Disclaimer: Don't own Wicked, stole one line from "Some Like It Hot", and I would like to disclaim the fact that I said last chapter sucks. It doesn't. But I promised you a great chapter, and hopefully, I've given you a great chapter. But please keep in mind that I have been volunteering as a quick changer/chaperone/been dancing in a showcase for four days straight, and therefore am dead tired.
Burying her face into her frilly pink pillows, Galinda Upland tried desperately to block out the sound of her roommate's voice.
"Get up," it ordered, the owner of said voice clocking her over the head with another cushion.
Galinda grumbled something indistinguishable, wrapping the fuchsia comforter tighter around herself. Elphaba, clearly not in the mood for dallying, threw open the shutters beside the other girl's nightstand.
"No!" Galinda moaned as the sun bathed her face, stinging her unadjusted eyes. "Twirlly…"
"It is not too early," Elphaba snapped, yanking the covers off of her head (Galinda squealed and curled into a ball). "You're already running late, I got up hours ago!"
"You also wear black after Work Day, doesn't mean I'm about to start," grunted the other girl, still not opening her eyes.
Elphaba scowled. "If you don't get up now, you won't have time to put on any make-up."
Galinda bolted upright. "I'm up!" she cried, stumbling out of bed.
Elphie rolled her eyes; only Galinda would be more concerned with how she looked while taking the most important test of their lives more than knowing the actual content. Her blonde roommate hadn't returned from showing off her autographed CD till quarter to three that morning. She must have walked the entire campus, showing it to everyone who would listen to her and several who would not.
Preps are so weird, she thought tiredly as her roommate hurriedly made her bed.
Elphaba regretted that thought almost as soon as it had come to mind; she really ought to be nicer to Galinda. It was bad enough she had feelings for her boyfriend- she shouldn't add traitorous thoughts with her actions.
Not that she had done any actions with the prince; she had virtuously and vehemently denied him that pleasure. She should really just try to make up for the thoughts of traitorous actions she had taken the action of thinking about-
Oh, Oz, what was she on about? The day of the most important examination of her life and she couldn't even think straight??? She knew she should have gotten more sleep!!!
"I made breakfast already, Miss Galinda," she said aloud, trying her best to seem courteous and to ignore the headache formulating in her temples.
Galinda- who, having finished fussing with the bed had started to change out of her pajamas- froze as she was pulling on her silk stockings "You cooked?" she asked nervously.
Elphaba was too busy trying to be chipper to notice. "Uh huh!" she called from the kitchen nook, messing with something Galinda couldn't see on the stove. She picked said Mystery Pan up and presented it to her roommate with a flourish. "Porridge!"
Galinda plastered on best fake smile- the same one she used on fan boys who wore suspenders as they gave her their room numbers; the oatmeal Elphie had cooked up looked almost as revolting. It wasn't that Galinda was a particularly picky eater; it was just hard for a person with an irrational phobia of water to cook anything that didn't taste like lard. Or kerosene, depending on her mood.
And for the love of lip gloss--porridge for the blonde from the girl who thought "Goldy Locks" was a conspiracy made up to defame Bears???
"Mmm…" Galinda said with feigned enthusiasm as her roommate set the bowl in front of her. A bubble within the gruel popped, almost as though it was winking devilishly at her.
Elphaba smiled encouragingly. Suppressing a grimace, Galinda picked up the spoon and stuck the foul-smelling concoction (was oatmeal even supposed to have a smell?) into her mouth.
It took all her years of blue-blooded manner drills to keep her from visibly gagging on the stuff; unless she was very much mistaken, Elphie had avoided the risk of getting herself wet by substituting the water in the mix for- she fought not to shudder- olive oil.
Galinda tried to compliment the embodiment of disgust, but the "porridge" had taken on a taffy-like quality and stuck to the roof of her mouth. Therefore, "I really love it!" came out as "rellie lovett!"
Fortunately, Elphie seemed to get the gist. "Good- now hurry up and finish, we have to be in class by nine, and if you're late I won't wait."
She said this last bit teasingly, but inside she was serious as death. Guilt or no guilt, she would not let her roommate's insane primping habits make her tardy for the most crucial examination of her academic career.
"Okay!" Galinda- who had finally finished chewing- sang with far too much enthusiasm than should be allowed before noon. "In that case, I should probably finish getting dressed before I polish off this fantastical meal that you so lovingly prepared for me!"
"Uh…yeah," said Elphaba, eyeing her roommate uncertainly. "I'll just…study out in the hall. You know how perkiness distracts me."
Galinda nodded in earnest. Still unnerved, Elphaba quickly grabbed her books and headed out into the hallway.
