Title: Blue-eyed Angel, 14/?

Author: Goddess Evie
Date: May 24, 2015
Category: JJHR, Angst
Summary: Jessie has a session with Dr. Goodwyn, who makes a big request of her.

Disclaimer: I do not own JQ. I make no money off this story. I am only using the characters for my own unique story. I also do not own "This too Shall Pass" by OK Go. I merely use the lyrics to enhance my humble writing.

Author's Note: You're all welcome. You can thank the start of summer vacation and being sick with a cold. They were the right combination to get me to sit down and write this chapter. (Actually, I wrote the first part while my students were taking their finals. ^_^ But then end of the school year grading and summer prep took over.)

And of course thanks for all the lovely reviews you guys wrote me. I wasn't able to respond to each personally, but every single one of them brings a smile to my face. You guys are the best readers a fanfic writer could ask for.

P.S. I didn't mean to freak y'all out with "two years". I was joking. Sorta. It might actually take that long with my lack of update schedule. But you all know I'm good for it when I say that this fic will be finished, no matter how long it takes.

Chapter 14: You know you can't keep lettin' it get you down and you can't keep dragging that dead weight around.

"How are you feeling today, Jessie?"

Jessie sat cross-legged in one of the chairs in Dr. Goodwyn's little sitting area, her head leaning against the padded back of the seat, eyes half closed. The doctor's presence was strong, settled in the second chair, but it didn't bother Jessie anymore. In fact, she found the woman's aura comforting.

Dr. Goodwyn had proven herself.

Jessie answered, "Sleeping makes a big difference. For the good."

"Neither of your fathers have a problem with the sleeping arrangement?"

Jessie shrugged her shoulders. The new sleeping arrangement, at night, was she and Jonny falling asleep together on the couch in the rec room, or Dr. Quest's office, or the library, or the billiards room. "I don't think dad likes it very much, but since I don't wake up screaming anymore, he doesn't say anything. Mom doesn't seem to mind." Jessie lifted her head and frowned. "I'm not sure about Dr. Quest."

"And your nightmares? Are you still having them?" Dr. Goodwyn asked.

Jessie nodded. "But they're not so bad. Or, I'm not reacting as badly to them. I just wish…"

"They'll go away in time," Dr. Goodwyn said softly.

Jessie looked at her.

The doctor asked, "What else would you like to tell me?"

Jessie sat staring at the older woman for a long time. Minutes rolled by in silence. There was so much to say, and Jessie didn't know where to begin. Or, if even now she was ready to begin, to tell what had happened.

"I can't sleep in my own bed," she finally blurted out. "Or even be in my own room."

Dr. Goodwyn let the comment sit for just a moment. "Why not?"

Tears sprung up in Jessie's eyes and her voice hardened. "Because it makes me remember what he did. Tied me down…" She shook her head. "It's all I see. I hate it. I hate that he haunts me in my own home. I hate that he's ruined a safe place for me."

"Do you know that it won't always be that way?"

"I want to believe that. That someday I'll be able to sleep in my own bed again, walk into my room without a second thought. But it's really hard right now."

"That day will come, Jessie. Just be patient." Dr. Goodwyn paused to see if Jessie would say more on the subject. When she didn't, the doctor asked, "Anything else you'd like to share?"

Jessie's mouth drew in tight. She clenched the pillow in her lap to keep her hands from shaking. She almost didn't speak.

But she had to start telling somebody.

"It shouldn't have been so easy."

Jessie knew she should explain. But she also knew Dr. Goodwyn would ask her.

"What shouldn't have been so easy?"

Right on cue. But Jessie needed just a few moments more to shove the images from her head, find the strength to speak.

"For him to take me. And…do what he did."

"What do you mean?" Dr. Goodwyn asked gently.

Jessie's eyes darted around the room, running away from images trying to replay in her head. She could feel the panic rising up in her, like she was back in that park, but this time she knew what was coming. And she felt powerless to stop it.

You can't stop what's already happened.

"My family and I have been in quite a few pretty dangerous situations. We've dealt with some scary people. People who knew what they were doing, with highly developed skills. And we've come out just fine."

Jessie tried to swallow the lump in her throat, but it was lodged firmly in place. Dr. Goodwyn said nothing, only watched with that neutral expression she was so good at that it didn't even bother Jessie, and waited for her to continue.

