"It is not righteousness to outrage a brave man dead, not even though you hate him." -Sophocles

Chapter 8

For the next few weeks I barely left my room. I'd show up at dinner and breakfast to appease my aunt, but after that I'd go back upstairs. I either skipped lunch or brought it up to my room. No one really seemed to care. I didn't talk to my cousins much. After that night they became more distant and quiet around me. A small part of me was saddened by this, but I didn't let it bother me. If they were too stupid to see past the rumors and the lies then I didn't want anything to do with them.

Molly was different. She had talked to me a couple times about the catergys, admitting that she still didn't want it in the house. She told me to keep my chin up and not to let the other's despicable behavior get to me. I thanked her for her concern and told her what she needed to hear: I was great. I hadn't paid any attention to what they'd said. No, I was just staying busy. I was preparing for school. Lunch was fabulous, thank you.

Ron was the worst of them all; he seemed to agree with the majority of the Order members that came and went. He'd cast little snide remarks at me when ever I saw him and make a point of whispering darkly to his friends. As far as the adults were concerned I was under a kind of house arrest. When I'd come down for a change of scenery I got nothing but suspicious glances and half muttered threats. Most would stop talking when I entered a room and trade furtive looks when I bent down to pet my new companion.

I did make an appearance at Harry's birthday party in July though it'd been short lived. I stuck my head in, made the proper congratulations, talked to Tonks and Molly for a while then headed back upstairs. It was nice to have someone to talk to. Tonks sometimes visited me upstairs; I didn't mind her sporadic interruptions. I knew she'd probably been sent to check on me, but I found I didn't mind. In fact, I looked forward to them after a while. I didn't make friends easily and I was glad to have one. Molly was truly stepping in and I liked her mothering. She seemed to have adopted me. Tonks gradually became like an older sister to me with all her bits of advice about school and just life in general.

It was sometime in August when she walked in on me reading from one of my mother's books.

I was sitting cross-legged on the floor reading the last few pages of the book on animagi when she opened my door.

"Wotcher!" She called happily, swearing as she tripped over her own feet.

Prince, he wouldn't answer to anything without some sort of noble title to my disgust, hissed at her. He was lying on the bed and had been watching me with avid curiosity as I read to him. I was never really lonely with that little monster around. He listened when I talked to him and kept me company. I really liked having him around and found it comforting to be able to pet him without fear of being maimed. He also kept me from dwelling on how drastically my life at Number Twelve had changed.

"T-tonks. What are you doing back so early? I thought you were on duty until five." I scrambled to my feet and discreetly covered the books Bridget had given me with the blanket I'd tossed on the floor. I obviously wasn't fast enough because she closed the door behind her and promptly marched over and pulled back the blanket.

"Astrid, what is all this? The Darkest Arts, Secrets of the Mind…These are…where did you get these? If anyone found you with these...You know Molly, Dumbledore and I are the only reason your memory hasn't been erased, don't you? We had to convince everyone that it was better to have you under our nose where we could watch you than kicking you out and directly into You-Know-Who's hands."

I brushed back my hair, much longer than it had been when I first arrived at the Weasleys. I'd wanted to please Aunt Molly and when she'd suggested it I'd grudgingly complied.

"Yeah, well, I didn't ask to come here in the first place. I was forced to. I'd be more than happy to leave this hell-hole."

"It's not all that bad." She said, frowning. I snorted.

"Do you know how nerve wracking it is to live with a bunch of zealots who might turn their wand on me at any moment? I haven't harmed one hair on their light-be-blessed heads and yet they believe I am the enemy. And do you know why, Tonks? Do you?

"It's because they're afraid. They are afraid and need someone they can hate and blame for all their problems, not a Dark Lord millions of miles away that they can't see. They need someone they can reach. That's why they are so eager to pronounce me guilt of practicing the dark arts." I finished angrily, pounding my fist into the rug.

Tonks sighed heavily and sat down next to me. We didn't talk for a few moments.

