A/N: Believe it or not, I'm actually alive! I'm so sorry for not updating in forever. I have excuses that you're probably not very interested in, but sometimes life gets busy. I sincerely apologize for taking so long. Although. this website wasn't exactly helpful! I did try to upload earlier but wouldn't let me login to my account. This chapter takes place in the first episode of the third season, A Deadly Affair. I've had this idea for a while. I'm not sure I'm happy with the ending of this particular one-shot, but it was tough to write since I didn't want to focus too much on the progress that will happen in Kate and Castle's relationship in season 3, but only the short moment of Kate being confused. I hope you find it readable anyways. Also I figured Kate was a bit more smitten with Castle before she was a oh so serious detective, so I didn't think it was too ooc. Hopefully. Also a shoutout to Mariana for firstly, pitching this idea with me, and secondly reading it first and convincing me that it didn't totally suck. I'm gonna say this again, if you have any ideas for missing moments or AU one-shots, please do share them! Okay, I'm gonna stop wasting your time now. Happy reading!

What kind of mess were this people involved in?

The same sentence repeats itself in my head over and over again as I stare at the pictures on the murder board. None of it makes any sense. I want to solve this case and missing an obviously big piece of the puzzle frustrates me. And on top of all, I made that bet with Castle.

Castle.

There's another confusing factor in my life.

Seeing him walk away with what's-her-name (okay I know her name, I just prefer not to say it) really hurt me. Much more than I'd like to admit. I had just convinced myself that letting Castle more into my life wasn't such a bad idea, that I would give him a chance, and then he walked away, just like that.

'See you in the fall.'

That godforsaken sentence had been haunting me for months, until it really was the fall, and Castle still hadn't come back. I was sure he wasn't coming back, sure that I had made a fool of myself and that he'd forgotten all about us here in the 12th.

Yet, here he is, sitting a few feet away from me, staring at the murder board. And I have no idea how to feel about it.

That's the thing, I never know how I feel when it comes to Richard Castle.

I was hurt when he left. I was embarrassed and a little angry, definitely upset. But now that he's back..

I mean I was mad at him. Oh was I ever. The second I first saw him at the crime scene, I could feel my face flush with anger towards him. How dare he walk out on me and not call? But now things are almost back to normal. Somehow he yet again convinced me to take him back. And I'm glad he is back.

Still some questions I haven't been able to let go of. Is he still with Gina? Does he only want to work with me because he gets to play cop? If it wasn't for this particular case, would he ever have called?

From the moment I brought him in for questioning at the precinct two years ago, he has been a pain in my ass. He acts like a child and doesn't listen. He hits on me constantly while still sleeping with other people (like his ex-wife number 2).

But every time I think 'jackass playboy' something at the back of my mind tells me I'm wrong. That's not all he is and I know it. Because even before that night two years ago, he's been there for me. I would never admit this to Castle, but he helped me before he even knew who I was.

His books have always been my favorites. 'So what' you might think. People have favorite books? But his books weren't just good. They were something I shared with my mom. Something that made me smile after a rough day, they still do. And as much as I hate him teasing me about reading his books, I do love them. That's why I stood in line for over an hour to get one signed..

Although the air outside is quite chilly for a New York spring, inside the bookstore the air is thick. The whole store is packed with people of all ages and genders. Most of the people standing in line are women a few years older than me, who honestly seem to have other interests than the literature, but I don't focus on them but the book in my hands and the fact that I'm about to meet the person who wrote it. I stand on my tip toes to see over the line of people still ahead of me. I can only see the top of the head of the man currently signing books.

I take a deep breath. The woman before me is using way too much perfume. I run my fingers through my hair, again. Why am I this nervous?

I know why. These books mean so much to me. They always have but especially since.. Well, let's just say that they make me feel better when there isn't much else making me smile.

There's only three more people in front of me in the line. I've been standing in the line for over an hour, and it got a bit boring. But now that I'm actually approaching his table, I suddenly feel so nervous.

The woman that just got her book signed steps away from the table to talk to the woman standing behind me.

"Oh he is so charming! And even better looking in person!"

