Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroko no Basket for it belongs to Fujimaka Tadatoshi.
Enjoy the story. R&R, plz!
Chapter 13: What just happened?
"So, what do you have to say for yourself after seeing those pictures?"
Kuroko glanced up and answered immediately with a straight face. "I'm sorry to say this but this isn't proving your point about me having illicit affair with Akashi-kun." "Because our relationship is totally approved by our parents", he mentally added, "I can see that there is a major misunderstanding as to the real intention of Akashi-kun's action".
A few minutes ago, Kuroko had come up with a plan to save himself in this situation. In fact, he was pretty proud of himself for thinking up such a plan. It was an ingenious plan spread across the ages, carefully build with painstaking care in the ancient art of ninja and modern internet pranks of the most devious and cunning mastermind in the history of anything bar realism.
The plan was simple: just keep trolling these girls and guy, confusing these people into thinking that they might be wrong, which caused them to forget to abuse Kuroko, which would distract them long enough for Akashi to come to his rescue and attack them in blind rage built from hours and hours of loneliness on the road searching for Kuroko.
And how would Kuroko achieve this amazing feat of trolling? Psst, easy as pie for someone of a high-class troll as Kuroko Tetsuya. Shall we elaborate more on this? Possibly the most amazing troll in the history of basketball players, Kuroko did nothing to hide his intentions. From his too-small-to-play basketball stature to his permanent deadpanned expression of "I'm so not impressed" served only to infuriate the opponent and, to a lesser extent, his teammates, Kuroko was a troll from head to toes. Now, let's mix the enraging ability Misdirection, which allowed him to go invisible, with Kuroko's very limited, yet somehow very effective, talent of passing the ball around the court like a ninja, you have the answer why he was called the Phantom of the Court. Now for the final touch, let's throw in the monotone voice that sounded like Asperger Syndrome sufferer falling out of the window, and you had a perfect troll. Oh, and his hair and his eyes were light blue. Why? Because such a troll as Kuroko was obviously gonna need a befitting image of a troll.
Although the court was where he made his name as a world- class troll, the outside world was also the place Kuroko's trolling talent shone brightly. And this scenario right now attempted to justify that statement.
"Don't joke with us! It's obvious as daylight that you have bewitched our holy Seijurou-sama to do those…those…things with you. And you dare have the audacity to deny it? Just how shameless can you be?" , Sailor Flasher bawled her eyes out and Sailor Scotland patted her back in an effort to comfort her friend or stop her annoying crying.
"Please refrain from accusing other people until you have the full understanding of Akashi-kun's action. There is a deep meaning behind every of his gesture." Kuroko said calmly while maintaining a composed façade, almost convincing the others that he was telling them the truth.
"Just spit it out already. If your explanation doesn't make sense, then you'll be nothing more than the past to Akashi-sama", Queen Peach impatiently demanded, her eyes narrowing dangerously.
Kuroko just simply gave them his usual blank face, not even fazed a bit by the warning.
"You see, basketball is the team game that heavily relies on the trust and bond built between the teammates. As you all know, trust is not something you can build easily and quickly over just one night. It required lots of hard work, dedication and many actions to be made before trust is developed between people. Sometimes, certain sacrifice has to be done, either something precious or someone of great value to you. In some cases, one even loses their own life…"
"Yeah yeah yeah, we get it. To get someone's trust you need lots of shits got done. But that's not what we want to hear. We want your explanation as to why he did these things to you. Start talking now or I'll hit that pretty face of yours". Monsieur Whiteglove showed his fist in front of Kuroko's face to demonstrate his point.
Kuroko, once again, stared straight into the guy's face, as if the silverette's threat were no more than air. Then, he averted his eyes shyly, looking embarrassed.
"Oh, thank you. I really appreciate your compliment. I have to go through a lot to have this pretty face. My diet consists mostly of vegetable and milkshake. Every night, I have to apply facial cream and sometimes, to keep my skin cool and moisture, I use cucumber..."
