Revenge of the Nerd
Grim POV
I was trapped in pre-adolescent hell. The children dragged me to school today. I was stuck in some homeroom class between the two. Despite the fact that they didn't need uniforms anymore, Mandy was wearing the school skirt with a red sweater. She was scowling and slouching in her seat. On my other side, Billy was aggressively passing notes with that Jessica brat. I glanced over his shoulder and read what they writing for my own entertainment. For viewing eyes, I've decided to edit their notes for spelling.
Dear Jessica,
Why don't you like me anymore?
-Billy
Dear Billy,
I don't like Mandy and you do. I bet you guys kissed once.
-Jessica
Billy had a chance to calm her down here, but did he take it? No.
Jessica
I only kissed Mandy on the cheek a lot and on the mouth this one time in fifth grade. I doesn't even count as my first kiss cause she didn't kiss back.
Billy,
You are so stupid. I hate you. I can't believe you kissed Mandy first. I'm so mad at you.
Jessica
But I don't like Mandy. I like you. I like you so much. Be my girlfriend again. I like you.
Billy
I'll talk to you again if you never talk to Mandy again.
Jessica
I don't know. I like Mandy too.
Billy,
We are still over! Don't send me a note again.
Billy sighed. "Grim," he whined. I stared hard at the board and tried to ignore him. I didn't want to be involved with The Young and the Clueless.
"Gri-him-him," he whined even louder.
"What," I finally snapped.
"How can I get my girlfriend back?"
I looked over at the girl in question, Jessica. Way out of Billy's league. Even as a grown man with at least 3,000 years on the girl, I could see that. So I said, "Billy, it was a miracle you had a girlfriend in da first place. Now ged over it."
"But I loves her," he sobbed.
"Billy, shut up," Mandy said. "She's already with Sperg. Just get some other girlfriend and get over it."
"I won't get over it, Mandy," Billy whined. "I'll never love again."
At lunch that day, Billy had a new girlfriend. One of the Jennifers. Not the black one who had been with the redheaded kid, but the other one who had been Nergal Jr.'s girlfriend. A ratty looking girl with long dark hair, this Jennifer was pretty...provocative looking for a seventh grader. She had on a black outfit that I hesitate to call a dress, black garters, and, ironically, a cross necklace. The child was also seated in Billy's lap. I twitched at the sight. They were twelve years old. How could they have changed this much? Billy had quickly gone from Super Nintendo and trading cards to some twenty-four seven girl obsession. In contrast, Mandy hadn't changed much at all maturity wise, considering she had always been about thirty in her own mind, but she was physically growing. Her hair was longer, and her skin oilier. What seemed to bother her were her barely-there breasts. She kept asking me to remove them with my scythe which wasn't going to happen because:
1. Gross.
2. It was a weapon that could inflict death and warp reality, not some plastic surgery tool.
3. Gross.
4. She barely had enough of a chest to warrant a training bra.
5. Did I mention super gross?
So there I was at this round cafeteria table, with Billy, Mandy, Irwin, Sarah, and this Jennifer girl. Topics of discussion included: Party of Five, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, what movie the two couples wanted to see together, and whether or not Mandy should date Nergal Jr. now. Her response was a resounding no that somehow went unheard. Now that the focus was suddenly on Mandy, the girls seemed to have other plans for her. "Cheer tryouts are today," Brooklyn Jennifer said. "Are you gonna try out again, Mandy?"
"No," she said bluntly.
"Great," Jennifer went on, ignoring Mandy. "Because since Jessica hurt Billy and tried to steal my last man, I think you should take her place on the squad."
This statement actually made Mandy look thoughtful. "I'll do it," she said. "To hurt Jessica."
"What do you have against Jessica," I asked.
"She thinks she's better than me," Mandy said. "That kind of hubris has to be corrected."
"Maybe she thinks that because people actually like her," I pointed out.
"She's a brat," Mandy replied. "No one actually likes her. People are impressed by her looks."
"See," I said. "This is why you should keep your chest. If you actually grow breasts, you might end up good looking, and people would actually like you."
Mandy rolled her eyes. "It's not like I'm ugly."
"Well, not ugly, just...homely. Plain."
Mandy shot a leveling glare at me.
"You're going to have to smile a lot more," Jennifer went on. "If you're going to make the squad."
"Whatever," Mandy said. "I don't think that's going to matter." I followed her gaze as she fixated on Nergal Jr. Great. She was gonna take advantage of that kid again.
She slid her lunch tray away from herself and stood up. "I'm going to sort Nergal Jr. out."
"Sort him out? Oh, Mandy, you don't have to," Jennifer cooed. "Billy'll do it, won'tcha, Billy?"
"Billy can hit him later," Mandy asserted. "I just wanna talk to him."
"Okay," Jennifer said. "Tell him I think his you-know-what is puny. And that he's never gonna get laid now. Oh, and tell him he smells, too."
Mandy rolled her eyes. "I'll try to remember that." She got up and went over to Nergal Jr. I watched as she tossed her hair around, and once again, he was eating it up.
I looked back at Billy and Jennifer. She was spoon feeding the chump pudding, and it was dribbling down his chin. Lovely. I had almost forgotten why I didn't enjoy coming to school with these children.