Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and I am making no money writing fanfiction.

…..0…0…0…..

Kakashi wanted sex. He definitely wanted sex with Iruka. But…. He also wanted sex with Iruka for a longtime, now that he thought about it and he didn't want to mess up now and lose that later. He contemplated his options as he followed the brunet upstairs, suddenly a little nervous. He'd had a dry spell recently (try five, almost six years, sigh) and he wasn't sure of the answer to the question, Now what? Sure, people said sex was like riding a bike and you'd never forget how, but couldn't you get, like, rusty or something? And, to top it all off, I feel rusty. And horny…. And I haven't gotten any in a long time and God (and everyone else too) knows I'm socially inept and I don't know how I'm going to handle this and I don't know if I'll be able to—

Kakashi hadn't realized that he'd stopped on the stairs and was nearly hyperventilating until Iruka came back down and placed a hand gently on his shoulder.

"Are you all right?" He looked down in concern at Kakashi from the step above.

Kakashi smiled.

Iruka wrapped his arms around the taller man's mid-section and laid his chin on his soft silver hair.

"We can't stay on the steps." Iruka tugged Kakashi's chin up to look him in the eye. "Are you sure you're all right with this?"

Kakashi nodded.

"I've said it once and I'll say it again. You overthink things too much." Iruka smoothed his silver-grey hair down as he talked in low tones. "Like when you thought I'd freeze and die in my Jeep."

Kakashi grumbled a bit of low laughter as he recalled his mini-panic session on Iruka's couch that morning and leaned eagerly into Iruka's soothing touch.

"I know this is new." Iruka peered down at him. "And I know that I'm nervous, and from what I can see, so are you. So, we're in the same boat."

Kakashi wrapped his own arms around the man's solid warmth and sighed, laying his head on Iruka's chest, feeling the vibrations as Iruka continued to speak.

"But even if we're a little out of practice," he held up his hand for quiet when Kakashi made to protest (he was not planning on telling Iruka how long he'd gone without, dammit!), "Now, Kakashi, you can't honestly tell me you have time for a proper love life with a teacher's schedule? And one night stands don't count."

This time, Kakashi did interrupt. "I don't do one night stands."

Iruka smiled and caressed his cheek. "That's good to know, but besides the point. What I was getting at is that it's okay to mess up and to make mistakes, because even if this," he squeezed Kakashi's arms gently, "is new, we," gestured between the two of them, "are not. We've known each other for years, Kakashi, even if we've argued a lot for a lot of them, and if it's any consolation," Iruka took a deep breath and steeled himself for whatever reaction may come, "I'm not planning on going anywhere in the morning."

Kakashi was pretty sure he understood, but wanted, no, needed to clarify for reassurance. "Or any other morning?"

"Or any other morning, as long as you want."

Kakashi tightened his grip. "Even after the storm?"

Iruka rested his hand against Kakashi's face, carding his thumb through his silver locks to see the scarred eye usually hidden there.

"Definitely after the storm if you'll have me," he smiled.

"I do want, for a long time. Maybe forever if I can have you that long."

Iruka smiled and leaned down to kiss Kakashi's forehead.

"Okay." he wrapped his arms around Kakashi's neck.

Kakashi smiled into Iruka's chest and tightened his grip again. "Okay."

"Okay?" Iruka backed up and took Kakashi's hand again to lead him upstairs.

Kakashi loosened his hold and took Iruka's hand instead. "Okay."

On the last step, Kakashi added, "But I'm not very good at this."

Iruka turned back to him, puzzled. "You're not good at sex?"

The question seemed so absurd that Kakashi laughed out loud. "No. Relationships."

Iruka smiled. "That's okay, neither am I. But, I figure, we've already had our practice, so we can get it right this time, together."

Kakashi paused at his door; hand on the knob and faced Iruka. "I seriously doubt that. You get along with everyone."

"Considering my last relationship ended when my lover literally, literally stabbed me in the back, I'd have to disagree there."

Kakashi dropped his hand from the knob and turned back, completely facing Iruka. "Mizuki was your last relationship?"

Iruka frowned, puzzled. "Yeah. I thought you knew. Naruto said he told you everything."