"I don't fucking care about your beautiful face, or your fucking diet, or the fact you use cucumber, or carrot, or cheese to moisturize your skin. Go fucking straight to your point."
"Now that I remember, cheese is also a great food for health. It helps the growth of bone, eases the digestive system and strengthens your skin elasticity. In general, it's a perfect ingredient for teenage girls who want a healthy and beautiful skin", Kuroko continued and the Sailor Scotland squealed in delight.
"Oh my god, I didn't know cheese was that wonderful to my beauty. It's lucky that I ate a lot of them last week!", Sailor Scotland made a weird twirl. Kuroko refrained himself from laughing.
"However, on the other hand, people can easily get fatter, so it's not recommended for the overweight", the bluenette continued his lecture on the nutritional properties of cheese while wearing his trademark poker face. That was truly dedication. Dedication to one's art-the art of trolling.
Of course, this quickly set the fat brunette on panic mode, "Oh no, no wonder why I put on weight recently! What should I do? What should I do? What should I…"
"THAT'S ENOUGH!"
Monsieur Whiteglove's voice boomed round the room, effectively ended the brunette's loud ranting and gathered everyone's attention to him. The silverette looked so angry that his face was as red as a tomato.
"All of you shut up. We have a more important issue to address here, rather than some cheesy topic of cheese getting you fat", the guy turned a warning glare towards his companions, who immediately straightened up the posture, and bared his teeth to Kuroko, who seemed to be making himself comfortable by leaning his back against the wall.
"YOU THERE!", he pointed rudely at Kuroko, "You want to play? Fine, I'll play with you. And don't expect me to show mercy to the likes of you."
Instantly, a chill was sent directly down his spine as the bluenette locked his eyes with the smug ones of the other accompanied by an unsettling wicked smirk- one that spoke of many dark motives and nights spent watching Sailor Moon uncensored version while eating popcorn. Monsieur Whiteglove was definitely up to no good.
"Uh oh" was Kuroko's last words before the silverette's hand engulfed the bluenette's vision.
-o0o-
50 meters from Teiko basketball gym
Like a raging storm, Akashi dashed across the school yard, his image as cool as ever, conjuring up the image of a flashy prince riding his white horse to the enchanted castle of Sleeping Beauty. With only one thing in his mind, the redhead launched himself to the grand gym door, slamming it open with a loud bang and making his dramatic entrance. Everyone inside shuddered as they caught glimpse of the unpleasant looks on Akashi's face, which could only mean if one had any suicidal wish, he should just bravely walk to the Vice Captain of Doom and he shall have his wish granted though it was not advisable to those who wanted their parents to see their children's body. And that was just him being nice.
With a deep commanding voice that made guys go weak in their knees, Akashi asked. "May I ask where Haizaki and Nijimura are?"
"In the storage room" was their answer in unison. Akashi was secretly pleased that his teammates had demonstrated such excellent cooperativeness; therefore, he made a mental note of devising a more effective (read: more gruesome) training menu to enhance it more.
Akashi made his aggressive way to the storage room that was used to store training equipments. Like his previous dramatic entrance to gym, this time, the door was violently slammed open, revealing to the redhead a horrifying scene that would forever etch into the back of his mind. Akashi's mind additionally supplied the image with rating of R-99, but then his 99-years-old great grandma would probably have a heart attack from seeing it, so the redhead settled with R-50.
Haizaki was sitting on the ground, upper half of body supported by his arms while Nijimura was sprawling over the silverette, left fingers mysteriously slipping in the silverette's pants as if examining the other's skin or, god forbid, feeling something while right fingers slipping inside the shirt in a similarly mysterious manner. What was more, Nijimura's lips were nipping Haizaki's shoulder and it didn't help that the silverette was blushing like a virgin, though the redhead seriously doubted he was one.