"What about these books though? I'll have to tell Dumbledore." She said finally.

"I know. In reality though, only the dark arts book is worthy of being reported on. The others are common enough besides this one." I help up Dropped Your Wand?.

"Someone would give their right arm and probably a whole lot more for this. It's an introduction to unaided magic. It's all theory really, but enough is there to paint a very pretty picture." I said, handing her the book. Her face was scrunched up in concentration as she scanned the first few pages.

"Amazing, truly amazing. Where did you find this?" She asked, not looking up.

"A bookshop back home."

"Let me see the others." She flipped through them slowly, whistling appreciatively. "Impressive. Very detailed and no doubt worth a fortune. This one will have to go though." She said as she examined The Darkest Arts.

"Fine. Let the old man know I wont use anything thing I've learned from it." She gave me a sharp look.

"You—do you understand it?" Her face was incredulous.

"Yeah. I finished it a few days ago. I only have a couple books left to read. Why?"

"Normally only those who have practiced dark magic, or have been taught how to recognized it like I have…you shouldn't be able to understand this. It should be like trying to understand gibberish. You should be able to read it but it should be nearly impossible to comprehend. Do you understand?" I nodded my head slowly.

"I should be able to read it but not understand how it's done, correct?"

"Exactly! That you do…" She trailed off and I could knew she was thinking about what would happen to me if the other Order members caught me with this book.

"You can tell them I learned it at school. Our Dark Arts teacher was a bit of a wacko." Tonks pursed her lips, none too taken with the idea.

"I would never use any of those on the undeserving, Tonks. And I did in fact learn about the dark arts in school." Liar, my self-conscious hissed. I shrugged it off. No one needed to know that I'd never been taught anything even remotely similar to the things mentioned in that book. It made me uneasy, knowing that I had accomplished by myself what normally needed to be painstakingly taught to others. I certainly did have a knack for magic, I thought bitterly.

Tonks looked relieved for the most part, but stayed silent as she traced some runes that had been carved into the spine of The Darkest Arts book.

"You're a smart girl, Astrid. I know you're aware of the consequences if anyone should ever discover you have practiced the dark arts." She gave me a meaningful look.

"I have never preformed any spell such as the ones in that book, ever."

"Good, lets keep it that way. I'll drop by later to tell you what Dumbledore said." She grabbed up the book and left, tripping on the rug on the way out the door.

"There is no such thing as privacy around here, is there?" Prince didn't answer.

"Hello, Miss Vanderhorn. I trust Tonks told you what this meeting is about?"

Tonks had dropped by earlier to inform me Dumbledore was going to stop by my room later to discuss things. Things as in what I'd learnt from reading all those books.

"Yep." I sat at the foot of my bed, petting His Majesty. Dumbledore took a seat I'd had Tonks transfigure for the occasion.

"Excellent. Care for a lemon drop?" He extended a small dish he'd pulled out from the pockets of his robes.

"No, thanks." I said, putting up a hand. Never except candy from strangers, or old wizards. He picked one out and popped it in his mouth.

"I have been informed that you have in your possession four very valuable books, one of which is now resting in my office." He said, folding his hands together in his lap.

"They were my mothers." I offered.

"Ah. Would you mind if I had a look at them?" I reached behind me and leaned forward, handing him the three musty volumes. He examined them for a while, occasionally nodding or furrowing his brow. I watched him curiously, wondering if I should ask him a few questions of my own.

"You are very fortunate. I know only too many wizards who would pay you handsomely for these. I'm sorry I had to confiscate the other. I will return it to you when I know it will not fall into Voldemort's hands. I know for a fact that several of those spells were lost hundreds of years ago. The Ministry itself would confiscate that book from you, never to be returned."

I listened to him closely, surprised at his willingness to simply keep the book for me. I'd figured he'd take it and never give it back. I was not oblivious to the book's worth.

