I wasn't the only one at the school wondering where the Cullens were; everyone was talking about it, even some of the teachers. Here for two days, and then all of them gone the next. Some speculated that they had disliked Forks so much that they had just decided to leave after a brief stint. Others suggested that they had all come down with the flu as a family, considering Carlisle had just begun working at the hospital.
Regardless of the actual reason, I was simply concerned that they weren't there. I knew it was likely to mean one of two things: one, that there was some kind of complication with either the brunette woman and her friends, or these threatening non-vegetarian big league vampires; or two, that sunlight was a factor in whether these vampires could go outside.
Maybe their vegetarian diets made them less able to go out in the sun? They seemed fine under cloud cover. They were pretty pale, though. Could vampires get sunburned?
I had a thousand theories and spent most of first and second period thinking about them, hearing other alternative ones all around me as well. By the end of the day, the most well-circulated reason for the Cullens' absence was that there had been a sudden death in their family, perhaps Carlisle himself, and the kids had had to go out of state to attend the funeral. I knew that this wasn't the case, considering it was seemingly very difficult for anyone in their family to actually die, but I nodded along to Mike and Jessica talking about it as we walked to the parking lot, my mind a ball of worry.
Until I saw him, of course. Leaning against the back of my truck, literally wearing a leather jacket, was my Jacob, sunglasses on to block the sun from his perfect eyes and his hair tied halfway back, spilling in a black blanket over his shoulders.
"Jake," I breathed absentmindedly, forgetting my friends at my sides as I raced forward toward him. I threw my backpack into the truckbed and my arms around his neck, grinning from ear to ear. "I can't believe you're here!"
"Neither can a lot of people," he noted in my ear, and I pulled back to see we had attracted an audience, much of my fellow Forks High attendees gazing in confusion at the boy from La Push who'd shown up out of the blue. On the same day the Cullens were gone, no less.
If they only knew.
"Don't worry about it," I said, kissing his neck – it was the highest part I could reach without jumping or him bending down – and reaching up to grab my backpack again to get the truck keys. My hands were shaking too much in my excitement to unlock the door, and he chuckled, taking them from me and effortlessly twisting the keychain. He held the door open and gestured for me to get in first, and I did, his hands on my waist to help me up.
"I missed you," I breathed after he was in the truck with me, and he grinned, shutting the door. "I don't know if I like you in sunglasses, though."
"Why's that?" he asked, taking them off immediately.
I laughed. "Because I can't see your eyes."
"Oh." He grinned again, putting them back on. "Just let me get to the rez, then you'll get to see my eyes all you want."
"Sounds great." I sat against him as he backed out of the spot and started toward the exit, already caught in a line of cars trying to do the same, and throwing caution to the wind I reached up and pulled his face down to mine, his warm lips a perfect comfort in the midst of today's confusion.
"Oh, and I missed you too, Bells," he breathed, color rushing into his cheeks. "You don't care that they're all watching?" He nodded to all the students, even more of them looking up at us now in the thundering monster that was my truck.
"Why would I?" I asked, back to being confused.
"Small town, gossip."
"So?"
He sighed. "You're not, like, embarrassed of me?"
Despite his worried expression, I laughed out loud, kissing him again and smiling against his lips. "How on earth could I be embarrassed of you, Jake?"
"I'm younger, from the reservation… Someone could tell their parents, who could tell Charlie."
"I don't care if the whole world knows you're mine, Jacob," I said easily, leaning my head against his shoulder. "In fact, I want them to know."
When I looked up at him nearly a minute later, he was still grinning. "You're perfect, Bella."
"Thank you. Ditto."
Once we made it out of the parking lot and were on the road toward La Push, Jake spoke. "So, didn't see or smell any leeches on campus today. They stayed home?"
"Yep," I said. "You didn't hear everyone talking about it?"
"No, I mostly heard them talking about me," he said, grimacing. "I'm not really big on being the center of attention."
"I know. Me either. I'm sorry, Jake." I turned and kissed his shoulder. "Thank you for coming, though. You made my whole day."
His answering smile was dazzling. The sun just lit him up, brought his beauty more into focus. I imagined all the girls at the school were probably stunned by how gorgeous he was. "They were all talking about the vamps being gone?" he asked.