Both boys on the floor let out an undignified yelp as they hastily separate from each other, only ending up another catastrophic scene with Haizaki lying on the ground and Nijimura on top of the other.
"Wait, Akashi. It's not what you think!". Nijimura felt a strong urge to explain the circumstances to his currently petrified Vice Captain. The raven felt like some man being caught red-handedly cheating on his lover, despite being not one.
Akashi could only come to one conclusion.
"You beast!"
"I can explain!"
"You monster!"
"Just hear me out!"
" &*#*((#% D $$%%&%" (an undiscovered language but most likely translated into really really nasty words)
"Eh, pardon, what are you saying?". Nijimura scratched his head in confusion.
Pressing his palm against the captain's face, Haizaki shouted, trying to break free from the current highly compromising position. "Get the fuck off me, you pervert. How long are you planning to stay on top of me?"
With that, Nijimura hurriedly moved away from the pissed silverette, unable to look into Akashi's questioning eyes. He was embarrassed to be seen in such a compromising position with Haizaki- the delinquent to whom he somehow developed some sense of care and –he begrudgingly admitted- fondness.
"Uhm, about that", Nijimura assumed Akashi understood what that referred to, "It's not like what you think it is. Haizaki and I are not..."
Akashi simply bestowed an understanding look on his captain, much to the horror of the latter. "It's OK, Nijimura-senpai. I was just shocked to see you in that kind relationship, but don't worry, you have my full support. Just please make sure that is not just the fleeting desire of your raging teenager hormones"- "What kinda support do I need? And what do you mean by "fleeting desire of raging teenager hormone"?" was Nijimura's mental scream; a part of his soul apparently died that day-"Oh, and don't forget to use protection." Akashi's supportive thumb-up moved Nijimura to tears, except he was already weeping, tears of literal manliness.
Then, Akashi's eyes suddenly turned homicide on Haizaki, who swore til a long time later, it was thanks to his super reflex honed by years and years of trying to avoid-he tried and he failed- Nijimura's- it was purely unintentional but could be easily be mistaken as ulterior motive- tripping in fortunately secluded places such as storage room, Haizaki's bedroom, Nijimura's bedroom, others' bedroom and ….school toilet that he managed to get out of that room bodily intact. The redhead unceremoniously swung his fist and Haizaki just barely dodged it, yelling "What the fuck?", harmonizing with Nijimura's girly scream echoing in the small room.
Then, it quickly developed into a game of cat and mouse, Haizaki being the mouse, Akashi being the cat and Nijimura just standing there like a dumbass. Things were supposed to keep going like that until Kuroko's phone rang off and the redhead decided to answer it instead of chasing Haizaki.
"Hello Akashi-sama", came the annoyingly cheerful voice of Akashi's supposed helper, "I hope you are doing well with your search because I just received report of you having made the wrong assumption about our hint, thus pursuing a wrong target."
Not giving Akashi a chance to talk back, the shady guy continued, "When we said strong emotion for you, it didn't necessary mean that the emotion was negative."
Silence was inserted into the atmosphere as the words slowly sunk into the redhead's brain and the shady man muttered "Are you still there, Akashi-sama?" on the other line. And Akashi facepalmed, facewalled, facebooked, face-whatever-hard-surface-ed at his own blunder. How on earth could he make such an amateurish deduction?
Apparently having sensed his young master's inner turmoil, the man continued, "Please, go back to the school building because Kuroko-sama is currently there. And please listen carefully because this will be the last hint we can give you. Your search will be faster if you seek help from a blond boy. Good luck, Akashi-sama. We're awaiting good news from you."
The call was cut as abruptly as it came. Akashi resumed his marathon towards the school building for the second time of the day; Nijimura just stared at Akashi's retreating back before tripping over thin air and landing on Haizaki, who just sweatdropped and let his captain sprawl over him in another overly compromising position. He was too tired to fend off the raven, anyway.
A member of first string just had to conveniently choose that time to enter the storage room. After one hour of desperate explanation and futile glaring, Nijimura still found himself being given incredulous stare and faint murmur of "Niji-hentai".
