A/N: Ok so this chapter took so long to do. My inspiration disappeared for a while, and my focus drifted to my other Criminal Minds Fanfic: Pretty Little Lowell. To be clear, that fanfic is actually part of this one. But it's later in the storyline.
So ok, this chapter is longer, and hints at Jess's real reason for joining the BAU, it also involves some confrontation and character building, and although I hadn't intended JJ to be sort of mean in this chapter, I can't really blame her for being so. Hotch is a really nice guy and bonds with Jess in this chapter too! In short, the chapter took a different route than I had intended. So please, read on and enjoy! Sorry for the delay, and I present to you Chapter 3: Confronted.
Chapter 3: Confronted
I couldn't see. My eyes where shut, almost like I had glued them closed. Of course this wasn't the case. I forced them open, but this caused a pounding in my head as sudden, harsh light filled my vision and irises. The light assaulted my senses like a hammer.
Had I been drugged?
My hands where bound against another set of hands. Soft, large, and definitely male. But non-callused and without scars.
"Well the woman woke up first." A gravelly, rough, and unfriendly voice said.
"Well good. We can use that." Another voice responded.
Where was I? Why couldn't I remember how I got here?
I felt a twitch against my hand; it was slight and unnoticeable if not in direct contact, but I immediately knew it was a signal. Hotch!
Now I remembered. But we had come in here with Morgan too. Where was Morgan?
I started to work on the binds at my wrist. I gathered a minuet amount of energy and began to manipulate the oxygen around the rope. Geez who used rope anymore?
"Where are my colleagues?" I asked as my vision cleared finally. I could see two men at a table, but I couldn't see behind me or to the sides with moving, and that I couldn't risk without them seeing my hands.
One man was clearly older with a graying beard and short cut brown hair. The other was young probably mid to late twenties with a baby like face and short blonde hair. Both men had guns and the older one stood and held his in my face before speaking, forcing me to stop my work on the rope.
"Well one of them is being given a punishment for speaking out of turn. Which if you don't shut up will be the same thing you get bitch." As he said this I heard the familiar sounds of a fist connecting with jaw. Damn it, if that was Morgan then Hotch was behind me, and these guys had guns. Which meant no matter what I did I would have to be very careful not to trigger any of them into going off. If they did it could put Hotch and Morgan in danger.
"Well that would be a mistake." I replied with a tiny dejected smile. Hotch's hand twitched again. He was asking me what I was trying to do.
"Oh why is that?" The graying man asked pressing the barrel of the gun underneath my chin to raise my face up. This allowed more light to assault my eyes and cause a larger more painful amount of beating in my head.
"Because we are feds. Ever shoot a fed? That isn't easy I'm telling you. Damn quick we are. But the consequences are worse, kill a fed and you have the whole country after you. That isn't pretty, believe me. Everyone loves us feds. They catch you; that's it. You get death row." The younger guy's eyes had widened in fear. So it was working on him. But I couldn't tell if what I was saying was hitting the older guy.
"Shut up." The older one growled, but instead of doing anything he sat down. So it had worked, and now I could resume the work on the binds. I twitched one finger against Hotch's palm to let him know I had a plan, he twitched back gently.
I needed to know if Morgan was ok before I could do anything. Without knowing where he was or what was going on could put him in more danger. Especially if I undid my binds and started moving. If the third man had a gun and I couldn't see it he could shoot Morgan and we would be down an agent.
Something I wasn't going to let happen.
"Wonder when the big one will give out? He's like a rock, even drugged." The younger man at the table wondered tilting his head and looking at something at the far end of the room.
"Who knows? He is a fed. These guys are pretty strong." The older man replied.
"Yeah. It's almost entertaining. I wonder how long she would last." The younger one inclined his head towards me. I bit my tongue to stop my sass. I couldn't risk angering them right now.
"I have a feeling she wouldn't last as long as these two. She is a woman." The older man replied.
I stopped my work on the binds, we were free. But I couldn't let them know that yet. I was holding them in place now, I had to see Morgan and the third unsub. I heard another thump of flesh hitting flesh and a grunt of pain.
Then I faked a wince. "Please, stop it! Don't hurt him!" I exclaimed.