"In different words, but yeah," I said. "They came Monday and Tuesday but not today, and since they were all gone, everyone thinks that someone died or something. Have you heard from them all today?"
"Does it matter?" he asked, suddenly tense.
"I – I guess it doesn't," I said, pulling back to see his face better. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," he said immediately, his brows pulled together; I made the same face, confused by his strange and sudden reaction.
"Jake, I hate lying," I said. "Don't lie to me."
"I'm not lying."
"Yeah, you are. And you just lied again. Tell me what's wrong." I realized immediately that I sounded really mean, ready to apologize when he spoke first.
"Sam has been saying… Well, he's been saying some stuff that kind of makes sense."
"What kind of stuff?" I asked. Judging by the look on my Jacob's face, it wasn't good.
"Just that – well, Edward has taken some kind of interest in you. Everyone sees it, Sam especially. He doesn't like it at all, and obviously I don't either. And it seems like… Like you've taken the same interest back."
My jaw dropped. Was he serious? "You think that I am interested in Edward?"
"Well, not romantically or anything, not necessarily. But you ask a lot of questions about them, you know a lot about them, yesterday you said something about talking to them at school. Sam said you and Carlisle were talking like you know something about Edward that the wolves don't know. Sam's concerned you might be a little more interested in them than is safe for the pack."
I gritted my teeth, my hatred for Sam Uley growing stronger every day, it seemed. "Listen, Jacob," I said, trying not to sound angry. "First of all, I would never put the pack in danger. You of all people should know that. Second, I see Edward at school, he's in a bunch of my classes and if you think that everyone can see that he's weirdly obsessed with me, you have to know that I know it, too. I see it. This whole time I've just been trying to figure out why it is. Plus, I was also trying to figure out what kind of ability he has, and if it's what I think it is, then it wouldn't be safe to tell you because Edward would be able to hear it in your minds, but not mine."
He didn't talk, probably considering my words, and after a few minutes I kept going. "I did this trick with my friend Angela. I said something about Edward acting a little stiff or unrelaxed or something, I don't remember the exact words, but I told her that I didn't like it. It might not have worked, considering if he wasn't as obsessed with me as we think he is then he wouldn't care if I thought he was stiff, but I looked at her during lunch the day I'd talked about it after someone was talking about Edward and she smiled at me like she was thinking about our conversation. Next period, Edward is super relaxed, the most chilled out guy in school."
"He could have just heard you and her talking about it."
"I know. The plan wasn't foolproof. I was going to think of another way to test the theory but it's not going to work because it's in your head now, which means it's going to be in all the pack member's heads and Edward is going to hear it."
His bottom lip was jutting out, guilt on his face. I kept going. "I don't think he can hear my mind. Remember the first night in the clearing? I think he looked so mad at me because he could hear everyone else but not me. That's why he's so interested," I realized, staring out the window, lost in thought. "He told me at school, he asked which car was mine because he couldn't just hear it in my head and he must have been curious. And I said something really vague, I think I just said 'the truck,' and he got all frustrated and said he never knows what I'm thinking. Which, arguably, could mean that he generally does know what other people are thinking. Yesterday, when you were far away, I had to beg him to tell me if you were okay and he knew somehow."
"We were way too far away for him to just have been able to hear it with vampire hearing."
"That's what I'm saying," I said, grabbing onto his arm. "He can hear thoughts. All thoughts, from a questionable distance, since the wolves were near us too so he could have heard in their minds that you were okay or weren't. I told him when I needed to know if you were okay, I said 'I know you can hear it,' and he looked stunned, like I'd figured him out. He must know that I know, now. Maybe that's why they're gone, maybe they know that I know he can read minds and they don't feel safe anymore with one of their big secrets out."
"They're not gone forever," he breathed finally. "They went on a family hunting trip because Alice saw that it was going to be sunny. They're going to tell people they went camping."
"What happens to them when it's sunny?" If they could hunt in the sun, it must not hurt them, right?
"I don't know," he said quietly, his expression sad, and I swallowed hard, leaning my face against his arm.
"I'm sorry if I came off like a jerk, Jake. I just don't want anyone to think that I'm with anyone but you and the pack. Would Sam ever think that Emily would betray him for vampires?"
