CHAPTER 7

The voices seemed distant. It was only him and his dirt covered boots. He didn't realize how worn out the leather had become during the years. Even if they were tailored for constant usage the boots could only bear so much. The weakened parts were coated with tiny wrinkles, collecting the sand and water, filling the small cracks with mud.

His arm started to numb from Marco's constant shaking. He jerked his arm trying to get across a message, his friend obviously didn't get. His freckled fingers were still wrapped around his sleeves.

"Marco, cut it out" he growled and brushed off the irritating hand.

"But Amy…"

"I know. Shut up."

"But the Wasteland…"

"I said shut up!" he growled again, louder this time, shooting his friend a look that only Eren was lucky enough to receive. Feeling the poison from his friend's eyes, Marco looked at him with a bewildered expression.

"Jean…" he whispered, but Jean was already walking away. Shadis could stop him if he wanted, but he knew after their joyful chat he wouldn't. This wasn't about him anyway.

None of this concerned him.

He tried to think about something else, but it was pointless. No matter how much he wondered about trivial things, his thoughts always managed to wander back to her.

That stupid whimp.

If she hadn't been that weak none of this would have happened. Even his help didn't change anything. He tried his best.

It was her fault.

Not his.

I'm not the culprit.

.

.

.

So why was the guilt engulfing him?

Marco didn't say a word. His grim expression spoke instead of him. He was always way too sensitive. Cared too much about others. He wasn't even Kalmbach's friend.

Feeling fed up with the silence, he spoke up.

"Giving me the silent treatment's not gonna change anything, you know" he muttered.

"I thought you didn't want to talk."

"I still don't want to, but the silence is worse."

When Marco remained silent he spoke again.

"I'm sorry for snapping at you. This whole thing had been pretty rough on me."

"On you?" he asked in a tone which made him stiffen. "I'm sorry for saying this but maybe instead of feeling sorry for yourself you should pull your head out of your ass and go and talk with her."

Hearing such profanity from his mouth, Jean didn't know if he was supposed to be insulted or surprised. Deciding on slightly amused he turned to his friend.

"What did you just say to me?"

"You have to talk with her" he repeated with a small flush of embarrassment.

"I don't take advices from potty mouths."

Marco ignored his remark.

"Otherwise you will only hate yourself, believe me. That's worse. I wish I had the courage to talk to that boy. I don't want you to make the same mistake."

"I don't want to. She will hate me anyway."

"What's the worst that could happen? You won't meet again. Maybe if you would tell her the same that Shadis told you she would understand."

Jean snorted humourlessly.

"Like hell she would."

"You don't know that. Maybe Armin talked some reason into her."

"I highly doubt that."

Marco let out a weary sigh.

"Please just do it, Jean. They are leaving tomorrow morning with the first light. Talk to her until you can."

Jean dully nodded, though his expression said otherwise. He wasn't looking forward to that conversation.

After Armin's visit she felt a bit better. At first they just sat in silence. Maybe he was waiting for her to say something or cry, but she refused to let her tears escape. She hadn't cried for a long time and if she started now, she wouldn't stop until the morning. Her tears could make up lost ground after she left.

When Armin started to speak his words felt pretty depressing. He said that he was sorry and that he doesn't understand why it happened. What was she supposed to say? Thanks? Or say that she doesn't understand either? They were all just empty words. Self-pity wouldn't get her anywhere.

So she decided to remain silent.

She didn't know how long did Armin talk. Somehow it felt like as if time had stopped. Maybe he was with her for just ten minutes, or maybe long hours had passed since then. She honestly couldn't tell.

She tried to listen to his words and what he was saying, but all that remained was his soothing voice and kind tone. She didn't say a word during the whole time, but Armin just kept talking.

In the end he hugged her. She let him circle his hands around her waist. I will miss you, he said.

I will miss you too, she wanted to say back.

But couldn't.

And she watched her friend leave without saying a word.

It was hours later when the last visitor came. There was no knock which could have prepared her. Jean appearance was sudden when he walked into the room. He seemed to be out of place as he awkwardly looked around.

"Hey" she forced out.

"Hey" he mumbled back.

It was so much easier with Armin. Armin talked. He filled the silence. But Jean just stood there, staring at things, staring at her, not uttering a single word and not showing any intention to do so.

"You came to say goodbye, right?" she asked, founding her voice through the past hours.

Jean looked down at his boots. "Yeah."

Silence.

"Are you done packing?"

She shrugged. "It's not like I have that many things to take with me. I can't even keep my 3DMG."

"Well, you won't need them after all" he commented quietly.

"Easy for you to say" she mumbled. "You will get a replacement every time you break it. I can't even have the original."

