With a heavy sigh Jane closed the case file and dropped it on her desk. She couldn't focus anyway; she was too busy worrying over Nina's reaction to Maura's accidental revelation. She glanced across at the BRIC, the doors still closed as they had been all afternoon. Normal practice dictated they kept them open, but nobody dared disturb Nina at work. When the door finally opened, Jane jumped from her seat and watched Nina march past her, her purse over her shoulder, as she headed for the elevator. She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. Instead, she followed her into the corridor, stopped by the sight of Nina entering the elevator which Maura already occupied.
"Doctor Isles," Nina said, her voice flat.
Maura nodded her head curtly.
Jane stood frozen on the spot as the doors closed in front of her. Several pairs of eyes were watching her. A senior uniformed officer glared. A young detective licked his lips. She felt sick. Her shoulders dropped and she stared at the metal doors, silently begging for the ground the swallow her whole. She didn't want to have to deal with it, any of it, but she couldn't stop the pain that coursed through her body at the thought of losing Nina. Jane sprang for the stairs.
The elevator doors had already opened when Jane reached the parking garage. Maura stood facing Nina who stared back at her, her eyes daggered.
"You just had to do it, didn't you," Nina shouted. "You couldn't keep your mouth shut."
"I'm sorry," Maura shouted, her voice weak and laced with tears.
"You had to come back and fuck it all up again." Nina's arms fell limp at her sides. "She was doing fine without you. She was okay. Now you've fucked everything up for both of us."
The clenching of Nina's fist at her side pushed Jane into action. She rushed forwards, grasping hold of Nina, holding her still before she could do something she would regret. She fought against her, pushing her away.
"Stop, just stop," Jane shouted, standing her ground between them.
"I'm so sorry," Maura said, devastation evident in her voice.
"I know," Jane said, forging a small smile. Her desire to comfort Maura was only beaten by her need to fix things with her girlfriend. "Maybe you should go home. I'll call you later."
Maura nodded and walked away. She ran her hands through her hair, rearranging it as she took the short walk to her car. Before she could drive away, Jane turned her attention to Nina, slumped against the wall. She took in a long, deep breath and stalked across the parking garage, and dropped down beside her.
"She didn't mean to do it."
"Now you're defending her," Nina said, scoffing.
"No," Jane said. "You can't play that card. Maura didn't do anything intentional. She doesn't have an intentional bone in her body. I'm not saying she didn't do something wrong."
With a shake of the head, Nina looked into Jane's eyes for the first time. A glistening of tears covered them. Jane reached out to her hand and pulled into her grasp. She stared back, hoping that they could see past the difficult day.
"Maura didn't mean to hurt me," Nina said, yanking her hand away, her teeth gritted. "But you allowed her to talk about our relationship in BPD."
"I know," Jane said, her heart drumming so hard she could feel it in her ears. A sense of foreboding settle uncomfortably between them. "I shouldn't have brought it up. I just wanted to make sure she wouldn't tell anyone."
"And instead everyone found out."
"I didn't mean for this to happen," Jane said, her tears filling her eyes and her hands beginning to shake of their own accord.
Nina shrugged. "Was this your way of making sure I wouldn't be able to say no to you coming out?"
"No."
"Maybe you thought if you forced it on me then everything would be forgiven?"
"No, Nina."
She reached for her hand again, but Nina pulled it back.
"Don't."
"Please," Jane begged, her voice strained.
"I've been here before, Jane," Nina said, her voice even and controlled. Any hint of tears had gone. "I've been outed before and I hated it. You might be okay with it, but I'm not. I never have been."
"With being outed?"
"With being me."
"I," Jane began, but her voice trailed off.
"I don't talk about it, ever. I don't feel okay with it. I don't like people knowing because I don't want them to see it as a defining feature. I'm me, Jane. I'm just me and I don't want to have to explain that. I don't want to have to justify who I am because someone else thinks that my being bisexual means something. It doesn't. It never has done."
