A/N: This chapter is based on Smokey Robinson's Tracks of My Tears... If you've not listened to it, I highly recommend it. One of my favorite songs EVER. Sorry that this is a bit belated. I've been working on other things (as evidenced by my LONG list of stuff). HEADS UP I may be doing some rebranding soon, connecting this with my original works, which you can learn more about on my blog at charlotteblackwood dot wordpress dot com. Keep your eyes peeled. If I do that, I'll be changing my username to CharlotteBlackwood or something like that. Maybe CharlotteBlackW... Like I said, keep your eyes peeled!

-J

She looked up at the ceiling, wondering how she'd got there. She hadn't fallen asleep in the hospital wing, had she?

No, but she vaguely recalled waking up in the morning, so this couldn't be her waking up in the morning. This was later in the day, but how much later?

There was the smell of something familiar... poppies.

Someone had put her favorite flower at her bedside, and she was still clutching the triquetra Remus had given her in her hand, so that was good.

There was a spot on the ceiling, she thought absently as she tried to sit up and found the world beginning to spin ominously.

"Just relax, now, dear," said the gentle and familiar voice of Madam Pomfrey. "Best if you don't get up too soon. I had hoped you'd sleep longer, but I suppose the adrenaline won out in the end."

Adrenaline? Why did she have adrenaline?

"What happened?" Jenny asked, ashamed to note that her voice was trembling slightly.

"That's precisely what I would like to know," said the voice of Professor Dumbledore. "Your sister certainly isn't saying anything, and Mr. Lupin is not in any state to say anything on the matter."

"Celia?" she groaned. "Remus?"

There was something coming back to her, but it wasn't clear enough to really know what it was.

"Not the youngest Miss Avery," Dumbledore said gently. "The other sister. She's not unharmed herself, but that is what Mr. Black is in detention for, and she wasn't saying who her accomplices were, and according to Mr. Black they'd gone by the time he found you two."

Found them?

Why did that sound so like something from a horror story or murder mystery?

There was something, she could almost recall...

It was a taste. She could taste Remus's lips, she knew they had to be his. She could feel his hand tangling in her hair as she leaned in for more of his lips, sighing into his mouth, giving in for just a moment...

Was that real, or just another dream? She had so many dreams.

"I have reason to believe that the accomplices were your sister's friends..."

Yes, she could almost see the faces of Melissa and her goons as they came around the corner to find Jenny and Remus tangled up in each other.

Regulus.

Had her fiancé been there?

Yes, he had, but he'd run away just after she saw his horrified, disappointed eyes.

He'd known she hadn't loved him, and he'd been all right with that, but the one thing he said he couldn't allow was for her to be around Remus. What would he do? Would he tell her parents, demand the match be called off, that they find someone better apt for taming and controlling her?

She shuddered to think who that might end up being. Regulus was soft-hearted for a future Death Eater. There was nothing soft-hearted about Rabastan Lestrange.

Rabastan...

That was the one who'd knocked out Remus when he'd tried to defend Jenny from Melissa's hex.

"Rabastan Lestrange," she whispered.

There was another name, but although she could remember the face she couldn't recall his name for the life of her, and he was much younger, so she ignored him.

"Was that all?"

"I... I think so. I'm sorry, Professor, it's just-"

"I understand, Miss Avery. Memories are fickle under the best of circumstances, but after traumatic experiences they are fickle at the very least. I must go and see to disciplining the guilty parties, but I wish you a very speedy recovery, as usual."

"Thank you, sir," she intoned hollowly as she heard his footsteps leave the hospital wing.

"Would you like another sleeping potion, dear? Or is the pain gone?"

Jenny tested sitting up again and found that there was only a mildly annoying buzz in her head, so she told Madam Pomfrey that she was much better and she looked around the infirmary beds.

There was Remus across from her, lying so peacefully in the bed as though sleeping, but she knew it was more serious than that.

"What was wrong with him?"

"He had some wounds," Madam Pomfrey said slowly. "Broken ribs, a bit internal bleeding. And a nasty concussion. I expect he'll have quite a nasty headache on waking."

She could feel tears building in her eyes as she realized that they must have inflicted the injuries while he was already unconscious, and then she felt the memory of screaming while her sister and the nameless boy held her against the wall, making her watch as Rabastan beat Remus's body for 'defiling' her.

Her knees had gone weak and she felt her stomach churn at the sight of Remus's blood rolling down his scarred cheek. She'd screamed and begged and pleaded to take it all back, even though she didn't want to take a single touch back.

She'd been hit, several times she thought, but the world had gone black after that and Sirius must have come sometime after that because she couldn't recall having seen him all morning.

She sighed as Madam Pomfrey headed into the other room. She couldn't remember why she and Remus had given in, had let themselves be weak. Well, she knew why, but she couldn't think of what had happened to lead up to that point. The memory just wouldn't present itself.