-o0o-
Kise leaned his back against the wall and eagerly took in every breath of oxygen after he completed his daily marathon against his fangirls that could be compared to a swarm of locusts hungry for body contact and any part of his body that was in their reach. To say he looked terrible was not enough to describe his current appearance; Kise felt as if he just dived into a pool of piranhas and came out decorated with kiss marks and bite bruises.
When his breathing pace had slowed down, the blond took a wary glance of his surroundings, checking if any fangirls were around, and then heard footsteps approaching nearer and nearer. Kise shuddered, ready to run for his freedom and virginity when he noticed that it was Akashi Seijurou- the mighty and scary Student Council President- running towards him with eyes burningly fixated on him.
The first thought that entered Kise's mind was the exclamation "Oh no, don't tell me Akashi is my fanboy that also wants a piece of me." The hungry looks in the scarlet eyes made Kise weak in his knees.
Akashi's dramatic scream didn't help much. The basketball Vice Captain's ordering him to not move further cemented Kise's belief that Akashi was secretly his fanboy and decided that it was time for the redhead to come out and profess his love. Kise mentally shivered at the horrifying scenario; he definitely didn't have any intention of crossing to the other side of the street, but he also didn't want to be featured on next School News's headline: "Model Brutally Murdered by His Fanboy for Rejecting His Love." That didn't leave him much choice either. How lovely!
Kise then found himself being rugby-tackled to the wall by Akashi, whose expression was so scary that until much later, he was grateful that his pants were still dry at that moment.
With a hoarse voice that could belong to someone deprived of love for so long, Akashi opened his mouth and spoke with urgency: "Have you seen Tetsuya?"
Kise immediately answered yes, even though he hadn't fully registered the question to his head.
"THEN WHERE IS TETSUYA?"
"Eh…. Wait… Who is Tetsuya?"
"THE ONE WITH HAIR BLUE AS SKY, EYES BLANK AS GHOST AND SKIN PALE AS MILKSHAKE." Akashi was so desperate that he didn't control what words just came out of his mouth.
"Eh, who again…?"
"WHERE IS TETSUYA?"
For fear of being murdered at the hands of Akashi, Kise instantly racked his brain for any recollection about meeting any person that matched Akashi's description. Fortunately, Kise's memory didn't fail him.
"Eh, do you mean the guy who is in the basketball first string, has very weak presence?"
"YES! THAT'S HIM! WHERE DID YOU SEE HIM?"
"The last time I saw him was when he was brought into the old room used to store cleaning equipments on the second floor by some silver-haired guy". Kise answered quickly, scared that Akashi might attack him if he delayed his answer any longer.
Realization lit up on his face, Akashi quickly got on his foot and run towards the stair, leaving behind Kise, who still didn't have a faintest idea what just transpired.
"Huh? What just happened?"
-o0o-
Everything had finally made sense to Akashi. Weirdly-dressed people, silverette, strong emotion, cleaning equipment storage. All the hints could only lead to one point.
His fanclub.
Just even the mere thought of that atrocious fanclub of his already made Akashi cringe. That fanclub was established two months after he made his debut in the basketball tryout and since then, they had been gathering members and growing at an insane speed. It was led by four people that were considered his most loyal, most devoted, most dedicated, or simply, most lunatic fans that he had ever seen in his life. Even his mother didn't even reach their caliber, and she was one heck of a crazy fangirl…eh… fanwoman…fanlady…whatever.
It first started with Ahomine's simple comment about his favorite childhood anime and then, the others decided it was a good time for them to bond with each other, through sharing the knowledge of their favorite cartoon. Aomine was a maniac of Sl*m D*nk; Momoi was a fan of Fush*g* Yuug*; Midorima was a sucker for Cardcaptor S*kura; Murasaskibara loved Yakit*t* Japan. When it came to Akashi's turn, the redhead just drew lotto in his head and chose SailorMoon. Akashi totally enjoyed the shocked face his friends produced, but he didn't enjoy the shock inflicted on him later.
