Disclaimer: Despite what she wrote in her review last chapter, TheTeapotBanditofCandyland and I totally did not spend two hours debating over the content of ONE SENTENCE last chapter. It was more like an hour and a half….
Oh, wait- you meant about me not owning Wicked? Uh, yeah…that too…
Never in her wildest dreams could Elphaba have imagined anyone being able to move so fast in a pair of blue, baby-doll ballerina flats two sizes too small.
But Galinda Upland clearly wasn't just anyone.
"What was that back there?" she cried, digging her falcon-worthy manicure into a green arm.
"Ow!" Elphie yelped as the two of them started towards Dr. Dillamond's room. "What are you on about?!"
"What am I- you squealed, Elphaba! I didn't even know your throat could coax out such a sound!"
"Well I didn't know you actually understood what 'coax' meant, so I guess we're even."
"Elphie."
"Look, there was an insect on my desk, I panicked," she replied waspishly .
"You?" Galinda asked in disbelief. "The girl who killed a spider without even thinking about it and dangled the heinous thing over my head every chance you got back when we still hated each other?"
"I never did that." More than once. "Besides, spiders aren't insects, they're arachnids."
"Will you please stop reminding me that I'm about to fail this test and stay on topic?"
"Gee, I don't know if I'll be able to do that, seeing as there is no topic to discuss."
Galinda would not be deterred. "I heard you whispering to yourself once," she said concernedly. "Are you turning into Boq?"
"Well I generally don't practice incest, so no," Elphaba retorted, quickening her pace.
"Generally?!" the blonde screeched.
"Oh, Galinda please!" Elphaba snapped disgustedly. "I have enough on my mind, I don't need this meddlesome badgering!"
The other girl blinked. "Badgering?" she repeated. "I thought you were against Animal slander."
Elphaba allowed herself a vexed noise before taking a deep breath and asking with forced lightness, "So, what did you think of the test?"
Galinda rolled her eyes. "Elphie, it was a test. It was boring, just like every other test."
"Oh?" She ought to have dropped the subject, but for some reason tentatively pressed on. "I thought that one passage about the Befelle girl-"
She was cut off by a trademark squeal. "Oooh, you got the de Verde legend?" Galinda gushed. "I love that story- except that Sarlinda wretch, I mean what a doltish little hussy, keeping them apart like that! But anyway, I got Charlie Arcel, Cervello's brother? I think they did a theme of Vinkus royalty this year, oh-" she giggled "brainless though he may be, Fifi ought to be able to pass this test!"
Ignoring the way her stomach turned at this statement- she really shouldn't have substituted the olive oil into her breakfast that morning- Elphaba made some cryptic excuse about wanting to get to class early and hurried ahead.
Nothing could have been further from the truth, however. Elphaba kept her head down as she entered the classroom, her long, annoying hair falling into her face as she scurried towards her desk, not even bothering to greet Dr. Dillamond as she usually did. She would not allow herself to look at that closet, no matter how much her traitorous eyes tried to drift towards it…
The actual exam was a relief; science, facts, things that actually made sense. She took it slowly, savoring each chemical formula like a breath of relief- an escape to normalcy. Still, despite her sluggish pace she was still the first one to finish her test.
She walked as quickly as she could to Dillamond's desk, almost as though she were trying to outrun the thoughts that must surely come now that she had nothing to distract herself. In fact, she was so intent on doing so literally that she nearly tripped over the desk, just managing to grab hold of its edges in time so that her head merely bobbled forward slightly.
Dr. Dillamond, surprisingly, gave her A Look. "Now that you seem to have centered yourself, Miss Thropp," he muttered with cool formality that was most unlike him, "would you kindly turn in your test and have a seat?"
Elphie blinked as she straightened back up. "Oh, well, yes but I was just-" she whispered, but he waved a hoof at her in silent dismissal. She walked back to her seat, confused and a bit stung.
Well, whatever! She was sick of men anyway-er, Animals. Males. What she really needed, she declared with finality, was a good shot of estrogen.