"So, he shouldn't have been a problem. Just some stupid kid with pepper spray and chloroform. He…shouldn't have been able to do what he did."

Jessie was trying so hard to tamp down the volatile emotions crashing around inside her, making her voice shake, her whole body shake. Bringing more tears to her eyes. Making her want to scream and sob, even though she'd already done enough of that and it hadn't made her feel any better.

"Jonny and I aren't…normal. Our family isn't normal. Most people don't realize what we're capable of. We don't advertise it, for many reasons. But despite all we can do, neither of us could prevent what happened."

"And you feel you should have been able to?"

"Of course we should have been able to!" Jessie exploded and was immediately glad Jonny wasn't in the waiting room. This session was just for her. Only her parents waited outside the office.

"Are you mad at Jonny for that?" Dr. Goodwyn asked.

"No! No. Without him, it would've been…so much worse. And it was bad enough as it is."

"How bad?" Dr. Goodwyn asked.

But Jessie only shook her head.

"I just don't understand how some average guy could do what he did. Jonny and I should have been able to take him no problem."

Dr. Goodwyn cocked her head to the side as she clasped her fingers around a knee. "Let's try to look at it rationally. List what factors enabled Zach to abduct you."

Dr. Goodwyn had told Jessie she would use Zach's name and be very frank with the details. She wanted them to lose their strength, the older woman had explained, their power over Jessie. Speaking them would make them common, and increase Jessie's tolerance of them. She'd even urged Jessie to say Zach's name and state specifically what he'd done to her. But she wasn't ready for it yet.

Jessie stared at the pillow in her lap for a long time. Trying Dr. Goodwyn's patience, though not intentionally. The doctor had scores of patience to give.

"We weren't expecting it," Jessie finally said.

"You knew you had a stalker," Dr. Goodwyn reminded.

Jessie knew the woman wasn't playing devil's advocate so much as looking for further explanation.

"We were in a public space. And so far he'd only sent letters. Hadn't made any attempts at contacting me any other way. And we didn't know who he was at that point. So we didn't even know who we were supposed to be looking out for." Jessie pushed her hand through her hair and pressed the heel of her hand to her forehead for a moment. "I didn't even get a look at him when he attacked. I didn't know it was…who it was until later when the pepper spray and chloroform wore off."

"And when you did see Zach?"

"He was the last person I would have expected. He was so quiet and shy and nice. Everyone liked him."

It's always the quiet ones.

Dr. Goodwyn seemed to know it was a good time to steer the conversation away from Zach. "Have you ever been pepper sprayed before in this dangerous life you've lived? Or chloroformed?"

"Chloroformed, yes. Knocked out a few times by various drugs. But never pepper spray."

Dr. Goodwyn didn't react at all to Jessie's admission about the drugs or being knocked out. The woman really was good.

"If he hadn't used the spray, he never would have gotten away with it. It neutralized Jonny and I both."

"Then it sounds to me like he just got lucky," Dr. Goodwyn said.

Jessie turned her head to look at the older woman, her expression confused and inquisitive.

"I know I don't have all the details, but please allow me this conjecture," Dr. Goodwyn requested. When Jessie nodded, the doctor explained, "I think Zach Ellis got lucky. I think he just happened to be in the right place at the right time. And with the tools he needed. He saw an opportunity when he wasn't expecting it and he took it. And it somehow managed to work out in his favor." Dr. Goodwyn stopped and shook her head. "It sounds like I'm congratulating him and I'm not doing that at all. I just want you to see that if it had happened in any other way, you and Jonny would have never fallen to him." Dr. Goodwyn paused for a moment, then said more softly, "And Jessie, I wished it would have happened any other way."

Jessie could only nod as tears streamed down her cheeks.

Once Jessie had composed herself, Dr. Goodwyn invited Race and Estella into the office. The doctor pulled the chairs in front of her desk over to the sitting area and placed them so they faced the chairs she and Jessie were already occupying. Jessie watched her parents, could see they were a little confused about the invitation.

She was herself. Dr. Goodwyn had only ever invited Jonny into her session. The adults were kept securely out.

Once the four were seated all together, Dr. Goodwyn spoke.

"I wanted to let you know that Jessie is making wonderful progress."