For some reason Akashi would rather not know, the fanclub got wind of this and from that day on, the Sailor Chaos Quartet often paraded in public in those embarrassing cosplay while announcing the recruitment to the club.
If Akashi's memory was correct, there was a silver-haired guy in that quartet and that club usually organized their meeting in the old storage room, which could be considered rather large and dark- rumor said the lights there were broken.
When the room had come into Akashi's vision, the redhead immediately launched himself towards the door and ripped it open with a loud bang. Fortunately for him, those kidnappers had forgotten to lock the door or else, he would have graciously bumped into the unforgiving wooden surface.
The next thing that Akashi knew was that he was in great need of brain bleach.
Lying on the floor was Kuroko who was being tied, whose crotch was being occupied by the silverette, whose body was being covered by two girls, whose face were covered with another girl's chest.
In all, it looked like a horrifying scene that had been ripped off straight from an ecchi doujinshi, although it was mixed with some BL factors.
Akashi looked somewhat pretty calm before his expression was twisted into something unidentifiable, as if he was unsure whether to dissolve into maniac laughter or stab something. The expression was somehow inevitable because it was the third time in the day for him to stumble into something that should be enacted in pure privacy.
Conceal. Don't feel.
.
.
.
Oh, screw it!
Akashi felt rage.
Taking out a pair of red scissors from his pocket, Akashi charged into the storage room while laughing like a mad man. Who said he could not do both?
-o0o-
"So let me guess this straight… after you have come to the right conclusion, you headed straight to the storage room to rescue Tetsu-chan."
"Yeah."
"When you arrived at the room, you saw Tetsu-chan lying on the floor, in compromising position with those kidnappers."
"Correct."
"And you jumped into conclusion that they had forced Tetsu-chan into adulthood without your permission, and proceeded to punish them with your scissors."
"Couldn't be more correct."
"You tortured them by cutting up their costumes, transforming them in such a way it has become a new trend called "The rot in the city", which caused a huge fashion revolution."
"Correct in the first part, but not so sure about the other."
"But you gave them their rightful punishment for kidnapping your fiancé, right?"
"Yep."
"…AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T GIVEN TETSU-CHAN A PASSIONATE KISS AND PROCLAIMED YOUR UNDYING LOVE FOR HIM AFTER YOU RESCUSED HIM!"
"You read too many BL novels, mother."
At the moment, Akashi was talking to his mother via the screen held by a man clad in rainbow ninja suit. Talk about sneakiness, Akashi snorted.
After Akashi had finished mutilating the kidnappers' costumes, one man had emerged from the dark, claiming to be a member of a ninja group created by his mother, dedicated to protecting both Kuroko and Akashi from afar (Akashi personally thought it was more like stalking). It didn't take the redhead too long to notice that this was also the same shady guy that gave him hints about the whereabouts of Kuroko. The ninja also introduced him as one of Ayumi's most trusted agents, referred as his codename, "Y".
At first, the red-haired teen pondered about the meaning of the codename, but his question was soon answered as 3 other guys wearing the same eye-popping rainbow ninja suits suddenly appeared from technically nowhere, stating their codename, A,O,I respectively. And Akashi's mind went blank.
His attention was later directed to the portable LCD screen when his mother's nerve-wrecking face appeared on it, followed closely behind by a pink floral background and pictures of guys kissing. Akashi also found out, much to his chagrin, the reason why those YAOI ninjas were ordered to watch him was to not only protect him and his fiancé but also to record their life from when they first met to the future when they got married into video. Ayumi didn't forget to supply her son with information that the video had been recorded in HD-DVD and Blu-Ray DVD and recordings had been compiled into two volumes.
