My Yearning Heart

Chapter 18

School's Finally Over

The school year was finally over and all that was left was graduation. Every year, the graduating class picks a handful of faculty to join them during the ceremony and I don't know why, but I was chosen to walk with them. I was just the school nurse, but apparently, a lot of them liked me enough to have me join them on their very special day. It was sad to see them go, but they were ready to take their next step in their lives. After that, I packed up my room and made my way home for the summer.

Initially, I planned to spend most of the summer with Blake, but I got a call from my mom saying that she wanted to spend some time with Blake. At first, I was saddened that Blake was being taken away from me, but then I got even madder when I realized that she didn't even want to see me, her own daughter. However, it was no big deal. Blake loved her grandmother so I didn't object at all. We packed her things and I took her to the airport. It made me happy when Blake asked if I was going to be alright, but pushed her towards her gate and reassured that I'd be fine. She gave me one last kiss and got on her plane. It was sad to her go, but I could hold onto her forever.

On the way home, I decided to take a little detour. There was nothing waiting for me at home so going out would be a better option. However, the only thing that worried me was seeing him again. It was scary to think about, but then again, what were the odds of that actually happening? To keep things simple, I went to Great Times Bar in hopes that Cinder would be there. I barge through the door and see her at her usual place.

"Hey Cinder." She turned her head with a glass in hand.

"Hey Alex. Long time no see. How have you been?"

"I've been alright. Nothing too special. What about you?"

"Eh, can't complain. Come on in and have a drink." I had no intention of drinking since that one time nearly killed me. I simply asked for a glass of water and tried to open up to her like I usual do when I go there. "So what's up? I haven't seen you around here lately."

"Well, you know, school just ended so I was pretty busy near the end of the year."

"Ah, of course. The lives of teachers can be real taxing." She took another drink.

"Haha, I can see you've had quite a bit to drink."

"Hey, I know how to budget myself. But in all honesty, I respect teachers. You guys have to put up with a lot of crap from your students while trying to motivate them to do something with their lives. That's definitely something only a few people in this world can do. I applaud you." She raised her glass to me and I returned the gesture.

"Thank you. I really appreciate that." We drank our drink and slammed our glasses on the table.

"Alright. Enough of the boring talk. How are you and Yang doing?" I cowered away at the sound of her question. How did she know about that? I mean, I knew that she and Yang were close, but did Yang really have to blab about what went on between us?

"Um, I guess you could say that I cleared the air."

"Oh really? Would you mind giving me any details on the matter?"

"For the past few months, I really started to notice that Yang was really having a thing for me. However, I also noticed that she was being completely honest. She told me that she loved me and only me. I found it a little hard to believe since there were so many other people she could fall in love with. Things eventually happened and she truly confessed her love to me. In the spur of the moment, I told her that by the time she graduates and still feels the same way about me that I would return her feelings."

"That's great!"

"I don't know."

"What are you talking about?"

"I kind of said that to make her feel better. She's been kind of down because of the things I said to her and I just didn't want her to be sad anymore."

"So you were lying?"

"No, of course not. It's just that… I don't know how this will affect us.

"Meaning?"

"She loves me and that's obvious. She even tried to have sex with me."

"Oohhh, how did that go?"

"It didn't. I stopped her before we could."

"Aww, how could you do that? You gotta get the goods."

"Shut up."

"So what went wrong? Was it you? Her?"

"It was me. It's been so long since I've been touched like that before that I panicked. I didn't really know what I was doing, but I did know that I wasn't ready. I still don't know a lot about her and I wasn't really comfortable with allowing my body to belong to her."

"Hmm, I see. That's a very logical response. I don't blame you at all. You know how to handle things very well."

"Haha, I don't think so. The more and more this thing goes on, the more I feel I'm being pulled into a black hole where I can't see anything inside of it. It scares me. Sometimes it feels right and sometimes it feels wrong. I'm pretty sure I shouldn't be having this kind of conflict. What should I do? I don't want this uneasiness to last until her graduation." Cinder was silent for the first time of the night. She was thinking about what I said, and it really made me feel good that this woman cared about me enough to help me out with this kind of thing.

"When was the last time you went on a date?"

"Huh?"

"A date. You know what those are, right?"

"I'm not stupid. Of course I know what a date is. It's just that that was such a random question that it took me by surprise."

"Well, when was the last time you went on one?" I was so hesitant to answer her question because the answer was so embarrassing.

"Like 18 years ago when I met my husband." She tried holding her laugh, but it was just too hard. She nearly fell out of her chair when I told her. "Thank you very much for understanding."

"Oh my gosh, I'm sorry. I meant no offense. It's alright. We all work at our own pace."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Don't worry about it. Anyway, I think I have a plan." I starting to worry about where this was heading. "You say you don't know Yang at all, right?" I nodded my head. "But you also said that she genuinely loves you." I nodded my head again. "Okay, so let's do this. I'll have Yang ask you out on a date and that's when you can decide if it's right for you to believe this girl." I nearly exploded.

"Are you kidding me? You want me to go on a date with a high school girl?"

"Hey, it's the only way for you to feel more secure about this. I don't like the idea of you being loved by someone you don't even know so this is the best thing we can do."

"But… It's been so long. I'm not even sure if I even know what to do on a date."

"Don't worry about that. I'm sure Yang will handle everything. All you have to do is observe and see if she is what you want her to be. If she's not, you can straight up tell her that you can't be the person she wants you to be. I'm sure she'll understand."

"Cinder, why are you doing this?"

"To be honest, I don't have a lot of friends, and I want to make sure that my one friend as the best life she can possibly have." At that moment, I had a thought. This world isn't so bad after all. There are people in the world that are just genuinely good people and I was thankful enough to meet one. I leapt at her and wrapped my arm around her.

"Thank you for listening to me and understanding me."

"Of course. We ladies gotta stick together." I couldn't help but laugh. In a sense, we were very similar. I didn't have a lot friends so spending time with her made me feel relevant again.

End of Chapter 18

Ending Note: This is an honest question and I would appreciate to hear from you guys. I've been hesitant in putting a sex scene between Yang and Alex. What do you guys think? I already have the rest of this story planned out. I just want to hear what you guys have to say.