Title: Blue-eyed Angel, 15/?
Author: Goddess Evie
Date: June 3, 2015
Category: JJHR, Angst
Summary: How Jonny's doing with Jessie gone to school. And Jessie does her best to keep it together and make it through the school day. But a girl can only take so much.
Disclaimer: I do not own JQ. I make no money off this story. I am only using the characters for my own unique story. I also do not own "The Distance" by Cake. I merely use the lyrics to enhance my humble writing.
Author's Note: Made myself take a break from my OF and teaching myself to play the ukulele to sit down and write this chapter out. This is one of the scenes I've been envisioning and waiting to write since the start of this sequel. So, I'm glad to finally share it with all of you. We're certainly getting close to the end. Just a few more chapters.
As always, thanks for all the reviews, follows and favorites. And thanks for sticking this thing out with me. I hope the payoff is worth the wait. Enjoy!
Chapter 15: She's hoping in time that her memories will fade.
Hadji watched Jessie's goodbye to Jonny before she left for school with trepidation. In a few moments, she was going to walk out that door and Jonny would… Well, Hadji didn't know what Jonny would do, and thus the trepidation. Best case scenario, he waited attentively for Jessie's return, staring out a window waiting for the moment she came back into view. Worst case scenario, the one Hadji feared would happen, Jonny withdrew back into himself. Becoming unresponsive, empty.
If Hadji ignored everything that had happened—the abduction, the dead boy, the trauma—he could almost believe Jonny and Jessie were lovers saying goodbye. The way they held each other's hands so tightly like they never wanted to let go. The intensity with which they stared into each other's eyes. The close proximity to which they stood.
He was half waiting for them to kiss.
But they weren't lovers. Though Jonny had spent how many hours lamenting to Hadji about his deepening feelings for Jessie. And his insecurity that kept him from acting on them. What if she doesn't feel the same way? What if it ruins their friendship? What if he loses her forever?
How Hadji wished those were still the most challenging issues his brother had to face.
Jessie lingered as long as she could, but she had to leave eventually. She went up on tiptoe to whisper something in his ear. Then she stepped back, though neither let go of the other's hand. Another step back, and their arms stretched to cover the growing gap between them. A couple more steps and they hung onto each other with only their fingertips.
Then Jessie stepped back and turned to go. Hadji stepped forward as she disappeared through the front door. Before the door shut, Hadji caught a glimpse of Race's car waiting to take her away.
Hadji turned to look at Jonny, placed a hand on his shoulder.
"She will be okay."
Jonny turned to look at him, the look in his eyes no less intense than when he'd been staring at Jessie. Anticipating her departure. Their separation. And Hadji swore there was accusation in those eyes now turned on him.
How can you say that? How do you know? Do you remember who used to go to that school? Who will be there to protect her?
"I have to hope that she will be okay," Hadji amended his statement. "I have to trust Dr. Goodwyn's expertise."
Jonny's expression didn't change. But at least he wasn't reverting back to his empty self. That he was still aware of Hadji was a good sign.
"What did Jessie say to you? Before she left," Hadji asked.
The intensity left Jonny's eyes. He turned away to stare at the door. Hadji knew asking the question had been a futile attempt, but he'd had to try.
Don't let him go away, Jessie had requested of Hadji that morning when she'd caught him alone outside the kitchen. I don't care what you have to do. Just don't let him disappear again.
Hadji had promised he'd do his best, despite the doubts plaguing him. But what else could he do? Jessie would have accepted nothing less.
Pulling on his brothers' arm, Hadji led Jonny away from the door. Jonny didn't fight him, but he didn't look away from the front door until they turned a corner down the hall. Hadji brought Jonny to the library. A new place. Somewhere that wasn't the rec room, or their father's private office. Somewhere that didn't hold such a negative vibe.
They sat together in a couple of overstuffed chairs. How many hours had the three of them spent here curled up with whatever each considered a good book? Hadji could remember times when all three of them sat in here, silently reading, enjoying each other's company, enjoying the peace and quiet. It was the kind of positive energy Hadji hoped would help Jonny.
There were still a few piles of books on the low round table amid the circle of chairs. Novels and journals from each member of the family forgotten and left unread since the day Jessie and Jonny had been called by Detective Dougan. Hadji could identify who was reading each book simply by the title. There were three or four each for himself and Jessie. Half a dozen for Dr. Quest alone. A couple for Race. A couple more for Jonny.
Hadji had remembered one specific evening when he and Jessie had been sitting in these very chairs, both immersed in scientific journals. Jonny had come in. Said nothing. He'd flopped onto one of the chairs and picked up whatever book he'd been reading at the time.
But he hadn't read it. He'd been too distracted by Jessie. He'd come to the library just to be near her. Instead of keeping his eyes on his book, he kept glancing at her.
And she hadn't even noticed.
