*WARNING: this one strays into the upper Teen rating*
Godmother of Crime
Jason Wright was probably the only one who knew the juiciest secret in the school.
Mabel Pines was hott.
Yes, it deserved two t's.
She did a decent job of hiding it. Wearing fugly, oversized sweaters; accessorizing with anything and everything; acting like a complete wackjob one hundred percent of the time. But, Jason knew how to spot girls. And Mabel had all the… assets.
The perfect time to make his move was drawing near: homecoming. It would seem casual, the 'let's just go as friends' vibe. But by the end of the night, emotions would be running high and it'd be the perfect moment to act on pent-up, testosterone induced frustration.
Jason used every romantic tactic in the book; the book being Twilght. Girls liked that garbage for some reason. Thinking life was some kind of steamy, sultry fantasy.
It wasn't hard. He wasn't surprised when she said yes. Everything was going according to plan.
Homecoming itself was a hot mess. Bass thumping enough to rattle the gym floor. Music blaring with the intent to give every attendee tinnitus for the following forty-eight hours. Overexcited freshman dancing overzealously. Spilled snacks crunched to dust underfoot and slopped punch made shoes stick to the floor.
And Mabel was just shouting, laughing, and rocking along like she was in her natural habitat.
Jason tried to maneuver closer to her, but the bodies were packed too close. If anyone with knowledge of policy and the guts to enforce it saw this veritable mosh pit, they'd all be fined for violation of fire code. To top it off, whenever he did manage to get close, Mabel would get nabbed by conga line or lifted up to crowd surf.
"And now a slow song for all you precious couples out there!" The DJ announced, and Jason sighed in relief.
"I love this song!" Mabel squeaked, eliciting a duet of shushes from a nearby student, Shelby Dean. She glared whisked past with her partner, Kevin Ringenberg. With the dance floor deprived of its single population, it was much easier to catch his date and pull her into a close shuffle.
He had been severely disappointed by Mabel's homemade dress. It just didn't work for her. Composed of overly fluffy material and some weird waistline, the thing did nothing to show off the potential he knew she had. But now, arms wrapped around her, he was starting to remember what this night was all about.
Mabel was laughing and talking about something inane as they awkwardly circled around, but Jason wasn't really listening. He tried not to let his mind get too ahead of him and instead focus on the next step: how to get her somewhere more private.
Suddenly, Mabel's chatter cut off. She froze, frowning ever so slightly.
"What's up?" he asked.
Smiling with perfectly straight teeth recently liberated of their braces (an added bonus), she whispered mysteriously, "Nothing." She winked, "I'm just going to slip out for a moment. See you in a bit!"
Faster than he thought possible, she disappeared, the only evidence of her departure was the swinging motion of the gymnasium doors. But Jason recognized the perfect opportunity. He followed after his date.
The hullabaloo of homecoming was muted in the hallway. Lockers and classrooms were shrouded in an eerie atmosphere, forsaken of the activity he was accustomed to seeing during the day. But Jason could feel the grin growing on his face. She was making this too easy.
"I'm good. Everything is fine." He glimpsed Mabel, leaning against a wall by the vending machine, seemingly talking to herself. "There are just a few more things I want to do tonight…"
Jason moved into her line of sight and interrupted her, "Me too."
Mabel started, but recovered quickly, "Jason." She looked confused, "What are you doing here?"
Oh, so she was playing hard to get? He moved in closer, his tone dropping low as he teased, "As if you don't know already. I'm just reading the signs."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
He took a step closer and she took a step back, bumping into the wall. He laid a hand against the cinder blocks by her head which wedged her between his arm and the vending machine. Her breath was coming faster and he was close enough to feel it on his cheeks.
"'See you in a bit'? I got the message loud and clear."
Mabel huffed, regaining some composure, "You don't have a very good grasp of English if you're thinking what I think you're thinking."
"I think we're thinking the same thing." Jason said, closing the distance and pressing his lips to hers. His other hand slid up, abandoning the restraint he'd been exercising all night. And finally, he shifted forward to finish all in one movement.
Only to slam face-first into the wall.
Mabel was behind him, pinning his arm behind his back in a way that might dislocate his shoulder with any additional force. She was pressing him against the cold surface, and Jason found that he was unable to maneuver out of her hold.
