Title: Blue-eyed Angel, 8/?
Author: Goddess Evie
Date: October 11, 2012
Category: JJHR, Angst
Summary: Everyone gets some time with Dr. Goodwyn
Disclaimer: I do not own JQ. I make no money off this story. I am only using the characters for my own unique story. I also do not own "We are Soldiers", it is owned by Otherwise. I merely use the lyrics to enhance my humble writing and pay a little homage to such talented musicians.
Author's Notes: Um, so, as usual, sorry for the long delay in the next chapter. So much life got in the way, but I promised myself during this week break that I'd finish the most recent chapter and update. So, here it is. I hope you enjoy. And I don't know if I say this enough, but: Thank you to all who not only leave me lovely reviews, but also follow or favorite me or this story. It means a lot whenever I open my email account to see another notification for a review or a follow or a favorite. I do my best not to forget the love you guys have shown me. And I promise you that, although I may sometimes take a very long time to update, I will not abandon this story. It will be finished.
And I feel the need to leave a disclaimer that I am in no ways familiar with how a therapy session works or how a therapist would go about doing his or her job to help someone who has been traumatized. I did research the best I can, but the information is vague and general. So please don't think any of what I have written in this chapter is true to life. I am simply writing what will increase conflict and help move the story along.
Chapter 8: We are the ones who will never be broken.
As Race sat in Dr. Goodwyn's office, he studied every little detail it contained. It was a habit as natural to him as breathing or his heart beating. The office was large without being ostentatious and painted in warm, unoffending colors; three walls of a soft yellow and the last accented in a light, muted teal. He noticed the two large windows flanking her modest desk with their gauzy coverings allowing the natural light to brighten the room. His eyes roamed over the bookshelves scattered around the room holding books, files and mementos that mostly consisted of pictures with family and friends. A few pictures sat on her desk which she kept tidy. He barely glanced at the separate seating area where two arm chairs were arranged on an overly plush rug to face each other at an angle, throw pillows and blankets tossed on them carelessly but invitingly. A small table sat between them holding a pitcher of water and glassware. All in tones to compliment the colors on the wall.
It all had a very homey, welcoming feeling that came naturally, and Race liked that. Too pristine or business-like, or too forced, and neither Jonny nor Jessie would feel comfortable.
"Tell me about your daughter," Dr. Goodwyn requested.
Race waited for her to pull out a pad and a pen or pull her keyboard toward her, but she merely sat back in her chair and watched Race with a neutral expression.
"She's a strong girl. She's been through a lot in her life. And none of it ever seemed to have a lasting effect on her. Sure she's been shaken up quite a few times, but she toughed it out and dealt with it and moved on with her life."
Race paused to consider his daughter and what he wanted to tell Dr. Goodwyn. She waited patiently for him to speak again.
"I have worried what effect a lifestyle like ours would have on her, but she's handled it extremely well and in fact I think it's part of the reason she's grown into such an amazing young woman."
Dr. Goodwyn nodded. "Your family has quite the reputation and many rumors circulating about them."
Race looked Dr. Goodwyn in the eye. "You'd probably be surprised which are the true rumors."
"I'm only interested in the ones that'll help me help your daughter."
"Then all you need to know is that she's brave, tough, genius-level intelligent, sharp as a surgical knife and quick as a whip crack."
"You obviously hold your daughter in very high regard."
"She's also not very trusting. She gets that from me. And everything we've been through has cemented it. Can't say I don't prefer it that way, though."
"What about her relationship with Jonny? With both of Dr. Quests sons?"
"Close. Very close. All three of them. I know Jess has been worried about Jonny. She's mad at me for his arrest. But she's avoided him since he came home yesterday."
"Don't take her anger personally, Mr. Bannon. She's trying to cope with a lot and for now that is one of her outlets."
Race didn't say anything in response. He looked at his hands clasped together and felt Dr. Goodwyn's gaze on him.
"What can you tell me about the events that transpired that caused Jessie's trauma?"
Race had already barely moved, but at Dr. Goodwyn's question, he became very still.
"He raped her-or… was raping her. When Jonny interrupted them."
Race shook his head and covered his face with one hand. His voice came out slightly muffled.
"Jonny fought off Zach who ended up dead."
Race dropped his hand from his face and shrugged but he didn't look at Dr. Goodwyn.
"That it's difficult to speak of what happened to your daughter and Jonny, even if you weren't directly involved, is perfectly normal. I know you feel helpless Mr. Bannon. I want you to know you're already doing everything right. Jessie is very fragile and she's most likely going to remain so for a few days longer, maybe even a couple of weeks. Continue to let her know that you're there for her, be available for her, but don't push her."
