A/N: This chapter was written under the influence of Alter Bridge's Down to My Last. My favorite band. :D Sorry this has been so long in the waiting, but I had some technical difficulties that have put a lot of my projects on hold. I decided it was time to dredge this one up again. Cheers!

-C

Jenny tapped her fingers on the wooden table, feeling a strand of hair coming loose from her bun and tickling the back of her neck. She wanted to put it back, but it didn't seem appropriate. It was bloody distracting, though.

She was supposed to be listening attentively to the speech Dumbledore was giving. In the morning, she would be on the train home for the last time, the last journey with her friends, her last goodbyes to Remus. She could feel her whole body tighten at the thought of saying goodbye to him, possibly never to see him again. And he loved her, he really loved her, and she had to walk away from him.

Jenny had never been suicidal, but she would have done almost anything to get out of the situation she found herself in. If not for Celia, she might have entertained the idea.

Underneath the table, Jenny felt Sirius's familiar hand close over hers, as though he could read her mind, a reminder of the other things she had to live for. Regulus had said that if she was good, if she did as she was told, she would get to see Anna, James even, and occasionally Sirius in secret. She knew that Regulus wasn't really trying to control her. He was giving her options that he had control over because it was the best he could do, for both of them.

Sirius squeezed her hand gently and Jenny tried to look a little less dead.

She met Remus's eyes across the table, burning amber. He wasn't listening to the speech either. He was thinking of their one night together, of how it would never happen again, of how for all they knew they would never see each other again. Jenny looked down at her plate quickly to keep from sobbing right there in the Great Hall, where everyone would hear, everyone would know. Sirius squeezed her hand again, and she felt Anna's hand slip into hers on the other side.

Jenny took a deep, steadying breath. She just had to get through this and then she could go up to her dormitory and cry away her last night in peace. Somewhere away from the watchful eyes all around her.

As soon as Dumbledore said goodnight, Jenny dropped her friend's hands and stood, hurrying out to the entrance hall with the first wave of students, scurrying up the marble staircase, wanting one last look at the boys' dormitory before she retreated behind her bed curtains.

To her surprise, when she finally did get to the boys' dormitory, someone closed the door behind her and locked it. She turned to find Remus watching her with the same burning eyes and she was afraid she wouldn't be able to say no if he asked her to stay.

"Remus," she whispered, her voice shaking with unshed tears. He crossed to her in two swift paces and said nothing, pressing his lips to hers.

Despite her better judgment, her lips responded instantly to his touch and she began to kiss him hungrily, her body begging her to take the initiative, to keep this going, to have just one more night with him.

But she couldn't afford to do that, and he pulled away first, his eyes full of tears and pain, obviously thinking the same.

"I'm sorry," he sighed against her lips. "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done that, but I couldn't…."

"Don't," she said. "Don't apologize for that."

He nodded, pressing his forehead to hers, holding her there, ignoring the knocking on the door that was likely James. Tears streamed down both of their cheeks, and he took his fingers and wiped the tracks off her cheeks.

"I love you," he whispered. "No matter what happens from here on out, never forget that I love you more than anything."

She nodded, biting back sobs, praying he understood how lost she was to find the words to tell him how she felt.

"Goodbye," he said softly, a whisper no louder than a breath. "Try to be happy."

But how could she be happy without him? How could she be happy knowing that somewhere he would be loving her, and she couldn't be with him?

She said nothing. She just quickly pressed her lips to his and pulled away before she could be tempted to give up her resolve. And she unlocked the door and left through Sirius and James and Peter, hurrying to her own dormitory fighting back tears.

The other girls said nothing when she pulled her bed curtains around her and began to cry. Jenny hugged the duvet to her eyes, letting it catch all her tears as she thought of the light in Remus's eyes, the feel of his lips, the touch of his hand on her cheek. She only wanted one thing, just this one thing in life. Why couldn't she just have him?

She could hear Lily and Anna talking softly in the corner about their last-minute packing, what they would do when they went home.

Plans. They were talking about plans and the future, but Jenny couldn't fathom a future, any future. She held onto the triquetra pendant so tightly that she could feel the corners of the knot digging into her palm painfully, but she needed to feel it as she sobbed silently into her sheets. Lily, Anna, they would live. They had lives to look forward to, even with the war on. Jenny had a year of her own private hell until Regulus graduated, one year to suffer through before any miniscule glimmers of hope appeared on her horizon.

She had no sense of when she fell asleep, but she woke up in the morning with stinging, aching eyes and an imprint of a triquetra on her palm.

At the train, Sirius took her to a compartment at the back of the train and no one argued. She didn't meet Remus's eyes as Sirius led her away, and Sirius locked the door, wrapping his arms around her and brushing a bit of hair out of her face.