"Oh what all concerned about your friend?" The older man asked. He was chewing on something.
"Just please don't hurt him." I pleaded, causing tears to jump to my eyes. I wasn't really worried. Morgan was a fighter, and anything he faced he would definitely get through. He was Morgan after all.
I just needed a way to know if the third unsub had a gun.
I was beginning to form a plan, but it required perfect timing. I had to be quick and time it right. First I would use air to shove whatever the older man was chewing down into the very top of his throat, he would begin to choke. I didn't want to kill him, and was pretty confident he would cough whatever it was up, but if he didn't I would not cry too hard about it. I would just get it out after I apprehended the other two. The younger one would be easy, once the old guy started choking he would instinctively start trying to help and go into a panic, at which point I would be able to leap up and catch the younger guy's gun. Then I would grab him around the throat and spin holding him hostage. Hopefully I wouldn't have to shoot anyone, but it was possible I would.
"Ha! I bet she wouldn't last ten minutes with that attitude. The black guy is already half unconscious!" The older guy said swirling his tongue in just the right moment for me to strike. I sent a quick burst of air into his mouth, forcing what I now discovered to be gum into his throat blocking his trachea. He started coughing and choking on the thick piece. Now young guy was up and trying to figure out what was going on.
"Hey man are you ok?" He was asking, but his next sound was a grunt as I pushed myself up off the floor, grabbed the gun he had put down on the table and wrapped an arm around his throat cutting off his airway just enough to stop him from moving. Now I could see Morgan and the third suspect. A mid-thirties Caucasian with some serious acne and crooked nose.
The third suspect was pointing a gun at Morgan, and was deploying the trigger, but with a quick burst of air I jammed the gun then fired a shot from the gun in my hand into mid-thirties gun wielding hand. He dropped the gun crying out as blood started to gush from his hand. He dropped to his knees and suddenly my view was blocked by Hotch who was rushing to Morgan to pick up the man's gun and aim it at the suspect's head.
"You alright?" He asked Morgan who had clearly been beaten badly.
"Yeah fine." Morgan replied. I glanced at the older man to discover he was no longer there. I turned about once then twice dragging the younger guy with me to discover he was no longer in the room.
"Jeez looks like your partner couldn't even stay for the damn party." I hissed into the younger guy's ear before looking towards Hotch again. He nodded at me in silent thanks and I threw the unit chief my best smile.
"Don't count on it." I heard the older man say gravelly into my ear. I attempted to move but suddenly something hard was slammed into my head. I crumpled, and was seeing stars. Two gunshots went off, one closer to the other and suddenly a searing hot pain was erupting in my head. I squeezed my eyes shut and concentrated on the new wound in my head. I focused energy, quickly losing consciousness, then suddenly the pain was gone. My attempt at healing myself had worked. I sat up ears still ringing.
"Damn it, oww." I said gingerly rubbing the back of my head before seeing the sight in front of me. Both the older and younger unsubs where now dead at my feet. I shook my head, knowing that Hotch had probably shot them, then realizing he would only have been able to shoot one of the unsubs from his vantage point. The other was shot through the head from the direction of the door, which was now open and flooding outwards with agents and armed personnel. I looked back and realized Greenaway was standing there lowering her gun.
"Thanks." I said as she met my eyes.
"Your welcome." She replied walking over and holding out a hand.
"You ok?" She asked as she pulled me up to a standing position and put a hand on my arm to steady me as I wobbled a bit.
"Yeah, yeah, just think these guys drugged or gassed us or something, doesn't feel too pretty." I replied.
"I can imagine. We should get you guys checked out." She said as I looked over to Hotch and Morgan, Morgan was being helped up by a middle aged SWAT agent and Hotch was now talking to the lead detective that had been on the case.
"How did we get duped Elle?" I asked.
"They had a police radio, knew we were coming, and knew the FBI was here because the press leaked. JJ's livid about it. Garcia found out one of these guys was ex-military, special forces." Elle replied.
