Emma would be facing a similar fate in the future.
"I gave Ruby her heart back", Emma changed the topic and Regina's head snapped up.
"You did?", she asked surprised. "That's… that's great, Emma. I'm proud of you. What made you do it?"
"I don't know…", Emma explained truthfully. "I had told her to come over and… we were getting it on…"
Regina felt herself make a fist at the mere thought of it, but she didn't want to interrupt Emma, deciding to swallow down the jealousy that left a foul taste in her mouth.
"… it didn't help me at all. I thought it would. This… dark side inside of me… it wanted to fuck her. It wanted to use her. To mark her as mine. To control her…. But… "
"But…?" Regina asked carefully.
"But I am still me. I am still here. I am still fighting it." She sighed. "I could hear your voice, Regina. I could hear you telling me how wrong it is. Weird, huh? You, of all people, the little angel on my shoulder."
Regina had to chuckle, a feeling of pride warming her insides. "Yeah. Who would have thought…"
"To be quite honest, I am really fucking wasted right now", Emma went on, slowly getting up into a sitting position herself. She was pressing her hand against her forehead, obviously dizzy. "But the more I numb my body, the better I can shut out the voices…"
Regina reached out her hand to stroke the other woman's leg.
"Don't look at me like that."
"Like what?"
"Like you pity me."
"I don't!", Regina defended herself, even though she knew Emma was right. She did pity her. But most of all, she still felt incredibly guilty.
"You do. But I guess I can't blame you. I must look pitiful. What a great dark one I am. Lying knackered on the floor, not even able to get off with my head between a hot woman's thighs. Not even able to fucking track down a person outside of Storybrooke because I can't use my magic there. Not even able to ignore the fucking voice of the saviour inside of my own head…" She paused before looking into Regina's eyes again.
"…not even able to get the woman I want… to want me back."
Regina closed her eyes.
"Emma…"
"It's okay, Regina. You're right not to want me. It's just the darkness, right? 'Cause the darkness likes the way you taste, not me. If I were you, I'd keep the hell away from me too."
There were tears in Emma's eyes now and Regina's head was spinning. The light of the candles was reflecting in Emma's eyes and, as weird as it was, Emma looked entirely beautiful. Her hair was tousled, her lipstick was almost gone, her shirt was hanging loosely around her shoulders and her smudgy eyeliner had left dark circles underneath her eyes. But she was seeing her. She was seeing Emma. She was seeing more of her than she probably ever had. Even before all of this had happened.
"I'm not scared of the darkness…", Regina admitted slowly.
"But…?", Emma questioned, her eyes hopeful.
"I'm scared of you. Of… wanting you and then… losing you."
Emma closed her eyes, shaking her head slowly.
"Regina… you… you are the only thing that's still making any sense to me. I don't know how I'm supposed to make you believe that. I don't know if it's really the darkness that makes me feel that way. All I know is that I can't stop it. Right now I really don't know why you would ever lose me. If you'd… if you'd let me, I…" she stuttered. "I'd give you anything you could wish for."
"Give me some honesty then", Regina told her. "Tell me who it is you're looking for. Why you're leaving Storybrooke."
"I need to find closure, Regina", Emma explained. "I need to finally speak to someone I haven't dared to speak to when I should have. Let's say, I still have a score to settle with said person."
Regina sighed.
"And you think that will make it better?"
Emma's gaze turned hard.
"Yes."
"Okay...", Regina said slowly. "Then I'll help you. I'll help you look for him… or her. We'll leave town and I'll make sure that… that you're okay. I'll be the little angel on your shoulder… even though I find the image a little ridiculous", she added with a frown.
Emma's chin dropped at hearing Regina say those words, her eyes moving rapidly from left to right as if she hadn't fully understood.
"You're serious?"
"Absolutely."
Emma's gaze softened and, for just a second, the darkness seemed to be gone. Regina couldn't see it anymore. All she could see was a genuine smile on the other woman's lips. A tired smile, however, that showed her just how much it actually meant to Emma. How this huge weight seemed to be lifted off her shoulders.
"I… I want to hug you, but I can't", Emma stuttered, her voice small. It felt like a sharp pain inside Regina's chest.
In an instant, she had her arms wrapped around Emma's body, pressing her close. Her hand was stroking the back of Emma's head and Regina inhaled her smell. She smelled like sex and alcohol, but underneath that layer, there was something sweet. Something indescribable. Something that made her want to stay close to her for much, much longer.
Emma's body was stiff and she wasn't able to return the embrace. The soft sigh, however, told Regina that Emma enjoyed the contact just as much as she did herself.
"You… you can touch me, Emma", Regina whispered, barely audible.
Emma smiled against Regina's shoulder.
"I can't…"
"But I just told you you could, I -"
"It doesn't work that way", Emma interrupted her. "Only the dagger itself can undo its own orders. You have to hold it to give me new orders or to undo your old ones."
Regina sighed. "I'm sorry… I should have known."
"It's okay."
They remained like this for a little while longer, Emma's face buried between Regina's neck and shoulder, Regina's lips pressed against soft blonde hair.
"Do you want me to stay until you've fallen asleep?", Regina whispered, carefully stroking the other woman's back.
"I'd like that", came the almost shy reply.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Regina woke up from the phone that was vibrating in her pocket. It was bright outside – apparently she had fallen asleep, too. Her neck hurt as she had been sitting on Emma's sofa for the past few hours, Emma's head on her lap. The woman was still fast asleep and Regina carefully tried to get up without waking her, replacing her own legs with a pillow she found nearby.
She quickly left the room, closing the door behind her before answering her incoming call.
"Hello?"
"Regina… it's Belle."
The woman on the other end sounded as if she were crying and Regina figured there was only one reason she'd call. Gold had probably passed.
"What is it, Belle?", she asked huskily, massaging her own neck. "What happened?"
Belle tried to hold back a sob.
"It's about Rumple… He's finally awake. He's okay, Regina. I'm so happy!"
Regina's brows furrowed and she swallowed. Somehow she was glad that he'd made it. She was happy for Belle and she was relieved to get a chance to talk to him. On the other hand, all of this was his fault. If they hadn't tried to save him, none of this would be happening. Emma would be okay.
She pushed away those thoughts, taking a deep breath.
"Thanks for letting me know, Belle. I'll come over. And I need to speak with him – alone."
xxxxxxx
A/N: Updates will be getting longer as soon as I'm done with finals. Promise!
Also: Several people have asked me about the music playing in Emma's mansion. If you're interested, I have a "Swan Mansion" playlist on Spotify. Message me and I'll send you the link! You can also connect with me on tumblr if you like (lovebugxblog). Thanks for reading!