(And anyway, she'd never pass Cosmetology at this rate she was going, especially not after a wasting an entire night of quizzing on-)
She pulled out her text in order to block further thoughts of the Forbidden One out of her mind. For a good two minutes.
Well she couldn't help it if the proper technique for giving a manicure interested her as much as gouging her eyes out with a nail file!
Elphaba fidgeted; she felt almost claustrophobic, like someone was watching her. She was used to being stared at, what with her skin the way it was, but everyone here had gotten so used to it she couldn't imagine why they'd choose to do goggle at it now, with the biggest examination of their lives going on. Obviously, they were idiots, but they weren't that brainl-stupid.
She knew she was being irrational- nobody was looking at her, nobody cared enough to look at her- but still, she tentatively lowered the pink text and glanced around. Everyone was staring at her- and then at the Goat, and then at her again. Apparently she wasn't the only one to have picked up on Dr. Dillamond's odd mood- how unusually perceptive of them. She shrugged it off as yet another side effect of the Planetary PMS that was making everyone act so insane.
Deciding it would be best to at least pretend she was reading, that way she wouldn't run the risk of her eyes trespassing into forbidden areas, Elphaba picked up her textbook again and stared at the many ridiculous coiffures for the next hour and a half, hoping that she would actually learn some of the course material- if only by osmosis.
This suited her well enough until her eyelids began to droop. Perfect. She had stayed up past midnight- not to mention been roused by Galinda at three in the morning after she had gone prancing about with that CD and forgotten her key- it was no wonder she was so tired. Now, ten minutes before class was out, she was dozing off at her desk, knowing she was going to have to get up again too soon to really fall asleep- and as a plus, every time she closed her eyes that prince's idiotic, handsome face flitted across her pupils like a cinema show.
Aggravated, Elphaba bent down to stick her book back in the satchel, but the zipper jammed. After a few moments tussle with it, she managed to thrust her book in its proper place, but in the process she let her guard down and caught a glimpse of the Forbidden Zone.
Her eyes were now glued to that stupid closet.
It looked the same as it always had; an Oakwood door with a rusty handle and key lock on it. It was just a dumb piece of wood hinged into an opening in the wall; there was no reason for her chest to close up like this as she stared at her, for her heart to start racing, her mouth to go dry…
There was nothing anymore special about that closet, other than a boy had wrapped his arms around her for the first time. But so what? That was all just sentimental drivel- and she'd never been a very sentimental woman. With parents like hers, it simply wasn't in her genes. Who was even counting how many times she had been touched by the opposite sex? Milestones were idiotic things to remember.
And yet…and yet…
She missed him. Looking at that pathetic place for storing whatever cheap excuses for supplies the school board decided to throw to the Science Department, she realized she wished she had stayed in it a little longer, let him touch her a little more…
….with his perverted little fingers that only wanted to crop a feel. Oz, she was an idiot. She had fallen in love with the Prince of the Vinkus, just like every other ditzy little debutante who went to Shiz. She was a freaking fangirl, no better than the rest of them. Her emerald skin crawled just at the thought.
Well, no matter, she thought firmly, turning away. She'd just avoid him at all costs, and hopefully the feeling would disappear eventually. Just stay away from him.
Which, considering his dating my roommate, ought to be quite easy, she realized hopelessly.
Before she knew it class was dismissed, and Galinda was hovering around her desk like a bothersome blonde rain-cloud.
"Hurry up," she urged as Elphaba gathered up her things.
"You go on ahead if your in such a rush," the green girl replied calmly. "I'll meet you back at the dorm later."
Galinda pouted in a matter that Elphaba supposed was intended to dissuade her. "Oh, but Fifi and I were going out for a coffee to celebrate our first tests being over! I really wanted you to come with us!"
Ah, damn. No, it's fine. Just a little temptation, I can handle it. "No thank you," she declined politely. "You and Fifi should have some quality time to yourselves."
Oh, Oz, did she just say that??? And with a straight face????
Galinda shook her curls, making her blonde curls toss every which way. "We always have quality time, just like you and I always have quality time- but we never do it together!"