"I haven't seen such detailed accounts of how to become an animagus or of the basic Occlumency (magic that covered the magical defense of the mind) skills in many years. I wonder if you would be willing to loan Mr. Potter this one here." He gestured to Secrets of the Mind, the book on Occlumency.

"Hmm. I suppose that's the same as loaning it to all three of them." His eyes twinkled at this and he nodded slightly. I considered this, frowning at the thought of Ron burning it just to spite me.

"I will make sure to place a protective ward on it to keep it safe should it be damaged." He offered, no doubt reading my mind. I smirked at him and deliberately set up my mind shield.

After a moment of intense silence he raised an eye brow in surprise. "Out of all my students, you are the first to have shields strong enough to keep me out. Well done, Miss Vanderhorn. I have a feeling that is not all you have learned?"

"Was there anything else you wanted to ask me, Headmaster?" I asked in return. He considered me for a moment before sighing heavily.

"There is still the matter of your catergys to discuss. I'm afraid I cannot safely permit you to bring him with you when you leave for Hogwarts." I stood up swiftly, causing Prince to merrow in surprise.

"And where exactly do you think I'm going to leave him? Here? I don't think so–" Dumbledore raised a hand to still me. I sat back down on my bed, glaring at him. Prince was lashing his tail from where he'd been dumped onto the ground.

"However, I have a devised an alternative for the both of you. It is painfully obvious that you will not be able to leave Prince here and I do not wish to upset you anymore than I know you already are. Tell me, how do you feel about entrusting Prince into the care of our Magical Creature's teacher? I assure you that Professor Hagrid would be more than willing to watch over the catergys. This arrangement would also enable you to visit Prince on a daily basis."

"I suppose." I didn't really have a choice. I scowled at Dumbledore, not liking the arrangement at all.

"In that case, is there anything you wished to ask me?" I opened my mouth to say no and would he please get out of my room, but a thought suddenly occurred to me.

"Headmaster, would it be possible for me to leave the castle on the weekends? I understand there is a town not far from there. I plan on returning to the States once the school year is over. I want to have enough money saved to by a portkey that can take me home and buy and apartment." I paused for a moment and added, "If I decide to stay here I'll still need money to support myself. I will not allow the Weasleys to care for me when I can provide for myself."

Dumbledore considered me over his half moon spectacles.

"That is not an unusual request." He said finally. "Certain rules will have to be enforced, but I see no reason to prevent you from working in Hosmeade. I believe the Three Broomsticks is hiring, if my sources are correct. There are a few other students who have also asked for permission to work in Hogemeade during the weekends. The war has effected many of us and we must make allowances for those who have been affected most." He got slowly to his feet, smiling at me.

"Now, if you would excuse me. I told Molly I would come down and try some of her fabulous dessert. I've heard it is absolutely wonderful. Good night, Miss Vanderhorn."

"Night. Don't let the bed bugs bite." I heard him chuckle as he shut the door.

The next time I saw Harry, I made sure to give him the Occlumency book.

"If you have any questions I'll be in my room. Dumbledore said to give this to you. It's mine so don't trash it or lose it." He just stared at the book, too surprised to say anything.

Hermione asked me where I'd gotten it and I shrugged. Ron glowered at me from his place at the scuffed kitchen table. Him and Hermione had become pretty close lately. I smirked at him and gave him a look that plainly said, 'keep your hands to yourself'. Ginny laughed and the twins seized the moment to tease 'Ickle Ronniekins'. I took advantage of the distraction and slipped back upstairs before Hermione could question me further. She was always trying to corner me lately and ask probing questions about my life. I did not welcome the attempted breech of privacy, my life was none of her business. It also bothered me how she made a point to be friendly to me in front of everyone, especially Ron. If Ron didn't like me, so what?

Soon after the meeting with Dumbledore I finished reading the book on wandless magic.

