Title: Blue-eyed Angel, 7/?
Author: Goddess Evie
Date: June 8, 2012
Category: JJHR, Angst
Summary: Another sleepless night. Time to go see the therapist.
Disclaimer: I do not own JQ. I make no money off this story. I am only using the characters for my own unique story. I also do not own "perfect", it is owned by Flyleaf. I merely use the lyrics to enhance my humble writing and pay a little homage to such talented musicians.
Author's Notes: I am so on a roll! Or I'm really addicted to getting praise from you guys. ^_^ Sometimes I forget that if I start writing a chapter, something, eventually, will come. And since I have SO MUCH TIME right now, I can do that more often and get you guys more chapters. I told myself that I would get into the actual therapy sessions no matter how long this chapter ended up being, but then found a great stopping point, so those will be next chapter.
Chapter 7: And how can you look at me, when I can't stand myself.
Race was used to early mornings, but usually after a decent night's sleep. For the second night in a row, Jessie refused to sleep in her room. She changed into her pajamas and then dragged her blanket, pillow and Jonny's shirt down to the rec room. This time Race checked on her, and when he asked if she'd like his company tonight, she nodded at him though she'd been looking elsewhere. The empty look on her face told that she wasn't looking forward to another night of sleeping.
Or more specifically another night of dreams.
Race made his makeshift bed on the floor by the couch. Bandit was nowhere to be seen, but Race guessed that the little dog had picked up on Jonny's traumatization and was probably sticking close to his master.
Despite knowing that he was absolutely exhausted, Race couldn't fall asleep. He was waiting for Jessie's nightmares to start, but he also couldn't stop thinking about Jonny and the murder charge. And Benton bringing up his wife. Where had that come from? In the nine years Race had lived with the Quests, this made no more than half a dozen times that Rachel Quest had ever been mentioned. It showed just how worried Benton truly was.
Race suddenly realized he'd failed to call Estella that day to check on her progress. He'd been too wrapped up in Jessie and Jonny and trying to keep an eye on the news, both on the actual reporters camped outside the main gate and the stories airing on the news stations (without Jonny or Jessie seeing), and keeping up with Mr. Fitzmichael's updates via Benton.
Race really would have liked to sleep. After learning to get by on catnaps on some pretty high risk missions before ever meeting the Quests, he thought nothing could ever keep him from sleeping, but he'd been proven so wrong by one ordinary boy.
Not for the first time Race hoped Zach Ellis knew just how lucky he was to be dead already.
The first of Jessie's nightmares woke her screaming and clawing at the air around her later than Race would have guessed. She must have been fighting sleep to avoid them. He was up beside her in a flash, trying to talk her down from her visions with words only at first, and when that failed, by gently holding her wrists only long enough for her to see her true surroundings. He let go the instant he saw the recognition in her eyes.
After a moment her gaze drifted to her father as he continued to softly comfort her with soft shushing. She met his eyes with her own watery stare for only a moment before it locked onto something behind him and she instantly pulled her blanket up to her chin and looked away from whatever she saw.
That was when Race realized that he hadn't been the only one to react to Jessie's agonized screaming. He turned around to the sight of Jonny standing in the doorway looking ready to kill someone. Literally looking capable of killing. Race never thought he'd ever think that about Jonny. Jonny who had always shied away from killing, even when it would have been justified. That Jonny now stood with his fists clenched, his eyes darting around the room, his mouth pressed into a line so tight his lips were almost completely hidden and his broad shoulders moving up and down in rhythm with his exaggerated breathing.
Hadji and Benton stood on either side of him, trying to calm him. Bandit trotted around behind him, distressed and unsure what to do, but ready to jump into action should his master need him.
Then Jessie whimpered, "Make him go away, please."
Race hoped Jonny hadn't heard that. Or Benton and Hadji for that matter.
Race crossed the room to Jonny and with a hand on his chest tried to push him out of the rec room. Jonny wouldn't budge. In fact, he looked at Race like he'd tear his body guard apart without a second thought in order to keep Jessie safe. Race shared a glance with both Hadji and Benton, but both looked as helpless to diffuse the situation.
Race stared Jonny straight in his blue eyes and stated, "Jonny, listen. Jessie is fine. She's not being attacked. No one can get to her. I set the security system to its highest levels."
Jonny didn't back down and Race wondered if the boy had even heard him. In this state, so focused on Jessie and her safety, were Race's words even registering with him? Jessie whimpered again, audibly for all four men to hear, and Jonny leaned forward towards her. Race pushed him back again, managing to deter his forward momentum even if he couldn't get him to back away.
"It was just a dream, Jonny. She's reacting to a dream."
Jonny's eyes spasmed and for a moment he actually seemed to see Race.
"She just needs her space. Can you give that to her?"
Race watched Jonny's gaze as it flickered between him and Jessie behind him curled up on the couch and trying to shield herself with her blanket. After a tense 30 seconds during which Race was afraid he was going to have to physically remove Jonny from the vicinity-something he'd like to avoid for Benton and Hadji's sake as much as for Jonny's-Jonny finally relaxed. He closed his eyes and allowed his father and brother to pull him away, though not without looking over his shoulder in the direction of the rec room the entire time. Bandit followed, eyes only for his master.
