"How…how long has this been going on?" Rosalie spat, gesturing between Esme and me.
"Rose I promise…" Esme began, before she was cut off.
"Whoa, babe," Emmett pulled her back, "I think the question here is, why did it take so long for this to happen? Why to go C-Man!" he lifted his hand for a high-five.
I placed my head in my hand, "For the love of everything holy, Emmett, will you please stop calling me that!"
"So are you guys like dating now?" Alice speculated.
"Sure did take long enough," Jasper mumbled to his bride.
"No, no. We are NOT dating," Esme corrected. Ouch, ok, that kind of ruined my mood.
"So what?" Edward looked at us with confusion, "You're just doing it?"
"OHHHH," Emmett boomed, "Friends with Benefits! FWB! FWB!"
"Shut up, Emmett!" Rosalie snapped with anger.
"No, were not just doing it, either," I sighed, making my way toward the liquor cabinet, with the love of my life following close at my heels.
"Then what are you doing? Because friends just don't say stuff like that to other friends," Bella folded her arms, and looked at the two of us as if we were children.
I looked to a nervous Esme, and I poured two stiff cocktails. Her wide doe eyes looked to me to give an answer. Typical Esme, coming up with crazy schemes and using me, her most sane friend, to convince everyone else she wasn't clinically insane. I took a sip of my drink, which was definitely not strong enough for this conversation. I swallowed hard and took a deep breath.
"Everybody, just sit down," good, good this would buy me, at least thirty seconds of time.
"Well…" Bella nodded for me to continue.
"Alright," I began, "I know you all are going to think were crazy but…"
"Did you guys just get married in a court house?" Rosalie jumped up from the couch, ready to attack!
"No, Rose, no," I tried to calm her down.
"Because, I swear, if you married my best friend without me there, I would rip you…"
"Dammit, Rosalie, I want a baby!" Esme yelled in frustration.
"A what?" Everyone seemed to reply in unison.
"Surprise!" I shouted, "We're making a baby!" I down my drink and began to fix myself another.
"Are you serious? That's it…Why didn't you tell me," Rosalie's gaze softened as she clung to her best friend's side.
"Because I hadn't talked to Carlisle about it yet, and he's kind of the most important part of my plan," and there was the confidence again, "Also, I didn't want you to think I was crazy."
"Oh, honey, you are crazy," the blonde sighed, "But you've handled your own crazy for years! If this is what you want, and he's ok with your idea, then go for it."
"So wait," Edward stood up, "Let me get this straight, you're literally just going to have sex to make a child. That's so…so…"
"Irresponsible," his brunette wife rolled her eyes in disapproval.
"Excuse me! We're being irresponsible?" I turned to the couple whose lack of proper protection resulted in them having a child before the end of their senior year.
"It's a bit radical, don't you think," Edward gave me a similar glare.
"Hey," Emmett stood behind me, "We are their best friends. We shouldn't be judging their choices just because they aren't ours! If Esme wants to give the Doc a few nights of unwrapped, bedroom playtime, I'm all for it! They're just making a baby, and as we all know, babies are the best, I'm Pro-Friendship-Baby!"
"Thank you, Emmett!" I returned the high five he offered earlier. At least someone was supportive of the fact that I was going to get laid.
"Well, wait how would this work," a very silent Jasper finally spoke up, "I mean, as in parenting the child."
"Are you going to do like a co-parenting thing?" A chipper Alice chimed in, "I know a few divorced couples at the day-care are trying to do that! It's hard for them because you know, resentment of a failed marriage, but you guy love each other, so it could totally work for you!"
"Thank you for the advice, Alice" Esme grinned, "We really haven't workout all of the details yet."
"I'll probably just act as an uncle," I began to explain, "You know, so not to confuse the child."
"This child is going to be confused, no matter what," Bella sighed, "What happens when the child wonders who its father is?"
"I hadn't really thought about that…" Esme spoke quietly.
"Honestly, do you ever think anything through?" Bella began her usual routine of questioning.
"I'm sorry," I reared my head back, "But, honestly Bella, this doesn't even involve you. Esme didn't ask you for a baby. She asked me. I agreed, to this, bizarre request…well…because she's my best friend. And I would do anything for her. I wouldn't be helping her if I thought this were an incapable task for her. Esme is the most loving person I know, and any child would be lucky to have her as a mother. She would love that baby so much it wouldn't need two parents!"
"Do you think, physiologically, that this would be a healthy environment to bring a child into? There are so many different questions this child is going to need answers too," Edward came to mediate the argument and defend his wife.
"The child in question doesn't even exist yet," I sighed exasperated, "And when it does exist and ask questions, I have faith that Esme will come up with the best solution. She's not stupid, or crazy, or in the wrong, she just doesn't have a traditional way of getting what she desires most. Not all of us found love in college."
"I sometimes forget that," Alice whispered, "Since were always together, I just always couple you two up. It would be weird if either of you two had a baby with anyone else at this point. I'm on board."
"Ya, and the baby will prevent outsiders from breaking our little circle, even if you guys aren't together," Jasper chuckled, "I could get on board with this too."
"You guys can't be serious," Bella replied flabbergasted.
"Darling, I don't think there's a way of convincing them otherwise," Edward shrugged, "If this is truly what you want, Esme, I'll support your decision."
"Come on Bells!" Emmett prodded her side, "It's just a baby! Its tiny and cute, how bad could it be?"
There was a long pause, "Fine, but no one better get screwed over in this process!" she smirked, "I like this group of people too much!"
We all came together for a hug, just like always. After the baby fiasco ended, the surprise party took full swing, with pictures, stories and life updates, of the people I knew best. Esme sat next to Rose, beaming the entire time as they squealed about the baby. I only wished I could make her as happy as this baby idea did. As the night drug on, they began to leave. I stayed behind to help clean up the mess that was left. It was quiet, very very, quiet.
"Thank you, for what you said back there," the most beautiful voice almost sang from across the room, "I really appreciate it!"
I felt a smile form on my lips, "You don't need to thank me, like I said I'd do anything for you."
"Anything?" Esme cocked an eyebrow.
Oh Lord, it was starting again! Thank Heaven above!
"Yes, anything does mean…anything!" I laughed.
She walked up, and cuddled her body into mine, "Would you go home so I could get some sleep, before work tomorrow?"
Shit. Really!?
"Of course," I sighed with a fake smile as she walked to the door, "Goodnight Esme."
"Goodnight Carlisle," she gave me a hug, before once again pulling her body to mine, "I'll be waiting for you after your shift," her words oozed fake seduction, as she closed the door with a giggle.
Well, this was going to be a fun drive home…