"He told me you two had a relationship," the silver-haired man made a disgusted face. "He didn't tell me he was your last relationship."

Iruka sighed. "With the way it ended, I wasn't exactly looking to get close enough to let someone hurt me again."

Kakashi reached out his hand and pulled Iruka into his arms. "I won't hurt you, I promise."

Iruka wrapped his arms around Kakashi's waist. "I know."

Kakashi held on tighter and whispered, "Are you sure you're okay with this?"

He didn't hear Iruka answer, but instead, felt him nod into his shoulder and hold on tighter. Oh well, here goes then, what the hell. I can be a little humiliated, right—as long as it makes him feel more secure? If I'm ready for a serious relationship, I need to be willing to share my past if I expect my partner to do the same…. And I know letting me in after Mizuki has to be hard for him.

"I sort of had a thing for Obito's cousin. We were too young to do anything about it, really, but there you have it. So when he ended up in a coma, and his family blamed me and stopped seeing me, I sort of went into a bit of a funk. Then a few years later, on a dating slash sex binge to prove I was all right without my best friend and without ever making a go of it with his cousin. It lasted from my first time when I was nineteen for about a year, when it finally hit me that six two-month long relationships in one year wasn't healthy or normal. So I was alone for years again."

Iruka was peering up at Kakashi now. "Then I ran into his cousin when I was visiting Obito in the hospital, because I still do that. I will until he wakes up. We fought, but ended up drunk and in bed together. So not worth it, because it turns out we were not a good match; which, after my years of building a fantasy version of him in my head, was a let down, so I haven't had a relationship since." He took a deep breath. "Going on six years now."

Iruka tightened his hold. "Since we seem to be doing the what's your number bit, I guess it's my turn, huh?" He grinned sheepishly.

Kakashi smiled and brushed a hand down Iruka's face. "I'd like to know…. But you don't have to if you're not ready yet." Then he added, "We have time later. Hopefully a lot of time."

Iruka shook his head. "Like ripping off a Band-Aid, though, right? And…. I want this to work. More, I think, than any relationship I've had so far. There has to be a reason we cannot—have never really been able to, in reality—ignore each other—and now that I know you better, I'd like to think it's because this was sort of meant to be."

Kakashi smiled, trying to push as much sincerity and ease into his expression as he could. "I suppose so." he began, and locked his hands in the small of Iruka's back. "I definitely like the meant to be part."

"Me too."

Kakashi buried his face in Iruka's neck, hopefully giving him a bit of courage with the privacy it afforded the brunet's visage and expression. He inhaled deeply, silently committing his brunet's smell to memory.

"I was fourteen." Kakashi pulled back swiftly and gaped at him, unable to stop himself despite wanting to be reassuring and not scare his partner off. "I guess some of the feelings of loneliness from being a foster kid carried over for a while, even after I was adopted and I knew my parents loved me and were there for me no matter what." Kakashi nodded, rubbing his nose over Iruka's cheek comfortingly, offering silent support with every small gesture.

"There were these friends of mine. Genma and Raidou. Raidou was totally in denial about being gay, but Genma and I were kind of a thing when I first started at their high school. It lasted about two years, on again, off again, between us, but when he and Raidou were in a car accident in their senior year, my sophomore one, and Raidou had to go through all of this intense, painful physical therapy and had massive scarring, Genma realized how short life is and how he'd been fooling himself about our friend for so long. He talked to both of us and made the decision to stand by Raidou through the tough times and for the rest of their lives—whether or not Raidou himself would ever admit he was gay; Genma wanted to be there regardless. So, that kind of devotion…. it kind of woke Raidou up too and he couldn't ignore the facts anymore. When they got hitched two years later, as soon as they were legal age, I was their best man. Having seen what they went through, I really wasn't into petty high school dating stuff anymore—no matter that I was still just a kid myself. I only wanted to find someone real to spend the rest of my own life with."

Kakashi rubbed soothing circles into Iruka's lower back with his thumbs. "I was in a semi-serious relationship just after high school, but Mom and Dad's high profile careers scared him off right quick because he hadn't come out to his own family yet and didn't want to get caught with me on the front of a tabloid or anything. Since, you know, loudmouths like me and my brother are kind of hard to miss—or ignore." Kakashi chuckled lowly, now running his hands up and down Iruka's back.