"Older guy, dead one. He had that hardened soldier feel to him. Probably betted on POW fights." I said shaking my head and realizing now that my adrenaline was gone that was a very bad idea. Not only was the room spinning, but it hurt like absolute hell. The pain was probably from my magic use, and the spinning from whatever drugs these guys had dealt out.
"We should get you checked out. I think you just turned as white as a sheet of paper. Come on." Elle extended an arm to help stabilize me.
"I'm good. I was drugged, that doesn't mean I'm crippled." I said with a smirk and shrug.
"Yeah, but it does mean you could get dizzy, anemic, have pains in the stomach and head, or become lethargic. Especially because we don't know what the drug is." Reid had walked over to us after having been sure Morgan and Hotch where being checked out.
"Let's just have him tell us the diagnosis." I said with a smile. Reid was a great person, but he definitely had the potential to annoy the rest of the team greatly. He reminded me a lot of my son Jared, and that made me admire the resident genius a little bit more every day.
"Actually I couldn't. I may be smart, but I am in no way qualified to make a diagnosis about a drug that is a mystery. I can make a guess according to symptoms, but it's best to see a medical doctor." Reid spouted. I would have rolled my eyes if I wasn't already dizzy.
"Reid, sweetie it was a joke. I know you can't properly diagnose anything." I replied with a small smile at the genius.
"Oh ok." He replied. Clearly trying to figure out if he said anything wrong.
"You're fine Reid." I added.
"Ok." He replied with a smile. I gave him a return smile then winced as the pain in my head grew.
"Hey you ok?" Elle asked.
"Yeah I'm good. Let's go." I replied shaking it off and giving her a smile.
"Get you checked out." Elle added for me.
"Back to the precinct. You said JJ was pissed. I want to check on her." I said making an excuse.
"Ugh-huh and she would have all three of our heads if you didn't get yourself checked out. She is the mother of the team remember?" She replied.
"Yeah I do, but I'm fine. So I don't need to be checked out." I replied.
"Jess get checked out, that's an order." Someone said from behind me. I turned and met Gideon's eyes as he gave me his best glare.
"You have always been seriously terrible at glaring at people." I replied, "But fine. Since you all are so adamant." I replied sighing.
"Good girl." Gideon said with a smile.
Two hours later I was huddled under a blanket in the middle of a room in the emergency section of West Marion Community Hospital. It was freezing in the little room and I had asked one of the nurses for a blanket while I waited for my blood results to be sent back to the hospital from my primary doctor; Lauren Lewis. I had put a call in to her using Gideon's cell on the way over asking to have the blood test sent to her to be sure I was fine and could go home as soon as Morgan and Hotch where released. It had been an hour already and still hadn't gotten the results. Of course it was a delicate process seeing as she had to fabricate the results to make me look human. So effectively I could be sitting there for a little while.
Thus why I had asked for a blanket.
The door to the tiny hospital room creaked open revealing a worried looking Agent Jareau.
"Hey you." I said sitting up just the tiniest bit straighter.
"Elle said you argued about getting checked out." She immediately said crossing her arms.
"Yeah because I'm fine. Watch my blood results will come back squeaky clean." I replied with a smile.
"Ok, but seriously you couldn't have just gotten checked out? You had to make Gideon order you too?" JJ said, but lost the seriousness when she mentioned Gideon ordering me around. Her face split into a smile.
"Hey, lose the smile, it's not like he hasn't told me to do things before." I joked with a returned smirk.
"Hey, that's mean, it's funny, and you two are so close. Hard to see him bossing you around." JJ replied.
"Haha, yeah well he did, it was an order. How's Morgan and Hotch?" I asked.
"They are fine, the unsubs did drug you, some sort of neurotoxin, Reid could probably tell you more. Morgan was pretty beat up, so they are keeping him overnight but he should recover quickly." The blonde replied taking a seat in a chair next to the door.
"Ok, good. Did you guys happen to find our phones and stuff?" I asked.
"Yeah, yeah, I have yours right here." JJ said digging in her pocket and pulling out my tiny flip phone.
"Thanks Jayje." I said with a smile taking it from her hand. I opened the flip and checked my calls, I had missed one from the previous night, my niece's number showed.
"No problem. Hey, your nose it's ugh…" JJ said standing up and grabbing a tissue from next to the room's sink.