It took me awhile to determine whether or not I should chance being expelled by the ministry. I decided that with Voldemort and his Death Eaters on the loose, watching for kids using magic over the summer was the least of their worries. Besides, this house was hidden under the Fidelius Charm (A charm used to hide something or somebody from all people. The secret in question is then concealed inside the soul of the Secret-Keeper, who is the only person who knows the whereabouts of the person or item. The Secret-Keeper is the only person who can reveal the location of the hidden thing to other people.) so it was highly doubtful that the ministry would be able to track any magic I preformed back here to me.

My first attempt at unaided magic was a laugh. I don't know how many hours I sat doing nothing while I concentrated on levitating a pair of socks. When I finally managed to levitate the pair a few inches of the ground Prince jumped up and batted them out of the air, breaking my concentration. No owl arrived from the ministry that evening. I was home free.

I continued to practice wandless magic and found that it was actually very easy. It was strange at first and left me exhausted. The book said it was difficult to use your body to channel magic after becoming so dependent on a wand. However, using a wand would allow you to channel more energy than not using one. There was some major research and theory included after that, but I took the authors word on it and focused on learning the basic rudimentary skills.

Through trial and error, I eventually found the trick to it: you had to want it. It took strong emotions to evoke the magic and an inordinate amount of will to control it. If I wanted the door to close I had to be angry enough to slam it or harness that emotion and ease it shut. Eventually, I could think the incantation or merely the intent and I'd have a flame floating in my palm or weaving between my fingers. It still took concentration, but the emotions didn't have to be as strong like they had been when I began. It became easier and more natural for me to snap my fingers and conjure a flame than to flick my wand and say a spell.

One afternoon, only a day before my seventeenth birthday, I re-discovered the price of opening your heart to somebody. I'd come down to get some lunch only to walk into the middle of a heated argument between Ron, Harry, and the potions professor.

"Yes, and now he's dead because of it." Snape spat from his place near the end of the table.

"You slimy bastard!" Harry shouted, already on his feet.

"Very original." I drawled, making my way towards the counters.

"Stay out of this, you evil hag!" Ron's shout made me pause, still facing the counter.

"When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, I'll say stupidity." I told him coldly over my shoulder. I grabbed a sandwich left over from lunch and turned around to face him, highly irritated.

"I certainly hope you are sterile." I said, taking a bite out of my sandwich. As expected, his ears turned bright red and he balled his hands into fists. His eyes were screwed up with rage and I thought I saw steam coming out of his ears.

"You should slit your wrists, it will lower your blood pressure." I informed him loftily, taking another bite out of my sandwich and having a seat at the table. A sound on the other side of the door drew my attention and in that moment Ron pounced.

I was knocked out of my seat and sent tumbling to the floor. I used his own momentum against him and managed to throw him off me before scrambling to my feet. He stuck out his hand and pulled me down again. He grabbed my hair and yanked me backwards, sending me crashing into Professor Snape.

I saw a flash of fur dart from behind the kitchen door and felt my stomach drop. With a murderous scream Prince launched himself at Ron, whose eyes widened in surprise.

"WATCH OUT RON!" Harry yelled. Frozen, I watched as Ron was knocked backwards, the bloodthirsty catergys slashing savagely at his chest. I saw my pet bare his fangs and raise his head toward Ron's throat.

"Accio!" I said instantly. I held out my hands to catch the ferocious, squirming demon. I stumbled back from the impact and fell to my knees. The professor had pushed me off him and was now leaning over a bloody and moaning lump on the floor.

"RON!" The shriek came from Hermione upon entering the room. I heard several loud cracks as Remus, Tonks, and other Order members apparated into the kitchen.

It was only seconds later that my aunt and uncle showed up, white faced and panting. I saw them clutch at each other when they saw their son. Tonks sprinted to his side and examined the damaged. She had to remove his shirt with a severing charm. I let myself breath a sigh of relief when I saw the damage was not nearly as bad as I'd imagined. There were not fatal wounds of any sort although some were deep; the amount of blood everywhere had magnified the injuries.