Hadji had had to hide his smile for his brother behind the journal he'd been reading.
Jonny's most recent read—Jules Verne's Journey to the Center of the Earth—still lay open and face down marking where Jonny had last left off. Hadji picked it up.
"Would you like me to read to you?
Jonny looked at Hadji. Read? At a time like this?
Hadji put the book down.
Jonny stared at the carpet.
What else? What else could Hadji do? What else would keep Jonny's attention?
It was happening. Hadji was already breaking his promise to Jessie. He could see it like a physical action. Jonny was drawing into himself.
"I'm sure Jessie is thinking of you. I'm sure she's as worried about you as you are about her,"
Jonny half looked up. Then back down again almost immediately. Invoking Jessie's name wasn't even enough.
How would he explain it to Jessie? I tried. But in only a few hours he was basically catatonic. Please don't hate me. I want Jonny back as much as you do. But I don't have the power over him that you do.
It all sounded really pathetic and weak. Mere excuses.
Hadji was a failure and he knew it.
Estella appeared next to one of the empty chairs. She hesitated for a moment, then sat down. Hadji hadn't even realized she and Race had returned.
Jonny glanced up, but when it wasn't Jessie, he began to retreat again.
"Wait, Jonny, please listen," Estella said quickly.
Jonny paused, then lifted his face to Estella so she'd know he was listening.
"She needs you as much as you need her," Estella began. She paused to compose herself.
Jonny continued staring at her.
Hadji held his breath.
"She's been so much better since she stopped avoiding you. I wanted to thank you for being so patient with her. Being there for her. I know it must be hard for you. It's not easy for any of us, but only the two of you know what happened that day. Thank you for not abandoning my daughter. Thank you for sticking with her. For being patient with her. For being what she needs."
Hadji thought Jonny looked affronted that Estella would even suggest the possibility of Jonny abandoning Jessie. But then Jonny nodded. His eyes flickered up to meet Estella's for a nanosecond.
"I know it will mean a lot to Jessie if you will do your best to…stay aware…until she gets back."
Hadji thought that a bold statement to make. But Jonny nodded again.
"Thank you. And if you need anything, please let me know."
Estella rose and left the library. Hadji sat staring at her empty seat. Jonny turned to look at his brother. He didn't look anywhere near retreating anymore.
Thank you, Estella, for helping my brother.
The last twenty minutes of first period passed like a dream. Jessie was pretty sure she didn't even get all the notes. She was surprised by the bell ringing to end the period. The rest of her peers had already packed up. Jessie had to scramble to get her notebook, folder and pencil in her backpack before rushing out the door.
And then she froze. The hall was packed with students. There was no way she was getting through the mass with any semblance of isolation. For a moment she remembered having to walk through the police station and what a horror that had been and that hadn't been nearly as packed as this.
She waited thirty more seconds to see if the crowd would lessen. But she knew it wouldn't, having attended Rockport High for three years.
So she just had to take the plunge.
For Jonny.
Jessie took a deep breath. And stepped into the crowd.
When had she walked these halls, jostled by the other students, and not even thought twice about it? Now every tiny touch made her cringe.
Why did I think I could do this?
You locker. Just get to your locker.
Jessie had shoved the paper with her locker number and combo into her bag with the rest of her stuff. She stopped by a water fountain to get out of the flow of traffic. She took a moment just to breathe.
"Jessie! Hey!"
Jessie looked up to see who was talking to her. But whoever it was passed before she could respond.
Jessie pulled her backpack around front and unzipped it. It took her a few moments too long to locate the half sheet of paper that held her locker number. And then she had to stare at it a few moments before she could focus on it and not all the students moving by her. Some still rubbing against her as they passed.
Once she had the number in mind, she had to then take a moment to figure out where it was.
Of course, the other side of the school.
With another deep breath, she entered the mass. By this late in the passing period, the halls were beginning to clear out. Jessie dashed around the other kids in the hall, fighting to hold back her tears. Looking away from other faces so nobody would see.
She was practically sobbing by the time she finally got to her locker. The combination numbers printed on the paper blurred for a long moment before she wiped the tears she refused to let fall from her eyes. Stared at the numbers again.
Her shaking hands took three tries to get it right before the door popped open. She leaned into her empty locker and just breathed. Just breathed. And willed the tears back. And took all the time she needed to compose herself.
More than once she considered going to Ms. Bryan's office instead of second period.
Slowly, Jessie stood up straight. The bell had rung at some point to start second period. She rummaged in her backpack for her schedule to see where she was supposed to be. British Literature. That was in this hallway.
Jessie closed her locker door and spun the lock to secure it even though it was still empty. She trudged herself to Mr. Barry's door and made herself open it without hesitating.
It was the same thing as trigonometry. All those faces staring up at her. Curiosity. Something else too? Jessie didn't know. Or care.
