Dear Reader,
It is my dismal duty to inform you that all copies of the account relating to the Baudelaires unfortunate lives have fallen into the hands of my enemies or been devoured no trained sea lions. Although it is constantly my duty to search for a way to recount this sordid tale, I would highly advise you spend your time reading other stories that won't cause so much distress in otherwise happy life. Perhaps during my absence, we can pretend that the orphans took a wonderful vacation to a beautiful beach and lived happily ever after eating ice cream and crafting baskets. Even if that may never be the case and though I may never hear from you again, I must handle this task alone as I have done all along,
With All Due Respect,
Lemony Snicket