Jessie didn't agree with that statement. Her dreams still haunted her, even if she wasn't waking up screaming anymore. She couldn't stand her own bedroom, or any bedroom. She still didn't like anybody touching her, except Jonny. She hadn't yet been able to take about what happened.

But she didn't raise any objections.

"It's good to hear that," Estella said, throwing Jessie an encouraging smile.

Jessie didn't return it. She was biting her lip, wondering what next Dr. Goodwyn had in mind.

"Something that is helpful for those experiencing trauma is a return to what is normal. It can serve as a reminder that what happened is not the end of the world as they know it. That things can be normal again and the trauma won't last forever."

Race nodded, like he'd heard this explanation before. In his line of work, Jessie guessed, he probably had.

"That doesn't mean trying to make everything as normal as possible and ignore the event that caused the trauma. Instead, it can mean returning to a habit that was interrupted or participating in something that the person used to do."

"So what do you suggest?" Race asked.

His tone was neutral. He was as much as a master at that as Dr. Goodwyn.

The doctor smiled. "I believe it might be helpful for Jessie to return to school. I know the school year has already started."

There was a surprise across all three faces, Jessie more than her parents. And she knew her expression showed the fear she felt at that statement.

There were so many people at school. How would she get through the crowded halls when she needed her space right now so badly? How was she supposed to focus on school work when she'd only be worrying about Jonny?

And who else could be harboring some secret passions for her? And she wouldn't even know it. How could she trust anybody there when she the student who'd been considered one of the nicest had turned out to be a monster?

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Estella asked.

Dr. Goodwyn directed her comments to Jessie instead of answering Estella's questions. "I just want you to try it for one day. See how it goes. Give it a chance. If doesn't work out, we'll take a break and try again. If it doesn't go too bad, try a second day. A third day. Just take it one day at a time. Can you do that for me?"

"What about Jonny?" Jessie asked. Her first concern.

"He's not ready for this step," Dr. Goodwyn said.

Jessie shook her head. "He's been doing so well since we've been spending time together. Responding a little more each day." The panic was starting to rise in her. Not for herself, but for her best friend.

Dr. Goodwyn nodded. "I agree. But you are both my patients. I will not allow the needs of one to outweigh the needs of the other. Besides, now that we're starting to pull him from his shell, I'd like to see how he does without you with him all the time."

"But what if just goes back into himself again?" Jessie asked. "What if it makes him worse again?"

"Then we'll set the school idea aside until both he and you are ready. But for now I'd like you to try. For yourself, and for Jonny."

Jessie looked at Dr. Goodwyn, all her calmness gone. She barely registered her parents' presence anymore. Her mind was reeling still at Dr. Goodwyn's suggestion, rejecting it.

But Dr. Goodwyn is a good doctor.

Jessie knew she had to trust the older woman. That it was the only way she was going to be able to help Jonny.

She nodded. "I'll do it."

The very next morning Jessie sat between her mother and father in the principal's office. Race had timed their arrival to the ringing of the first bell so that the halls were clearing as they entered Rockport High. Mentally Jessie thanked her father for the foresight. She'd been dreading the curious looks from her classmates, or even just friendly greetings that she wasn't ready to respond to.

She just wanted to be at home with Jonny and Hadji. While her parents had waited in the car, Jessie had stood in the front hall with Jonny, holding both his hands and looking up at him, speaking assurances to him that she'd be back. That he was going to be okay. To listen to Hadji.

The look in his eyes had been sheer terror. Like he was afraid if she left she'd never return. Or perhaps he was imagining the same things about being at school that she had through the night. Leaving her more restless than ever, even with Jonny's presence, as she tried to sleep.

Was there another Zach Ellis at the school waiting for her?

But she couldn't let possibilities keep her cooped up inside the compound. That was probably the lesson Dr. Goodwyn was trying to teach her.

So she'd finally let go of Jonny's hands and walked out the door to join her parents for the long drive to school.

"We just need you to be aware of the situation and the state Jessie is in," her father was saying to Principal Walker.

"Jessie is one of our top students. We'll do everything we can to ensure a safe and smooth transition back into the academic environment," Principal Walker assured.

"We appreciate that," Estella said.