"Unwanted intimate contact." She scoffed, "Let me tell you. That is not what I was thinking."
"Unwanted?" he whined, his arm twinging painfully, "You were totally asking for it."
"Nope."
He felt his frustration peak, morphing into a more manageable emotion: anger.
"You're such a shitty prude." Jason spat, "You should be grateful that I bothered with you when you're always hiding behind your terrible taste in clothes."
The grip on his arm tightened, causing unwanted tears to spring into his eyes. But Mabel didn't say anything. Maybe he had gotten through to her? He'd still give her another chance if she asked nicely. He'd probably also require an apology for whatever she was doing to his arm though.
Without warning, the pressure vanished. It was so unexpected, it took him a few seconds to get his bearings. And when he turned to look for Mabel, he discovered the hallway devoid of any sign of life, female or otherwise.
He didn't see her for the rest of the night.
The next time he laid eyes on his Homecoming date, it was in the hallway the following Monday at school. She didn't acknowledge his presence. When he approached her in class, she was polite despite the fact her responses were limited to the bare minimum of social acceptability. Jason didn't bring up what had happened and neither did she.
So maybe everything was fine.
Jason didn't know a time he'd ever been more wrong in his life.
Two weeks after homecoming, Jason was certain there was no hard feelings. It was Halloween. A good deal of students had decided to wear costumes to school, which served to be an interesting distraction. A few members of the football team had dressed up as the ninja turtles, which must have required extensive body paint. Vines of them performing fight sequences during passing period had already gone through hundreds of loops on social media. There was also a freshman dressed as some sort of businessman, sporting a bow tie, hair slicked back, the whole shebang. Apparently, he was roleplaying a character as well, having coerced over a hundred dollars out of unsuspecting members of the student body before the day was even halfway done. And Mabel…
She was wearing the most baby blue, chunky suit jacket in existence. Three sizes too big, complete with shoulder pads and cuff links. Giant, circular, fake glasses barely remained perched on her nose and some stupid looking hat balanced precariously on her head. It was ridiculous.
In attempt to stay awake in his first class after lunch, he wondered why he ever thought she had potential to be with him?
"JASON WRIGHT TO THE SCHOOL OFFICE. JASON WRIGHT TO THE SCHOOL OFFICE."
Ms. Schultz looked at him expectantly, "Better get going, Jason."
It probably wasn't anything important, but he welcomed the chance to miss his Lit teacher's fangirling over Hamlet, so he took his time getting to the office. Upon arrival, the secretary – Mrs. Bender – shot him a critical look over the rim of her glasses.
"Principal Rocklin wants to see you."
He squashed the niggling sensation of foreboding that suddenly rose up. There was nothing to worry about. Jason Wright was just that: Mr. Right.
But when he opened the principal's office door, that sensation of foreboding turned into a fully blown dread.
Principal Rocklin wasn't in the room.
Mabel Pines occupied the high backed, faux leather chair, elbows supported on the armrests and fingers steepled below her chin. With her suit jacket, glasses, and hat, she gave off an air of power and control.
"Come in." she commanded in such a voice that his legs moved of their own volition, two steps forward before he caught himself.
It was two steps too many. The door shut behind him, a sound of damning finality. Jason glanced over his shoulder to see a boy – a freshman probably – remove his hand from the knob and stroll leisurely over to stand beside Mabel. The two of them made an incongruous sight behind the principal's desk.
"What's going on," he mustered as much confidence as possible, "Where's Principal Rocklin."
Mabel's tone was altogether too nonchalant as she answered, "The Principal is currently indisposed, enjoying an excellent lunch at a fancy restaurant, courtesy of the Parent Advisory Board. But that is not the topic of our meeting today." She gestured to the chair, "Please, sit."
Jason didn't want to sit, but some base compulsion prompted him to slowly ease into the seat across the desk.
"I'd like to introduce you to my associate, Dipper Pines." Mabel continued, "He will be helping us conduct the details of today's mediations."
Dipper, Jason noticed, didn't react to Mabel's address, continuing to stand stoically beside her. It took Jason far too long to realize that the freshman who had been conning his classmates all morning was also Mabel's brother. And Jason had no idea who he was trying to impersonate. His outfit consisted of a mark, drawn across his forehead to look something like the Big Dipper, an eye patch, and an immaculate, black suit.
