Disclaimer: Once upon a time there was a fantastical and yet humble authoress who owned Wicked. Then she swore really loudly as the alarm clock woke her up and busted her Glinda-esque bubble.
Disclaimer #2: "Refresher" belongs to my former math teacher. I promise that's all I've based off of her.
Elphaba stormed out into the hallway, livid. How could she have been so stupid? To think some idiotic, egotistical prince would actually care about her feelings. The whole thing was probably just some stupid social experiment; either that or he couldn't see enough of Galinda's cleavage through all that taffeta and wanted a fast-action substitute.
Urgh! She had never been so disgusted with herself, not even when she was eight years old, playing with Nessarose and her father made some remark about how some girls are princesses and some are ogres.
Oh, why was she thinking about that now??? Who even cared?! This wasn't about Frex's lowly opinion of her, it was about finding a way to justify the ridiculous feelings that had been floating around her head over the past twelve hours involving one Fiyero Tiggular! Let's see; a lunar eclipse? Tainted food? Too much stress from exams?
Oh Oz, exams!!!!
Elphaba broke out into a dead run, cursing herself as she flew down the halls. Hadn't she learned anything by now? Romance was just a farce made up to make the side-effects of fluctuating hormones more appealing. She'd given up the book genre of it almost as soon as she'd learn to read- every novel seemed the same: some beautiful girl who fancied herself ugly got swept off her feet by a strapping young lad who wouldn't have given her a second glance (or a first, even) in real life. Then said "ugly" maiden would get her moronic self kidnapped in some predictable manner or other, and the Handsome Hero of Hypocrisy would save her from her own dainty inability to think of a plausible escape route.
She had stopped believing in faerie tales long before most girls her age.
Incredibly, Elphaba managed to skid into Ozmotology five minutes late without attracting anyone's attention, save Galinda's (of course).
"What happened?" the blonde pressed as Elphaba slid into the desk opposite her.
She wasn't ready to talk about it yet- particularly not to Galinda. "I could ask you the same question," she replied noncommittally, gesturing towards their classmates, most of whom were laughing uproariously.
"Oh, Tibby, you're so sexy when you rhyme things!"
Elphaba glanced around blankly for the source of the noise- it couldn't possibly be the sound system- as Galinda rolled her eyes. "Cropett has gone on a pre-exam rampage," the later told her. "They've taken over the announcements, and apparently set off a stink bomb near Gathea Hall, from what Miss Milla's told me about…"
Elphaba tuned her out, not in the mood to hear about Misses Milla or Shenshen or whoever the shizkin else Galinda had recruited into her Airhead Army. She knew it was hardly fair to blame her roommate for what had happened but she simply couldn't help herself; Galinda was so much smarter than she let on, that she let herself believe, and it vexed Elphaba to no end that she had become so obsessed in her quest for a perfect life that she couldn't even tell anything was amiss with hers and Fiyero's relationship, even if the truth was being flaunted right in front of her face. Galinda deserved better, deserved to be better…
"Elphie?" the blonde's voice interrupted her silent fuming.
"Yes?" Elphaba asked impatiently, not fully out of her rant.
Galinda blinked at her tone. "My, my," she said coolly, "someone's a might snippy this morning, hmm?"
Elphaba opened her mouth to give an angry retort- possibly even spew out the truth- but the other girl cut her off before she got the chance.
"There, there," she said soothingly, patting a green hand with her own peach one. "It's alright; I know you've been really worrying over TOTOs and been super wound up; I don't blame you for being a little antsy."
Elphaba could have hit her then, she really could. How could she be so ignorant? So completely innocent to everything?
So blonde?
She felt as though the pit of her stomach had fallen out as she met her roommate's eyes, so assuring and kind. She couldn't remember the last time anyone, even Nessa, had looked at her like that- and she had almost thrown it away over a boy?
Throat dry, she parted her lips to speak but was stopped again before the words could come.
"So where is it?" Galinda wanted to know.
"What?" Elphaba asked in genuine confusion.
"My present, silly!" giggled the other girl. "You went to help Fifi get it, remember?"
And still, in spite of everything, she had to repress a snort at that ludicrous nickname…
"Oh…um…" distraction, distraction, what's a good distraction?! "Have I mentioned your shoes are…really…" she forced out the word "adorable" as though it were coated with arsenic.
