Jane let the door close with a click.
That felt like a date.
It really, really, did.
She turned and walked fully into her apartment, and then turned the TV on. She would need to think about that…what if it was a date?
Maybe nothing. Maybe it was, and Jane should just ignore it. She had promised to be there for Loki, that was all. She can't help how he views their time together.
But if it was…
She got herself some wine, even though it was only five o'clock. And then she took note of that. Five o'clock…if it had been a date, then he would have suggested dinner.
Nope. Not a date.
…but he had been purposeful in their outing. He had planned something that he knew she would enjoy. He hadn't really done that before. He had been deliberate in their physical proximity; they had brushed arms several times…
And Jane was reminded of the life she had, when she and Loki did seem to enjoy things together, before it all went to shit…
Well…there was that one time in particular…
"Breakfast is my least favorite meal," and Jane sat opposite him with a cup of coffee.
"But it is the most important one, is it not?" he chided, and he set the magazine down. "Jane, what are you doing with all of these magazines, anyway?"
"I'm a scientist."
"But…" he smirked, and he stopped himself. "What are your plans for the day today?"
She looked at him crookedly. "Plans?"
'Yes…you know. In anticipation of something, one sets plans."
"I don't have any plans…" she was confused.
"How about…" he looked around the room. "We order pizza and watch a film? A classic."
"A classic film?" she repeated. What…?
"Yes. I understand," he stood and went to the sofa, picking up the remote control. "That there is some sort of festival on one of these stations today. Perhaps we can enjoy one together."
"Um, alright," she sat next to him.
And it was the most fun she had ever had with him.
Jane recalled how they laughed at "Bringing Up Baby" together, how they sat rather close, without really touching…
And it occurred to her that she and Loki never really touched unless they were having sex. There was no intimacy outside of that particular activity.
Jane wasn't paying attention to the stupid movie she had on. She was too inside her head.
What did this mean? Was he playing her? Was it all just a game?
She would never forgive him if he was. Never.
It was bad enough that he totally orchestrated that afternoon at the planetarium.
Maybe he wasn't just hurt and upset and feeling alone. Maybe he was just being the dick he always was.
Jane stood now, irate.
God she was stupid. How could she have been so fucking blind?
She grabbed her jacket and headed out.
Her feet pounded the sidewalk as she seethed. She had been made a fool of yet again. God she hated him!
She hated him, because she loved him, and she knew that no matter what, he would never reciprocate. He was toying with her.
Though she had only been to Loki's apartment once, she had the address on memory. Another stupid sentimental thing she had done.
She ignored the protest of the doorman, and went to the elevators.
"Miss…I am sorry, but you'll need to…"
"Fuck off. I'm here to see Loki Odinson, and you aren't gonna stop me," she went inside the elevator, and saw the man's shocked face as he turned quickly away, no doubt to call security.
Jane smirked. Let him call.
Up to the penthouse she went and rang the bell.
Loki answered, but he was talking on his phone. No doubt to security.
"Thank you, yes. Yes she is here and I know her," he clicked it off. "Well Jane. You do enjoy making an entrance," he stepped aside so that she could enter.
"No harm in some fun, Loki," she stopped in the middle of the room and turned toward him. "What was today about?"
"I'm sorry?"
"Yeah. I bet you will need to be apologizing. But let's hold off on that for a minute. You need to tell me exactly what's going on."
"On?"
"I'm the one asking the questions! I'm sick of this…so tired…" she rubbed her face with her hands.
"You do seem tired, Jane. Care to have a lie down?"
"No!" and her hands fell. "No. I want to know what is going on, goddammit! Something is up. You don't just ask me to go to the planetarium with you! You don't just ask me questions about my life! You are up to something, I know it! Come clean, Odinson."
"Ah. We are using surnames. This must be serious. American bravado demands formality in a most informal way," he went to his kitchen. "Tea?"
Jane rolled her eyes. "Fuck you."
"Tsk tsk Jane. Such language. Wine, then?'
"Why can't you answer a simple question?"
Loki poured out some wine. "Your question is hardly simple. Thus the answer is not."
"That logic doesn't follow."
He handed her a glass. "Sit down."
"Why?"
He raised his eyebrows.
So she sat.
He was looking steadily at her, and exhaled heavily through his nostrils. "Jane Foster."
"Loki Odinson."
"You are a vision."
She smirked. "It won't work, you know. Diverting me from why I'm here through false praise…"
"There is nothing false about it. You are lovely. That was a part of why I always came back."
"I don't…"
"I love you."
Jane's heart stopped. She swallowed. "What?" she croaked.
He turned away. "I'm in love with you. I was going to wait a bit to tell you, but you are a force, and I suppose it's for the best."
