CHAPTER 5
"Thoughts? Could you be a little bit more specific, sir?"
Shadis gave him a look. "Obviously I didn't invite you here to chat about her favourite colour. You've been training with her for weeks-"
"Actually the last week had been kinda' off, sir" Jean interrupted.
"Nevertheless you've trained with her for three month now, which is more than enough time to view her progress."
"No offence, but isn't that your job, sir?"
"I drew conclusion myself, but two heads are better than one. And while you have to pay attention to only the two of you, I have to watch over three hundred. So I would appreciate if you would just answer the question instead of giving me a damn headache."
Jean wasn't really fond of lying. Considering himself an honest kind of guy false words usually tasted foul in his mouth. He didn't care that others called him jerk or insensitive because of this. It wasn't his problem if someone couldn't handle the truth, whether it was harsh or not.
Surprisingly enough, despite his previous beliefs he really did consider that option. He was even worse liar under pressure and Shadis murder stare didn't help him either. Nevertheless, he couldn't help wondering;
Should I lie about her? For her…?
"Which leads us to another problem; how to make sure that Mikasa never finds out what an ass you really are."
…
No way.
"She's bad" he finally said.
Shadis scribbled down something on his paper before indicating with his hand for him to continue.
"How so?"
The extra laps Shadis will give her for this won't hurt her – he thought before words started to pour out of his mouth.
"She's not particularly good at anything. And by this I don't mean that she's alright, but doesn't excel in anything, no. She's bad, but in some things she is less bad than in others."
Shadis nodded, the black pen moving restlessly on the paper. "Go on."
"Her usage of 3D Maneuvering Gear is so-so, her melee fighting skills are absolutely crap, endurance zero. Probably she's most handy with the blades, but she's still years away from Mikasa or anyone good in the camp."
As the words left his mouth he had the decency to feel a bit guilty, but it didn't make it less true. She was bad. Even if she really tried she wasn't a soldier.
The older man seemed deep in thought as he wrote down the boy's words. When he finished writing he searched for another paper and started writing again.
"You really don't like her, huh" he muttered under his breath, causing Jean to jerk up his head.
"What?"
"Nothing."
Actually in the deep silence, he heard Shadis' words clearly.
"I just don't see the point of lying, sir."
Shadis snorted. "You are the first. No one wanted to badmouth others, so they covered their friends' faults up with sugar. Even your big friend, Bott tried to talk about how nice that other kid was with others and even though he wasn't the best in the physical department he had a great sense of humour. Full of bullshit really, so you are refreshing."
Jean didn't know if he should feel offended on Marco's behalf or feel surprised. His friend never mentioned anything about this.
"Marco was here?"
"He didn't tell you because I told him not to. And before you get your panties in a twist, it wasn't just you; he wasn't supposed to tell anyone."
Jean wasn't satisfied with the answer.
"Why?"
"Stop being so damn curious and shut your mouth. I can't hear my thoughts."
As he sat in silence Jean realized that Shadis only forced himself to not act like a complete douche when he wanted something. Something in connection with Kalmbach.
"Sir…"
"Didn't I tell you to keep quiet" came the gruff answer.
"Sir, why are you so interested in Kalmbach? She's not in trouble, right?"
The words Shadis said after a long silence only confirmed his assumptions.
"Thank you for your cooperation, you can leave now."
"But…"
"That will be all. Ah, and Kirschtein?"
"Yes?"
"You don't get to skip training. Join the others and do the same amount as them."
"Yes, sir."
Avoiding Kalmbach was much easier than he had anticipated. Even when their ways crossed, she handled him with a simple nod, before following that git's shortblonde friend. Despite her hate towards humanity she got along pretty well with Arlert. He wasn't even sure if she had any other friend besides them. Or that if she even considered him as a friend.
If she finds out what I said, I doubt that.
Not that it was his fault that she sucked. He only said the truth.
He found Marco lying on his bed writing something on a yellowish paper. His pell-mell handwriting was easily recognizable, but difficult to decipher.
"Oi, Marco" he said, before sitting down on the ground to be at the same level as him. "What are you up to?"
Marco threw him a small smile, before he turned back to his work. "I'm writing to my parents."
"Ah" Jean answered, realizing that he hadn't written anything in weeks. His mom must be freaking out by now.
Crap, crap, crap.
"Eh, do you mind if I steal one of this?" he asked, waving a blank yellow paper as a flag.
"Nope. Go ahead."
"Thanks."
Dear mom,
Sorry for not writing earlier. I totally forgot about it.
After a few seconds he crossed that out and started again.
Dear mom,
I haven't heard from you for a while, so I thought that my letters might have gotten lost along the way.
Nothing much changed, training is still hard, but I'm fine. There is a great chance that I will end up in the top ten, so get ready to celebrate! How about you cook some meat for dinner? I know it was always too expensive, but it turns out, that Marco's father works as a butcher and he said that if be both get into the top ten he will sell us a smaller pork for half the price. It's not much, but I know that it would mean the world to you if I'd get to try it, so here's the chance.
If I don't get into top ten, it's because Shadis still hates my guts. If that's happens we will still celebrate though. I can't wait to get home.
Miss you,
Jean
Jean carefully put the letter in an envelope and addressed it. He placed it on the growing pile of messages. They got to send one in every two weeks.
When he walked back to his bed Marco was still fiddling with his own. He patiently waited until Marco finished the last lines, before breaking the silence.
"Say Marco… you haven't talked with Shadis by any chance in last few months, have you?"
His friend stiffened.
"Eh… why do you ask?"
"I had a chat with Shadis today as well. So, have you?"
"…Yes."
"Why didn't you tell me? I thought you trusted me."
Marco made a pained expression. "Come on, Jean, you know it's not that… Shadis made me promise to keep my mouth shut."
"And you actually kept that promise?" he asked bewildered.
His friend's ears grew pink as he averted his eyes. "Yes."
"Marco!"
"I'm sorry, okay? It's not that I didn't trust you or anything, but after he sent that poor boy away I felt really ashamed, because I think it was partly because what I said and-"
Jean's heart missed a beat, as he interrupted. "Wait, what? What do you mean, he sent him away?"
"I didn't want that to happen…" he muttered lowly, tracing his letter's edge with his finger. "I thought he was just asking a few question for the record, but in the end of the week he was gone…"
"Where did he go? What the hell are you talking about?"
Marco gathered his courage and looked into his friend's eyes. "He was writing a list… the same he's writing every half year. It's the list of people who are sent to… to the Wasteland. I… I got that boy to the Wasteland, Jean. I felt so ashamed. I couldn't possibly tell that to someone. I couldn't even look in the mirror, how could I've told you?"
.
.
.
No.
.
.
.
No…
"What did Shadis want, Jean? Did he ask about someone?"
When Jean looked at his friend, his expression mirrored Marco's.
"I did something terrible."
A/N: Hey Guys!
Sorry for the long wait. This is a short one, but I hope you liked this chapter and the small twist. Things will start happening now, yay!
Thank you for the reviews Jo and Benji-0310, as always your insights really keeps me motivated. So if you have any criticism or an opinion that you would like to share, please tell me in a review! :)
As always, English is not my native language, so feel free to correct my grammar.
Thanks for reading!