Galinda squealed. "Really? I was worried the baby-dolls didn't really compliment-" she interrupted herself. "Wait a minute- since when do you take note of fashion?"
Great. Now she's perceptive. "I don't," she replied, trying to sound casual. "My family just has this thing about shoes, you know how attached Nessa is to that pair Father gave her…"
"Oh, riiiiiiiight; and orange is the new pink!"
Galinda, using sarcasm; oh yes, there had to be some weird astrological alignment fueling this apparent lack of sanity that had flooded over the school.
Fortunately, before the conversation could continue their teacher called the class to order.
"Okie-doke, my folk!" Professor Vaca called out. "Now that we've had our little giggle-gaggle for the morning, let's get started, shall we? Or does anyone need a quick refresher on the course material?"
"Refresher" is not a word! Elphaba longed to snap at her, sidetracked bad mood coming back in full force. All Animal politics aside, Vaca was a dolt. She insisted on trying to be a "fresh" teacher, using her own made up words as slang that assaulted the Ozian language even worse than that drivel her peers "usifed." Not even the other students liked her, apparently having enough dignity to not appreciate being spoken to like a seven-year-old.
When no one asked any questions, the Cow cheerily distributed the test and then returned to her desk, pulling out a copy of Ozmo. Though, Elphaba noted cryptically, why anyone would still be interested in Quoxis Milton's stint in the Wizard's dungeon was beyond her.
She disinterestedly flipped open her packet, the wish that she was more focused on the test tugging at her heart strings. As it stood, she could only contend with her ever-increasing fury at Fiyero.
She tried pushing her rather morbid fantasies of death scenarios involving the Prince (most of them including crows and/or matches, oddly enough) out of her mind and started reading the passage in front of her.
Read the following excerpt from "The Legend of Befelle de Verde" and answer the questions bellow.
Befelle de Verde was from a remote village in the Vinkus. When she was born she had a large facial deformity across her face, now believed to be caused by alcohol consumption by her mother while pregnant. The scar tissue, however, was viewed by the tribe as a bad omen. Befelle's father, Feldspar, was the leader of the tribe and in fear of losing his political status shunned his daughter vehemently. In fact, the only reason he did not drown Befelle as a babe was because her mother begged him not to. He often repeated this story to his daughter, so much so that she gained an irrational fear of water.
Well, isn't that cheery? Elphaba thought dryly.
Befelle was kept in obscurity inside the family hut (and out of the judgmental eye of the villagers) for the majority of her childhood. It wasn't until her sister, Jenelle, was accepted to a private school in the Emerald City that she really had a chance to experience the world around her. As devoted to his younger offspring as he was abusive to the eldest, Feldspar fretted that men might prey on Jenelle's naiveté and beauty. Too cheap to acquire a servant to chaperone her, he decreed Befelle would also enroll at Zihs Academy.
It was there that Befelle discovered many talents that had been repressed during her many years of seclusion; she was the most gifted sorcery student the school had received in a century and was completely devoted to Life Sciences, declaring it to be her passion. The only time she ever claimed to struggle with it was while studying Animal anatomy, not understanding the need for such creatures to have to speak. While such theories are beginning to be discredited-
Discredited?! Discredited?! This was ludicrous! What was political propaganda doing on a test??? Had Vaca even read this cowshizkin before she had distributed it?!
Ew. Cowshizkin. She had made a pun. AAAARGH!!!
Focus, dammit. Focus, focus, focus…
-the current studies of the time were explained to her by Cervello Arcel, third in line for the current throne of the Vinkus.
Which, obviously, means he was a self-serving, spoiled, idiot. He probably never even knew what the theories were, just wrote them on the back of his hand while simultaneously trying to get under her skirts because he was TOO MUCH OF A PERV TO CARE ABOUT HER SK- facial deformity.
Elphaba tried to calm herself, feeling her chest heave unnaturally fast. She couldn't lose it now, not during a test, not this test. So what if one of his ancestors was on here? Who cared? It just meant it was more comprehensive, since it was clear by blood link that the biggest word in Cervello's vocabulary was his name.