"You have a nose bleed." She said stepping closer and instead of handing the tissue to me pressed it against my nose gently. I looked up at her and blinked for a second, trying to figure out why she hadn't just handed the tissue to me, before reaching up and wrapping my hand around hers on the tissue. The warmth of her hand shocked me for a second before she pulled away and let out a tiny cough.
"Thanks." I said with a small smile. Damn it what was I doing?
"Your welcome." She said. She hadn't stepped away yet so I could very clearly smell her shampoo, coconuts and vanilla.
A couple of knocks on the door sounded and JJ backed away quickly stepping off to the side and staring down at her hands. I swallowed before calling for the culprit of the sudden movement to come in.
"Agent Lowell? I got your test results back, the blood test was squeaky clean. Whatever they might have drugged you with isn't there, but that doesn't mean you have a clean bill of health. You were showing signs of a concussion when they brought you in here, and the fact that you apparently have a nosebleed concerns me. I would like to keep you overnight for observation." The doctor walked in.
"Oh, I get nosebleeds regularly. Nothing to be worried about, it's already been checked out. Something about dry cracked something or other in my nose. When I'm in cold environments like this it starts bleeding. But I would like to be discharged. I am not displaying any more symptoms of a concussion, the headache is gone, room is completely still, and I bet if you checked my eyes would dilate just fine." I replied with a smile.
"Ma'am you had a concussion when you walked in here, and I can assure you they do not disappear in an hour. If you chose to go home I would like to be sure someone would be there to wake you up every two hours just to be safe. I do not want to see one of this country's protectors slip into a coma in the middle of the night." The doctor said.
"Sir with all due respect, there is honestly no way that could happen. But I will certainly take your warning into consideration." I replied.
"She will be staying with me for the next few days anyway." JJ suddenly piped up, and I really couldn't help how fast my head spun to look at her with a frown and confusion written all over my face.
"Ok, that is settled then, I will go get the discharge papers." The doctor said turning and walking out.
"Thanks, but I could have convinced him to let me go." I said shaking my head.
"I'm serious, you are staying with me. At least for tonight, since we have to stay here to wait for Morgan, and finish the paperwork. That is probably going to be passed on to Gideon tonight. But he told me to take you back to the hotel and make sure you got rest. Plus there isn't enough on the budget to afford two rooms, so we are bunk mates for a little while." JJ said with a smile.
"Umm ok." I said with a smile at both agent's protective nature.
"Knock, knock again. I forgot to tell you I'm prescribing you a pain killer, it's a weak one, but Dr. Lewis suggested it in case you end up with a headache." The doctor had poked his head back in and I nodded gratefully. Lauren knew me way too damn well.
"Thank you Doctor." I said with a smile.
"Your welcome, here is your discharge papers I need you both to sign it acknowledging that she picked you up. Can't let people who have a concussion drive, you understand." The doctor said with a smile.
"All too well." I replied with a smile back as I signed my name on the paper held out on a clipboard for me. The doctor then handed it to JJ and she scribbled her name on the line next to mine.
"And here is your script." The doctor said holding out a piece of paper and bottle of pills.
"Thank you sir." I said with a smile taking the pills and piece of paper.
"Your welcome agent. Feel better and keep an eye on yourself." The doctor replied with a smile.
"I will do that." I replied standing from the bed and folding the blanket up before placing it on the little hospital bed.
"Have a good night agent." The doctor said before turning and walking out with a smirk. I raised an eyebrow at his receding form and shot a glance at JJ.
"No idea." She replied with a shrug.
"Is everyone at the precinct?" I asked of JJ meeting the blonde's eyes.
"Yeah, but Gideon said we should head straight to the hotel like Hotch did so we can get some sleep." JJ replied.
"Jayje, I don't need to be tiptoed around." I said as I opened the door to the room and indicated she should walk out.
"You were kidnapped." JJ replied grabbing my arm.
"No, I was doing my job. We found the unsubs and we took them down. Saving who knows how many people in the future." I replied raising an eyebrow.
"You can't possibly begin to tell me that none of that affected you at all." JJ said.
