Disclaimer: As long as it's not mine…

A/N: There was a change of schedule, so instead of starting testing today (MY BIRTHDAY, in case you hadn't heard the first billion times) I hung out in the cafeteria with my I-pod and wrote this chapter!

Fiyero squinted at the ceiling, as though the answer might magically appear there. "Okay, so Andrea Lane Finner invented Jenny-Any-Dot candy, causing all the citizens of Munchkinland to get major Ma-cavities?"

"Right- again," Elphaba said, giving him a crooked smirk. Fiyero had learned rather quickly during their all night cram session that this was the closest thing to a smile he was going to get from her, even post panic-attack.

"You really are smarter than you think you are," she continued- not affectionately, but merely as though it was a fact.

And that was fine. He enjoyed a challenge.

"I never claimed I wasn't smart," Fiyero replied airily. "I just think studying is a waste of time."

She closed her book, eyeing him intently. "Why?"

He waved her question away unconcernedly. "It's just so pointless, you know? Besides, I'm royalty. It's not like I need to earn anything- I'm set for life."

Elphie narrowed her eyes- eyes that, Yero couldn't help noticing, were the color of dark chocolate. Which was very warming.

"I thought we had this discussion already," she said impatiently. "If your brother—"

"My brother is going to be exiled just as soon as some bitter fan-girl he never once looked at claims he is her infant's parental-- it's only a matter of time," he replied affably. "I'll be first in line within the year, you just wait."

This statement seemed to irritate her very much- which was very pleasing to the hormones, he had to (inwardly) admit.

"Well then don't you want to be well-informed about things, so you can be a good king?" countered Elphaba.

With great restraint he managed not to laugh right in her face. "Tell me, Miss Bookish, do you know of any Winkie monarch this century who has been an upstanding fellow?"

"That Winkie fellow in your nether-region seems to be doing a decent impression of it," she muttered darkly.

"What was that?"

"I said that's because they aren't fellows," replied Elphaba, a little too quickly. "All Winkie rulers have been queens for the past two centuries, right?"

Fiyero snorted. "I don't know why you bother to ask when you're obviously a walking encyclopedia-- or is having two-faced katydids come groveling to you for tutoring a new trend?"

When she didn't respond to this bait, he continued: "Yes, Mother is the reigning monarch, but you can't say she's done anything. Other than produce that hideous song, of course…"

"ElizabethDianaFergalicious?" cried Elphaba. Yero grinned in triumph; he had finally made her smile. The green tint of her cheek flattered her mouth, making her white teeth seem even pearlier than they already were. And Oz, those lips! He had see them part further; make her really laugh, even at his personal expense.

"LizzieDiFi make them boyz go while 'cause baby boyz they know, they know just how she flow!" he sang out at a highly off-key falsetto.

It worked; Elphaba was rolling, the strain of cramming and the lateness of the hour breaking down that ridiculous temperamental wall she put up. It was so good to see her do something other than scowl.

"Aw, now," Fiyero said, pretending to be offended by her reaction. "You don't see me laughing about your family, do you?"

Elphaba was somber again instantly. "There is nothing about my family that could ever be construed as funny," she said firmly, those chocolate eyes now blazing like coals.

Fiyero opened his mouth, but then shut it again, realizing he had no idea what to say to that. She was so fragile. Like a little green turtle, who had to be coaxed out of its shell for hours before it budged and then darted back inside at the slightest noise.

A really, really warm turtle. Like, flaming.

Oh Oz, this girl was starting to make him think like Quoxis Milton!

Although, a part of his thoughts- a teeny, tiny, yet still highly perverted part- wished Elphaba would like to partake in some Quoxis Milton-like behavior.

"I am an ass," he said aloud.

Elphaba's face changed. Apparently Fiyero's worst green-mind-reading nightmare had not come true, and she thought he had made the remark about his prompting about her family. Hence, she began to babble apologetically.

"No, you're not, the Thropps are, I didn't mean to- You could never be a-"

This was the point where, if there had been anyone but Miss Elphaba Margaret Thropp involved, the two would have ended up in an impassioned kiss- possibly leading to more. Their thoughts would slowly fade away, the very last of those thoughts metaphors involving darkness engulfing them, any remembrance of other suitors falling away into nothingness.

But since this was Miss Elphaba Margaret Thropp he was dealing with- owner of the goody, not ruby, two shoes- she recoiled as soon as he leaned in and blurted "What about Galinda?!" before he got any action at all.

Damn it!

"She has those thick textbooks to keep her safe if the bathtub monster tries to get her again, we shoved some celery under the door three hours ago to keep her blood sugar up, and I'm pretty sure that grumbling sound is her snoring, not a small hurricane, so-" he leaned in again.

She tilted away. "You are an ass," she informed him, but he could tell she was masking amusement.

"Well, as your books will tell you, ass-ness is a symptom of lip-withdrawal; perhaps you could do something to rectify that situation-?"

Damn that cheek that would turn away, curse it despite the beautiful emerald zeal it reflected in the candlelight.

"She's my best friend, Yero, my only friend- except perhaps you," Elphaba said seriously. "I can't lose her."

The "friend" bit had stung him- he didn't want to be her friend. "But-!"

She stood up. "It's late- I should probably check on Nessa, I haven't seen her all day."

"Oh come on- it's only just one night. How much trouble can she get into?"

A/N: Tee hee. Famous last words. Reviews are love. Oh, and one more thing? Being massively slow, I only just realized that Toto is a TERRIER, not a Scottie. Therefore the title makes no sense. So if you could mention your opinion on whether or not I should change the title in your review (though please don't JUST say that, leave some stuff about the story, too!) that would be fantabulous.

Side note to Webber fans: Yes, I know technically it should be Dame Andrea Lane Finner, but I didn't think they knight people in Oz, or at least not musical-verse. But that's just me ;)