The second the door had closed behind the green girl Galinda bolted for the sink, saying a silent apology to the poor pipes as she shoveled the slop down them.
Twenty minutes, fifteen seconds, and 5.3 nanoseconds later (not that Elphaba was counting) Galinda finally emerged, dressed in a fashionably cut summer dress, baby blue, with a pearl necklace and matching hair combs.
"So glad you took the time to look presentable for doing nothing but writing for three hours," Elphaba greeted her, trying to make her tone more playful than sarcastic.
"Try" being the operative word.
"Well, perhaps it will help persuade the professor to uh…put the odds of passing more in my favor, if you know what I mean," the other girl replied jokingly, fluttering her eyelashes.
Elphaba snorted as the two started towards their classroom. "Miss Upland, I realize that you've never paid much attention in Ozmology, but surely you've realized that our professor is female. And a Cow."
"Well, nobody's perfect," Galinda replied defensively.
Elphaba was not sure whether she ought to take offense to that little comment of not, but fortunately they were interrupted by the Gs, as she privately liked to call them: Galinda's Gaggle of Giggling, Gossiping, Gushing, "Glamorous" Girlfriends.
"I adore your outfit!" Pfannee gushed.
"Simply swankified!" Shenshen agreed.
"The color really sets off your eyes," Milla added.
Elphaba in turn rolled her eyes and began tapping her foot impatiently. She didn't know why she bothered; when the Gs got together, there would be no stopping them until Galinda decreed it was time for quiet.
The green girl debated her options; they were running quite late, and normally she would have abandoned her frilly friend without another thought about it. However, for some reason, she had the odd feeling that it would be best for her well-being to stay as close to the blonde-bombshell as possible…
"By the by, have you seen our Master Biq this morning?" Pfannee giggled.
Ah. Well, that would be it then.
Cheating with her man, using her as a human shield- my, my, Ms. Thropp, why not start selling her makeup behind her back to support your pinlobble habit?
Shut up! And we haven't done anything that can technically be construed as cheating!
Yet.
"Oh, no- he's not planning some elaborate affair to win my affections, is he?" Galinda asked worriedly in regard to Pfannee's question.
Shenshen let out a highly un-ladylike snort. "Hardly," she replied. "I saw him sulking about the boy's dormitory this morning, muttering darkly to himself with hideous purple circles under his eyes." She scowled at this fashion faux pas, and then added brightly, "Do you suppose he's gone mad?"
As the others inquired as to just why Miss Shenshen had been in the boy's dorm that morning, giggle giggle, Elphaba thought back to the previous night; she was pretty sure Nessa had used yellow eye shadow, not purple, so the circles must have just been from fatigue.
Still, to be on the safe side, Elphaba decided to ignore her usual policy of shunning the G's whenever she came into contact with them. "What sort of things was he muttering?" she wanted to know.
All of the other girls blinked.
"Well I'm sure I don't know," Shenshen replied briskly once she got over the shock of the Artichoke having the audacity to speak to her. "He was muttering, wasn't he? All I caught was something about a witch and needing to be E-liminated." She glowered at her. "I mean really, Miss Elphaba! It's not as if I go around eavesdropping on people!"
And again, Elphaba was saved from a futile, hypocritical argument by someone interrupting. This time, however, the interrupter in question was much tastier eye-candy.
Oh, Oz, did I just think that?!
"Ladies," Fiyero purred, wrapping his arms around Galinda's shoulders. "And how are you this fine morning?"
"They were just wondering about one last thing for Cosmetology," Galinda quickly informed him. She turned towards her posse. "Why don't you go ask the professor, girls?"
Fluent in Cliquish, the Gs understood this to mean, "MY HOTTIE! MINE! SCATTER, YOU SKANKY SCAVANGERS!" and obediently scattered after saying their obligatory goodbyes.
Elphaba knew this was not directed at her. She was not part of the Gs, and therefore was not expected to understand their language. Besides, she wasn't like those flirty little fruit tarts. "Elphie" could be trusted.
If she only knew.
"Funny, I thought you were the Cosmetology professor," Fiyero teased; clearly, he too was a foreigner fluent in Cliquish.
Galinda rolled her eyes. "I might as well be," she replied haughtily, scrunching her hair as she always did when agitated. "You know that old harpy gave BIQ a higher grade than me for our manicures?! Miss Pfannee saw her mark it into the grade book herself!"
"It is indeed a travesty for the ages," Fiyero said with this usual snark, but he was smiling at her, and his eyes were twinkling. Elphaba raised an eyebrow at this odd behavior; she had rarely seen him flirt with Galinda while he had been "faithful" to her- and now that he was being "unfaithful," it might cause him bodily harm.