"No," he said immediately. "I've been saying that, too, like how can he suggest you're on the vampires' side but absolutely reject that Emily would ever do anything like that. He says it's because they've been together longer, but not by much."
"The reason I'm so interested in them, well one of them, was because I knew something was up with Edward and his fascination with me. I think I have it figured out, for the most part." Well, except for the scent thing. But that was still yet to be made clear. "That he can read minds, but not mine. Plus, obviously you have that they're vampires and I'm a human, so I'm curious about their species. But trust me, Jacob, I'm more scared of them than anything. And I don't care about them. I care about you. You're mine and I'm yours and that's forever."
He started smiling, nodding slowly. "I understand. Sorry if I came off accusing."
"I know what Sam can be like, I guess. It's okay."
"And you didn't come off like a jerk. I'm just letting myself worry too much."
"If I ask Sam what happens to them in the sun, is that going to be threateningly curious?"
He smiled and shrugged. "Honestly, I wouldn't ask if I were you."
"Note taken." I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, wondering why the heck everyone else seemed to think Sam Uley was so great. He was annoying and bossy and self-absorbed.
We stopped by Jacob's house so he could grab his backpack, and Sam and Paul met us there. They whispered some things to Jake while I waited in the truck, and I tried my hardest not to look broody, grinning at Jake when he came back. He started the engine again and backed out of the dirt drive, pulling onto the road.
"What was that about?" I asked, and he shook his head.
"Nothing major, just some updates. Nobody's seen or heard anything more from that woman, we've had eyes on Charlie all day and nothing has happened. The bloodsuckers haven't contacted us, either. We're waiting until they get back to see their eye color. If it's still yellow, they only bit animals."
"What if it's red?"
He grimaced, glancing down at me and then back at the road. "Well, then they're in trouble."
The road to my house was mostly sunny, but when we made it into Forks, the sky was darkening threateningly, sprinkles of rain misting my skin when I hopped down from the truck. Jake glanced up and around, probably checking to see if there were any threats nearby, and then we went into the house, Charlie still not home from work.
I suspected it would be quite easy to help Jacob with his homework, considering he was two grades below me, and the material itself proved easy enough. However, the boy doing the homework was a different, very distracting story.
I had to lean in next to him to look at the textbook or his notes, and whenever I did he found some part of me to kiss – my neck, my cheek, my temple, my hair. I elbowed him numerous times but was the only one who came out bruised; Jacob was rock-solid, feeling no pain that wasn't wolf- or vampire-inflicted. We finished one or two assignments and then took a break so I could make dinner, grimacing at our lack of food once again and deciding I needed to go to the store sometime.
The phone rang, and I had begun associating the sound with negativity, my stomach twisting. Jake answered it, and his face began to fall, only solidifying my worries.
"Yeah, I'll be there, I guess. Bye." He hung up and put the phone back on the hook, glancing at me sadly.
"You have to go."
"Yeah."
I nodded, setting my jaw. This was just going to keep happening; I might as well start getting used to it. He came and hugged me tightly, his lips in my hair.
"I'll be here tonight, Bella," he asserted, his voice low. "That I'm sure of. But I don't know when I'll be back."
"Okay. Please be safe."
"Sure, sure. And ditto." He kissed the top of my head and then pulled back to kiss my lips, his warm and soft and sweet. I didn't want to stop when he did, reaching up and locking my fingers in his hair and kissing him with all my desperation and worry and desire mixing in.
He looked breathless and flushed when he finally broke away, immediately grinning. "Calm down," he murmured. "Sam would be really mad if you keep this up, because I'm not gunna be able to make myself leave."
"Don't encourage me."
He laughed, leaning down and holding my face so he could kiss me gently without me pulling him in. "I'll see you soon, Bells," he said. "Don't worry about me, okay?"
"Don't worry about me either, then." I smiled weakly up at him, kissing his chest and up his neck, and he nodded, hugging me tightly again before turning to leave.
Of course, it was impossible not to worry about Jacob. I attempted the usual distractions, finishing some homework and making dinner, but that didn't alleviate any of my stress. Looking into our empty refrigerator while I put the leftovers away gave me an idea, and it probably wasn't the safest one, but I figured it would work for a brief distraction.
"Dad, can I have some money for the store?" I asked him, peeking my head into the living room.