I roll my eyes. Not because I disagree with her, I don't, but because I've been waiting for this moment for so long. I feel like doing this brings me closer to mom, which logically makes no sense, but all the memories of those late nights in the summer spent talking about these books are fresh in my mind and it feels like she's here with me.

Suddenly I feel someone poking my shoulder from behind me. I turn around to see what's going on.

"It's your turn." The woman behind me says rather rudely.

"Oh, sorry." I quickly say back before stepping forward to stand in front of the table.

At first he's not looking at me. He's typing a message on his phone, but only for a minute. I notice his dark hair, his long eyelashes and dimples. And suddenly his blue eyes are looking at me.

"Hello." His deep voice says to me and I need to take a breath before I remember how to respond.

"Hi." I reply, but it comes out as more like whisper.

"What's your name?" He asks, looking at me almost curiously.

"Kate." I say and my voice sounds stronger now. "My name's Kate." I place my copy of his book on the table and he smiles at me and opens it on the first page.

"Well Kate, has anyone ever told you that you have beautiful eyes?" He says, not looking at me anymore but writing something down on my book.

"Uh, no. Thank you." I mumble. I can't get over his eyes, they're insanely blue! What's so great about my eyes?

"Well, they are. Beautiful. I hope to see them happier one day." He says, his voice caring, like he actually knew me.

"What?" I squeak. What could he possibly mean?

"I just hope that whatever you're going through doesn't stop you from being happy. Not for good." He answers me, his eyes still on the page of the book. I can't do anything but stare at him, my mouth hanging open. How does this man, a complete stranger, read me like an open book?

"Whatever it is, it's not forever. Okay?" He says, finally looking up from the page on the book, and into my eyes again.

I can't find my voice in the moment so I just nod. He smiles.

"Good. Take care of yourself." He says warmly. "Until next time, Kate."

"Thank you. So much. For.. Everything." I say quietly, grab my book from his hand and step away from the line. I steal one last glance at him while I'm walking away. For a second I could swear he was looking after me, but just a second because he's already greeting the rude woman who was in the line after me.

I didn't say any of the things I wanted to. I wanted to tell him what his books meant to me. How some of my best memories are about reading his books, how they always manage to keep me going. I didn't say any of those things to him. I barely talked at all. I sigh.

How could he have known something was wrong from looking at me for two seconds? The look he gave me was so intense. Is he like that with everybody? He must be. Still, it sent shivers down my spine. He was quite like I expected him to be. Nice, calm, smart.

I feel like laughing at myself. Come on Kate, you saw the guy for five minutes. And he must be just as charming to everyone on the line. That was not a special moment for him, I was just another fan. Still.. Even if he never thinks about me again, he has impacted my life.

It doesn't dawn on me to look at the signature until I actually get to my apartment. I completely forgot about it, thinking about the meeting with the author himself.

I sit on the couch, not bothering to take off my jacket. I take the book out of my purse and flip the first page open. My eyes scan the paper for a few seconds. I can't help the smile forming on my lips as I read the words on the page over and over again.

To Kate,

Don't let anything keep you from being the extraordinary person you're meant to be.

Love, Richard Castle

I finally close the book, but I still can't put it down. Mom would've loved that message. Mom would've agreed with that message. I know I can't feel sorry for myself anymore. I need to do something. Something to make a difference.

I smile at the memory of that day. Needless to say, I've spent a lot more time with Castle since that day, but no matter how childish he acts or how many dates he brags about, somehow I always remember that day, and how those three minutes with him impacted my life. He can't be all bad. In fact I know that he isn't.

He quite enjoys playing the rich and handsome playboy role, but I know better than that.

Maybe I'm not ready to be more than so called partners with him, but I know I can't just ignore him or make him go away. I can't because he would keep coming back, but also because deep down I don't want to. Not that I would ever admit that to anyone.

I have no idea what him coming back to the precinct means for me, for us, and I know there are still things to be resolved between us but suddenly I'm sure I don't want him gone. Now I just need to figure out how to get him to stay without telling him how I feel.

Maybe if I lost the bet..

I hope you guys enjoyed this little one-shot. Please leave a review to let me know what you thought. I've loved reading your reviews, I hope to see more of them! -S