"What…?"
"It all began quite some time ago now. In fact, it was some time before I realized it myself," he faced her now. "You challenge me, Jane. You are my equal in almost every way."
Jane cocked a brow. "Almost?"
"Well…you are hesitant about some things," he paused. "I wanted to illustrate to you that I have changed. That I am willing and ready to engage in an intimate relationship with you," he swallowed and nodded. "That is, in an emotionally intimate relationship. I'm not certain if I succeeded, for I wasn't quite finished, but you catch on quickly. I should have realized…"
"Loki. Are you telling me that you were…all this time…"
"Trying to show you that I am seriously pursuing a relationship with you, yes."
Her head hurt, She looked at her feet. Wasn't this what she wanted? She felt the stinging press of oncoming tears from behind her eyes.
"Jane?" his voice was close.
She looked up to find him kneeling in front of her.
On his knees.
He was searching her face.
"What?" she asked, a stupid question, really. She just needed something to say.
"What are you thinking?"
"I…"
"It mat not have been the best method, I grant you. But then, it's who I am," he took her hand.
"Loki," she sighed. Thankfully, her voice didn't crack. "I was positive that you wanted nothing to do with me. I convinced myself that you were…uninterested. And now…"
"Now?" he stood, dropping her hand.
"I don't know! This is the last thing I was expecting when I came here. I thought that you were gonna…I dunno…laugh at me and we'd yell at one another and then…"
"Then?" he sounded anxious.
"Then we'd either forget all of this happened or we wouldn't. We aren't right, Loki," and now she stood. "I can't believe that you're telling me this. I was so miserable being in love with you. You never acted like you cared at all."
"But I do care, Jane. That's what I'm trying to tell you," he swallowed. She saw.
"You have a fucked up way of showing it," though there was no venom in her voice. "You have this affair with me, me cheating on my boyfriend, your brother. You treat me like shit, basically. All logic is abandoned, and I fall in love with you. And then…then…"
"You're talking about yourself, Jane."
"I know," she spat. "That's what I know. You never opened up!"
"I am. I am now," he took a step toward her. "Jane…I know that you're angry…but…you are in love with me, aren't you? That hasn't changed, has it?" he sounded concerned.
"I dunno."
He was too late. "Surely not. You are not so fickle."
"Maybe I am. I fell in love with an asshole. Why not?"
"But…"
"No! You can't just lay this on me and then expect me to melt and we fuck and live happily ever after!" her arms were madly moving, her eyes flashing anger. "It doesn't work that way."
"Why not? If you love me…"
"But you aren't good for me…"
"…and I love you…"
"And that's another thing!" she yelled, pointing at him. "You love me! How is that possible! You treat me like your toy, and then you toss me aside!"
"I did no such thing."
"No?!" she shrieked. "Tons of other women beg to differ."
Loki curled a smirk and began to walk toward her. "Much of that was a rouse to make you jealous…" he was close. He leaned toward her…his lips along the shell of her ear. "Did it work?" he whispered, and his tongue touched the crest of her ear.
"No," she whimpered.
"Come Jane," and his hands went up her arms, his mouth gliding along her jawline. "Cease this charade. Give into your heart…"
"No," and she pulled away. "No. No," she was shaking her head. "I need to leave."
He looked helpless.
She had never seen him look that way. "I'm sorry…I need to go," and Jane turned, her shoulders slumped, and left the apartment, looking rather defeated.
It hadn't worked.
He had lost her.
Loki had lost, much the way he had lost the company, his pride…he had nothing left.
He was standing in the middle of his apartment, utterly lost and confused. How had this happened? How had he gone astray? Everything was confusion now…he had been so certain.
And Loki went to his leather recliner, looking out onto the Manhattan skyline, and sat. He sat and he sighed.
The fact that Jane was so close to accepting his love made him mad with grief at his failure. He had been so close! To not have it, to be denied her mind when he had tried so hard…
It was for naught. She didn't want him. He would be forced to mingle with call girls for the rest of his life. He didn't want anyone else, for no one had the power nor the wit to challenge him. Make him laugh.
Feel loved…
…the way Jane did.
And he was alone.
Loki unbuttoned his shirt and sunk deeper into the chair. He was a fool. No one would ever love him enough to succumb to it utterly.
He was too much of a villain to deserve that sort of attention.
Jane entered her apartment and sighed, tears running down her face in a steady stream.
She went to her freezer.
Damn. No ice cream.
She slammed the door closed and decided to go to bed.
What else can a girl do who just found out that the man she love reciprocates but she knows that it will never work so she left him for good?
She goes to bed.
And dreams of him.