"But that means that you won't be fighting titans" he said, suddenly looking up at her. "That's supposed to be a great thing, right?"

Amy stayed silent for long seconds.

"I don't know anymore. Is it a good thing?" she asked looking up at him as well, hoping to find an answer in his eyes. "What is good or bad?"

"Living is good."

"But what do you live for? To pick up rocks?" she huffed. "That's not living. Not in my book."

"Would you rather die or get eaten?" he asked slightly raising his voice.

"I don't know!" she snapped at him. "Of course I don't want to die, but I don't want to pick up fucking rocks either!"

"If you would stay you would die" he snapped back. "Believe me."

"You don't know that. Maybe I will fall off a cliff tomorrow. Or an illness will take me in two weeks. Or maybe I will become someone useful to the humanity."

"Oh please, what's with the big speech? Didn't you want to get into the Military Police, the whole time to save your ass?"

"Look who's talking! As if you weren't planning the same thing. And what if I changed my mind? Maybe I want to kill titans or save people."

"Wanting something and being able to do something is two different things" he said losing his patience. "There, I said it, are you happy now? There is no way you could kill even one."

Not caring about the wounded expression on her face he kept going.

"You are not a soldier" he said, pressing each word slowly. "And you will never become one."

"Then why did you help me?" she asked upset. "If you thought so low of me from the beginning why did you even bother?"

"We had an agreement. I did my part and you poorly did yours. Mikasa still barely talks to me."

The moment those words left his mouth he knew he said something he shouldn't have. Mikasa wasn't even on his mind on the last few days. It just slipped out.

"Listen, I didn't mean…"

"So that's it, huh" she whispered, interrupting him, before letting out a hollow laugh. "Mikasa… I really am stupid."

"Amy…"

Funny how she wanted to hear her name from his mouth before. Now it just felt… wrong.

"Don't call me that, please" she said looking up at him with a strained smile. "You are right. We had an agreement. And you did your part. Thank you for that."

"I would like to be alone for now if you don't mind" she added turning around.

"For fuck's sake" he growled. "Don't twist my words."

"How exactly did I twist them?" she asked in a nonchalant tone.

"Well, I don't know!" he exclaimed frustrated. "But I didn't mean it that way."

"What way?"

"You are really annoying you know?" he asked exasperatedly.

She didn't reply and Jean let out a sigh.

"This… this is not why I came here for."

She remained silent, waiting for him to continue.

"I don't know how to say this… this is already so messed up."

He enjoyed the last seconds of silence between them. It was tense, but she didn't fully hate him yet.

But he had to twist that knife one more time.

"Do you know about the rumour with Shadis? That he sometimes goes around asking people what they think about other trainees… potential wise."

She knew. He knew she figured it out, by looking at her expression.

It was hurt.

It was anger.

And complete disappointment.

"I'm sorry -"

"You are sorry?" she interrupted. "So I got kicked out because of you?"

"Yes" he said sternly. "Partly. But you didn't let me finish. I'm sorry for what happened, but I still believe this is the best for you."

"That's not you decision!" she finally raised her voice. "How dare you even think that you have any right to do something like this?"

"It's you opportunity to escape…"

"Fuck your escape! I don't want to escape" she cried. "It's all because of you…"

"It's not my damn fault that you are bad at everything!" he shouted back losing his temper. "Don't blame me for this. What should I've done, lie into his face?"

"Yes! Instead of badmouthing me behind my back. Did you at least say one good thing about me?"

Jean remained silent.

"Am I really that worthless in your eyes?" she whispered under her breath, tears sliding down her face.

"You aren't-"

"Get out" she said.

"Wait…"

"Get the hell out" she hissed and wiped the traitorous tears off her face.

Jean silently nodded and left her with her sorrow.

The next morning was a quiet one.

The cart already left when he woke up. Some people woke up to say their final goodbyes and hug their friends for the last time, but he didn't. There was nothing they could say to each other.

He was eating his breakfast in silence, when he heard the faint voice of a horn. He looked up in confusion, seeing that everyone else did the same.

It was followed by a lot of footsteps outside. People running. Horses neighing. When people started to shout he stood up from his place and walked outside followed by some other curious trainees.

"What happened?" he asked the first person running past by him. The men stopped in a hurry, strapping on his 3DMG on his waist.

"We don't know. But that could mean nothing good" he pointed to the sky before running to his horse.

When Jean looked up, he saw three colours painting the sky.

Then everything went to hell.

A/N:

Hope you guys liked it!

With this, the prologue officially ended. It was a hard chapter for me and I sat on it for a long time, so I hope it was bearable!

Thank you for the follows, favourites and reviews!

And as always: English is not my native language, so if you find a grammar mistake, feel free to correct it!

Thank you for reading!