"Like you could ever be ignored."

"Especially by you…."

Kakashi chuckled harder. "Yes, especially by me. And likewise with you."

"We're just a pair of stubborn, blind jackasses, aren't we?"

"Hmhm." Kakashi pulled Iruka closer and leaned back against the wall so that it would support most of their weight. "Never could quite pinpoint why I couldn't leave you alone or resist poking the bear. I guess I know now."

"Pigtails and inkwells, huh?"

Kakashi clucked. "Are you implying I'm about as mature as an elementary school child?"

Iruka tipped his head back, looked at the other man, but said nothing.

"Okay, point made; fair enough. Go on."

"Then there was Mizuki. When he showed up, I shot him down; for a lot of different reasons, but when he left, I thought—oh, what the hell, why not? We'd been friends for so long that I thought that might bring us through whatever could go wrong. So I followed him to the highway and convinced him to come back. Well, it wasn't enough, I guess."

They stood in silence for a long time, just holding each other. They were rocking gently back and forth, almost as if slow-dancing to imaginary music in their heads and breathing in sync. Neither startled when one broke the silence.

"We're going to be different."

"I hope so."

"We're going to make it."

"I believe you."

…..0…0…0…..

As they slipped quietly into Kakashi's room, the silver-haired man let his brunet's hand slide out of his as he reached to slowly unbutton his own shirt, backing up as he went.

Iruka laughed. "You're going to trip."

"This is my room," Kakashi tilted a smile at hm, "I know this room. I'm not going to-whaaao….ooomph."

Iruka peeked over Kakashi's feet, which were in the air above the ottoman he'd just fallen over. "I told you so. I saw the ottoman."

Kakashi grinned lopsidedly. "So much for being smooth, hm?"

Iruka grinned and reached down to help Kakashi up. Kakashi, however, had other plans and pulled his guest down on top of himself as soon as he had a hold of his hand.

"Hey! What ar—oomph."

Kakashi guffawed, but Iruka looked up from his position laying on top of him and mock-glared.

"Are you happy now?"

"Mmhm." he grinned, completely without remorse and reached forward to pull the elastic out of Iruka's low ponytail. "Even better now."

"Good." Iruka leaned back on his haunches, encouraging Kakashi to scoot backwards as he pushed the ottoman out of their way. Then he crawled forward up Kakashi's body, settling himself beside the other on the plush rug in front of the fireplace. "How about we get cozy?"

Kakashi nodded. He reached behind himself to the giant, comfy, and over-stuffed armchair and pulled down a blanket and some cushions, then fumbled for the fireplace's remote on the end table. Iruka took a look around and pointed questioningly to the ornate chest at the end of the bed. Kakashi nodded, so the brunet crawled forward and leaned over to reach the extra blankets and pillows piled there, too. Kakashi then grabbed him by the hand again and tumbled him forward into his lap.

Iruka smiled and ran his hands up Kakashi's sides, to clasp his hands behind the man's neck, placing a few kisses on his lips and reaching up to card his hands through silver locks. He whispered, "Gorgeous," and slid his fingers down to bunch up the hem of Kakashi's borrowed undershirt.

Kakashi's cheeks dusted pink. "I'm too skinny."

"No," Iruka breathed as he leaned forward to place gentle kisses on Kakashi's now bare tummy, "You're just right, and…." he pushed the tee up even further, bunching the fabric in his hands, "….as much as I like how you look in my clothes, I'd much rather you out of them right now."

Kakashi chuckled and reached his arms up obligingly, allowing Iruka to slip the shirt off of his head and toss it into the corner somewhere. Goal accomplished for the moment, Iruka sat back on his heels, straddling Kakashi's lap to just look at the man. Though by no means inexperienced, Kakashi felt the urge to cover himself up under such single-minded observation and blushed even redder.

"Iruka," he semi-pleaded, "what are you—"

Iruka ran his hands up Kakashi's sides so lightly that it tickled a bit and Kakashi shushed, trying not to let on how ticklish he was. Iruka answered contemplatively, "I'm just looking."