"Um, it's called a third wheel, perhaps you've heard of it?" Elphaba asked, standing up.
The blonde laughed. "Why on earth would someone put three wheels on anything?"
Elphie sighed, and spent the walk back to their room explaining the concept to her friend, swiftly dodging further café invitations as she went.
Okay. So, as a newly freed man, it was important that Fiyero reflect on the current priorities in his life and put them in order.
"Why are you scarfing down that bag of cheesedoodles like a rabid dog?" his roommate asked as he walked into their shared suite.
Fiyero scowled at him. "I'll have you know," he said, sucking the orange powder off his fingers, "I suffered a near-death experience today, uh-"
"Minoroscar-Celebus," he supplied, scowling. "Honestly, Fiyero- we've been roommates for over a month, don't you know my name by now?"
"It's too long," the Prince complained as he rummaged through the plastic bag, in search of any stray doodles that might have slipped past him. "Can't I just give you a nickname, or something?"
"Like?" the other boy prompted.
"I dunno," he replied absently. "Minor OC?"
"That'll work," the newly christened munchkin decided, sitting down next to his roommate. "So how'd you almost die?" he asked casually, gesturing for him to pass some junk food over.
"I got trapped in a closet for over six hours on an empty stomach with little air and only perverted thoughts to keep me occupied," Yero proudly declared, passing him an unopened bag of pretzels as he did so.
"Wow," Minor OC marveled, opening it and popping a salty snack into his mouth, "You're my hero."
"I know," he replied easily, leaning back into the recliner. "Now I have to just sort out my increasingly ludicrous romantic situation, and all will be well."
"Oh, speaking of, Miss Shenshen dropped by earlier," Minor OC stated, blushing slightly. "She said Miss Galinda will be expecting you in about thirty minutes for your date."
Fiyero let out an annoyed breath of air. "Greaaaaaaaaaat," he declared, not bothering to keep his voice down.
"Um, yeah," OC said uncertainly as Fiyero stood up. "Where are you going?" he added tentatively.
"To provide myself with the energy to get through a night that may or may not involve enraged balls of pink fluff hurling steaming hot liquids at me in the event I break up with her."
Minor OC stared at him with wide eyes. "So to the kitchen nook, then, for extra gummy animals?"
"Duh."
Sometimes, she really wondered why she put up with this.
"AACK!" Galinda cried, throwing yet another pile of taffeta onto her bed- where, due to the force of inertia of all the other items she had deposited onto her Little Plush Mountain, it collapsed to the floor. "WHY DON'T I HAVE ANYTHING TO WEAR???"
"Because the Gale Force came in the night, took your wardrobe, and clothed all of the impoverished in Oz and all its neighboring countries!" Elphaba called back, pulling a pair of fuchsia pantyhose off of the book she was reading.
"Well they could have taken the tacky stuff, it's not as though they know the difference!" Galinda projected, still foraging through the confines of the closet.
Elphaba sighed. "You own more clothing than most marketplaces in central Oz; just pick something."
Galinda stormed out of the closet, looking highly affronted. "I cannot just pick something, Elphie," she informed her roommate tartly. "I want to look intelligent, since I just finished testing, yet also dress in a way that appeals to my feminine charms and build, plus I have to wear something that coffee won't stain in case I get too excited."
"But I thought brown was your worst color," Elphaba objected confusedly, her loathing for Cosmetology deepening further.
"It is, silly!" she giggled, back in the closet now. "That's what makes this so difficult!"
Rolling her eyes, Elphaba was about to pick up her book again when a knock came forth from the door.
"Oh Oz, what's he doing here?!" Galinda cried, half-dressed. "Elphie, get that, would you please?"
Shizkin. Warily, Elphaba made sure her bookmark was still in place before slowly walking towards the door. Just act natural, she coached herself, and everything will turn out fine.
She swallowed, fingers quivering in spite of herself as she twisted the door handle and-
"Oh," she said, taking a step back in relief. "It's just you."