"Yeah, in my wallet in my uniform," he replied, not even looking away from the TV.
"Thanks, I'll be back soon." I hurried up the stairs and found the wallet he was talking about, taking out enough for a couple weeks of groceries and grabbing my truck keys. It was already mostly dark as I jogged to the truck, quickly jumping into the cab and slamming my door. Not that it would really effectively keep out a vampire that could literally get hit by a car and come out just fine, but it eased my mind some.
There weren't many people at the store due to the weather and it being the middle of the week, and I quickly found most of what we'd need. I was standing in the frozen food aisle, grateful I was wearing Jacob's sweatshirt, when I saw him, and almost immediately wanted to roll my eyes.
Edward was holding a small basket like he was actually planning on getting food, not that he ever ate it, as he approached me. He was wearing what I assumed were supposed to look like camping clothes, a long-sleeved Henley and loose, worn jeans.
"Is that what people camp in?" I asked, not concealing any of my unhappiness at his appearance.
"In fact, it is," he said, stopping a few feet from my cart and smiling pleasantly at me. "Fancy meeting you here."
"Oh, I'm sure it was an accident."
He only smirked, and I eyed his shoulders, noticing he wasn't breathing yet again. We were alone in the aisle, possibly alone in the store other than the workers, but I wasn't afraid.
I noticed as we met eyes that his had changed color; they were a lighter yellow than before, closer to a pastel than a gold, and I had to fight not to stare at them, always fascinated by the characteristics of the supernatural beings around me.
"How was school?"
"Why did you follow me here, Edward?"
His smirk widened. "I didn't necessarily follow you."
"You're creepy," I said shamelessly. "Is there like, a reason you act the way you do? Because I haven't noticed you being relentlessly annoying to any other people besides me."
He actually laughed, and the sound was gorgeous, like velvet. "You're very different from other humans for many reasons, Bella. I'm simply fascinated by you."
"Not sure if I really am the one to be giving you directions on how to act more normal," I began, "but first of all, don't tell people you're fascinated by them. It's kind of weird. Second, this"—I motioned to the space between us—"is freaking out the wolves. You should probably knock it off or think of a better excuse."
He was silent for a few seconds, contemplative. "I am aware of the wolves' opinions of me."
"Yeah, because you can read their minds, right?" I asked, suddenly fearless. "Edward, forgive me, but I'm getting pretty sick of all the secrecy. I already have to wonder about the wolf secrets they aren't telling me, and I don't feel like worrying about yours, too. You can tell me straight up what you're about, or don't talk to me at all anymore." I felt like I was glaring, or I was trying to at least, but I wasn't sure what my actual face looked like.
He considered my words again, silent. His expression was vacant, completely blank of anything to tell me what he was feeling.
And then, after what felt like an hour, he opened his mouth to speak, and then closed it again. "It would be a lot easier to talk to you if I knew what you were thinking."
"Normal people have to deal with that every day," I snapped, turning back to the shelf of food without really seeing it. This guy needed to get away from me. "I'm not kidding. Spill or get out."
"Well we can't talk here," Edward said very seriously, and I glanced at him in surprise, seeing the same seriousness on his face that was in his voice. "We'll have to go somewhere."
"I don't – where?" I asked, my heart speeding up at the thought of Jacob's reaction to this. Imagine if he knew I was making plans to have an interview with a vampire. And not just any vampire, but the one seemingly obsessed with me.
"Well anywhere we go, there will be gossip," he noted, thoughtful. "Similar to the gossip in everyone's minds, about how you kissed a reservation boy right on school property." His words were emotionless when he said them, and for some reason I wondered how he felt about this specific gossip.
"Yeah, I did," I replied easily. "We can just sit in my truck."
"Jacob will smell it."
For some reason, Edward saying my Jacob's name made me incredibly angry, and I gritted my teeth. "Well, yeah. Did you think I would try to keep it secret?"
"He's not going to be happy if he knows about this."
"He'll get over it. I'm sure he'd rather I tell him it happened than try to hide it."
"I'm sure he'd rather it not happen at all."
"Well I'd rather he didn't run around chasing vampires and hanging out with that jerk Sam Uley, but we can't always get what we want." I gazed stonily back at him, unwilling to be beaten by his apparent egotistical snark. "I have a right to want to know what's going on around me, especially if it involves me."