"Jonny needs her. I don't think he'd be so bad if she wouldn't hide from him. I don't know what's going through his head. I can't even begin to imagine. But she's worse when she's near him. And he'd be better if she'd let him get close."
"Even so, you can't push her into something that makes her uncomfortable. It'll only exasperate her condition."
"No. Of course not."
"Where is her mother, Mr. Bannon?" Dr. Goodwyn asked as almost a second thought.
"She works in South America, but she's traveling here as we speak."
"Good. Jessie'll need all the support she can get."
Finally Race looked Dr. Goodwyn in the eye. "Thank you."
"You and your son are very close."
"Yes, I'm close with both of them," Benton nodded. "It is a luxury I do not take for granted."
"And your sons also share a close bond with each other."
"Extremely close. Closer than most brothers related by blood."
"Luxury is a good way to describe it. These strong relationships will help him to heal. Has Jonny experienced any other traumas in his life?"
"Plenty, but he's sailed through them just fine. No problems at all."
"Trauma doesn't always manifest in obvious ways."
"I'm not unaware of that, Dr. Goodwyn. As you already mentioned, I am very close with both of my sons. We communicate often about the events we have all experienced. They know they are free to speak with me about anything. And they commonly do."
"I did not mean to make you defensive, Dr. Quest. I am only asking the questions that will help me understand your family and your son better so that I can help him." Dr. Goodwyn paused for a moment then asked, "Can you recall any experiences at all that Jonny didn't 'sail through just fine', as you put it?"
Something in the way Dr. Goodwyn looked at him told Benton she was referring to a very specific incident. One she knew he would be reluctant to speak of.
Dr. Goodwyn must have sensed that Benton had caught on to her line of questioning. "I ask because I need to hear the answer from you."
Dr. Goodwyn didn't take her neutral gaze from Benton. He tried waiting her out to see if he could bluff her into moving on to something else, but she proved patient.
"His mother's death of course," Benton said in a whisper, looking not at Dr. Goodwyn now, but through her. "And the period directly after."
"What can you tell me about the event?"
Everything. Nothing. Don't talk about it as if it was some high society social gala.
Benton kept his thoughts to himself. He shook his head. His mouth pulled into a tight line. He rubbed his palms together.
"Jonny was young?" Dr. Goodwyn asked in an effort to get Benton talking.
"If you've already researched the event, then why are you asking me about it?"
"Because the information about it is scarce and very light on the details. It mentions little to nothing on how you or Jonny reacted to your wife's death or how you coped."
"We coped," Benton bit back. "We're fine. Obviously we got through it just fine."
"You're not being very convincing."
"And we came here so you could help my son. With what happened two days ago. Not what happened eight years ago."
"But it would be helpful to know if he reacted similarly to that event. And I think that perhaps you have not fully dealt with what happened-"
"No!" Benton cut her off. "You will not go there." He stood and looked down on Dr. Goodwyn with ice in his gaze. "If you cannot help my son then just say so."
Dr. Goodwyn stared back with mouth pursed and a look that said she wasn't sure she was willing to let the subject go. Benton both respected and hated her for it.
"I will do my best to help your son if you'll let me," Dr. Goodwyn finally said, her face returning to its neutral expression.
Benton wished he could know for sure that she wouldn't bring up Rachel again. He didn't think he could get such a promise from her. He almost walked out the door with the intention of taking his sons somewhere else. He couldn't say why exactly he instead lowered himself back into his chair.
"I'm afraid of how this whole thing is affecting Hadji as well," he said quietly.
Dr. Goodwyn nodded. "I agree. I would actually like to speak with him next."
"I am not sure why you asked to speak with me. It is Jonny and Jessie who need your help the most," Hadji admitted as he took the chair in front of Dr. Goodwyn's desk.
"Because your father is worried about you and I share his concern," Dr. Goodwyn answered openly.
"Other than being worried about Jonny and Jessie, I am fine. I only wish to do what I can for my brother and our dearest friend."
"And they will need you. Your close bond with both your brother and Miss Bannon may allow you freedoms with them that I cannot take. Nor will I ask you to break any confidences you have with them. I hope you know that you will be an important part of their healing process and that I will give you all the support that I can."
"I appreciate you saying so, Dr. Goodwyn."
"I just want to make sure that you understand how important it is for you not harm yourself by taking on too much."
Hadji shook his head. "I am not sure what you mean by that."