Race turned back to Jessie and approached her.
"You okay Ponchita?"
"No. I can't do this."
"Hey, you'll get through this. Just like you always do."
Jessie shook her head. "I can't fight this." She started crying.
Race didn't respond. He knew exactly how she felt. Any bad guy that came after her he could punch or shoot. But how did you fight off a nightmare or the memories that caused them?
Race settled himself on the floor with his back against the couch. He stared at his hands as he thought about what he could say to his daughter.
"This is merely a different kind of fight," he finally said.
"So, what, there's some kind of mental judo you can teach me?"
Her remark came out biting, almost accusing, but Race didn't let it affect him. He was starting to get good at not taking her cruel remarks personally.
"I can't teach you that. But perhaps when you see Dr. Goodwyn tomorrow, she can help."
Race turned his head to look at Jessie. She'd been watching him, but she averted her eyes. She made no response to what he'd said. After a moment she turned on her side and pulled her blanket over her shoulder to block him out.
"Race?"
Benton stood in the doorway. Race rose and joined him out in the hall. Benton paced for a few moments to collect his thoughts. Race stood absolutely still as he waited for the doctor. Eventually Benton came to a stop just in front of Race. He spoke in hushed tones, afraid of what ears might be listening.
"The next time Jessie wakes screaming from another nightmare, we're gonna have the same situation. And every time she wakes screaming."
"I know. It'll probably be best if we keep them as separated as possible for the night. And you and Hadji should stay with him. That way you can intercept him a little quicker and keep him away."
"We intercepted him at the top of the stairs," Benton stated incredulously. "It didn't do much good."
"Make up a room for yourselves up on the third floor on the other side of the house. Initiate IRIS' soundproofing technology. Do whatever you have to do to keep him from hearing her. Otherwise they're both just going to get even more agitated each time it happens."
"Even with the state he's in, he still wants to protect her," Benton commented absently.
Race raised his eyebrows at the doctor. He feared how close to home that realization was striking. He decided to steer Benton away from that train of thought.
"We're just going to have to hope that Dr. Goodwyn is as good as we've been led to believe."
Benton didn't answer, so Race added.
"You ready for a long night?"
This time he got Benton's attention. The man glanced at Race as he pulled his mouth in tight in direct imitation of Jonny. Then Benton turned and headed up the stairs and to his sons.
At the first sign of light Jessie decided she was done trying to sleep and thus so did Race. Jessie sat up on the couch nestled in her blanket and grabbed the remote for the TV. Race left the room and as soon as he was out of Jessie's range of hearing ordered IRIS to block any news channels and shows. Then he headed to the kitchen where he started a pot of coffee and sat down with a laptop to check the compounds security system.
Everything was running smoothly. The news teams had left and Race prayed they'd stay away. He agreed with Benton. The last thing Jonny and Jessie needed was a bunch of aggressive reporters shooting questions at them without any care to the damage they were causing. And Race meant what he'd said in response. He'd call Detective Dougan to have the police come clear them out.
Race checked for any perimeter breaches next. Of course, anything even half the size of an average human would've set off the alarms immediately, but Race checked all the same. Apparently some of the news vans had stayed pretty late into the night because they were plenty of pings at the front gate and surrounding area. A few more from along the beach and cliff faces, which Race chalked up to sea gulls. Nothing he saw raised an alarm.
Before shutting down Race initiated a call to Estella. He quickly calculated the time difference as the phone rang, afraid he'd wake her in the middle of the night. Then he realized that she wouldn't care.
"Sorry I didn't call you yesterday, Stell," he opened with when she answered. "Jonny came home and things were…hectic."
Estella looked relieved to see his face. "Not gonna lie, Roger, I was worried. But I understand. How's Jessie? And Jonny? And everyone?"
"The only thing that's different is that we're all extremely tired on top of everything else."
Race took a moment to detail Jessie's nightmares and her reactions to them along with the effect it had on Jonny.
"Luckily, whatever precautions Benton took worked. Jessie woke up screaming another half dozen times at least, but Jonny didn't come running."
Estella stared at Race with her hands gripped together. "How did Jonny's homecoming go? Did that help at all?"
"It made things worse, actually. All Jessie could talk about was Jonny coming home. And she was so mad at me that he'd been arrested. But when he finally arrived, she ran away from him and she refuses to be anywhere near him. Benton and I haven't the slightest clue why she's so…afraid of him."
"And we won't until she's ready to talk about it."
"Well, they're going to see the therapist this afternoon."
"Don't expect miracles, Roger. It might be a while before either of them are able to talk about it."
"We're just hoping to get Jonny to say anything," Benton cut in from where he was pouring himself a cup of coffee.
He moved to stand behind Race so Estella could see him and handed Race a full mug as well.
"You two cannot survive on coffee alone," Estella scolded immediately. "You need to eat. On a regular basis."
