My Yearning Heart

Chapter 31

My Happy Place

Note: The end is just around the corner so I hope you enjoy where the rest of this story takes you.

That night was such a strange night. I was both comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time. None of it had to do with Cinder being there with me. It was just that circumstances of the previous and me realizing that something bad occurred. However, I couldn't take it to heart. Cinder said that it was best to get over and think about what was to come so I shaped up and threw everything away in hopes that tomorrow would be a good day.

…

The next day came around and I had a slow start. Usually, I am a pretty good morning person, but it just didn't happen. When my body woke up, my eyes were still saying to keep them shut and ignore the outside world. After a while, my body finally was awake and kicked the rest of me off the bed. When I got on my feet, there was a note on the desk. It was from Cinder.

Hey Alex, I hope you feel better and I hope you have good day today. If something still doesn't feel right, come on down to the bar and I'll try my best to make your day cheerful. Just don't do anything stupid. ~Cinder

I couldn't help but laugh at her note. She made it sound like I was depressed and about to commit suicide. It was not that bad. I just felt like I did a lot of things wrong that were unforgivable. Other than that, nothing was really wrong with me. Once I finished the note, I got ready and immediately ran out of things to do. Cleaning always helped me clear my mind, but from the looks of things, nothing in her condo needed cleaning. Cinder was a very responsible woman… And also, it wouldn't be right to go through her things just to clean the place so I settled in the kitchen.

At the start, it was hard to find what to make since everything came back to Blake. I always made things for her. I wanted her to be happy so my wants were never really known to her. Now, I was starting to see how much she really meant to me. She completed me, but that life seemed like it would be impossible to return to.

Morning quickly turned to day and I still had nothing to do. I was now stuck on the couch watching daytime television and let me say that it is awful. I didn't know there was something as bad as daytime television. It literally got to the point where I thought I was going to do something bad to myself. I grabbed my things and headed to the bar. However, right as I opened up the door, I ran into someone and got knocked onto my butt. When I looked up, I was completely in shock of who was also on their butt.

"Hey mom." It was Blake.

"Blake? W-What are you doing here?"

"Well, I went home hoping you would be there, but you weren't. So I had to ask around and then I remembered you spent some time at a Good Time's Bar. So I asked them if they knew anything and this one lady said that she was housing you. I came over here as fast as I could and…" There was a sudden stop in her voice.

"Blake?" Out of nowhere, she leapt into my arms and squeezed me with all of her strengths.

"I'm sorry. I've missed you… so much!" I was totally surprised by this behavior. I thought that when I saw her after so long, she'd slap me or something. But this was completely different than anything I could have imagined.

"Blake?" I closed my eyes and squeezed her back. "I missed you too."

"I'm sorry. For everything I've done and everything I will do in my life, I'm sorry." It was just too hard to reply to her. I was simply enjoying the moment. The moment I would be reunited with my daughter on such good terms.

We spent a good amount of time on the ground in each other's arms. Once we got a hold of ourselves, I invited her inside and we took our seats on the couch. Obviously, we had things to talk about, but only this time, I wasn't going to lie to her. I've already accumulated quite a list of lies towards her. This was where it finally stopped.

"Blake, I understand if you think badly about me right now. You have every right to. I just… I want to make things right with you." There was no response. I had no idea how well this was going. "For some time now, I've lied to you and only now am I feeling bad about it. I was being irresponsible and I want to apologize for it." This was definitely the hardest thing I've ever had to say. "I went on a couple of dates with Yang. Please don't hate me." I looked at her with such guilt and she was staring at the floor.

"I… I just want to know why. Why did you do that?" Tears were already starting to fall from her eyes. I could feel a knife pressing against my chest.

"I… I was vulnerable. I have no excuse for it. I can't explain it to you. I felt like my heart needed to be filled and Yang kept on telling me that she could be the one. I know it's bad and in no way am I right."

"But…" But? Where was she trying to take this? "You were being selfish." That comment was so strange to hear. I honestly didn't know how to react to it. "You've always thought about me and nothing else. Even when I first started dating Yang, you said it was fine as long as we loved each other. All of this time, you've been alone with no one in your life. I can't be mad at you for trying to fill that part of your life."

"Blake, I…"

"When was the last time you've seen her?"

"Yang?" She nodded her head. "I don't know. Ever since you left me that one day. I haven't thought about her and anything relating to her. That I can promise you. I've only been able to think of you and how I can make things up to you. As of right now, I don't think I'm doing such a good job though."

"I need to ask you one very important question and don't you dare lie to me."

"I promise. Ask me anything. I prepared to answer it."

"D-Do you love her?" Even though I didn't want to hear her ask that of me, I knew it was coming. The thing that has been conflicting me all of this time. Do I truly love Yang? I took a few seconds to think about it since I wanted to answer it as honestly as I could.

"I don't know. Part of me believes what you're saying about me and how I want to fill that hole in my heart, but there is also that something that says Yang might be the one. I don't know why this is."

"If you can't tell me the dominating side right now… I don't know if I could ever call you my mom again. I want you to be happy, but I don't this is the way to do it." She was right. Nothing about this was right. Even if Yang was no longer a major, she was just 18. I was approaching my forties. That was just too much of a gap to allow for a peaceful mind. I took a deep breath and let the thoughts flow freely until I was able to reach a consensus.

"I love you more than anything else in this world. I don't need my own happiness. As long as you're happy, that's all I need." I got on my knees and pressed my head against the floor. "Blake, I'm so sorry for my disgraceful behavior. If you'll allow it, I'd be honored to be your mother once again. Only this time, I'll do it right. I promise." It felt like a waited an eternity, but after a while, Blake lifted my chin and made me look at her.

"If you can keep those words in your heart, I'll trust you." At that moment, I literally lost my composure. The tears started to fall like a waterfall as I collapsed into Blake's body.

"I'm so sorry Blake. I'm a horrible mother!"

"No you're not. I couldn't have asked for a better mother." Even though it was such a nice comment, it just made me hurt even more. I've done so much to hurt so she has no right to say that to me. She just wanted to ease the pain I've been feeling all of this time.

"Thank you… I don't deserve a daughter like you." We held each other as tight as we could. However, there was one thing that was bothering. "I know this might kill the moment, but what were you even doing at Yang's house that night." She suddenly let go and looked at the ground.

"I was hoping that I could make up with her, but obviously, that's impossible now."

"Hey Alex, I'm home-oh my! I came at a bad time. I'm sorry. I'll give you guys some space." Cinder busted through the door with such grandeur that I couldn't help but take notice of it.

"It's okay. We've had our moment for long enough. It's your place anyway so don't think that we're in your way."

"Are you sure? This kind of looks important." As I was trying to gesture her into her condo, Blake stood up and walked towards Cinder and stuck out her hand.

"Hi, I'm Blake. We didn't really introduce each other earlier, but I cannot thank you enough for housing my mom in this situation. It means so much."

"Oh, haha, don't worry about it. It was nothing. Your mother is a wonderful woman. She was a joy to have… Wait, does that mean you're heading back home?" Blake looked back at me and nodded her with a lot of force.

"Heh, I guess I am."

"Aw, and I was going to prepare something special for you."

"You still can. Blake, would you mind having dinner here?"

"Let's do it."

I took a sigh of relief. At that moment, I felt like a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I got my Blake back and she was so approving of my one friend in this city. We quickly cleaned ourselves up and helped Cinder with the special dinner. We had such a great time and wanted it to last forever. Once the night grew late, I packed my things and headed out the door. Before I left, Cinder gave me one last hug and whispered something in my ear.

"Be happy. You're better that way."

End of Chapter 31