"Pay for the groceries, then," he said, straightening out one of his sleeves. "I'll see you in your truck." He turned and left, and I stayed still for a long time after, wondering what I was getting myself into.
Like promised, Edward was sitting on the passenger side of my truck when I got there, and I put the groceries on the seat between us and on the floor near his feet, which were far too clean to have been hiking all day. "Who goes camping just for a day?"
"The Cullen family, of course. We value the sunlight, and therefore when it's sunny out we make the most of it and go hiking or camping."
He looked so serious it made me roll my eyes, and I tossed my hair over one of my shoulders, shivering from the cold and rain, and in part because of the vampire in my truck. "What's the real reason?"
"The sun is a very good way to tell what we are. In direct sunlight, our skin takes on a… conspicuous appearance."
"Which is?"
"You'll have to see it to believe it."
"Give me a hint."
"Think of...thousands of tiny little mirrors in my skin."
I rolled my eyes again. "Nice."
"I am completely serious, Bella. I wouldn't have agreed to this conversation if I had planned to feed you lies."
His attitude was sharp and fast, and I didn't want to risk losing my information fountain, continuing in a more polite tone. "Alright. The sun doesn't hurt you, though?"
"Nothing hurts us except other vampires. And your wolves."
I nodded slowly. "And you really can read minds?"
"Yes. Depending on how familiar I am with the specific mind, I can hear thoughts very clearly up to a distance of around three miles. It's every thought that goes through any mind in that three mile radius, at any given moment. There's a buzzing of little voices around me constantly, but it's easy to tune out.
"And of course, in my description, I should mention that your mind is not among those that I can read."
"You said any mind."
"Yes, as has been the case my whole existence as a vampire. Until you."
I didn't speak, pondering. "Do you know why?"
"That's the most frustrating part. I do not know why." He paused. "Well, that's a lie. The most frustrating part is seeing the expressions on your face and not knowing the thoughts behind them."
I raised one brow. "You've got a bad case of nosiness."
He smirked. "Guilty, I suppose."
"So what else is wrong with me?" I asked, remembering. "You don't breathe around me, well at least you try not to. But it's weird – sometimes you seem like it's really bothering you, and other days it doesn't. And I'd like to know what 'it' is. By that I mean what it is about me that you dislike so much."
"It's not something I dislike," he said, his words slow and careful. His eyes were on me closely, analyzing my reaction to his words. "It's something I like very much."
What a creep, I thought, wishing I had Jacob or vampire strength to kick Edward out of my truck. I didn't want to know anymore. "What do you mean?" Why did I ask?
"Your scent is one of the strongest I have ever experienced since I've been alive." He waited, watching me still. I struggled to stay contained, wondering if he could see the terror behind my eyes. "It doesn't appear to be that way for the rest of my family, however. While they admit you smell a little sweeter than average, none of them experience what I do upon breathing you in.
"It's easier to tolerate when you're wearing that," he said in disgust, eyeing Jacob's sweatshirt. "The overwhelming smell of dog coming from it mutes your scent a bit, so I can breathe a little easier. But since breathing isn't a necessity, unless I'm speaking often, it's safer for both of us if I refrain from it."
"What do you mean, safer for both of us?"
"Well, you understand what I mean about the appeal of your scent to me, right?"
"Yeah," I said, swallowing a nervous knot in my throat. So I hadn't missed the mark in assuming that my scent affected him strongly. It was just very, very good. "I meant your safety."
"What would happen to me if I were to harm you?" he asked, incredulous.
"Right," I said, picturing my Jacob. The image gave me little comfort. I wanted Edward far, far away from me. But I was so curious. "Who else in your family has gifts?"
"Those aren't my secrets to divulge," he said sternly.
"So there are more than one," I said, wrinkling my brow.
"Bella," he breathed, putting his face in one hand. "Must you figure everything out?"
"I don't like lying and I don't like secrets," I said, my shoulders starting to get sore from sitting so tense. "When things are being kept from me, I try to figure them out."