"For our first order of business, I would like to establish some background." Mabel lifted a sheet of paper and adjusted her glasses as she read, "Approximately eleven days ago, you sexually harassed a female student in the halls of Piedmont High School…"
"What!?" Jason exploded, "Nothing like that ever happened!"
"Dipper, would you please explain the definition of the subject."
"Of course." Dipper spoke for the first time, his tone neutral and dispassionate, "Sexual harassment is the harassment (typically of a woman) in a social situation, involving the making of unwanted sexual advances or obscene remarks."
"Thank you Dipper." Mabel smoothly continued, "Now, as I was saying. This event occurred eleven days ago. In that time, the victim has had the chance to confer with her advisors about the litigations. Dipper, would you like to inform Mr. Wright the range of consequences for his actions."
Dipper stepped in front of Jason, staring intently as he spoke and succeeding in making Jason feel as if he was being examined like a specimen under a microscope, "The procedure for addressing sexual harassment is thus. The occurrence of said harassment is announced to the school – staff and students – to make all aware that such behavior is not tolerated. An investigation is initiated to determine the exact nature of the incident. After the truth has been elucidated, corrective action is taken by the administration. Depending on the seriousness of the misconduct, punishment may range from suspension to expulsion. Failure to do so violates Title IX of the Education Amendments of 1972 and can be pursued in the court system."
Jason felt his trepidation growing, but somehow managed to squeeze out, "You don't have any proof. It's my word against hers."
The boy smirked. Shark like. Predatory.
"On the contrary," Dipper pulled something out of his pocket: a cellphone.
Mabel folded her hands and placed them on the desk as she explained, "I was on the phone with my brother at the time. He has the conversation between you and I recorded, Mr. Wright. Additionally, I have spoken with a few of the young ladies you've previously taken on dates. Some confided in me to have experienced something similar at your hands." A shit-eating grin stretched across her face, "Your best chance is to listen to my proposal."
"Screw you!" Jason grit out.
The temperature in the room dropped and a bead of cold sweat dribbled down his back as the siblings glared.
"Dipper," Mabel broke the silence that had stretched a good fifteen seconds, "Please read Mr. Wright the proposal."
"Gladly." Dipper answered stiffly, returning to the desk to take the sheet of paper Mabel proffered him. He faced Jason as he read with clear diction, "'By signing this contract, I hereby agree that I will in no way verbally or physically contact the witnesses against me, whether directly or indirectly. I concede to notify Mabel Pines of any future individual I take interest in. Prior to making contact with said individual, I authorize Mabel Pines to speak with the individual and disclose any information that she sees fit concerning my previous, indecent actions. Failure to meet these demands will be met by a prompt report of the events of Homecoming 2014: full disclosure of the incident, revelation of the recording, and exhumation of previous misconduct. Finally, I swear not to reveal or discuss the contents of this contract in any way, shape, or form to anyone besides Mabel and Dipper Pines."
Hollowly, Jason objected, "You can't do this."
"It's very simple, Mr. Wright." Mabel explained, "Agree to my terms and you will be able to continue living in relative peace. Deny my offer, and, well… your life will experience some rather dramatic upheavals."
He could only stare. His once homecoming date, innocuously sitting at the principal's desk, wearing ridiculous clothes, and threatening to ruin his life. It was too much.
With shaking, numb fingers Jason took the pen Dipper provided. Mabel pushed the contract across the desk. And in an action that felt like he was selling his soul to a demon, he signed on the line.
Thank you, TiPoLover 22, for your suggestion. Mabel and Dipper being boss was too good to pass up. The Godmother of Crime is a play on The Godfather and Fairy Godmother, as in, Mabel serves as a protective entity for girls in the dating world (so kinda like you mentioned, grungekitty). I researched the stuff concerning sexual harassment (so the info IS accurate), and it was kind of sad how little there was in terms of prevention… :\
Granted, Boss Mabel is canon, but starfleetrambo's art inspired the mood of this story ( starfleetrambo tumblr com/post/109212884878#109212884878).
I also wanted to mention: I'm thinking of changing the title of this story to Outsiders just so it's more concise and cool sounding. Would that be confusing to the readership?
Your thoughts are always welcome and appreciated. Thanks for reading!