"So hows this going to work. I just play through a list of songs and you decide which ones are good enough?" I asked trying to delay singing. I plan on sticking to keeping this as professional as I can…It's going to be tough though when most of my songs are about him…
"You play and I'll record. We can play it back later and go through them. If there's a lot we can narrow it down to however many songs we need. After that we can go through and add music and edit whatever we need," he said looking at the board and nowhere else. I sat on a stool in front of a mic.
"Ok well some of these I did not write and some I had help writing so when I said don't assume anything, I mean it." I told him half way lying. Most of these songs I wrote but Viktoria did help me out on a few.
"Who else wrote these? Do you have their permission to use them?"
"Yes, I wouldn't sing them if I didn't. Vika helped and wrote a few of them. I had some help from some other people," I said slightly lying. Truth was she's the only person who has ever helped me but I don't want to get into details if he asks why she wrote something like that. "She's actually a really good writer. Wants to come out here and try to become a song writer."
"Why didn't she just come with you? She's out of school now," he asked sounding as if he couldn't care less what I was talking about, but I knew he was just trying to hide his curiosity.
"Because she's too smart for this. I had to work for a year and a half to save up enough to get here, get a decent apartment, and pay bills for the first few months while I found a job and got stable, which as you could tell from earlier I'm still scraping for money. She's better than that. I did tell her though if she'd wait a while and let me get on my feet and start getting ahead if she still wanted to come out here she could stay with me and I'd try to help her out. Hopefully if this deal works out I'll gain some connections so it might not be too hard for her."
"Why do you think she's too good for this life yet it's good enough for you?" he asked looking up at me. This was getting way too personal for me so I of course shut it down. I should have never started the conversation unfortunately, I have a problem of talking a lot around Dimitri.
"Are we going to keep talking or am I gonna sing something?"
"Whenever you're ready," he said looking back at the sound board. I decided to do a song that wasn't really about me first. It's emotional like he wants but it's not about me so it's easier to sing.
"Are you still cold?" he asked. At first I was confused until I realized I was still wearing his duster.
"Oh Sorry," I said reluctantly removing it and hanging it on a spare guitar stand instead of walking it all the way into the booth. I climbed back on the stool and grabbed my acoustic guitar. I made sure it was in the right key and looked at Dimitri. He nodded to go ahead.
"Right well this one is called, 'Just A Dream'."
It was two weeks after the day she turned eighteen
All dressed in white
Going to the church that night
She had his box of letters in the passenger seat
Six pence in her shoe, something borrowed, something blue
And when the church doors opened up wide
She put her veil down
Trying to hide the tears
Oh she just couldn't believe it
She heard the trumpets from the military band
And the flowers fell out of her hands.
Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray
Lord please lift his soul, and heal this hurt
Then the congregation all stood up and sang
The saddest song that she ever heard
Then they handed her a folded up flag
And she held on to all she had left of him
Oh, and what could have been
And then the guns rang one last shot
And it felt like a bullet in her heart
Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
Oh,
Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
Oh, I'll never know
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
Oh, this is just a dream
Just a dream
Yeah, Yeah
It was silent for a minute. I was thinking back to what inspired this song, while I'm sure Dimitri was trying to figure it out. When I couldn't take it anymore I broke the silence.
"Go ahead and ask, I know you want to,"
"Who is it about?"
"Aaron and Mia. As you should know he joined the military when y'all graduated. He proposed to Mia our senior year. He died in action soon after, never even knew he had a baby on the way." I told him sadly. Aaron and Dimitri were two years ahead of Mia and I in school. He joined the military and Dimitri went to LA while Mia and I stayed behind and finished school. Mia and I had started off as huge enemies but, eventually we found some common ground and quickly became really close friends. It was devastating when she found out Aaron had passed, especially since the day she found out was also the day she realized she was pregnant. He had been home a month and a half earlier on leave and they had started planning the wedding.
"I never knew"
"How could you? You never asked or checked up on anyone from your past, not even the people you used to call close friends." I smarted. "People tried to get a hold of you to let you know but you never could answer their calls or even return them."
It was silent for a few minutes. Part of me regretted being so harsh, after all he did just find out that a kid he was good friends with all throughout his childhood had passed away, but part of me knows it's his fault he just now found out.
"Anyways back to the music. I guess if something comes up you want to ask me about, you can ask but I won't guarantee I will answer. This next one is called 'Face Down'. I will give a small explanation because of the content of this song. It is not exactly what you think it's about. I know as soon as you hear it, you will automatically assume what it's about. While it is partly about that, it's mostly not and was inspired by a different situation." I told him probably confusing the heck out of him but he will understand once hears it. This song Vika did help me write.
Hey girl you know you drive me crazy
One look puts the rhythm in my hand
Still I'll never understand why you hang around
I see what's going down
Cover up with make up in the mirror
Tell yourself it's never gonna happen again
You cry alone and then he swears he loves you
Do you feel like a man
When you push her around?
Do you feel better now, as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
As your lies crumble down, a new life she has found
A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect
Every action in this world will bear a consequence
If you wait around forever you will surely drown
I see what's going down
I see the way you go and say you're right again,
Say you're right again,
Heed my lecture
Do you feel like a man
When you push her around?
Do you feel better now, as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
As your lies crumble down, a new life she has found
Face down in the dirt!
She said "this doesn't hurt!"
She said "I finally had enough!"