He nodded slowly. "I've noticed." His eyes darted out the window and then back to me in a millisecond, and he shifted toward the door. "Jacob is within the range of my mind," he said, opening the door and jumping down. "Go home, Bella." He slammed the door, and the darkness was so thick around my truck that I didn't even see where he went. The night swallowed him up.
I started my engine with shaking hands and drove home, taking the groceries inside and putting them all away. Jacob got back just as I was balling up the grocery bags and shoving them under the sink.
"I need the phone, one second," he said, his face full of concern. I let him grab it off the hook but came to him anyway, wrapping my arms around his waist and pressing my lips into his chest.
He stilled, not responding to my touch. I had expected him to smell Edward on me; it wasn't a surprise that he set the phone down and moved me away, his nose wrinkled.
"Bella."
I gazed up at him, his hair damp from the rain and his shirt twisted around him, most likely hastily thrown on as he'd walked toward the front porch. "Jacob."
"Why do you and your truck both smell like vampire?"
"I talked to one of them at the grocery store."
His reaction was minute, pain registering in his eyes, and then anger. But the expression on his face was one singular emotion, just suspicion.
My chest ached. Jacob was suspicious of me.
"Which?"
"Edward. He confronted me in the grocery aisle, I told him to tell me why he always acted so bizarre or stop talking to me, and he decided to tell me why."
"What did he tell you?" His face was blank now, resigned. Emotionless. Somehow, that was worse.
"That apparently my scent smells extra good to him. And he also can't read my mind, but he can read the minds of everyone in about a three mile circle."
He nodded slowly, looking slightly angry now. That was better than emotionless. "So you just let him in the truck."
"I wanted to find out information for us, Jake," I said, grabbing onto his arm. I didn't want to hug him for fear that he would push me away. "I did, now we know."
"You shouldn't have done this, Bella," he said, worry and anger now on his face. "For so, so many freaking reasons you shouldn't have done it."
"I'm sorry," I breathed, my voice pleading. I didn't like the look on his face; I didn't want him to be upset with me. "I knew that it was dumb, but the pros outweighed the cons."
"The pros—" He cut off, squeezing his eyes shut. "You could have died, Bella. If your scent really does smell that good to him, why would you shut yourself in a truck with him?! Do you have a deathwish? Or do you really just want Sam to not let me see you anymore?"
"Sam can't make you do anything," I said, trying not to get upset but failing. I should have just let him be mad, let him be upset with me, not argue back and make things worse. "If Sam told you not to see me anymore and you listened, it would be you who chose to leave me. Not Sam."
"Oh yeah?" he asked, his eyes snapping open. "So the Alpha thing just doesn't exist, then? Are you insane, Bella?!" He sighed, covering his face with his hand. I hated myself for remembering Edward making the same gesture.
"So he doesn't just control what you're allowed to say, he controls what you do, too?"
"I can't help it, Bella!" he said, too loud; I glanced behind him, where Charlie was in the living room, probably about to come investigate. "I didn't choose this, I don't want it," he breathed, his jaw clenched. "You think I would voluntarily let Sam tell me to never see you again? Oh wait, I wouldn't have to. You'd rather make him do that yourself."
I kept my mouth shut, each of his words stabbing into my heart; I couldn't figure out if I deserved this, if his anger was justified. My mind was stuck on the look on his face, the betrayal and hurt there, and I hated myself for causing it. Jacob was so pure, so sunny, and I harbored so much anger at Sam Uley for the times when he'd clouded the sunniness. And now what had I just done?
"Of course you aren't saying anything," he said, laughing with slight hysteria. He threw his hands up, and I flinched reflexively. He definitely noticed, fiery anger spreading from his face to the rest of his tense body.
"You'd sit in a truck with a vampire who admitted he wants to kill you," he breathed, "but you flinch when you know I would never hurt you."
I clenched my fists, helpless – how did I help him?
"Jacob," I pleaded, reaching for him again. Like I'd feared, he backed away quickly, but I saw immediately that it wasn't because of his feelings; no, Jacob was backing away because he was shaking. Tremors rocked down his body, the ones almost always followed by a transformation into a wolf, and I saw the mix of anger and hurt on his face start to bleed through with fear as he realized he wasn't able to stop it this time. His pain was too strong. He turned and ran to the front door, faster than I'd ever seen him move, the tall outline of his shape vibrating as he disappeared into the night.