His touch became more insistent and firm as he kneaded Kakashi's muscles. "You're so tense. Like a coil, ready to spring."

Iruka pushed Kakashi back into their pile of cushions—a blanket fort, in all honesty—and kissed him long and deep. "Are you always this stiff?"

"Haha, Iruka, pun intended?" Kakashi sighed and scrubbed at his face. "It's been a long day."

"Residual anxiety from the panic attack?"

Petulantly, "You sound like a doctor…." not that he'd mind playing doctor with Iruka, mind you….

Sympathetically (and though he wouldn't tell him because the older man might feel self-conscious or offended, a little pityingly too—Iruka vowed to himself right then and there—in his head—that the silver-haired man needn't ever be so alone again anymore as he obviously been and had felt for so long), "Everyone needs someone to take care of them who'll give them some unconditional TLC. Do you have tension headaches from the stress too?"

Kakashi nodded mutely, avoiding eye contact by throwing an arm haphazardly across his eyes to shield them. He knew Iruka, of all people, wouldn't judge him…. But still…. he was so used to relying on only himself—being independent out of necessity because of his social awkwardness, that it was somewhat difficult to accept help; even when it was willingly and graciously offered. Kakashi had had a hard enough time admitting to himself that first day that without Iruka to pick him up in the parking lot, he'd have basically been done for (in a manner of speaking).

"All right. That's quite enough of that. Don't go feeling sorry for yourself, I'm here now to take care of you," Iruka hushed soothingly, like a mother calming her babe. He gently pried Kakashi's arm away form his face. "There now. Much nicer, isn't it, not to be in it alone and responsible for everything?" Iruka pulled Kakashi forward into another kiss, then gently slid in behind him, bringing his hands up to knead at Kakashi's tense shoulders. "Relax, Kashi. Let me in, let me help you…."

Kakashi smiled at the endearment and began to melt under Iruka's deft fingers. Iruka worked his magic through the silver-haired man's tense neck and right down to the small of his back, where he paused a minute and leaned next to the man's ear to whisper, "Feel better?"

Kakashi sighed contentedly into the brunet's embrace, then grinned wickedly as he grabbed the man by the arm and pulled him under himself. Iruka chuckled and grinned at Kakashi in amusement from his landing spot on the floor of their pillow-nest.

"Having fun?" Kakashi nodded and leaned down to run his hands up and under Iruka's shirt. As he guided the fabric up, he pulled Iruka into a sitting position, settling himself between the brunet's legs as he pulled the shirt over his head. Then he leaned forward and kissed him, imitating Iruka's actions from earlier and running his hands over every inch of skin he could see. As his hands made their way around the brunet's torso, Kakashi felt a miniscule freeze in Iruka's breathing and pulled back to look him straight in the eyes.

"Can I see?" Kakashi saw Iruka gulp, but he nodded and allowed Kakashi to guide him around, so that he was lying on his stomach, with his back exposed. Iruka felt vulnerable, weak, and he bit his lip nervously, reminding himself that, This is Kakashi and it's going to be okay.

Kakashi looked at the long, raised line down his new lover's back and his breath hitched, thinking how different things could have been. Thankful that they turned out in a way that allowed him to have this sweet (albeit sharp-tongued) man in his arms and not wanting Iruka to think he thought him ugly, and knowing the brunet must feel uncomfortable enough, baring himself like this, much less with Kakashi taking too long to gawk and ogle, he reached forward and ever so gently ran his fingers up and down the scar tissue.

Iruka shuddered. "Does it hurt?"

The brunet shook his head. "No. That feels…. nice." The last word came out a whisper, but Kakashi heard it.

He leaned forward and pressed his lips gently to the topmost tip of the line, kissing softly down it's entire length, then settling his chest right up against Iruka's back, wrapping his arms tightly around him and forcing them up into a sitting position. Remembering his student's words of advice, and figuring this was the perfect time to make Iruka feel protected—and not one to spoil an opportunity—wrapped him up in a bear hug. Iruka thumped his head back against Kakashi's chest and Kakashi could feel the slight shudder in his sigh. He guided them down into the comfort of their pile of cushions and pulled the blankets around them tight, whispering soothing things in Iruka's ear to calm him.