"Let me have Alice print a copy of Jessie's schedule. There's the usual beginning of school paperwork to fill out as well," Principal Walker said as he exited to the outer office where his secretary waited.

While he was gone, Race turned to Jessie. "You don't have to do this. I won't make you. If you're not feeling ready, just say so and we'll go home and try this tomorrow."

Jessie hadn't expected those words from her father. He was always about doing what's right, even if it was hard. And not giving any slack. Jessie almost took him up on his offer. But then her goodbye to Jonny this morning would have been for nothing. And she'd only have to go through it again with him tomorrow morning.

"I'll stay. We're here already, so I might as well give it a try."

Principal Walker returned at that moment. The next twenty or so minutes were spent filling out forms and signing papers. Principal Walker gave Jessie her schedule and the slip of paper with her locker number and combination.

The half sheet of white paper with her classes on it was so normal that it almost made Jessie laugh. Here were the courses she'd registered for junior year. Last year. College Trig. Anatomy. College Composition. British Literature. They seemed pointless, right now, but she remembered going over her options with her counselor, Ms. Bryan, and her dad and Dr. Quest, to choose what would best prepare her for college.

Jessie didn't laugh. She simply stared at the paper with the classes, the teachers, the room numbers until her mother touched her arm to get her attention.

"Are you ready?"

No, but Jessie nodded anyways.

They all rose together and left Principal Walker's office, and the front office, to stand in the empty Rockport High hallways. Already posters were hung advertising clubs, sports, beginning of year elections for class officers. Just like her schedule, it all seemed sort of ridiculous.

"If you'd like, you can take Jessie to her first class," Principal Walker offered.

"Jessie, would you like that?" Estella asked her.

Jessie nodded.

"If you get to feeling overwhelmed, feel free to come down to the front office. I'll let Ms. Bryan know to expect you," Principal Walker invited.

Jessie just nodded again. Her parents thanked him before he left. Then they turned to her.

"What's your first class, Jess?" Race asked softly.

Even though she'd been staring at it in Principal Walker's office, she had to look again. "Trigonometry."

"Lead the way," Race said.

She made herself walk away from the front office toward the halls with the classrooms. With students in them. Students with secrets. Maybe dark secrets. Maybe the kind of dark secrets that would hurt innocent people.

Like her.

She caught glimpses of the classes through the slit windows in the doors. Teachers lecturing. Students attentive and alert this early in the school year. Taking notes. Completing assignments. Nobody noticed her walking the hall with her parents in tow.

She wished it could stay that way.

They reached the door to Mrs. Mallery's room. The class inside was small. Not a whole lot of students took college trigonometry. Jonny was signed up for this class. He was probably on the roster. There was only one section, so they would have had this period together.

"Whenever you're ready," Race told her gently.

Jessie took a deep breath and set her shoulders. She reached for the knob and pulled the door open.

The teacher and the class paused. Looked up to see who was interrupting their lesson.

Mrs. Mallery's face went immediately to a fond smile for Jessie. But the rest of the class, many of them students she'd spent four years of advanced math classes with, looked at her more like dead fish. Most of their gazes were curious. Jessie turned away from them before she could see anything more.

"Jessie, it's good to have you back." Mrs. Mallery's greeting was warm. "Please, take a seat anywhere."

Jessie swallowed, but she made her feet move. Take the steps to join the rest of the class. She chose a seat in the back, leaving a buffer of empty desks between herself and the rest of the students. She could feel her classmates' eyes watching her as she went, though she still refused to look at them.

Once she was seated, she looked to her parents still standing in the doorway. They watched her with worry in their eyes. Jessie knew she had to do something to reassure them.

She unzipped her backpack and pulled notebook and pencils from it. Placed them on her desk and readied herself to join the class. A glance at the door showed her parents hadn't left yet.

Mrs. Mallery seemed to sense that she should get back to her lesson. She pointed to the numbers and symbols on the white board, picking up where she'd left off.

Jessie started copying the notes without really paying attention to them. She was more worried about the other students sneaking glances back at her. Sharing looks between each other along with silent questions.

The clack of the door closing caught Jessie's attention. She looked up again. Her parents were gone.

The clock said there was still twenty minutes left in first period. And then after that five more periods plus lunch.

Jessie squirmed a little in her seat. This was it. She was on her own for the rest of the day.