Chapter 10
The evening with Julia had been delightful, but like Jane always said, it was a school-night. Maura knew she should to go home, but she couldn't tear herself away. Being with her was so easy. Being captivated by her was even easier. There was an underlying sense of familiarity, as if she had known Julia for a long time, but had something else that she couldn't define -apart from the physical reactions she couldn't help having -more and more as she opened up to her.
It was as if she had found something she had been looking for, without even knowing she wanted or needed it.
Julia had not once tried to breach the physical distance between them, but her eyes were not constrained by space. They could, with a simple yet very intense glance, brush her lips and make Maura feel desired, wanted, and feeling a pull so intense that made her tremble with anticipation. Something about them that triggered something she couldn't escape from.
Julia set her coffee down, and for the first time in the evening, silence settled between them. It was highly charged, but not uncomfortable. It just stood, waiting for them to act. React. Do something.
Maura traced with her eyes the smooth olive skin, the intense dark hair that danced rejoiced to be free from the severe bun, the deep dark eyes calling her. She could so easily fall into them...
She did, not knowing how, or why, or...
The first contact of their lips was shy; a demand for permission, a reconnaissance of uncharted territory.
It wasn't enough for either of them.
Soon, Maura forgot all caution and thoughts and abandoned herself to the warmth and hunger of those wonderful lips. Her hands left the safety of Julia's own, flying to her back, neck, arms. Julia's body felt so familiar that she was startled. Abandoning the smooth skin of the neck, Maura tilted her head back until she found Julia's eyes as if they held the answer.
Julia's eyes were pitch black, her breath ragged. They felt familiar too, but before she could ask any more questions, she let herself fall and allow her body everything it demanded.
.
.
Maura woke up from the weight on her chest. In the semi-darkness of the room, she saw a cascade of long, unruly dark hair and a shapely, toned arm lying across her naked breasts.
Jane.
Jane?
Her mouth dried instantly; air struggled to get in her lungs and the room spun.
Then Julia lifted her head, opened her eyes and smiled when they focused on her. The smile died almost instantly.
"Are you okay?"
The voice asking was sweet and soft, not hoarse.
The hands touching her skin did not have scars.
Maura closed her eyes and forced air out of her locked down chest, forcing herself to Julia's gentle hands dispel the oncoming anxiety attack. She felt Julia's soft kisses on her shoulder and the fingers massaging her tense temporalis muscle; the tension begun to ebb away. Her thoughts now purposefully followed Julia's fingers, now trailing downwards along her face into her neck and chest. When Julia saw the clouds leaving Maura's face, she continued downwards. When the fingers reached her breasts, Maura's last attempt at a clear thought morphed into complete entrancement.
An hour later, Maura was cuddling a still shaking Julia; her face was one of pure bliss, more beautiful than ever. It astounded her just how natural and wonderful making love with Julia had felt, but she couldn't see her hair, her skin without them reminding her of Jane. She closed her eyes with her fingertips, and then opened them as two swords ready for battle against a raging confusion that had no place.
Julia was not Jane.
Julia.
Jane.
Same initials. It felt like a sign, but it could not be. She had never looked at Jane like this. Jane would never, ever look at her like Julia did. It was just a coincidence, that was all. A coincidence. A rather untimely, annoying, disconcerting coincidence. That was all.
Julia stirred. "Good morning."
The greeting felt almost like a question. Maura turned her head and gently kissed Julia's forehead.
"Are you okay?"
Maura left her lips pressed to the warm skin, gently caressing the soft skin of Julia's back.
"I need to go."
"You didn't answer." Julia raised her eyes; her brow was pleading.
Maura felt a pang of guilt. Of course she felt okay. More than okay. Julia was beautiful; a beautiful woman, a passionate, interesting person, and a wonderful lover. She just couldn't shake off the now subtle but still nagging distress of having confused her with Jane. She wouldn't know how to start explaining it, so she didn't.
Concentrating on those wonderful eyes, she nodded. "I am not leaving because of this." Maura tightened their embrace. "I need to go home, shower, get ready for work."
Julia agreed. "You're right. I should also get ready for work."
Maura got dressed and found Julia in the kitchen. "Can I offer you some coffee before you go?"
She looked at Julia, the lovely Julia that had just awoken her from what seemed a long dream, and her eyes drifted to the lips, now tight with emotion.
"Maura, I can't trust myself to let you go if you do that." Julia took a step away and stood by the door, her hands in the pockets of her towel gown. She took a deep breath. "Do I have to ask you if you are going to call?"
Maura reached out and caressed her face. "You don't have to. I will call you, I promise."
Julia smiled with her eyes, exhaling softly but visibly.
Maura reached in, softly kissed her, and left, feeling Julia's glow in her own skin.
She left smiling, feeling airy and happy, knowing they would meet again soon, but as she walked out, a conscious of a veiled, elusive shadow of confusion trailed behind her.
.
.
Maura arrived at the office just after 8:30. As she was locking her car door she saw Jane parking across the road. When Jane saw her, she smiled behind her Aviators. In no time, Jane was standing next to her, her glasses now in her hand.
"Hey Maura. Living dangerously?"
Maura flustered, and her eyes left the dark eyes questioning her, even if they looked playful. "Whatever do you mean?"
"It's way past your entry time. Like, a whole 5 minutes."
