Author Note: So, I wrote this probably a month ago, but apparently I forgot about it! I was very busy with my trip. I'm now home and killing time before my job starts up again. Here's more of the Nina/Jane saga, for those of you who are still with me.
"Jane," Maura said, rushing out of the room after her.
Jane hesitated. All she wanted since Maura left was for her to come home. Now she had, she felt sick and she didn't know why. She continued her journey towards the elevator.
"Wait a moment, please."
The sorrow in Maura's voice made it all the harder. When the elevator doors appeared, closing at the very last moment before Jane reached them, she stopped. Her heart raced inside her chest. She waited for Maura to say her name again. Then turned. She bit back a retort. Maura hadn't said anything to demand it, but she felt anger rising up.
"I'm sorry about your father," she said, turning her attention to two uniformed officers having a conversation further down the corridor.
"I don't want our friendship to end this way," Maura said. She stared at Jane until she diverted her attention back to Maura's hazel eyes. A demanding sadness that overwhelmed her. She wanted to get angry, she wanted to storm away without saying a word, but she couldn't leave Maura there looking so devastated.
"Maura," Jane said, choking back tears.
"Tell me how I can make this better."
"You can't," Jane said, shaking her head. She backed into the wall, resting against it for support as she placed her hands on her knees. "You can't change what's happened."
"Are you angry at me?
She gritted her teeth. Admitting her anger would change everything. Maura would expect her forgiveness, that they would recover what had been lost. But Maura didn't just leave. She left after a huge chasm had opened up, and it continued to engulf them months later.
"Yes," Jane said, the word sneaking out before she could stop it. She glanced down at the floor, then lifted her gaze back to Maura's. She didn't want to confront her feelings, would rather do three rounds with Mohammed Ali, but she owed it to herself to be honest. "I'm furious, Maura."
"You know I had to go."
"To go, yes," Jane said. She clenched her fists, fighting the desire to punch the wall behind her. She turned, placing both palms against the plaster and focused on each difficult breath.
"Jane, please," Maura said, resting her hand on Jane's shoulder. She shrugged it away.
She turned and leaned against the wall. "You told me you weren't coming back in a letter."
"That is what this is about?"
"No, Maura," Jane said. "This is about so much more. But we have been friends for a long time. I understood why you had to go so quickly, I accepted that you may be gone for a while, and I wouldn't be able to contact you. To tell me you weren't coming back in a letter, I, I..."
"You, what, Jane?"
"I told you I love you at the airport and all you could say was 'I'll see you soon'. I don't know if you just didn't get that I was telling you I want to be with you too, or if you were too distracted by everything going on in your life. But I was telling you I would be there, Maura, the second you needed me to be. I waited for you. I waited for months, and then I got that letter. Do you know how it made me feel?"
"I, I'm sorry." Maura glanced away.
"Sorry," Jane repeated, shifting her weight from one foot the other. "It's just a word. It's a fucking useless word. I know why you went, I know you didn't know, but did I really mean that little to you? To tell me in a letter."
"I just, I couldn't, Jane," Maura stumbled over her words, her eyes fixed on Jane's.
She felt her voice crack as she spoke. "I waited for you, and you didn't come back."
The elevator doors opened. The space between them grew smaller. Maura pushed her lightly, forcing her to step sideways into the empty metal box, not stopping until Jane hit the back wall. Maura placed her hand against the wall behind Jane, imprisoning her against it. When the doors closed, she leaned forwards, against her tiptoes, and placed a chaste kiss on Jane's lips. Jane closed her eyes, allowing the moment to blow over, waiting for Maura to pull away. When the moment didn't arrive, Jane pushed her backwards.
"No," Jane said, slipping out from against the wall and pressing the button for the first floor. "It's too late. I've moved on, and I really need to go home."
"Moved on?" Maura's face fell, her hands dropped limp by her sides. The elevator began its descent.
"Yes," Jane whispered, paying particular attention to Maura's open toed, black, slim heeled shoes. Shoes she didn't recall having seen before.
"But," Maura said, her voice trailing off into the abyss.
"No, Maura," Jane said, as the elevator doors opened on the first floor. She pressed the button for the labs and stepped out, waiting for the doors to begin closing as she said her final words. "I can't do this, I can't see you. I've found someone else. It's too late."
Jane threw her keys down on the coffee table and slammed her apartment door. Eventually she would have to go back to the police station and carry on working on the case, but if Maura was going to show up again, she'd sooner run the Boston Marathon six times over whilst intoxicated. She took a glass from the kitchen sink, rinsed it off and filled it with fresh water. She sunk it down her throat, not stopping until her stomach felt bloated. When she banged the glass down on the counter, Nina appeared behind her.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Jane said, wiping excess water from her chin.
"Could have fooled me."
"Its nothing," Jane said, marching past her and into the bedroom. She stripped off her t-shirt and fumbled with the zipper on her pants.
She froze when Nina slipped an arm around her waist, turned into her embrace. Nina reached up and pressed her lips to Jane's. She responded instantly, allowing the movement of their mouths to distract her from her thoughts. Her breath caught in her throat and Nina pulled away.
"Tell me what's happened."
"You're not my girlfriend," Jane said, regretting the words the moment she said them. They were not in a relationship. They'd both made that clear from the offset. So why did it hurt Jane to state that fact?
"I'm your friend," Nina said, lifting a hand to Jane's bare shoulder.
She gritted her teeth and lowered her gaze. "Maura's back."
"Oh." Nina sounded as disappointed as Jane felt. Something lingered between them that Jane couldn't quite put her finger on. When had things become so complicated?
"She waltzes back in expecting me to see her, to talk to her," Jane said, sitting down on the edge of the bed.
"Did you?" Jane frowned. "Talk to her."
"A little. She knows how I feel."
Nina rested on the mattress beside her. "Do you think you'll work it out?"
The question was harmless but it tugged at Jane's emotions. She turned to face Nina, her eyes fixed on her dark orbs. She closed the gap, gently pressing her mouth against Nina's supple lips. When she pulled back, their eyes returned to each other. The magnetic pull of attraction lingered.
"What is this?" Jane asked, her voice croaked, her heart banged against her ribcage like a drum set.
"I don't know," Nina said, barely audibly.
"I told her I was with someone else."
"Oh."
"I didn't tell her who."
"Good."
Jane cleared her throat and stood up, slipping her pants down her thighs and kicking them off onto the floor.
"I'm having a shower," she said, trailing her eyes down from Nina's eyes, to her mouth, to between her breasts.
She smiled back and unbuttoned her shirt, following Jane into the bathroom, the last of their clothes in their wake.
Author Note: Yes, it's still a Nina/Jane story.