My Yearning Heart

Chapter 17

Me and My Thoughts

Yang couldn't contain her joy. A bright smile emerged on her face as she jumped into my arms. I was completely caught off guard that I nearly fell out of my chair. After a few seconds of that, I pulled her off and tried to keep things professional.

"But I really have to see you try. You can't slack off thinking that high school doesn't mean anything."

"Of course, I promise to not let you down. I will graduate and I know I'll still love you." I smiled and walked to the door. I unlocked it and took a sigh of relief.

"Alright, get to class." She sprang onto her feet and ran out the door, kissing me on the cheek during the process. For some reason, my face turned all red when it happened. I tried to tell her that that wasn't allowed, but she didn't care. She just strolled on and disappeared from sight. For the rest of that day, things were quiet.

When school ended, I closed up shop and made my way to the front of the school where Blake was waiting for me. This made me very happy since the day before was a lot different. I met up with her and she took my hand as we walked home together. Even though it was just one day, it felt like we haven't done this in a long time. She went on about how school was fun and how her classes were easy. For me, that was all I needed to hear. The sound of Blake's voice was so soothing that I could just melt away in peace.

Once we got home, I put my things and started to prepare dinner. Out of nowhere, Blake walked up behind me and volunteered to help out. I was shocked at first. Usually, Blake never wants to cook. I guess it was our separation that is making her do this. Honestly though, who cares? She can help me all she wants. I'm just glad that we're together again. With her help, dinner was prepared in record time. We sat down at our usually spots and enjoyed a lovely dinner. One night alone really does things to you. It felt like I was in a completely different universe.

After dinner was over, we said our good nights to each other and did our usual things before sleeping the day away. I immediately took a shower since I wasn't able to yesterday. I stepped into the nice, hot shower and tried to forget everything that had happened to me, but it was definitely a harder task than it seemed. How could I forget about what happened?

I met my ex-husband out of nowhere. He was an alcoholic which means bad news. He wanted to see Blake which I couldn't allow in his current condition. He even attempted to make me his again.

That last thought caused me to lose my cool and nearly fall onto the floor of the shower. Luckily, I was able enough to stay on my feet. I looked down and took a deep breath. That's when my injury became apparent again. I almost forgot about it. I examined it carefully and saw that the stitches were starting to already absorb into my body. I tried touching it, but it ended up stinging when I got near it. As I touched it, the image of him stabbing me came up which knocked me off of my feet. I sat there on the ground in shock. That really did happen. It's still surprising that I made it through alive. He was a changed man. Why did things have to turn out like this?

After a few more minutes, I finished up my shower and dried off my body. I walked towards the mirror while wrapping my towel around my body and another one around my hair. I wiped the mirror of fog and stared at my reflection when another thing came to my head.

I will return your feelings.

Did I really mean that, or was that just a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing? I placed my hands on the counter and continued to look at my reflection. From the outside, it appeared like I had closure on the situation, but on the inside, things were even more jumbled up. If I were to keep my word, how could I possibly hold up my part of the agreement? Even if she wasn't a minor, our age gap would just be too much. How can she love someone like me? I'm old and worn out. What does she see in?

At that moment, I removed the towel from my hair and body and examined myself. My hair was still pretty wet so that didn't look attractive. On the other hand, my body itself wasn't in that bad of a condition. Like Blake said, I had a pretty good hourglass figure. My breasts weren't too big and I was healthy, but still, what could I possibly offer to that girl?

I'm not special. My prime years are behind me now. I would only slow her down. She's young and still has a lot left to experience. I've just dug myself into a hole now. What should I do? It's not like I hate her or anything. Is it right for someone like me to fall for someone like that? I honestly don't even know her.

I took another deep breath as I got into my pajamas and made my way to the bed. Before getting tucked in, I stared at the humungous bed and had that flashback of when I was hung over as Yang was kissing me right before I came to. I shook my head and slapped my cheeks. Why am I thinking of that? That's just outright irresponsible of me. I can't think of my students like that. At least not right now. I walked over to the side of the bed and fell right on top of it. Even I hit my face against the soft surface, it more than expected. I stayed in that position for a few minutes before turning over and pressed my hand to my heart.

Do I even know what love is anymore?

End of Chapter 17