Dr. Goodwyn leaned forward. "Only that sometimes those trying to help the people they love can end up overexerting themselves, neglecting themselves and putting all priority on those they are trying to help."
"Given our current situation, I do not think it an error to make Jonny or Jessie a priority."
"And they should be, but not at the expense of your own health. So just let me give you this advice, Hadji. Do not neglect to do those things that will allow you to remain strong for your brother and your friend. And don't feel bad or selfish for taking some time to take care of yourself."
A small smile crossed Hadji's lips. "I hope you said the same thing to my father and Race."
Jessie could not sit still. She fidgeted as she sat in one of the two arm chairs Dr. Goodwyn had invited Jessie to join her at. Jessie's gaze flicked around the room, but mostly she looked between the door and the windows.
"You are very much like your father," Dr. Goodwyn noted; kindly, non-chalantly.
"Funny. Most people think Jonny's more like my dad."
Jessie didn't sound amused at all. She looked over her shoulder at the door again.
"Would you feel more comfortable if I left it open?"
Jessie's head whipped around to look at Dr. Goodwyn. Really the first time since she'd come into the waiting room. Dr. Goodwyn regarded her with a patient expectancy that put no pressure on Jessie at all. After a long silent moment, Jessie shook her head, pulled one of the pillows into her lap and stared at her hands picking at the stray threads.
"Can you tell me how you're feeling right now?"
Jessie snorted at the question as if the answer should be obvious. A reaction that said she did not deign to bother to answer. Dr. Goodwyn allowed the silence to continue longer than Jessie expected her to.
"What would you like to tell me?"
The question surprised Jessie. She had been waiting to hear basically the same question asked using different words. The stupid "trick" psychologists use to try to get a response from their patients.
Jessie looked up at Dr. Goodwyn again. This time she really looked at Dr. Goodwyn. The woman had a great poker face. Jessie found nothing there but a patiently neutral expression.
"Help Jonny. He's the one that really needs it."
"I am certainly going to try to do that," Dr. Goodwyn assured softly. "You know you could help out both him and I."
Jessie chewed on her lip as she considered Dr. Goodwyn's statement. "How?"
"By not running away from him."
Jessie looked away, hiding her face from Dr. Goodwyn.
"What makes being around him uncomfortable?"
Jessie shook her head and still refused to look at Dr. Goodwyn. A sob shook her shoulders and she covered her mouth with one of her hands.
"Shhh, Jessie. It's okay. You don't have to tell me now. But I want you to think about it. And I want you to be ready to tell me the next time you come see me, if you can."
Jessie didn't respond. Not even when Dr. Goodwyn tried to offer tissues for her tears. She simply continued to cry and refused to look at Dr. Goodwyn.
Dr. Goodwyn studied the young man sitting in the arm chair Jessie had recently vacated, though only after she had pulled herself together enough to face her waiting family. Jonny sat exactly the same way he had in her waiting room: forearms resting on his legs, hands clasped loosely together, gaze on the floor. He didn't even really seem to notice that he had moved into a new room, though he hadn't resisted when his father had led him in.
"Jonny," Dr. Goodwyn called. "Jonny. Can you hear me?"
He didn't react. Dr. Goodwyn allowed him to sit in silence for a few moments as she considered him a little longer.
"Jonny, you don't have to say anything, but I would like to know that you are listening. Can you show me that you hear me?"
Dr. Goodwyn thought maybe she saw some movement in Jonny's eyes, but she couldn't be sure. Otherwise he didn't move.
"Jonny, if I ask you to do something so that I know you can hear me, do you think you could do it for me?"
He didn't answer, but Dr. Goodwyn continued anyways.
"Could you touch your nose, Jonny?"
Just barely Jonny's clasped fingers tightened. He made no other movements.
Dr. Goodwyn pursed her lips. She was going to have to push him a little harder. But she would need to move carefully.
"I think it would be good for you to hear that Jessie is very worried about you."
Jonny gasped and he looked up to stare straight ahead instead of at the floor. His whole being seemed to vibrate. Dr. Goodwyn kept her voice calm and soft.
"She asked that I do everything I can to help you."
Jonny stayed frozen.
"I think you want me to do the same for her."
A definite twitch in his eyes.
"I asked her to do a favor for me, and I'm going to ask a favor of you as well."
Dr. Goodwyn paused for a moment to see if Jonny would give some kind of acknowledgement.
Nothing.
"Do not take Jessie's actions personally. She is doing her best to cope."
Still no more movement.
"And think of something that you would like to share with me the next time you come see me."
Jonny relaxed again, eyes back on the floor. Dr. Goodwyn could get no more reactions from him.