Which, admittedly, was more lengthy a word than most of her peers at Shiz could pronounce. But whatever.
Cervello- or just "Vello," as he insisted she call him, not only helped Befelle to understand these principals but also co-authored her thesis on the anatomy of Lion Cubs, which one the Garland Prize in its field. This achievement gained the attention of the newest Ozma (the Wondrous, though some older texts state it was the Marvelous). She kept a close eye on Befelle after that and kept written correspondence with the dean of Zihs regarding her activities.
Which isn't even mildly creepy, thought Elphaba, unnerved.
After their Lion Cub triumph, Cervello made several advances towards a romantic relationship- ( I wonder if he ever lured her into a closet to sooth his perverted wiles? Probably; men are all the same- wretched)- but Befelle because he was betrothed to a lady called Sarlinda Uproot, who coincidently happened to be Befelle's best friend.
Elphaba tried her best to ignore how coincidental the situation really was.
Eventually, the Ozma summoned de Verde to her palace, offering her a position in the royal court. Given that the job majored in sorcery, Befelle politely declined, explaining that Life Sciences was her preferred field of study.
What an idiot. If the Wizard offered me a position like that I wouldn't care if it involved standing out all day in the rain- unless it somehow compromised my principals…
At an most odd turn of events, Ozma the Wonderous/Marvelous had also requested Cervello to serve as part of the Gale Squad (he was rumored to have more muscles than the Mythical Sea)-
That must be genetic too…NO I DID NOT JUST THINK THAT! FOCUS THROPP, FOCUS! Besides, it probably wasn't a coincidence at all; he most likely stalked her and tried to get her to go with him to the Royal Bedchamber. Men are such SWINE!
No offense to Pigs…
-and ran into Befelle just as she was leaving the Great Hall. She tried to exchange casual pleasantries with him, but he would have none of it, declaring in what many historical fan girl nerds say was the sexiest voice ever-
Elphaba blinked and reread that sentence again.
- declaring that it was time for her to stop acting so, as the current Ozway show "The Valiant de Verde" show depicts it, "high and mighty that your upturned nose inhales a cloud."
Needless to say, Befelle took great offense to this statement and, dropping all note of dignity, told him to "close your royal mouth before you get a royal bruise to match it."
The green girl decided she very much liked this legend…
They got into a very heated argument, each claiming the other was being ridiculous towards their romantic situation. Befelle, in tears, vehemently denied having any feelings for him, saying that he was Sarlinda's fiancé and that therefore he had to love her, whether he wanted to or not; Cervello not only outright told her that the odds of his loving Sarlinda were "the same as (him) denying oxygen to (his) brainstem"-
Very good odds then, thought Elphaba, but her heart wasn't in it, and her eyes rapidly scanned the page for more of the historic soap opera.
-but also claimed he could never stand to marry Uproot, no matter what their families said. Then he sank to his knees, fumbling with his coat pocket and (in spite of herself, Elphie held her breath) pulled out what is said to have been the most beautiful emerald in all of Oz, set on a solid gold band.
It was an engagement ring.
Elphaba felt something hard jab her in the leg; she looked up, blinking, to find Galinda staring wide-eyed at her. The green girl mouthed, What?, curious to what could have ever made the blonde seem so awestruck.
Galinda glanced around, then tore a bit of paper off her scratch and scribbled a note down, passing it over to the other girl's desk.
You squealed.
Mortified, Elphaba quickly shook her head in denial of such an uncharacteristic loss of control of her vocal cords and hurriedly went back to the passage, trying to clear her head of all emotions.
The word try not necessarily meaning succeed in this instance.
Befelle crumbled to the ground beside him, unable to hold back her true feelings anymore; sobbing, she accepted, speculating on what great lives they would live together, working together to help invent medicines, cure diseases- Cervello interrupted her. Curing diseases? But it had been all over Oz that the Ozma had offered her a job on her staff as a sorceress.
The third heir of the Vinkus stared in horror at his love as she explained that the Ozma had done just that, but she had turned down the job. Being from such humble and secluded beginnings, she couldn't have known the penalty of defying the will of an Ozma-
"Death," whispered Elphaba, suddenly remembering. She bit her lip, not even bothering to look around to see if she had been overheard, and continued reading.
