"Ooh... Oooooh... What happened to me? What is this place?"
"Bleh heh heh heh heh. Oh, you're awake princess!" A menacing voice called out in the darkness.
"... Huh?" Princess Peach let her eyes adjust to the light and let out a sudden gasp of shock. Bowser was in a tux! She was in a dress! And they were standing at... a wedding altar?
"BOWSER!" A voice from below interrupted her train of thought. At the bottom of the stairs were hundreds upon hundreds of Bowser's minions, all hailing him as he turned around and soaked up their praise. Peach turned her attention to a floating, cloaked figure, adorned in a monocle and top hat. She got an unsettling feeling when she looked at him.
"Wha-What's going on here?!" she cried. Then, another floating figure appeared! A woman with orange glasses and her pink hair pulled back in a tight bun. She fixed her glasses as she addressed the other. "Count! Yeah, um, 'K, so preparations are complete..." she spoke so quickly it was hard for Peach to keep up with what she was saying. The count faced her. "Mmm... Then it shall be begun... by Count Bleck!" Was he talking in the third person? The woman gave him a quick nod and they turned toward Bowser.
"Bowser... Ferocious and fearsome, evil king of Koopas..." Count Bleck said as church bells began to chime, "Do you take Peach to be your lawfully wedded wife 'til your games be over?" Bowser let out a laugh that sickened Peach. "Bwah ha ha! Will I marry Peach? Are you kidding me? The answer's YESSSSSSSS!" Count Bleck quickly turned to her. "Princess Peach... noble princess, pure of heart..." he continued, "Do you take Bowser to be your lawfully wedded husband 'til your games be over?"
That's it! Peach started telling the so called 'count' off. "Now, wait just a second!" she said quite loudly, "You will explain to me what is going on...RIGHT NOW!" The count spread out his arms as if it were obvious. "Bleh heh heh heh heh... Is it not obvious? This is your wedding, Princess!" he chuckled. Peach tried to process what he was saying. "But... why in the WORLD am I marrying Bowser?"
Bowser let out loud guffaw, which annoyed Peach even more. "Hey, no gripes from THIS side of the altar, Bleck 'ol boy! I don't get the details, but the count here has gone to a lot of trouble planning this!" So, Bowser was just a pawn. Peach would feel bad for him if he wasn't so happy about it. "Just relax!" he told her, "We'll get married, we'll be in love, it'll be awesome! Finally!"
Peach was overwhelmed with indignation. "No! And who picked this dress out? It's AWFUL!" Kidnapped or not, the dress they put on her was a crime of fashion! "Take me back to my castle immediately!" As she finished, Peach was suddenly hit by a blast of magic energy. It knocked the breath out of her and caused her to collapse. She suddenly found that she was pinned down, unable to get up. Red beams zoned in on her and it was too difficult to speak.
"Yeah, um, being rude to the esteemed Count is kind of frowned on, 'K?" Peach recognized the voice of the spectacled woman from before. Was she the one doing this? "So, yeah, Princess Peach, I'm gonna need you to answer the Count now... Do you, Peach, take Bowser to be your lawfully wedded husband 'til your games be over?" Peach felt the urge to do just that! This woman was trying to control her! But she wouldn't let her. "Uhn... Nuh... No..." It hurt so much to refuse, the pain was unbearable!
By now, even Bowser seemed to be freaking out. The spectacled woman seemed unfazed. "Gee... You sure are a fighter. But yeah, no one withstands my super-hypnosis, sorry. 'I do.' Say it now, 'K?" Another wave of compulsion washed over her, a million times worse than the first. It was too hard, she was too tired to fight back.
"Oooh... Ooooh oh... I... I... do..."
The ground shook and a piercing black glow started to emerge from the alter. "WHA-WHAT?!" It was Bowser, who stood, dumbfounded, watching everything unfold. It seemed that he was just realizing that the Count had taken advantage of him. His minions murmured amongst themselves, wondering what was going on. But, deep in the crowd of Goombas and Koopas, a certain green clad plumber was just coming to.
Luigi awoke very confused, surrounded by a very loud crowd of his usual enemies. He looked from side to side. "What in the world... Eh? What am I doing here?" As he looked up, he saw a familiar face. "Huh? Is that... Princess Peach over there? And that guy is... HEY!" He recognized Bowser, and that was all he needed to get into fighting mode!
The black glow emitted by the altar slowly rose to reveal an inky, black heart. Anyone near enough could feel the power it radiated. Count Bleck opened his arms and grinned wickedly as his cape flowed behind him. "BLEH HEH HEH HEH HEH! BLECK!" he laughed, "Yes, all precisely as written in the Dark Prognosticus! Already it is unleashed! The Chaos Heart!" The spectacled woman beside him wore a blank expression as she told him, "Oh, yeah, um, congratulations Count..."
"HALT!" An unexpected voice interrupted their evil rant for a moment. Luigi jumped up the stairway and glared at the evildoers. Count Bleck hardly grimaced. "And just who are you? ...asked Count Bleck." he said. Luigi retorted angrily, "Oh, no! I don't give my name to scoundrels! Just watch as Luigi punishes you for your badness!" They talked as if they were playing the 'Third Person Game'. "HERE I GO!" Luigi practically announced.
Count Bleck's spectacled assistant actually looked a tiny bit worried. "Yeah, I'm gonna need you to stop right this second, 'K? If you interrupt this now..." Luigi disregarded her and leapt forward, stomping both Bowser and the Chaos Heart as he made his way over to the unconscious princess. "Here's where Luigi rescues Princess Peach!" he said proudly. But as he looked back over to the Chaos Heart, it seemed to be reacting badly. "Eh?" was the last sound heard as everything became engulfed in blinding white light. Everything was silent...
The Chaos protruded from the light, as did Count Bleck, his spectacled assistant, and a mysterious book, The Dark Prognosticus. "Um, yeah, so are you alright Count?" His assistant asked, a hint of worry in her voice. The Count brooded in his fury. "Fools... Pointless acts like these will earn you only pain... from Count Bleck!" He seemed to regain some composure and continued, "Very well. As the Chaos Heart is secured, this ragtag group now lacks use." "Um, so, yeah Count... This means you can turn to a new page of dark prophecies..." his assisted suggested.
Bleck spread his arms, willing the book to do his bidding. "Open your mouth, darkness!" he proclaimed, "Consume everything and destroy all worlds, as told in the prophecy! BLECK!" The Chaos Heart flashed twice, then engulfed everything in its glow.