Nessarose scowled up at her. "Yes, just me," she retorted sharply. "Such a pleasant greeting from my loving, one and only sister,"
"That you know of," she retorted, closing the door behind them as Nessa rolled into the room. "You seem a mite cranky today, Sissy Dear-didn't you get enough sleep? How long did you stay up playing with your Boqie Doll?"
Nessarose narrowed her baggy eyes. "I went to bed at one," she said defiantly, then added under her breath, "Till five."
"Uh-huh," Elphaba concluded grimly.
The crippled girl scowled at her. "I was going to give you a present," she replied stiffly. "But if you're going to be like that…"
Before her sister could retort Galinda pranced out, a vision in a smartly-cut jacket-dress, similar to the one she had worn on their first day at Shiz- though this one was navy. Her shoes, earbobs, and necklace were all white, which contrasted very nicely with the blood red lipstick she had coated her mouth with.
"What do you think?" the blonde asked, twirling them the full effect.
"I think you could pull off a paper bag, and worse still you know it," was Elphaba's tart answer, her version of a compliment. "Now just be content with what you have on and stop burying the room in cashmere, you'll give me a rash."
"Well fine, if you're going to be cross about it," she replied primly, smoothing her skirt. "Oh, hello, Nessarose, didn't hear you come in," she added brightly, looking up.
"Miss Galinda," she nodded at her. "Would you be a dear and fish the garment bag out of the holding compartment under my chair?"
"Garment bag?" Elphaba repeated as Galinda complied.
"Yes," Nessarose sniffed, still a little defensive. "I was rather drained after a grueling day of exams, so I thought I'd partake in a little retail-therapy."
"Retail-?" Elphaba broke off, whirling on her roommate. "Have you been corrupting her with this nonsense?"
"Honestly, Elphie, hasn't anyone ever told you how unbecoming paranoia is?" Galinda replied, shaking her head.
"No, surprisingly enough people tend to dwell on the skin and the attitude before they can get around to that."
"If you two are quite finished," broke in Nessarose, annoyed. The pair rolled their eyes at each other before returning their attention to the crippled girl.
"Thank you," said Nessa primly. "As I was saying, I decided to go shopping after a long day of testing, and while I was at a certain boutique browsing for myself, I saw this darling little outfit that was far too tall for me but would be perfect for Elphaba's build, so I bought it."
"How did you even get off campus?" Elphaba demanded, completely ignoring the sisterly gesture. "It's only Friday afternoon, we're not allowed to roam off the grounds till noon tomorrow-"
Fortunately for Nessarose, Galinda's screech cut her off before any feeble excuses could be made.
"Oh my Oz!" she cried, holding a bundle of fabric in her dainty little hands; apparently the temptation to see what Nessa had purchased was too much for her. "Where did you get this, Nessarose, it's-it's- oh Oz, are you sure you could only find it in Elphie's size?!"
"Vivan's Silence," Nessa supplied, then added glumly, "And yes, I triple checked, they didn't have any for people under 5'8."
"Dammit!" the blonde swore, still enthralled in the clothing she held.
"What are you on about?" Elphaba snarled, snatching the thing out of her roommate's grip. She paled beneath her green skin.
"Now Elphie," Galinda cautioned, fixing the green girl with a tentative stare, "Don't overreact here. Nessarose did you a very kind favor by purchasing this very fine present for-"
"A corset?!" Elphaba gaped, a mask of horror written across her face. "You bought me a freaking corset?!?!"
"It's not a corset!" Nessarose returned hotly, "It's a bustier! With a respectable, knee-length film skirt with it! I thought the lilac suited your coloring very nicely, and it probably compliments certain- er, features to greater effect-"
Elphaba felt frozen, blankly running her thumbnail across the bodice's sequined neckline, the gauzy skirt tickling her arm. She held it outstretched, pinching it between her fingers as though it were diseased.
"Oh, Elphie, don't be so melodramatic," Galinda said impatiently. "Try thing on, at least."