"Jennifer look, I have been in much worse situations. So much worse. This, this was like a blip on the radar. So yes, none of this affected me the way you think it would." I said moving gently out of JJ's grasp and giving her a sad frown.
"Jess… Sorry…" JJ replied with a frown. My small frown became an even larger one as I watched her eyebrows knit together in confusion.
"JJ, I'm sorry, that was a little harsh." I replied, frowning at the blonde press liaison.
"No, it's ok, I guess I just didn't remember you haven't seen the same things that we have." JJ replied hanging her head. I was worried she would stay mad at me for the explanation, but really I just needed her to know I was fine.
"I'm fine Jayje, I promise." I said giving her a smile.
"Ok, well let's just go to the hotel." JJ said. I frowned as she brushed past me into the hall, but followed her nonetheless.
"So why is Jayje mad at you?" Elle asked plopping down into the seat in front of me. I blinked a couple times to rid myself of my half-in and half-out state of sleep.
We had boarded the plane shortly after Morgan had been released a day later. His injuries having healed to the point he could travel, and the drug having left his and Hotch's systems. I had taken one of the pain pills Lauren had sent over and was tired, but other than that hadn't been affected much by them.
"Oh, hi Elle, how goes it?" I said with a sarcastic tone but soothed the bite with a smile.
"Why is JJ mad at you?" She asked again.
"I told her I was fine, and she either didn't believe me one bit or got aggravated by it. I'm not entirely sure the whole reason." I said with a sigh.
"So you know that she is mad but don't know why? Why don't you ask her?" Elle asked.
"Would you ask her straight out Elle?" I asked raising my eyebrows at her.
"Ok, you have a point." Elle replied.
"I have a good idea, but I don't want to push my luck. I will make it up to her somehow." I replied.
"You know the only reason someone gets that mad at you is because they love you and you did something to jeopardize your health." The brunette agent said.
"So in other words you have already talked to her about why she is mad at me?" I asked with a small smile attempting to ignore the fact that Elle had just suggested the blonde agent loved me.
"Damn profilers." She replied chuckling.
"Yeah. Should I talk to her Elle?" I asked looking across the plane towards the blonde agent.
"I think so. It's a good idea anyway. Don't let her fume." Elle replied.
"Yeah true. Thanks Elle." I said with a smile before attempting to stand, as soon as I did the whole plane started spinning and I had to sit back down.
"Whoa, you ok?" Elle asked instinctively standing to help.
"Yeah, fine, just got up too fast. Vertigo and all that. Planes right?" I said with a smile.
"Ok. Just be careful." She replied with a worried frown.
"I'm ok." I replied.
"Like hell you are." A voice drifted from the back of the plane towards us. JJ's voice.
"Sorry?" I asked.
"Dizziness, headaches, come on Jess you should have stayed with that doctor and you know it!" JJ was angry.
"Jayje." I started but was cut off.
"No, no Jayjing me Jess! We both know you should have stayed there."
"JJ!" Hotch said.
"No Hotch it's ok. Let her talk." I said frowning at Hotch then looking back towards JJ.
"I can't believe you, maybe you don't have any concerns, but what about the rest of us? What about your family, what if you had to go out in the field like that?" JJ snapped.
"I would never go out in the field if I thought I couldn't handle it JJ, I wouldn't do that to any of you." I replied with a frown. JJ fell silent and swallowed.
"We care about you Jess. But you don't seem to care about yourself. Is that really safe in a job like this?" JJ finally said meeting my eyes.
"I would never do anything to jeopardize this team or its missions, Hotch knows every single detail about me and my health. I follow the same regulations as all of you do." I replied saying this more for Hotch's benefit than JJ's. Agent Hotchner had some of the same concerns JJ did about my bill of health, and I had told him the same thing, of course he knew what agent Jareau didn't.
"I just… I worry." She replied.
"I know, and I'm fine, I promise." I replied. This time standing up successfully and stepping to where JJ was sitting, I took a seat across from her, well aware of the eyes on me and JJ from the rest of the team. Also well aware that Hotch would probably be observing how I handled this.
"Why do you always push us away?" JJ asked suddenly making my eyebrows fold down into a guilty frown.