"Mrs. Evans has made it her sole focus to keep us all well fed," Race assured.
"Or at least fed. I don't know about the well part, but she does her best," Benton amended, then immediately asked, "How soon will you be able to get here?"
"It'll take a good day of flying. There's no commercial flight straight from Peru to Maine."
"Then scrap the commercial flights. I'll have one of the Quest jets sent out to get you."
"Thank you, Benton," Estella replied reverently.
Benton nodded. "I'll go get that taken care of right now. I'll email you the itinerary. See you when you get here."
Benton walked out.
"Sometimes I forget just how strong that man is," Estella commented.
"You want to talk to Jessie?" Race asked.
"She awake?"
"More often than not. Hold on. I'll get her."
Race jogged back to the rec room to let Jessie know her mother wanted to talk to her. Jessie climbed out of her blanket cocoon, but she held Jonny's shirt behind her back as she followed Race back to the kitchen. Usually Race allowed his daughter her privacy when she talked to Estella, but now he lingered, refilling his coffee cup, acting as if he were scrounging for breakfast. Neither Jessie or Estella chased him away.
Estella did most of the talking. Jessie's answers were all short. Still they were answers. Estella kept the conversation on safe topics, which meant it didn't last long. In less than ten minutes Jessie bid goodbye to her mother and left the kitchen.
Race took her seat. "Get here soon."
"As soon as possible."
Calling the police ended up being necessary. The local news teams returned early in the morning and they were joined by crews from some of the national news sources. Race was honestly surprised it had taken the national crews so long to show up. Detective Dougan came out with the squad to run the news crews off and also headed the police escort into town.
Race drove separately with Jessie. More than the fact that she refused to be anywhere Jonny was, Race didn't think she'd handle being in such a small space with the whole family. She didn't even sit up front with Race. She shoved herself into the corner of the back seat opposite the driver side, hugging Jonny's shirt.
Race followed Benton and the boys in the Quest van. Police vehicles with their lights on preceded and followed them. Race constantly checked his mirrors both to keep an eye on his surroundings as well as on Jessie.
The drive took too long. Navigating through town with such a caravan slowed them down. Race didn't complain, though. He figured Detective Dougan was doing everything he could now since he'd been unable to stop Zach. At least Race knew that's how he'd feel in that position.
"I'll stay here with a couple of squad cars in case any reporters try to get at you here," Dougan told Race.
Race shook his hand and thanked him, and then ushered Jessie inside behind Benton, Hadji and Jonny. Jessie kept her distance from the three men ahead, but once they entered the waiting room of Dr. Goodwyn's office, she stopped and turned towards her father.
"Can we just wait out here?" she asked, her feet fidgeting as she stared at the carpet.
"I think we should go inside and wait with everyone else."
Jessie glanced over her shoulder into the waiting room. Specifically she glanced at Jonny. Race saw Jonny glance at her after she turned away.
"I don't think I can."
"Nobody in there's going to hurt you Ponchita."
"I know that!" Jessie raised her voice then immediately curled in on herself when she realized the attention she'd just drawn to herself.
Benton, Hadji and Jonny were all looking at her, Jonny sitting on the edge of his seat. Even the secretary was eyeing Jessie, though with a look from Race she found something to busy herself with.
"It's not that," Jessie whispered.
Race found himself facing a conundrum. A part of him wanted to forget all else and just let his daughter do whatever made her feel safe. After what she'd been through, it was hard not to do just that. But he couldn't ignore Jonny's trauma, and by extension Hadji and Benton's concern.
Can't you see that boy needs you? He saved your life. If not for him, we wouldn't be sitting here having this conversation. Now help him.
Race hadn't let his mind even get near those thoughts and they nearly shook him to his knees. If he hadn't been holding onto the door already, he may not have had the strength to keep standing.
"Why don't we wait for the doctor over there then," Race pointed to second seating area on the opposite side of the waiting room from the Quests. Jessie closed her eyes and Race saw the shudder go through her body, but then she turned and walked straight towards the arrangement of sofas and chairs Race had indicated. She immediately laid down on the sofa and Race frowned.
He took the chair next to her and looked over to the Quests. He shared a frown with Benton and then tried to give a reassuring smile to Hadji. He wouldn't call it a successful attempt, but then he knew Hadji would be no less comforted by it. Finally he tried to catch Jonathon's eyes to share a silent sentiment with him as well.
Jonny stared at the back of the couch Jessie lay on like it was the only thing in his world that existed. Not even when Hadji or Benton spoke to him did his gaze waver. Or when Dr. Goodwyn entered the room and introduced herself.
She stood tall and willowy, her gray hair pulled into a bun. Race would never have described her as grandmotherly, however. She had kept herself in shape and her clothing was modern and professional.
"Good afternoon Dr. Quest, Mr. Bannon. I'm Dr. Lane Goodwyn."
Benton and Race both rose to meet her and exchange greetings.
"Thank you for meeting us on such short notice," Benton was polite as ever.
"Your children need help and they need it now," Dr. Goodwyn said. "I hope I can be that help."
"Where do we start?" Race asked.