At first Befelle couldn't believe it; why had she let her go free if she had earned such a drastic punishment? Vello tired to explain that she had probably been too shocked to stop her then, but at any moment the Royal Guard might come to arrest her. Almost as if on cue, the pair heard yelling and pounding footsteps- footsteps that fell so heavy on the ground that they could only have been from the kick-acid boots of the Gale Squad! WAHOO, FACIST FASHION!!!
Elphaba blinked. She really shouldn't have stayed up so late studying…
The pair of them ran down the hall, Vello quickly whispering instructions as they went. She was to transport herself to the central part of the Vinkus- he would arrange for some of his loyal contacts to take care of her there. Though terrified of having to once again be secluded, she pushed aside her fear long enough to through her arms around her love and share a heated, impassioned kiss with him that was said to blow steam out of his ears before magically teleporting herself as he had told her.
She re-read the paragraph; yes, the test really did say the thing about the steam in his ears. Obviously, Ozians were paying far too much in education taxes.
Befelle found Vello's contacts and was relocated to a long-deserted castle. Meanwhile, in the Emerald City, Sarlinda threw a ridiculously large and expensive party to celebrate Cervello's appointment to the Gale Squad- and their engagement. There was so much money in the hole and so many people in attendance that Vello couldn't tell her the truth without permanently shattering her social standing. Too much of a gentleman to tell her even afterward, Cervello Arcel broke his promise and married Sarlinda Uproot.
Fortunately (or Un, depending on how you construe it), Befelle was too isolated for the news of her lover's betrayal to reach her; in her remote state, she had time to construct and test out many different hypotheses, eventually coming up with a long-sought after cure for Animal fleas. Her allies quickly distributed the tonic amongst the then-flourishing Animals of the Vinkus; the results were near miraculous. The almost-plague was all but wiped out in four weeks; everyone demanded to know what brilliant scholar had concocted such a break through. Eventually, the public managed to trace it back to Arcel's servants and assumed with Cervello's scientific background he must have been the creator.
For Befelle's own safety, he could not deny this claim, but their were so many prescriptions to fill and the shipping wait from Befelle's hiding spot was so long that medical companies started to trail Vello's private train car in order to find his supply holder. Eventually, the truth behind the inventor had to come to light.
Of course, Befelle was summoned once again to the Ozma's Chamber. Shackled and flanked by two armed guards, she was thrust before the royal court- Cervello tried right beside her for the aiding of a fugitive.
It was the first time the two had seen each other in over half a year.
After a long, tantalizing afternoon of moral debate- give special treatment to a convict or deny millions of innocents relief to their aliment?- the jury decided on the usual mortal punishment. However, Ozma the Wondrous/Marvelous overruled them, granted Befelle a full pardon for her selfless work towards the good of her fellow Ozians. Arcel, she also decreed, would be cleared of his crimes as well, if only because he was married to the Royal Interior Decorator, Sarlinda.
Agape at this statement, Befelle turned towards her former lover with pleading eyes, as though she could will it not to be true. He only studied the floor, as the oblivious Ozma continued to pronounce that she would work as a veterinarian for her pet monkeys and be christened a Lady of her Order.
As the Gale Officers were untying her, Befelle delivered the first line in her famous "No Good Deed" speech.
"Tending to some ice-cold, shapeless figure of tyranny's primates after she's made my life a living hell for the past eight months? Not a chance."
The Court, understandably, stared at her in shocked silence.
"I have done nothing wrong in my life other than embracing the way I am- living as though I were a human being, not just a foreshadow of poor tidings as my parents thought. I followed my heart, seeing past other's expectations of me and taking my life choices into my own hands, to do as I see fit, not just what the majority expected.
"However, I did nothing to harm the majority; I only tried to help. I chose healing and science over glamorous parlor tricks because I thought it for the greater good. Because I wanted to truly help people.
"But you! You couldn't see any of that, could you? You heartless shrew, you only wanted to use me for your own gain. Is that leadership? To weigh your own will and reputation over your people's need for my potential- what field I really love and am good for! You forced me to take my cause underground, to fight for my life and my passion, sacrificing a whole life I could have had, a family-" she choked.