"Did you cry all night?" he whispered.

Her only answer was a small sob she couldn't bite back as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"Well, I can see one positive about this upcoming year for you," he said weakly. Jenny raised her eyebrows questioningly. "You won't have to see Melissa for hardly any of it."

Jenny choked out a laugh at this. While she did admit to herself that this was a positive, it would hardly make the year any more bearable. If she was forced to stay in her own home, she would have to face her father every day and David frequently. And if she was taken to stay with the Blacks in Grimmauld Place, she would have Walburga Black to deal with every day.

"You're going to fight," she said when the wilds of Scotland transformed into farmland out of their window.

"Yeah, you've always known that," he said softly. "There is a lot of terrible stuff going on, JV, and what else am I going to do with my time? We're all fighting."

"Not Anna," she reasoned.

He snorted and said, "Yeah, can you honestly imagine Anna Knight fighting? I'm still amazed that she passed her Defense O.W.L."

That had been quite a shock, but Jenny had gotten over it long ago. Still, Anna couldn't manage a broken nail, much less dodging curses. Jenny knew the rest of their year were fully capable of defending themselves, at least against the Death Eater wannabes they had encountered in school. But in the real world? Those wizards had years, even decades of experience on the new graduates, and no scruples to boot.

"Be careful," she said softly, feeling a shiver run down her spine. Sirius said nothing, glancing out the window. Even though they were sitting together, probably for the last time in a long time, the space between them was unfathomably large. His eyes were distant, dark, sad. Perhaps he was thinking of Tien. She decided it would be rude to ask.

Jenny curled up against Sirius's chest and wondered if Remus had spent the whole night crying, too. In a way, she wished he had, wished that she could tell herself that they both loved each other so much that it caused them both immeasurable pain to part like this. On the other hand, the thought of Remus crying, in pain, made her feel sick to her stomach. She couldn't really sustain a wish for it, no matter how romantic the idea was. She curled her fingers into Sirius's shirt. She would not ask.

"You know," Sirius said thoughtfully, "I never really imagined that I wouldn't be at your wedding." He ran his fingers through her hair gently. "I mean, I always thought I'd be in your wedding."

"As?"

"Oh, maid of honor," he said, sticking out his tongue playfully when she twisted her head to look up at him, horrified. "Or as best man if you and Remus ever got over yourselves."

Jenny fought the onslaught of tears as best she could, but almost as soon as Sirius stopped speaking, she curled up, doubled over, her head on Sirius's lap as she sobbed. She did not listen as he muttered words that were clearly meant to comfort her. She was thinking of the way it felt for Remus to kiss her, the way his breath tasted, the feeling of his tongue tracing down her body. Sirius's fingers worked through a knot in her hair as he continued to speak, maybe telling her lies like everything would be alright, or that things would work themselves out. She had nothing, no options, no way of having the one thing in life she actually wanted.

At some point, she fell asleep on Sirius's lap, lulled to sleep by her tears and the rhythm of the steam train. When she woke up again, they were pulling into the station, and Sirius was kissing her forehead.

"JV, love, it's time."

She almost asked him what it was time for, looking around the compartment, feeling confused, but then she saw their trunks above his head and she felt a wave of horror washing over her.

"No," she whispered, feeling panic attack her throat. "No, please. It can't be."

Sirius's eyes were beginning to fill with tears and he shook his head.

"Jenny, we have to go."

Her breath was escaping her, and as Sirius took their trunks down from the overhead racks she tried to slow her breathing, which was becoming rapid and shallow. The compartment was spinning slightly, and she felt uncomfortably lightheaded and nauseous.

"I don't want to go," she said as he held out his hand to help her up. She stared at his fingers, not taking it, not moving. "Please, Sirius, I don't want to go."

He sighed, kneeling down in front of her, taking her hands in his and kissing them.

"I would take you with me if I could, you know that," he whispered. "You and me, on the run, maybe even taking Celia with us. I would keep you safe." Jenny could feel her hands trembling in his hands. "I would do anything to keep you safe, JV, but this isn't the time and place. There would be no way to get you out of here, and Celia's still too young. You could leave any day and they wouldn't follow you, but I know you won't leave without her." He kissed her forehead again and said, "C'mon, love. I don't like it either, but it's time to go."

Sirius led her out into the corridor, where she was mildly surprised to find Remus and Anna standing, waiting.

"There you are," Anna said, relieved. "I was worried you tried to Apparate her off somewhere, Sirius. You know they sent Andrew to pick her up this year."

Jenny had forgotten that, and she blinked back tears. Andrew would treat her well, at least, and be pleased to see her. That was something small to look forward to.