Iruka turned in Kakashi's arms, breathing out a tiny, "Sorry," as he settled comfortably onto the silver-haired man's chest.

"For what, love? Nothing to be sorry for."

Iruka buried his face in Kakashi's shoulder, mumbling a barely audible, "For being broken."

Kakashi reached up to run his hand through Iruka's long hair. "You're not broken. This is a big thing for you."

"Yes, I am." Iruka still had his face hidden, but peeked out to look up at Kakashi. He traced patterns down Kakashi's chest. "Thank you."

Kakashi peered down at him in wonder. "Thank me? What for?"

Iruka took a deep breath. "I haven't let anyone see it before, except my family. I-I…. don't even go to the beach anymore. I—"

Kakashi placed a finger to the brunet's lips to silence him, sadly remembering all of the pictures of a teenaged Iruka at the beach; knowing it was something he seemed to love and angry that he had obviously felt forced to give up because of what that bastard had done.

Iruka tried to begin again, pulling Kakashi's hand down and twining their fingers together. "Thank you for not—"

Kakashi's chest rumbled with a deep chuckle. "You're really stubborn, do you know that?"

Iruka nodded and blushed. "Yeah, so I've been told. It's just that—"

"Nuh-uh. I do believe, Ruka, that I just shushed you. You're not allowed to talk. You need to listen."

Kakashi regarded him seriously for a minute, waiting to see if he'd speak again. When he remained silent and wide-eyed, Kakashi began.

"That's silly. You have nothing to be ashamed of. If you want to go to the beach, then go to the damn beach. Who cares what anyone says? Or thinks, even? They can think it to their damnselves. And if they do say anything, well, then they'll just have to deal with me. And your brother. And your mom. And your dad. And your cousins. Probably Kiba too if you promise him dinner. And your students. And—"

Kakashi glanced down. "And…. You get the picture, right?"

Iruka nodded, tears at the corner of his eyes and he leaned forward for another kiss.

This time, Kakashi did look at him, straight in the eyes. "I think you're beautiful. And I want you to be happy and do the things that you clearly enjoy doing. So do them, love. And since I'm hoping this'll be our last first night with someone…. I hope that what I think is enough. That this, knowing I think you're beatutiful, is all that matters."

Iruka held him tighter and whispered, "I think I love you."

"I think so too."

A long pause….

Then, "I mean about you."

Sigh. Welcome back, social awkwardness. I missed you. No really, I did. Because you know, there's never enough awkward to go around in nerve-wracking situations like these. Never enough at all. "Not because I'm conceited or anything. Or even because I think you should."

"Because I think that you should do whatever you want to do no matter what I think but I would like it if you valued my opinion anyways. But what I really meant to say was, was that it's because you said so."

Pause. "That you love me. No, wait—that I believe you love me. Because I believe you. And I'm glad."

Kakashi shook his head, "Wait, not about me, I mean. I mean, yes, about me…. but not about you loving me. Or about—arghhh!"

"Forget that I said that, please. Not that I'm saying I do or don't either way, but…" Big sigh.

"I'm not making that much sense. I should just…. You remember that I'm socially awkward,right? Well, I'm glad you love me anyways because obviously that hasn't changed."

Pause. "WhatIreallymeantwas…. IthinkIloveyoutoo."

Deep breath.

Iruka chuckled. "Shut up, Kakashi." He kissed him quickly, then patted him reassuringly. "You talk too much, especially when you're nervous. It's kind of cute…. but, I get what you're saying."

Kakashi nodded, a smile on his lips, as he drifted off to sleep in Iruka's warm embrace.

…..0…0…0…..

As Iruka woke up, he felt very odd. He was warm all down his front, but cold all along his backside. He also felt very sore and kind of stiff. He knew he wasn't in his bed, but he couldn't quite—

"You make funny faces when you wake up."

Iruka's eyes snapped open. They'd fallen asleep in front of Kakashi's fireplace. The reason he was so warm and cold was because his front was pressed up very tightly against Kakashi and his back was bare, except for Kakashi's hand that was brushing gently up and down his back.

"I'm not used to waking up on the floor." he grumbled and stretched.