And Mr. Barry staring at her too. "Jessie, uh, you're late."
No shit, dumb ass.
Jessie felt proud she had the wherewithal to not say that aloud.
"There's a seat there." Mr. Barry pointed in the middle of the class. "Grab a lit book. We're discussing Dickens."
Jessie wanted so badly to ask if it were possible to have a seat in the back. But there were enough rumors about Mr. Barry's reputation for her to know he liked his class interrupted as little as possible. No way he'd take the time to shift students so she could have her way. Trauma be damned.
Jessie grabbed her book from the shelf and picked her way amidst the stares of her classmates to her seat. She shoved her backpack into her lap and held her one-armed to her chest like a barrier. She had to look at the pages of the other kids' books to find the right page.
And for the rest of the period she couldn't say what was discussed or even if there was an assignment or homework. Thankfully nobody called on her to participate. At least this period she managed to notice when the rest of the students were packing up. And she took a moment to look at her schedule so she'd know where she was going this time.
Anatomy. Another trek across the campus. At least she had no need to stop at her locker.
The bell rang. Jessie stayed in her seat long enough for the room to clear. She deposited her book on the shelf and left without acknowledging Mr. Barry. And he did the same for her.
This time she didn't let herself hesitate to join the crowded hallway. Doing so didn't make it any easier. And Jessie found she could just let the crowds carry her along. Nobody really seemed to be paying attention to her. She only had to fight to make sure she didn't make any wrong turns and then she could just drift again.
Is this what it felt like for Jonny when he faded into his own world?
The turn for the Science hall was coming up.
"Jessie! Wait!"
Somewhere in her mind, Jessie recognized her best friend Amanda Stone's voice. It seemed weird. She hadn't thought about the girl since the day she and Jonny had had dinner at her house.
"Jessie!"
She wasn't ready to face Amanda. Jessie knew her friend would have questions. And would ask if she was okay. Not yet. Not yet.
"Jessie, stop!"
Jessie froze. But not because Amanda was calling her. The students continued to push on around her. Some even making rude sounds and comments as they past her.
Jessie lifted her head and turned to face the wall.
It was covered with photos. His photos. Some kind of memorial. We'll miss you. A flame burned out too young. Never forget.
And photos and photos and photos.
The hallway around Jessie disappeared. She was standing in that room again. Back where it all began. Photos covered every inch of wall. And ceiling. And floor. Her own face staring at her. Smiling at her. Naïve. Unaware of the twisted use they were being put to.
And she didn't have Jonny or even Detective Dougan there with her. She was facing this alone.
But she wasn't going to just stand here and do nothing.
Jessie launched herself at the pictures, her fingernails scraping against brick as she pulled them from the wall.
"Hey, Bannon! What the hell!"
She ignored the voice. Her hands grabbed at more pictures. Tore them down. Threw them to floor.
Jessie realized she was screaming.
"Stop her."
A hand landed on her arm, tried to pull her away. Jessie grabbed the hand, twisted. The young man wearing a Letterman jacket with a varsity football patch—even though it was still too hot for such a thing—hit his knees. Jessie knew she knew his name. But she didn't care enough to take the time to remember it. She simply pushed him and turned back to tearing down photos.
Two more football players grabbed her, one on each arm. Jessie stomped the insole of the one on her left and immediately he let go. Once her arm was free, it went sailing into the nose of the one on her right. The football player screamed out pain. He'd probably never been punched by someone who really knew how.
Jessie was free once more. The fight had cleared the area. Students stopping to watch the spectacle. Jessie ignored them all and went for the wall again. But a fourth football player, a big guy, grabbed her before she could reach it.
"Bannon, calm the hell down," the guy said as she struggled against him.
The football player whose foot she'd stepped on came at her. Jessie kicked him in the stomach and he stumbled backwards again. A fifth guy came from the side and tried to hold her legs. Jessie kicked out with both her legs, shoving him into the opposite wall.
Students called out, actually urging the fighting. Jessie could hear Amanda calling, trying to get to the front of the crowd.
Jessie went dead-weight. Just stopped supporting herself at all. The player still holding onto her slumped forward, struggled to keep a hold of her. Jessie grabbed the index and middle fingers of one of his hands and twisted. She pushed herself to standing as her assailant cried out and craned his body around trying to lessen the pain she was causing.
Jessie kicked his knees out from under him and he went down hard. She let go and ducked as a sixth assailant swung at her. He got her with a fast, follow-up uppercut. Jessie stepped back a couple of steps, but the student's punch hadn't fazed her all that much. She'd been hit much harder by people who knew how.
So the kid was surprised when she came back almost immediately, jumping up and striking down with a punch of her own. It hit him squarely on the cheek, pushing him to the floor and leaving blood on his mouth. Jessie followed it up by bringing her elbows to the back of his head.
Two more guys in Letterman jackets tackled her from behind…