Remus was watching her, his neck tense and his eyes so red and puffy that they looked as though he'd been smacked across the face. Jenny wanted to touch his face, to feel the warmth of his skin radiating into her fingertips. She could recall so easily the warmth of his body, of his skin against hers as they pressed together.

"I don't want to go," she said again, the words tumbling out of her mouth before she could stop herself, and she felt another wave of tears approaching. She must have swayed on the spot, because Remus and Sirius both reached out to steady her, but Anna swatted Remus away.

"Neither of you are helping things," Anna said harshly. "C'mon, Jenny. I've got you."

She shooed the boys away, although Jenny wanted to protest, wanted to beg Remus to come back, to stay with her, to hold her. It was probably for the best, she knew, in spite of the painful emptiness in her chest when Remus and Sirius turned toward the exit at the end of the corridor, out of sight. After all, only Anna was approved by her family. Only Anna could help her now.

And in spite of how typically vapid and selfish and melodramatic Anna could be, today she was being an incredibly supportive, selfless friend. Mostly, this was lost on Jenny, who was disoriented and panicked. Anna led Jenny off the train, supporting her as they walked out into the throng of students trying to get back into the Muggle portion of the station. Once off the platform, Anna led a disoriented Jenny over to where Andrew was waiting for her.

"Jeneva," he said, holding out his hands as his sister approached. She took them, feeling how large and warm they were as he kissed her cheek. "The twins took the girls home. I waited for you. Are you well?"

She knew she didn't look well, and he was waiting for some explanation for her lateness, one that would satisfy their parents and explain her disgruntled appearance.

"I…I…"

Jenny's mouth was dry, and she felt as though her throat was closing under her brother's stern gaze. She needed a story, any story.

"She took ill on the train, poor thing," Anna lied, in her most breezy, vapid voice that Jenny knew she reserved for social functions she didn't want to be at. "I suspect those silly boys spiked the punch at our Gryffindor graduation party. You know how absurd teenage boys can be."

She even sniffed for good measure, and Jenny could have kissed her.

"I see," Andrew said, his posture relaxing slightly. He was practiced at controlling his expression, but Jenny recognized relief in his eyes at the plausible excuse for the state she was in. "Thank you for looking after her, Miss Knight."

"The least I could do," Anna said, giving her his sweetest smile.

Although he was older and bookish, Andrew was not unattractive, and Jenny knew that he'd grown a bit uncomfortable being around Anna once she began to mature. If she hadn't been so miserable, Jenny would have either gagged to shame her brother for his awkward semi-ogling of her friend or would have schemed to get the two of them together. Likely the former, as she didn't want her friend to become attached to her family.

Andrew cleared his throat awkwardly and said, "Well, we really do have to be getting back, but I certainly hope…. I mean…. Will you be at the events, Miss Knight?"

Anna looked a bit hesitant, glancing over at Jenny. Her family rarely went to any of the pureblood parties thrown throughout the summer, everyone showing off their gardens and wine reserves, trying to upstage each other. The Knights preferred to stay out of the petty "my wand is longer than yours" conversations. Neither did the Potters, come to that. But Anna knew as well as any of them that those might be rare and important opportunities to see Jenny, to figure out how she was.

"We haven't decided," she said, smiling nervously. Anna was never nervous, so Andrew should have taken this as a sign that something was wrong, but he didn't seem to notice. "It is certainly possible."

"Well, I hope you do," he said, bowing his head slightly. "It would be a…a pleasure to see you again."

Anna nodded, kissing Jenny's cheek as Andrew led her out to the car park. Behind a large camper van he took her hand and Disapparated.

Jenny looked around at their surroundings. There was a considerable walk up the lane before they reached the outer line of their grounds, the large wall denoting their property.

"You could have gotten us a bit closer," she muttered, feeling that the walk was terribly long.

"I know," he said, forcing her to stop and look at him. His eyes were full of concern as he tried to decide how she was. "Jenny, I wish there were something…"

She just shook her head. There was nothing he could do, nothing he could ever do. Even when he lived under the same roof, he never had enough power to keep her safe. She remembered hiding under his bed once as an eleven-year-old, trying to stop crying so they wouldn't hear her. He pretended not to know where she was, but her father heard her and found her anyway.

They stood there in the lane for a long moment, just sharing a moment of silent understanding.

"I love you," he said, kissing her forehead with tenderness he normally never showed. "I'm sorry."

Jenny couldn't find the resolve to speak, and it frightened her when by the time they reached the gates to their property, his face was once again the cold, passive expression he wore almost naturally.

A/N: New Feature! Review Prompt: How will Jenny spend Regulus's last year of school?

-C