The eldest Thropp sister jerked out of her revere. "No," she said, gaining steam. "No bloody way am I putting this- this- undergarment on with you around; I can hear you trilling in my ears this minute- it'll be the headline on next issue of Ozsmopolitan; "Green Girl Gets Girdle- turn to page 10 for more details!"
"More like: 'Walking Venus Flytrap- Medical Miracle or Sign of the Apocalypse?" She hunched her purse-strap more securely over her shoulder. " Well be like that then,I'm running late anyhow- but show it to Nessa, at least. And I want an artist's rendering by this time tomorrow!"
She gave them a quick wave before hurrying out the door. Scowling as though she had a bad taste in her mouth, Elphaba reached for the bag and made to drop the lingerie back from whence it came, but Nessa snatched to back before she had the chance.
"Uh-uh-uh!" the crippled girl chided. "You heard Miss Galinda; now be a good big sis and model for widdle Nessawose."
"You make me put that on and I'll tell the whole school about your little Makeup Meltdown last night," she informed her blandly, beginning to fold the bustier at arm's length.
"You wouldn't dare!" Nessa cried defiantly.
"Wouldn't I?" Elphaba challenged, raising an eyebrow.
"You do that and I'll-I'll-" she fumbled for a moment, then grinned triumphantly. "I'll write to Father!"
She had her there."You'd tell Father that you held a boy hostage in your dorm room for over six hours?" her sister bluffed.
"It doesn't have to be about that," Nessa contracted. "Shizkin, all I have to do is say I pricked my finger while you were in the room and he'd yank you out of here."
Elphaba glared down at her in cold fury, but was unable to argue with such a bold truth. "Well at least turn around!" she snapped, unable to think of a better comeback.
Smirking, Nessarose did as she was bidden and waited for the finished result.
He glanced at the clock again. "Five minutes, thirty two seconds," he called out.
"Shizkin!" was Fiyero's dignified response.
Minor OC looked up from his Mathematics book. "Are you sure it's the best idea to wait until the literal last second to pick her up?"
The Prince stumbled into the room, pulling his trousers up as he went. "Yes," he replied, yanking angrily at his belt buckle. "The less time I have to spend with that blonde nightmare, the better."
"Passing over the fact that you just insulted every heterosexual male on campus' dream girl, don't you think it would be better just to show up quicker and get it over with?"
"Um, I'm sorry, when did I reach that level of maturity?" Fiyero retorted, straightening his shirttails.
OC shrugged. "Whatever," he said dismissively, flipping a page. "It'll give you more time in her dorm while she gets ready, plus you can flirt with her roommate, since it's obvious that's who your really crushing on."
Fiyero tripped over his own feet, gripping the counter for support. "H-how the Quox did you know that?!" he stammered.
His roommate's neck cracked as he whipped around in his chair. "Dude, joke much?!" he cried. "Are you seriously telling me your dumping Galinda Upland for-"
"SHHH!" Fiyero chastened, throwing his arm over the other boy's mouth. "You know those preppy freaks have ears everywhere!"
"Right, sorry," Minor OC said hastily. "But Oz- what do you guys smoke in the Vinkus?"
"Green tea leaves-I guess it's an aphrodisiac," he said, managing to keep a straight face.
OC shook his head. "You are deep in it, Tiggular," he pronounced solemnly.
Fiyero sombered. "Don't I know it," he replied, before starting out the door.
"I hate you."
"Elphaba. Get out from under the bed, you're being ludicrous."
"Says the girl who forcibly abducted and cross dressed the supposed love of her life?"
"Well I'd do the same to you, but unfortunately ties seem to be the one article of clothing Galinda has not littered the closet with, so just come out."
"I hate you."
"I heard; wouldn't you like to show me the terrorizing glare you've surely got plastered all over your face?"
Grudgingly, Elphaba propped her chin over the side of the bed. "There, you've seen it. Now make a big production of how fearful you are and then leave me to my droll, unchanging wardrobe."
"Fabala."
"Rosie."