"I'm sorry," Jane said, reaching a hand out to Nina's and holding it tightly.
She stared down at their hands. "If people could know without anyone ever having to talk about it, I'd be okay with that. I don't want people looking, or talking, or thinking they can make comments on my relationship with you."
"If only."
Nina cleared her throat and stood up, untangling her fingers from Jane's. "I have to go."
"I'll come with you," Jane said, standing up beside her. "We could get some dinner."
"I don't think so," Nina said, shrugging her shoulders and walking away.
Jane watched her go, her heart broken into pieces inside of her chest. She rested a hand against it, desperate to fix the ache settled there. She stared at Nina, her leg shaking.
"What does this mean for us?" she asked.
Without even turning back, Nina spoke. "I don't know."
A car door slamming shut pulled Jane out of her reverie. She glanced at her watch. Time had slipped forwards. She put one foot in front of the other, slowly moving towards her car, not quite sure if her legs could carry her the distance. She buckled up and switch on the ignition, driving out onto the street and across town. She didn't stop until she pulled up outside Maura's Beacon Hill home.
"Jane," Maura said, opening the door.
"I," Jane began, her voice trailing off as she stared at Maura's sympathetic expression. Everything she planned to say, everything she thought she might say, disappeared into the silence. Jane chewed on her bottom lip. "I know I said I'd call, I hope you don't mind that it's in person."
"Not at all," Maura said, stepping to one side and motioning for Jane to enter.
"I'm sorry," Jane said, walking into the entrance. She stared around Maura's home, the furniture covered in dust sheets as though Maura had been decorating and hadn't spent the last few months overseas. "Everything's a mess."
"I really didn't mean for any of this to happen."
"I know."
"I care about you too much to hurt you." Maura walked to the fridge, pulled out a bottle of wine and poured two glasses. She placed one on top of the dust sheet covering the kitchen counter in front of Jane. "I don't have any beer."
"Wine's fine," Jane said, pouring the entire glass down her throat and pouring a second glass. "I could do with the whole bottle."
"Only if you promise me you'll let me call you a cab."
The ease with which they fell back into a conversation filled Jane with as much warmth as the alcohol coursing through her blood stream. They sat at the counter, talking about inane things, like nothing had changed. The night vanished into the past.
"It's getting late," Maura said, standing up and placing the empty glasses in the sink. "I said I'd oversee an autopsy first thing. I should get some sleep."
"Oh," Jane said, standing up. "'course."
They ambled towards the door. Maura opened it and Jane hovered in the doorway. Her head felt a little fuzzy, the buzz of the wine filled her with a sense of confidence. She stared at Maura.
"I've missed you."
"I've miss you too, Jane," Maura said, subtly pushing her out onto the path. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yeah, tomorrow," Jane said, leaning forwards. She slipped a hand around the material of Maura's blouse, tugging it gently as she leant forwards and placed her lips against Maura's.
"No," Maura said, pushing her back. "Are you trying to ruin your relationship?"
"I thought you wanted this," Jane said, frowning.
"Not like this. Not when you've had plenty to drink."
"But you love me."
"You're hurting." Maura sighed. "I assume that Nina didn't take my outing your relationship very well, rightly so. I made a mistake for which I am so very sorry. I've made multiple mistakes. If I could turn back the clock and correct them, I would do. But I can't. You moved on, you found someone who cares about you as much as I do. Don't ruin it, Jane. Don't go back to what's easy because you're too scared to fight for what you do want. I don't deserve that and neither do you. Don't make the mistakes you made with me again."
"Who says I don't want to be with you?"
"You did, Jane," Maura said. "I don't want to lose your friendship, and I hope in time you will forgive me for hurting you. But you love her, don't you? You're in love with Nina."
"I." Jane paused, analysing Maura's expression before she allowed herself to speak again. "I am."
"Then I wish you both happiness."
Jane nodded her head and walked up the path towards the waiting cab. She sat down on the back seat and watched Maura disappear as they drove off.