Relief flooded Maura, and she held to that feeling for dear life, not knowing why she had to. As they were in standing over the coffee pots, Maura yawned and her hand was not fast enough to reach and give her cover.
"Rough night?"
Maura pressed her lips, hoping the burning heat in her face would go unnoticed, but Jane's trained eyes didn't miss a thing.
"Hold on right there." Jane said as they approached the elevators, still staring. "No sleep. Blushing, yawning, flustered…" Jane's eyes narrowed.
"Maura?" The whispered word felt to Maura like Jane had just screamed.
"I… well…"
"Maura?" Jane's face darkened. "You didn't…"
Maura raised her eyebrows, looking around and wiggled her shoulders.
"You did." Jane's face was expressionless, but Maura knew her well. It was not a good reaction. At all.
Maura lifted her shoulders -completely at a loss for words-, and raised begging eyebrows while forcing a little apologetic smile.
"Ok... That's- that's good. I mean, that's great. You- you did it, that's..." Jane nodded, slack-jawed. "Um… Well, I'd love to stay and hear all about it but-" Jane pointed her thumb up. "I'm sorry, Korsak's waiting, catch you later, okay." She pressed her lips and nodded again, seeing a trembling Maura being left behind, but unable to do anything about it.
She bumped into Frankie as she walked into the bullpen.
"Oh, Jane, morning! I wanted to see you!"
Jane mumbled a "Hey" and walked past towards her desk. Frankie followed her.
"Do you know when the new ADA is coming around again?"
Jane groaned as she turned on her monitor. Out the corner of her eye she saw Frankie crossing his arms and leaning on the corner of her desk.
"Frankie, I'm busy. What do you want?
He grinned and shrugged.
Jane stared at him through half closed eyes, frowning. "Oh, come on! You are not serious. You want to ask her out?"
Crap. This just keeps getting better and better.
His eyebrows shot up, begging Jane not to out him to the entire office.
Jane didn't. She just shook her head, with Maura's blush etched into her mind.
"Go for it, you'll get a Guinness Record." A record for wanting to ask out the largest number of involved lesbians. Just wait to see who this one is involved with…
"Fine, be like that." Frankie threw his hands in the air in surrender.
He left Jane staring at the screen but only seeing Maura's face. Past the disconcerting, way out of place reaction, she realized Maura's disappointment was heartbreaking. For a second she thought of rushing back down and apologizing, but the leaden knot in her stomach told her she'd be just as rude and insensitive. She decided it'd be best to just let it go until the understandable shock wore off; she was just surprised and needed time to get used to this new side of Maura -no matter how it had affected her in so many ridiculous ways.
She ended up spending the whole day out, chasing CIs all over town. By the time Korsak called it a night it was after 9 pm. After taking Korsak to get his own car, she found herself driving towards Beacon Hill.
The lights were on at Maura's house. She left the car in the first available spot and in a few large strides she was soon ringing's Maura's doorbell.
"Jane?" Maura stood at the door, her brow deep and tense and her hand holding it open but blocking the way.
"Maura? What-" As Maura's eyes darted back, over her shoulder, Jane understood. "Oh. I'm- I didn't know, didn't mean to… anyway, I'd better… Okay, see you tomorrow."
"Wait. Jane!"
Jane stopped as she reached the last step.
"Don't go, I'm with- Julia is here, but you don't have to go. Have some wine with us."
Jane smiled and shook her head. "It's fine, Maur. Enjoy your date."
Two hours later, Jane opened her own door for the second time in the evening. After a 5-mile run and a what now felt like horrible day she finally felt tired enough to even want to think of anything. She had a very hot shower and dropped in bed, utterly exhausted.
.
.
The knock on the door wouldn't stop. Jane groaned and threw the covers off. Her phone told her it was 3 am. Who the hell can it be at this time?
It was Maura. Her eyes were puffy, her hair disheveled.
"Can I come in?"
Jane stepped aside, too asleep to understand what was going on. As she closed the door, Maura turned around and fixed her eyes on her. Something in them made Jane's heart beat faster, waking her from her walking slumber.
"I made a mistake. I got confused. I shouldn't have slept with Julia. It's you. It has always been you, Jane."
Without any warning, Maura reached up and kissed her.
Despite the shock, Jane felt the desperation of those lips, the hands reaching out and embracing her hard. Her heart jumped to her mouth, but before she could even think about what was going on, she felt her body responding to the kiss.
It felt so good to feel Maura so close. Her perfume invaded her as hands made their way through honey blonde hair, finding the firm muscles on her neck and pushing her closer. Maura deepened the kiss and Jane's body trembled. She tumbled forward, pushing Maura against the door, her thigh in between her legs. She felt Maura's tongue touching her lips and she felt overwhelming heat flowing throughout her body.
Dizzy with the onslaught of strong feelings, she tilted back her head to grasp some air and saw Maura's eyes, loving her with a comfort and closeness she had never felt in her life before. Despite the red eyes, smudged makeup, Maura's eyes were glowing, full of a love so big that made Jane swoon.
So beautiful, so fragile, so strong…
Jane leaned down and held her as tight as she could, feeling the skin of her neck on her lips, her perfume, her warmth.
"Maura…"
Jane heard her own voice resonate in her empty, dark bedroom.
A/N: Oops ;)
(Author ducks under desk, shuts eyes tight and waits for comments to be hurled at her.)