Galinda, however, seemed to think he was being serious, and agreed heartily. "She ought to be sacked," she concluded flatly.
The corners of Fiyero's lips twitched as though he was desperately trying not to laugh. "Well, I don't know about that," he replied mildly. "But I do have a little prezzie that might make it a bit better."
Predictably, Galinda began to trill like a whistle. "Oh, Fifi, you spoil me so!"
Elphaba choked; Fiyero shot her a deathly look, and she bit her lip but felt as if her diaphragm would explode if she had to contain it much longer.
"Yes…well…" the Prince continued embarrassedly. "Your gift is rather large, so I asked Dr. Dillamond if I could stow it in the storage closet in his classroom. He agreed, but the thing is, I can't lift it by myself, it's so huge…Miss Elphaba," he added, as though an idea had just occurred to him, "Could you perhaps lend me a hand?"
"Er-okay," she consented hesitantly, aware of the time and somewhat wary of whatever scheme he had obviously cooked up.
"Great! Be back in a minute!" he told Galinda before half-dragging the green girl around the other side of the corridor.
"Ooh, you sure seemed eager enough to get out of there- having relationship problems, Fif-?"
"Do NOT," he interjected, grabbing her arm and tugging her into Dillamond's room.
"What is this thing, anyway?" Elphaba wanted to know as Fiyero steered her over to the closet and started fumbling with the key.
He grinned at her as the lock clicked. "A ruse."
Before Elphaba knew what was happening he had whisked her inside, just managing to avoid snagging her skirt on the door as he shut it behind them.
"What are you doing?" she demanded once she got her bearings again.
She could not see him chuckling, for it was very dark in the closet, but the laughter in his voice was audible enough. "What do you think I'm doing?" he replied amusedly.
She felt his hand snake around her waist; the storage cupboard was extremely cramped, and she could feel his warm breath bathe her face. She could almost taste his morning cup of cocoa on the air, which made it very difficult to focus on being indignant.
"What, you wanna make out ten minutes before exams start amongst the formaldehyde?" she spat, pronouncing "make out" with particular venom.
"I've done it in more awkward situations," his silhouette shrugged, leaning inward.
Elphie turned her cheek away. "And how many times have you done this, exactly?" she asked icily.
"Well, erm, it hasn't been…I mean it's not like they meant…um, three?"
"I am rolling my eyes at you, I want you to know that."
"Good, I do too; it gives me an excuse to visualize those beautiful irises of yours,"
Curse his slick tongue for making her heart melt so! "Does that line really work?" she bluffed, but her sardonic tones trembled a bit.
"You tell me." His voice was knowing.
He took a step forward; Elphaba felt her back press against the wall as she stiffened.
"What is it?" he asked gently, caressing her face.
"This feels…wrong," she murmured breathlessly.
"Is this about Galinda?" he wanted to know, his voice a bit less gentle now. "Because I never agreed to this whole arrangement, you know. One night at the Ozdust, that's all. Why should I be held to a promise I never made?"
"It doesn't matter," Elphaba said forcefully. "She still cares about you."
"She doesn't even know me!" Fiyero cried, exasperated.
Elphie bit her lip, lowering her gaze. "I know that," she relented.
"Then what's the problem?!"
Elphaba swallowed, her mouth suddenly gone dry. "I…I've never kissed anyone before," she admitted shakily.
Fiyero laughed in relief, a cry of "is that all?" poised on his tongue, but Elphaba shoved him away before he got the chance.
"Oh, what, you thought lots of princes just like to line up to test their luck with The Frog?! Think if they pucker up I'll turn into a pretty princess from the Upper Uplands?!" Fiyero had never heard her so angry before.
"No, I-" he started, stunned, reaching out to calm her.
"Don't you touch me!" she snapped, knocking his hand off her shoulder. She thrust herself past him with all the strength she could muster to get at the door. "Don't you ever touch me again!"
"ELPHABA!" he shouted as she slammed the door in his face. He jiggled the doorknob fiercely, desperate to follow her, but it would not budge. Frantic, he clamored to the ground and peered through the crack between the door and the floor.
He had kept the key in the lock when he had first ushered the green girl inside, but she had closed the door with such force that it had flown halfway across the room. He could no more open the door than fly.
"Elphaba," Fiyero croaked.
He gave the door a futile kick before finally letting out a stream of long, livid profanities.
A/N: Why do I have the feeling I'm going to get a lot more story alerts after this? (Translation: Don't all kill me at once! In fact, you should be HAPPY, because the Inspiration Fairy came during the night and now I have enough material for an extra chapter! Yay!)
Reviews make for quicker updates! Stay tuned till next time to see if Fifi gets the girl, or- like R. Kelly- remains trapped in the closet (that was SO CHEESY).