"Neither am I. And I'm getting too old for this. No more sleepovers on the floor. I would prefer the bed as long as I have a say."

Iruka chuckled. "I agree with you there." he continued to stretch out and work out the kinks in his shoulders, pressing even further into Kakashi's warm, firm body. And speaking of firm…. Yup, he knew he'd felt something right about—

"Whaa-ha-ah!"

Kakashi jostled as Iruka purposefully brushed his hand against his erection.

Iruka grinned wickedly. "A little sensitive, are we Kashi?"

Kakashi glared half-heartedly. "It's morning."

Iruka chuckled. "I know. How about we work out the kinks in a nice, hot shower?"

Iruka never thought he'd see the lazy math teacher move so quickly, but somehow, Kakashi had beaten him into the bathroom and he could hear water running before he'd barely even sat up. He chuckled. Kakashi must be eager to break that six-year hiatus.

…..0…0…0…..

Kakashi, though his intent had originally been to take Iruka to bed last night, really couldn't complain with how things had turned out. In fact, he was kind of glad that they'd gotten the awkward sex talk over with so easily, and how naturally they had seemed to just be together. Without having to force anything, they just meshed nicely. It was like the comfortable silence between wizened old lovers rather than the uneasy silence of those who didn't really know or appreciate each other yet. He loved how they'd admitted they had feelings for each other before any sex had happened, because that made it feel more real, somehow. He had enjoyed being able to comfort Iruka and make him feel better about his scar.

But this morning—whew! He'd woken up before Iruka and he'd woken up with his usual morning wood—nothing he hadn't expected. But he must have had a really good dream with the brunet plastered next to him, because he wasn't just hard, he was really hard. Then, to top it all off, he'd had to watch the gorgeous brunet sleep for the last few minutes.

It was like torture. Torture, I tell you—his hair was adorably messy, he didn't snore, he had the cutest habit of twitching his nose in his sleep every now and then and other than the long thin scar on his back, all of the skin Kakashi could see was tan and unmarred and simply delicious looking. Plus it didn't help that he kept rubbing his arms and legs up and down Kakashi's body, unconsciously looking for warmth in the chill morning air.

So, knowing Iruka was particularly sensitive along his scar (from their exploring last night), he had begun to run light, ticklish fingers up and down the line, hoping to wake the brunet up. Now that Iruka was not only awake, but knew he was hard and was apparently willing to go, well, then—all bets were off and Kakashi was in that shower in under a minute.

He could hear Iruka following him at a more leisurely pace and the math teacher's pulse sped up when he heard the soft material of Iruka's sweatpants hit the bathroom floor. He managed to restrain himself from peeking out the shower curtain, but just barely.

Iruka slid quietly into the shower behind Kakashi and enveloped him in a hug from behind. He could feel Kakashi shudder as his hands slid down his wet chest, pausing to tweak already rock hard nipples, then down over (rather chiseled, Iruka noted pleasantly) abs to tickle the trail of silver white hair trailing down from his belly button to his heated, dripping length.

{Smut sadly omitted due to FF . net's no MA rating policy. full story will be available through my new AO3 account, see penname posted in my profile.}

When they had sat so long that Iruka almost thought Kakashi had fallen back asleep—in his lap in the shower—the math teacher looked up at him blearily, droplets of water collecting in rivulets and streaming down his face as he grinned lopsidedly and asked, "What a way to wake up, huh?"

Iruka chuckled and leaned forward to kiss him long and deeply, twitching the hot water tap slightly as he did so, and responding with a, "You can say that again. But we'd better get cleaned up."

Kakashi smiled happily. "I'm glad you're staying all weekend."

...0...0...0...

A.N. Anyone who wonders, this part:

"We're going to be different."

"I hope so."

"We're going to make it."

"I believe you."

; is ambiguous on purpose. I didn't want to say who said which line; it's all in the perception, so whichever works better for you.

WOW. . . . I am SO sorry for all of the formatting issues and for anyone who received multiple messages because of the sheer number of times I had to re-submit this chapter to have it show up without the coding interspersed within the writing. It now does not have any of the thoughts or anything in italics, because I simply can't put those in for some reason without it messing itself up. Same goes for chapter eleven. I'm working on it right now.