"Why?"

She looked up to the doorway and saw Regulus's face again, hurt and disappointed, although it wasn't just a memory this time. He was really standing there, demanding her reason for kissing Remus.

Because she loved him? Because it felt right? Because she couldn't say no when his breath was on her lips and his fingers on her neck?

"I don't remember," she whispered, looking back over at Remus, trying to remember as Regulus sat down beside her.

"Did they hurt you very badly?"

"Yes," she said, fighting back her tears, turning to him again. "And you let them. I remember that, I remember you walking away."

"If I'd stayed they would have expected me to hurt you, and him," Regulus said with a shrug. "I fear my brother a bit too much to hurt his friends, and I don't want to think of what he would do to me if I ever laid a hand on you. We're all trying to survive, Jeneva. Surely you can respect that."

But she couldn't. She looked over at Remus's sleeping face and wanted to reach out and touch it, no matter who could see.

"You can't do that again," Regulus whispered. "If you kiss him again and get caught, they'll kill you, and there's nothing I can do."

"I know," she said, wishing the words didn't hurt so much. "I know I can't. I know I shouldn't have done in the first place. But I love him, Regulus. I really do."

"I know," he said softly, shaking his head. "I know this can't be easy for you. I can't pretend to imagine I understand how you feel, but I do know it's got to be really, really not good. Right?"

With a small smile, Jenny nodded.

"I don't want it to be any worse. I promise."

And she believed him, because she wanted and needed to believe him. She needed to believe that someone was on her side in the whole fiasco of her life, whatever that meant.

But Sirius was on her side. Sirius was always on her side. And Anna was always on Jenny's side, and Tien. Lily tried to be, and James, although they never really understood properly and probably would never be able to.

And Remus... Remus was on her side.

And that was the problem, wasn't it? Remus and Jenny.

That was the problem entirely.

She didn't think she could stand not having Remus on her side, but if he was on her side it meant he cared about her, and how could she not care about him when he still cared about her? And how could she keep him safe if she cared about him?

She couldn't. Everything was impossible.

And Jenny still couldn't remember why, couldn't seem to draw up any image of why they were kissing, of how it had started, but she could certainly recall the kissing, the feel of his lips on hers and the vibration of their moaning into each other's mouths.

Remus stirred across the room, blinking, probably about an hour after Regulus had left. She frowned slightly, wondering if he would remember when he woke up, what had happened.

When his eyes finally blinked open, he clutched his head awkwardly and groaned.

"Unh," he growled. Then he looked up at her, blinking. "Jenny. Oh, Jenny, are you all right?"

She snorted.

"I've been healed," she explained. "I'm resting and letting everything mend properly, or so Madam Pomfrey tells me. What about you, though? You don't look so good."

"I'm fine," he said, obviously lying. "I'm... I'm sorry."

Jenny shook her head a little, confused.

"What do you have to be sorry for?" she asked incredulously. "You didn't hurt me."

"I kissed you," he muttered, wincing. "I knew I shouldn't have, but I just... I couldn't stand, it, Jenny. I'm on the worst part of the cycle and your lips... I wanted to taste you so badly. If I... If I weren't such a monster I could have controlled myself and then there would have been nothing for anyone to hurt you for. I'm so sorry."

Jenny sighed.

Well at least that explained that. Once Remus had kissed her, she knew herself well enough to know that she couldn't pull away.

She looked up at his face, his sweet lips, and she shook her head.

"Please don't be sorry," she whispered. "I don't remember everything, but I do remember the kiss, and it's a memory I'll always be glad of." She bit her lip for a moment before saying, "Especially because it can't happen again."

"Of course," Remus said hoarsely, too quickly, like he was trying to convince both of them that he meant it.

But she didn't mean it either. She wanted to kiss him again.

But they both knew it couldn't happen.

So she just sat there in silence, waiting for Madam Pomfrey to clear him, because from the sound of things his injuries weren't as substantial as hers. Once he'd been examined, Jenny would be alone in the hospital wing, and that would be that and she wouldn't have to see him again until she was healed. Hopefully that would be enough time for the fire in her belly to cool and for them to come to terms with their needing to be separate again. But it seemed to take forever for her relief to come.

Eventually he was examined and released, and she watched him climb out of the cot across from her, watched him watching her as he pulled on his robes and made his way toward the door.

"I'll see you later, then," he said softly, maybe hoping she would say something, anything, that would give him some kind of hope.

But hope was dangerous, and they both knew better, so she just nodded, ignoring the light throbbing in her head, and watched him turn dejectedly toward the doorway and walk away from her.

Jenny clenched her jaw and lay back on her pillows to glare at the stone ceiling.