"All I ever wanted in life was to help others- to do good. But I guess it is as my sister told me the tribal elders always said: No good deed goes unpunished.
But I have lived out my punishment! I am pardoned, but not by the farce of this court room! I am going to live my life, damn it all, and not by what a pompous ingrate like you instructs me to do. You could not see me for what I am until I was successful; now you offer me this pitiful bargain to raise your social stature. I spit on your offer, whether you condemn me for it or not. I have taken all the sacrifices for my good deeds that I can stand, and I'd rather die and never commit another one again than have to pay the price of it! No good deed goes unpunished, and no good life goes un-spared!"
Befelle de Verde was taken to the smallest, dingiest cell in the castle dungeon as she awaited execution. Normally under such circumstances she would merely be hanged, but the Ozma's dignity was so shattered by her rant that she had arranged for a tank to be brought into the city square for a public drowning, since Befelle's fear of water had been quite common knowledge during her school years.
Despite the many witnesses to her death, de Verde's body has never been located. Some speculate the Gale Force was instructed to burn it, scattering the ashes over the Emerald City in a display of warning to those who would defy Ozian royalty. Cervello's body also has not been found; it is believed by many that he hung himself sometime after Befelle's death.
Others, however, speculate that he- as a member of the Force, which he still was due to his swallowed tongue and the influence of his wife- snuck a trapdoor in the bottom of the tank, therefore somehow allowing Befelle to breathe. Once her "corpse" was collected, she supposedly stole away when know one was looking and fled to Quox along with Arcel, living- as the naïve might put it- happily ever after.
Such theories, however, have only been rated with a 5 percent chance of likelihood
Please answer the following questions on the above passage to the best of your abil-
That was it?! Elphaba was appalled. She did so much, fought so hard, then most likely died over a trumped-up charge with no justice whatsoever? And what about Cervello? Clearly, in both versions of the epilogue showed that he had loved her-
"Despite being married to Sarlinda- fancy that," the Little Voice from the previous evening whispered, unbidden, into her ear.
Do not try to make this about me and Fiyero, Elphaba ordered it waspishly. I am trying to take a test here.
"No, you're not, you're trying to sort out your feelings towards the Washboard Abs of the West."
Must you be so vulgar? And I most certainly am not; I've been making an idiot out of myself for long enough. I couldn't care less about Yero Tiggular- or his abs, washboard though they may be.
"Really?" the Voice sounded amused. "Then why did you call him 'Yero' just then? Or why do you care so much about one little fable? All these people have been dead for centuries, it shouldn't effect you in any way."
I thought it a very interesting storyline and-
"Cowshizkin. You can't stand romance unless it's your own- which you've made a pretty big mess of, by the way."
Stop it. Fiyero doesn't love me, he doesn't care about Galinda's dignity, he's not about to hide me from an angry mob-
"Only because your avocado ass hasn't done anything to piss people off that bad. Yet."
Am I repressing my inner crudeness, too? Also-' yet?'
"Whoopsie, I did that ominous foreshadowing thing again, so sorry; just ignore me and read over the exam like a good little nerd."
Scowling, Elphaba leaned over her desk again, eyes scanning the first question.
What do you think is the main theme of the section?
a. No good deed goes unpunished
b. Follow your passion, no matter what the cost
c. Love with all you have while you can, for you never know when it can be taken from you
d. Don't be born with a physical defect
"I'd go with the last one, wouldn't you?" Little Voice teased.
Elphaba ignored the jibe. They're all valid points, she mused. How am I supposed to know what's right?
Little Voice chuckled. "You have multiple choices: pick the one you think is best, and hope everything turns out alright."
Elphaba blinked.
"If you do not get the symbolism there, I may have to slap you."
Cracking a smile, the green girl picked up her pencil and started to work.
A/N:…..Okay, normally I would never be this forthright, but PLEASE tell me you liked it guys, I worked SO HARD on this chapter- maybe a little too hard, even, when it comes to meaningful names (PM me if you want to know how I got the names "Befelle" and all that, it's too complicated to go into here).Thanks so much to LostOzian, Melody, and all other contributors who got me through this- couldn't have done it without you, I really mean it.
Alright, this is starting to feel like an overdone acceptance speech now, so just PLEASE review :)