My Yearning Heart
Chapter 24
The Regular
The next year of school really took off. The days went by like nothing and with each day, Yang visited my classroom as she began to make it her regular thing. I welcomed her as always and asked if she wanted anything to drink anything. Of course, her answer was coffee and I still found it strange that a girl at such a young age drank coffee like she does with water. Once that was over, I remained quiet. But on the other hand, Yang always managed to find something to talk about and for me, I found these topics were interesting. They weren't things girls at this age would talk about so it made sense as to why I found such interest in them. When we talked, it felt like time went by so fast that we couldn't get everything in that we wanted to say.
I don't really know to describe it. I'm constantly conflicted when I'm by myself, but when she enters the room and starts talking about random things, it's like my mind just drifts to Neverland. Everything in the world seems right without a single thing wrong with it. When the bell rings and the conversations ends, that's when I'm hit with reality and things immediately go back to how they were. I wish I could make this just stop, but it was impossible. I knew the circumstances of this problem.
As long as a piece is missing in my heart and as long as she still has feelings for me, this internal will never go away. Once I realized that, I knew that I had to keep on fighting and figure out a way to resolve this cleanly.
Eventually a week came around when the school board did their weekly observations of their teachers. I never understood this. I mean, it's good to know what the teachers are doing inside of class, but to observe me as if I have things I need to teach? That's just a little ridiculous. There's nothing to observe. I'm the school nurse. My skills are put to the test when I problem shows up at my door. That's when I got the thinking. Maybe they were going to test me. If that was the plan, I was going to be super prepared.
When the day started, three members from the school board entered my room with clipboards and for some reason, seeing that put me a little on-edge. I welcomed them and quickly went over how my room was a safe place for the students. I've handled every situation perfectly so if there was going to be a problem today, I would be able to handle.
For first period, nothing really happened. We mostly talked. I got familiar with who was on the school board. Thankfully, none of them looked like threatening people which made their stay a little lighter on my part. Once our conversations started to die down, that's when things started to feel awkward. They sat near the door while I was at my desk with nothing left to say. No one came in make things less awkward so I just had to deal with this for like 3 or 4 more periods or however long they decide to stay.
Time went on and second period finally came around. That's when I realized something. Yang was probably going to visit me again. There was no way I could tell her not to come today so I just had to brace myself for what was to come. The final bell rang which made everyone get to class. I took a deep breath as my door swung open.
"Hi Alex!" There was no way I could respond. Her introduction was very improper and completely clueless. I stood there in silence until she opened her eyes and examined the situation. "Sorry. I mean, Ms. Belladonna."
"Hi Yang. Would you like something to drink?"
"No thank you." She slowly entered the room and walked over to her usual bed. It was obvious that she did a wrong and there was no way she could take it back.
"Um, Ms. Belladonna, what is a student doing in here when she should be in class?" Yang looked at me with a worried look on her face so I quickly stepped in to ease the situation.
"She has a free period right now. I'm sure you're aware of it. And since my room is pretty empty most of the time, I said I'd let her come in here whenever she wants." They gave me a dirty look. I'm guessing it was the way worded the last part of my answer.
"I see. Very well." They immediately went silent and started to write on their clipboards. This worried me and for some reason, it made me really thirsty. I went over to the mini fridge and pulled out some water. As I did, Yang came up next to me whispered in my ear. I tried pushing her away, but she refused. The situation was only getting worse for me.
"What are they doing here?"
"What do you think? They're evaluating me, and right now, I don't think I'm doing very well."
"Really? Is there anything I can do to help?"
"I doubt it Yang. I think it would be better if you just leave. I'm sorry." She stood up and headed towards the door, but as I listened, the door never opened. That's when I heard her voice break through the silence.
"I apologize for my behavior! Please don't mark her down because of me." My eyes shot wide open as I turned around to witness what was happening. "It's my fault. If you're going to punish anyone, I'm the one who deserves it. She was just being a good person and sheltering me when I needed a place to stay for my free time. I hope you can understand." I grabbed her wrist and pushed her outside of my room.
"Yang, please. I asked you to go. I didn't need you to do that."
"But I thought it would help."
"I know. Just please, go."
"Okay, I'm sorry." Without saying anything, she left in silence. I sighed really loudly and walked back into my room and watched as the observers left as I came back in. that definitely did not go as I wanted it to go. I walked over to my desk and slammed my head on the table. Things just don't like to go according to the ways I want them to.
When school was over, I slowly packed up my things and made my way to the front gate where I met up with Blake. There was no way to hide what happened so she ended up asking what was wrong. I couldn't bring myself to tell her what happened so I just said that I was tired. It may not seem like it, but I lied to her again. My lies toward my daughter were continuing to add up. The silence between us continued to linger even as we got home. I prepared dinner in silence and ate dinner in silence. It wasn't long until Blake had enough of my little act. She slammed her utensils on the table and looked right at me.
"Okay, what is going on?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You've been acting really strange lately, and I don't really like it." This girl was really good. But then again, she was my daughter so of course she would know me the most.
"It's nothing important. You don't need to worry about me." Unfortunately, it wasn't enough. She stood up and walked over to my side of the table. She poked out the chair next to me and stared me down. I stayed quiet, but she knew what I was doing. I sighed and let her know what happened. "Okay, alright, you got me. Members from the school board observed me, but things didn't really go according to plan."
"What are you saying? Is that bad?"
"I don't know. I doubt it though."
"Are you sure?"
"Blake, don't worry about me. I'll be fine. You need to worry about yourself. Your junior year isn't going to be easy so you need to focus."
"Ugh, you have a point there so I'll listen to you this time. But you need to smarter too."
"Okay mom, I promise."
"Don't mock me." She stood up, grabbed her plate, and walked back into the kitchen and cleaned up. This was yet another moment in our lives where we switched roles. This didn't happen often and it felt weird whenever it did.
End of Chapter 24