From my place on the floor, I saw Ginny speaking to her mother rapidly. Molly's face was pale and I noticed her hands were shaking. She knelt at Ron's side, smoothing back his hair. In one swift motion she was on her feet again, looming over me.

"I believe you've done enough harm for one day. Leave us!" She shouted at me through tears. I froze in shock and confusion.

"GO!" She shoved me towards the door and I stumbled out onto the steps, nearly crushing Prince.

"I knew that thing was evil even before it set foot in this house! I never should have let her come live with us, Arthur, NEVER!" She shouted, her face a mask of tears and rage. I looked up at her and was met with accusing, grief-ridden eyes. The look nailed me where I stood, making something in my chest ache with the pain that look caused me.

"Get out." Molly gritted out into the silence that had followed in the wake of her shout. The Order members behind her cast poisonous looks in my direction. I was still for a moment, paralyzed by the hatred and rejection.

"GET OUT!"

I clenched my jaw hard, making my teeth ache. I left quickly, not wanting her to see me cry.

My head pounded and my eyes burned as tears tried to escape down my face. I wiped them away viciously as I ran up the steps. She didn't deserve my tears. None of them deserved my tears! They weren't worth crying over.

Even as I tried to convince myself that this was true, my heart called me a liar. I'd thought she liked me. I'd come to respect her and value her opinion and she...

I'd tried to help him! After all the time we'd spent together…a small hart-wrenching sob escaped me and I clasped a hand over my mouth. I took a couple deep breaths through my nose, trying to calm down.

I let out a final shaky breath and brushed the hair out of my face as I walked back to my room. I sniffed loudly and wiped my nose on the sleeve of my black shirt. My eyes were puffy and my jaw hurt from clenching it so hard.

I shut my bedroom door quietly behind me and dropped heavily into the armchair left behind from Dumbledore's visit. I ran a hand over my face and sniffed again to clear my nose. Why did Ron have to be so…stupid!

I shouldn't have let myself like her, let her get in under my defenses. I shouldn't have let a woman I've barely known for two months get to me like this! I rose and washed my face in the sink, cupping my hands to catch some of the water. My mouth was strangely dry and I drank some of the water, swishing it around first before spitting it back into the sink.

I would gladly pick up and go back home, but I couldn't. I wasn't seventeen yet and according to the ministry laws that dealt with minors I had to stay with my guardians until I was.

"Aren't you a little old to be a sixth year?" Tonks had asked me once. The answer was no, I wasn't. The Salem Witches Institute in Massachusetts started a month earlier than Hogwarts; school began on the first of August. I'd turned eleven only a few days after the dead line. If only my birthday was a little sooner! I dried my face on my shirt and wiped my hands on my blue jeans as I thought about what to do. There was no way I could face Molly again. The look she'd given me while I stood there outside the kitchen door had nearly ripped my heart out.

"Damn It! I didn't mean for any of this to happen!" I threw a glass I'd kept on my knight stand against the wall and it shattered with a satisfying crash. Perched on the edged of the bed, Prince appeared to raise a black whiskered eyebrow at me.

I sighed and gestured half-heartedly at the mess. The glass re-appeared, whole and unbroken on the floor where it remains had previously lain. I plopped down beside Prince and rested my elbows on my knees, massaging my temples.

I felt drained and sleep sounded real good. I heard someone knock on my door and I glared at it murderously. I did not want company, thank you very much. I gestured sharply with my hands, warding the door with a simple, yet very effective charm I'd learned in my third year.

"There." I rolled over and pulled one of my blankets over me. Prince purred comfortingly and curled up against me. I gave him a light squeeze, trying to imagine how I'd ever managed without his loyal, unwavering presence.

I drifted off to sleep, promising myself that we would leave this hell-hole tomorrow.

A/N:

Okay, I've made minor adjustments to this chapter--mainlyspelling and sentence structure issues. Enjoy the romantic encounter in the next chapter:)

Working on it, the author.