X2
One day she will tell you that she has had enough
It's coming round again
Do you feel like a man
When you push her around?
Do you feel better now, as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
As your lies crumble down, a new life she has found
Face down in the dirt!
She said "This doesn't hurt!"
She said "I finally had enough!"
Face down in the dirt!
She said "This doesn't hurt!"
She said "I finally had enough!"
I knew he would automatically think back to his mom and how his dad used to beat her but, honestly this song was not inspired by her.
"Was this song the product of something that happened to you?" he asked.
"It started off that way then kind of just turned out to be a song for all of the women that go through things like this," I told him truthfully. This was why I didn't want to record with him. While I want to keep it professional, part of me wants to tell him the stories behind some of these songs. In a way it's kind of updating him of my life since he left. I want him to know what I went through after he left, especially after his comments from earlier. Well I wanted him to know some of it. Other parts I want to keep tucked away.
"What happened?" he asked softly sounding slightly nervous and upset.
"I needed a place to stay after my parents kicked me out. Moved in with a 'friend'. We were fine until he got drunk then just being 'friends' wasn't good enough and he'd get angry. I stayed because I had nowhere else to go plus it wasn't anything I wasn't used to from living with Stan and definitely not the worst i've endured" I told him referring to my father, who had a mean temper when he was actually in town long enough to get drunk.
"Thought you said you stayed with my family? And why didn't you kick his ass? You're one of the best fighters I know, I did teach you, so you learned from the best."
'I deserved it' I thought to myself before I could help it. Luckily I didn't say it out loud.
"The great Dimitri Belikov complimented me? Gee I can die happy now!...I did eventually but I didn't want to ask Olena for help.. she had already been there for me for…other things, I didn't want to need or use her. So I put up with things, I made sure he never did much damage using defense techniques, he always apologized the next day. Eventually Karo actually figured out what was going on told Olena and her and Yeva ganged up on me so I relented and came to stay with them. Before I left, I did kick his ass…never seen a guy look so shocked…well until I knocked him out," I said smug. Dimitri chuckled. I didn't add that I partly stayed because the masochist in me thought I deserved it, that's a whole other issue.
"Well I'm proud of you for getting revenge on the bastard," he said. "So what's next? I've got to say I'm surprised by the songs you've done so far, not what I expected."
"What did you expect them to all be heartbroken songs about you?" When he didn't answer I continued, "No offense but get over yourself Dimitri. Like I said don't assume everything is about you. I have had relationships before you and since you. I haven't spent the last 5 years waiting for you writing songs about how heartbroken I am since you left. I do have songs about heartbreak some about you, some about other relationships and some about other people's relationships so like I said get over yourself. Now I'm taking a break from these sad songs and doing a fun one. It's one of my favorites and still has a bit of emotion…"
I plugged in the amp and changed the key on my guitar. I moved the stool and got ready. I wanted to crack up at the irony that I just got on to Dimitri for assuming my songs are about him (most of them are but he doesn't have to know that) and the song I'm about to sing is about him and he will most likely figure it out pretty quickly. Honestly this song is about him but it's kind of a parody about him leaving and I really loved playing it. I didn't even tell him the name just started playing.
Where have you been
Where have you gone
And have I done something wrong
You're the tooth fairy
You're like santa claus
You're like white noise
When I want my favorite song
Just come on back
And come on home
It ain't super smart to leave me alone
Light a flare, pick up the phone
I'm like a stoner babe without my bong
Are you hiding in the closet
Are you underneath the bed
Did you go for a long walk off a short pier
How Come You're Not Here
Should I worry you've been bitten
Or somebody got you high
Quick come back
Or I might just die
How Come You're Not Here
I've heard some rumors
About another girl
I heard she's cute
But she stores nuts like a squirrel
And that's all cool
I'll wait right here
Til you get bored
And she gets carded for beer
I'm the one
I'm just that slick
You won't find better
I'm honey dipped
There ain't a thing
That's fake on me
I miss you baby
Come home to me
Are you hiding in the closet
Are you underneath the bed
Did you go for a long walk off a short pier
How Come You're Not Here
Should I worry you've been bitten
Or somebody got you high
Quick come back
Or I might just die
How Come You're Not Here
Has anyone seen
Has anyone seen
Has anyone seen why he's hiding from me
Can anyone see
Can anyone see
Can anyone see let's play hide and seek
Are you hiding in the closet
Are you underneath the bed
Did you go for a long walk off a short pier
How Come You're Not Here
Should I worry you've been bitten
Or somebody got you high
Quick come back
Or I might just die
Quick come back
Or I might just die
The whole time I played I was laughing, smiling, or making faces, especially at the part about storing nuts like a squirrel, at that point I looked at Dimitri and gave him a look knowing it was about Tasha, he had probably figured that out since he just shook his head and looked back down at the board.
Oh it's fun messing with him!
AN: Again sorry about the shortness, I tried to put at last a little story for each song.
If you happened to notice the Stan thing, let me know what you think…I'm not sure I like having Abe as a bad guy in my stories so I changed it up. If you don't like it, or even if you do, let me know and I will consider whether or not to change it or keep it.
The Mia thing, yes I will still most likely do the Mia/Eddie thing but, I decided to change it up. I will add more details as the story goes on.
Songs used:
'Just A Dream' Carrie Underwood
'Face Down' Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (Acoustic version)
'How Come You're Not Here' P!nk (Pink)