She bored herself quickly, with nothing to do but glare at the ceiling, so she closed her eyes and tried to sleep, but all she managed to do was stare at the inside of her eyelids and wish she could find sleep.

Something was gnawing at her stomach, and she couldn't think of what it was.

But she stared at the inside of her eyelids some more, wondering if it was possible to die of boredom.

"Well, JV, you certainly have a knack for finding trouble."

She smirked in spite of herself, not opening her eyes.

"Hello, Sirius."

The mattress sank a bit where he sat down, and she opened her eyes to look up at him. He was frowning down at her, gray eyes full of concern.

"Celia came to me, sobbing, telling me that Melissa told her that she'd put you in the hospital wing. I don't ever want to have to comfort your crying sister again, JV. That's your job."

Jenny sighed, closing her eyes tightly. She hadn't thought that Melissa would be cruel enough to upset Cecelia like that, but she should have known.

"I'm sorry, Sirius," she whispered. "I didn't mean to, but..."

"Shh," Sirius soothed, hugging her tightly. "Tell me what happened."

So Jenny told him everything she knew or remembered, about Remus kissing her, about them being attacked, about Regulus visiting her and insisting that she distance herself from Remus and Remus leaving the hospital and how empty she felt when he left.

"I don't know what to do," she whispered, hugging his chest. "I don't want to lose him, but you see now how there's no way that we can even entertain the notion that-"

"Jenny, you can't let them rule your life," Sirius said defiantly. "You can't just let them win."

She snorted.

"I don't have those sorts of options, Sirius," she said tiredly. "Or have you forgotten what happened the last time I tried to take my freedom?"

The very thought of the sweet man her fight for freedom had condemned to what she was sure had been a gruesome death sent a chill through Jenny's spine.

"Of course I've not forgotten," Sirius sighed. "I'm sorry. It's just really hard for me, not knowing what to have you do. It's really hard for me not to be able to fix everything. I know it's hard for Remus, too."

She shook her head.

"Please don't talk about Remus," she whispered. "I need to think about something else right now. How's classes and stuff?"

Sirius shrugged.

"I don't know," he admitted. "As soon as I was done with Celia I came straight here. It's a fairly good excuse to miss classes, I feel."

"Somehow I don't think McGonagall would agree."

He shrugged again, kissing her forehead.

"If you get to miss classes, so do I," he said stubbornly. "You never know, she's got to have a soft spot for something. Maybe it's best friends cheering up their best friends in the hospital wing."

Jenny didn't think he was necessarily right, but the thought did occur to her that he might not be wrong. When Anna had been suck in the hospital wing during their second year because she had a Potions mishap while being picked on by some Slytherins, and Jenny and Lily were given passes to skip Potions for the whole week by Professor McGonagall because she was so furious that Professor Slughorn wasn't punishing the boys responsible for the incident.

This was sort of similar to that, wasn't it?

Sirius would certainly argue that it was.

They spent much of the rest of the school day sitting in her hospital cot, Sirius telling her about things the Marauders had done but hadn't gotten in trouble for, mostly to see her smile. Jenny paid him back by telling him about things the girls would write about him in the toilets for Filch to clean up.

"Who wrote that one, do you think?"

"Oh, I don't know, I would guess Bertha Jorkins. You know what she was like. Always one for gossip."

"Yeah, I guess, but I'd rather not think about Bertha Jorkins thinking about me in that way."

"Fair enough," Jenny laughed, trying to ignore the way laughing made her feel. "Sirius?"

"Yeah, JV?" he sighed, leaning back a bit and putting his arm around her shoulders.

She shook her head just a little, nuzzling her face against his chest.

"Do you think Regulus is honest?"

He didn't say anything for a minute, just sitting there, taking in her words. She had a sense that he didn't really want to talk about his brother, but he also knew how important such conversations were to her, since she really didn't have a choice but to marry Regulus.

"He was never really one to lie," he said slowly. "What did he tell you?"

"He said that if I don't stir up trouble," she whispered, "he would let me see my friends, Anna, James if we don't make too much of a fuss about it, and he said that he'd even help me meet you secretly, as long as our families didn't find out. He doesn't want trouble for Celia, either."

"Anyone who would want trouble for that sweet girl doesn't deserve to live," Sirius said, still slow, still cautious. He was considering Regulus's words. "But I have to say, Jenny, that you know Regulus well enough to know that even if he doesn't want to control you or hurt you, he's not really in control of the situation. He can't stand up to anyone." He paused. "What has he said about Voldemort, about these Death Eaters?"

Jenny nibbled her lip slightly, looking down at Sirius's arm and wondering if Regulus's already had a mark on it.

"He's going to join, but you knew that," she whispered. "He... he said he'll do everything he can to keep me out of the action, like Lucius has done with Narcissa."

Sirius just shook his head, but not another word was said between the best friends.