"I don't always." I replied.
"You sort of do." Elle chimed in. I shot her a look that said, not helping.
"You haven't even told us about any aspect of your personal life, you're closed off, and the only one who seems to know anything about you is Jason." JJ replied pointedly.
"Well I don't have much of a personal life to talk about. It's not like I won't though, so what do you want to know?" I asked.
"She's saying she wants you to be open about it. We are a team, and a family, but you seem just closed off to us. Even to me lately." Gideon chimed in.
"Oh." I said. Unsure of what else to say, and how to avoid the conversation. At this point I would probably have to fabricate a lie to the point that would convince them, and stay true to what Gideon did know about me.
But I really didn't want to lie to the seven other people on the plane.
"I don't know what to say. I'm sorry you guys feel that way, but really there isn't much to talk about. I have two kids, both in college, I'm divorced, and besides that I have three sisters and three nieces." I replied doing my best not to tell an outright lie to the profilers and press liaison.
"What about Astor?" Gideon asked, it was an innocent question but my heart immediately clenched tightly and I couldn't stop the tears that jumped into my eyes. I however held them at bay and swallowed the pain as best I could. Wiping it from my face as quickly as possible.
"I can't. I'm sorry." I whispered swallowing.
"What happened there Jess? Is that why you and Colton divorced?" Gideon pressed.
"Jason please, this isn't the time, or place." I said.
"See, you close off, you don't want us to know!" JJ said angry again.
"I can't, explain." I replied meeting her eyes and pleading with her to just drop the whole damn thing with my expression.
"Who is Astor?" She asked gently. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. To hell with it, what was the harm in telling her who someone was?
"My son." I replied.
"What happened to him?" Elle asked, she had come forward to perch in a seat across the aisle from me and JJ and across from Gideon.
"It's hard to talk about." I replied trying to keep a straight face.
"But something did happen?" Gideon asked. I met my Pseudo-father's eyes wanting nothing more than to break down and tell him every single detail I had to give. But I couldn't, that would put him in so much danger, and that, I just couldn't do that.
"He died." I replied locking down my emotions and straightening my face. I had to hide, there was no choice. I had to keep them safe.
"Oh, oh no. Jess I'm so sorry." Gideon replied to this, shock and sorrow crossing his features. I swallowed and looked away, trying to keep my face straight at the memories flashing just behind my eyes. How could I respond to that? Jason's expression had been so sincere, how could I ignore that and not explain? What kind of monster was I for this?
"You didn't do anything." I responded quietly. I had to leave the conversation, but a Jet didn't have a lot of space to hide in.
"Excuse me." I replied standing up and heading into the little kitchenette area, pulling the curtain closed behind me. That's when I hung my head and let the single tear fall from my eye. I wiped it away angrily, gods I was so weak and fragile. Suddenly I felt a hand touch my arm, it was larger than a woman's and I immediately shied away from it before looking up.
"Hotch." I said letting out the breath I had been holding.
"I'm sorry for your loss." He said quietly, "I know that can't be easy, and I can talk to JJ for you. Get her to stop asking so many questions." He added.
"Thank you, and its ok. It's only natural to be curious. You should see the amount of questions Garcia shoots at me over text message. I just, I'm trying my best not to outright lie to them. It's not fair to them, but it's also not fair to them for them to know who I am and go through that much danger. It's dangerous enough for me to just be here, but I don't have a choice. These murders need to stop." I replied swallowing and looking at the curtain that was swaying gently as the plane moved.
"I appreciate you trying to be as honest as possible with them, and telling me why you need to be dishonest sometimes. I can promise you if you ever decided to tell any of them they would not blow your cover. I can also promise if you ever need to take time I am more than willing to grant it. And if you ever need someone to talk to you have my ear." Hotch said. I smiled at this and could feel my heart swell to encompass the compassion Hotch had just dealt to me.
"Thank you, that means a lot." I replied with a smile.
It was nice to know that someone would have your back, but when it was your fake boss, that meant double than before. Maybe it wouldn't be quite as bad working with this team as I thought it would be, and maybe just maybe I could survive lying to the people on the other side of the curtain.
After all, their lives did depend upon my silence.