The conversation between mother and son ended with Ayumi saying to leave everything in her capable hand as she would personally deal with Sailor Chaos Quartet and make sure they would never harm Kuroko again. With that, the ninjas disappeared as mysteriously as when they appeared, taking the four kidnappers to god-know place that Akashi would rather not know.
Akashi could only let out a sigh and readjust his statement about his mother. The woman was the craziest fangirl he had ever seen; nobody would ever reach her caliber… ever.
-o0o-
Kuroko was nervous… really nervous.
Akashi had been dangerously quiet since they left school to go back home. Although the redhead didn't ask how the bluenette had ended up in such embarrassing position with the four kidnappers, Kuroko still felt compelled to give the redhead full details about what had actually happened.
As Monsieur Whiteglove approached Kuroko, he embarrassingly tripped over thin air, and landed conveniently in front of Kuroko's private place. Queen Peach intented to help her friend up, but ended up stepping over her shoe lace and falling over Kuroko's body, dragging Sailor Flasher with her. Gravity decided that Sailor Scotland should also be included into the mess, so the brunette tripped over the cardboard and squashed Kuroko's face with her chest. Kuroko, for a brief moment, thought he was gonna die due to suffocation.
Both teens eventually arrived at the mansion, but instead of their usual chattering, they remained quiet, one with an different face and the other with worry in his eyes. Unable to withstand the heavy atmosphere, Kuroko decided to take the initiative to speak first.
"Akashi-kun, I'm sorry."
For the first time since they left school, Akashi turned around to look at Kuroko, confusion painted in his eyes, "For what? You're the one who was kidnapped."
"Even so, if I had been more careful, I wouldn't have held captive and you wouldn't have exhausted yourself trying to find me."
"Don't worry about that, Tetsuya. You would have done the same if you were in my shoe."
Kuroko wasn't satisfied with that. Akashi's answer seemed dry and automatic, like the redhead wanted to end this conversation fast and stayed away from the bluenette. This scared Kuroko… a lot.
"Akashi-kun, I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me."
Scarlet eyes widened as he saw his fiancé lower his head, his little form trembling, his eyes glazed as if trying to contain the water that threatened to spill out any moment. Akashi's body had automatically reacted first, wrapping his arms around his fiancé in a gesture of comfort.
"I'm not mad at you. Why should I be mad at you? And why do you look like you're gonna cry any moment", Akashi said gently, hands petting the soft blue hair.
"Because I caused you trouble. If it weren't for me, Akashi-kun's reputation wouldn't be in danger. If it weren't for me, you wouldn't have to waste your time searching the entire school for me. If it weren…"
Before Kuroko could even finish speaking, Akashi had put his finger on his fiancé's lip, silently asking him to stop.
"Stop blaming yourself. When I said I'm not mad, I'm not mad. Who said you would ruin my reputation. Who said I wasted my time looking for you when you're kidnapped? Don't be upset like that. If you're upset then I will be upset, too."
Akashi then proceeded to give his fiancé a light peck on his forehead, "Don't be sad, okay?", another one on his cheek, "I like it more when you smile, so smile for me."
The redhead smiled contentedly as he saw a smile blooming on his fiancé's face. Feeling a bit bold, he tightened his embrace and had his face buried in the teal hair mob, inhaling the trademark vanilla scent.
The couple would have stayed in that position for longer if they hadn't been seen by a maid walking pass by.
The poor fangirl let out a scream, snapped pictures with her cellphone and ran back to the kitchen, probably to inform her friends about this shocking discovery of intimacy.
Akashi had forgotten one important thing. Arriving at home also meant that he had stepped into the territory of the AkaKuro Empire, as Ayumi had proudly named. Much to Akashi's fear, this had quickly triggered a tsunami of horrifying things that he would later curse with his own life.
Spoiler: it was a seed to many R-18 yaoi doujinshi and fanfictions and the sneakpeek sadly stopped here.
Akashi could only curse his unfortunate fate with the BL fans.
TBC
Every constructive comment is appreciated :)!