The girl in the wheelchair let out an aggravated sigh, glancing heavenward. As she turned towards her sister again, something registered within the corner of her vision. "My, my," she commented smoothly. "Miss Galinda seems to have forgotten her hat."
Elphie narrowed an eyebrow. "So?" she asked guardedly.
"Oh, well, nothing really," Nessa continued coolly, "It's just…well surely she's going to comeback for it- goodness knows she can't bear to flounce about with an accessory missing- so it wouldn't it be better for you to just show me now, in case she walks in on us?"
The green girl eyed her suspiciously. "Is this a farce?" she questioned bluntly.
Nessarose held up the dainty headdress as evidence.
Taking a deep breath, Elphaba slowly inched out from behind her mattress. The filmy skirt had gotten tangled around her legs when she had crouched down; she took greatest care and sluggishness to unwrinkle it. Then, with deep mortification, she straightened, standing at her full height in front of her sister.
"Oh, Elphaba," Nessarose breathed.
"Shut up," she snapped, embarrassed, and began fumbling with the back stays to get it off.
"No, no!" the other girl insisted, wheeling up to her. "I mean- it doesn't- why just look at yourself, Elphie!"
She threw out a hand towards the mirror. If only to get her to shush already, Elphaba followed her fingers, bracing herself for the gaudiness that was sure to reflect back at her from the glass. She gasped.
The tight bodice that was currently crushing her ribcage sent attention on her bust, making it seem more shapely and appealing; the glittering sequined butterflies around the drooping neckline only helped to compliment this while also adding a touch of class. The sash-like taffeta that spilled around her calves made them seem more robust and feminine, while also making her seem less gangly. The whole ensemble flattered her build, reinforcing her best features and covering the more unforgiving ones. Most of all, the rich lavender melded perfectly with the emerald tone of her skin; her flesh seemed to radiate as her reflection stared back at her in shock.
"Do I have The Eye or what?" Nessarose asked smugly.
"I-I-" Elphaba stuttered, unable to rip her gaze away from the mirror.
"-am eternally grateful, O Most Favorite Little Sis in all of Oz and Her Sister Lands," Nessa finished, but she was smiling at the childlike awe on her sister's face.
There came a knock from the door. "What did I tell you?" the crippled girl continued, still grinning. "That roomie of yours, so scatterbrained…" she went to answer it, a dazed Elphaba not even bothering to protest.
For the good ten seconds it took Nessa to get the door open, anyway.
"Uh, hi, I'm here to pick up- SWEET OZ!"
The Prince tumbled over his own feet in shock, falling into the room. "I-I'm sorry I- I was just-"
Elphaba let out a shriek at a higher octave than even a certain blonde could manage (Nessa continued to complain of ear damage many years after the fact). "GET OUT!" she screamed, trying desperately to cover herself.
"But Galin-"
"SHE'S GONE ALREADY YOU BRAINLESS FOOL!" she screeched, practically falling over herself as she scrambled for a blanket to drape herself with. "DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING SHE'S MEETING YOU AT THE CAFÉ!"
"Well how was I supposed to know, she never even told-"
Elphaba would not be reasoned with. "YOU SICK BASTARD!" she screamed, hurling a pillow at him once she had the comforter wrapped about her shoulders. "GET OUT OF HERE, I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!"
Fiyero ducked behind stunned Nessarose's wheelchair. "Alright, alright!" he cried, crouching low as he rushed towards the exit. "But if it helps, I think it looks very beau-"
"I SAID OUT!" she raved, managing to graze his scalp with a Filaan shawl Galinda had left lying about before he bolted out the door.
She stood there frozen for a moment, until Nessa cautiously rolled up to the doorway and threw the hat out after him.
"Well there's no sense in her wasting a trip if he's going to the same place," she replied defensively at her sister's dagger-filled stare.
A/N: Yay, I got this done in time! I'm leaving tomorrow for ten days with no real twitch internet access, so you better savor this. Well, actually, you should probably savor it anyway, because this is the third to last chapter! I know! I'm gonna miss this story so much when it's finally through….
But that's not for a good two chapters! In the meantime, review!