Xenosaga: Gottlicher Eingriff

Chapter Twelve: Confusion

Mary peeked her head cautiously around the corner, keeping it low enough to the ground that she would have minimal chances of being seen or worse, recognized. Assuring herself that her target was currently engaged in conversation, she crept around the corner before ducking behind the large, white pot of a rather expansive green plant. She gathered her legs to her chest, pointing her toes toward herself, and scrunched down as far as she could. So far she hadn't been visually spotted, but who knew what would happen as she got further and further into the danger zone?

After a long pause (long by Mary's standards, although by the Federation's standard time it was only about a minute and a half) she peeked her head around the plant, her curls bouncing slightly as she quickly jerked her head back again. She had almost been spotted, but a stroke of luck had placed a worker in her path before any damage could be done. Mary was thankful for the crowded recreation room, otherwise the Realian she was in pursuit of might have noticed her long before now. They were called Observational Realians for a reason.

A short interval ensued, during which Mary remained huddled behind the plant and prayed that the coast would remain clear. Perhaps Lady Luck was smiling on her after all, because when Mary next slithered toward a new hiding place – behind the large information board – no one stopped her, or even gave her a second glance. Then a shadow fell across her hiding space, and Mary knew she had spoken, or rather thought, too soon.

"Mary, please tell me why you've chosen to place yourself behind the information board," asked a cool yet curious voice. You have every right to be here, Mary reminded herself. Just remain calm, just remain cool…

"Repairs," she said brightly, and resisted the urge to cringe/slap herself/run for it.

"I see." Mary could still sense a twinge of doubt. "And the reason for the stealth would be…?"

"They're secret repairs," she stressed, glancing around in what she thought was a confidential manner.

"You're making secret repairs?" Okay, make that a lot of doubt.

"Look, don't blow ma cover, 'kay? It's import'nt, honest. Little Master said so, an' I agree," Mary pleaded, and noted with relief that her sister didn't seen about to turn around and tell MOMO she was here.

"Mary, I won't tell anyone. I just need to know why."

"'Cause she's ignorin' all of us, Shelley. We keep tryin' t' talk to her, and she just keeps shovin' us away. T'ain't right. Not her."

"What was your plan? Jumping her and tying her down?"

"Actually, we did consider that one…" At Shelley's disapproving glance, the one Mary and the Little Master always seemed to be on the receiving end of, Mary quickly continued. "But we abandoned that one after s'more thought. Right along with the one t' kidnap her. And the one t' lock her in her quarters. And the one t' sing 'I Know A Song That Gets On Everybody's Nerves' at her until she relented. And the one t' – "

"I get the idea, Mary. So what were you doing now?"

"It was an offshoot of the plan t' jump her. I get t' jump her when she's in a crowded area, 'cause she's too shy t' make a scene. Then I talk to her, real friendly like, and get her t' admit what's botherin' her."

"And if she doesn't cooperate with this plan?"

"I know it's a long shot, but we need t' do somethin'. We can't just leave her t' wallow in 'er own depression. Ain't what friends're for."

"I see." Shelley was silent. "I know you're trying to help – all of you are – but you must accept that MOMO might not wish to explain her problem to anyone else just yet. Or perhaps it is a problem that even she isn't aware of."

"That's true, I suppose," Mary said. "But this way is better'n not tellin' her. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a Realian to jump."

"I never thought I'd live to see the day that I walked away from you after uttering those words, but the galaxy has become an uncertain place full of such instances," Shelley sighed. She was true to her words as she turned and walked away. Ziggy, who had been talking with MOMO, had recently departed, and MOMO was just about to pass her hiding spot. Perfect.

However, as it is with all such schemes designed by Mary and/or Jr., there was a catch. And the one that was about to work against Mary was the simple fact that MOMO, despite acting oddly, still had enough wits to know that Shelley was not the sort of woman to go about holding conversation with an information board. If she appeared to be talking to one, then it or someone near it certainly had the opportunity to a) talk back and b) catch Shelley's attention. And if it was important enough for Shelley to look at, then MOMO certainly was curious enough to want to see for herself.

"Hey MOMO," Mary said brightly. "Just finished some repairs. C'mon, let's go see somethin' amazin' in the Park."

"Mary, I have somewhere I need to – "

"Nonsense, it'll only take a moment." And without giving poor MOMO the chance to defend herself Mary had whisked them both down the hallway and over the transport system. MOMO, resigning herself to her fate, sat down on the seat across from her.

"So, ya been keepin' busy?"

"Some," MOMO replied.

"I reckoned that was the case, 'cause we've all been tryin' t' see ya for some time now, but we never could find ya."

"Busy," MOMO repeated.

"You been alright, dear? 'Cause you look awful pale of late."

"I'm fine."

"Sure?"

"Yes."

"Maybe we oughta have someone – "

"Mary, I'm fine!" MOMO said in an exasperated voice. "It's just been a lot to take in recently, and everything just seems to be happening at once."

"I know what ya mean," Mary said, instantly lowering her voice to try and soothe MOMO, who was starting to look a little agitated. "It's just hard on us, 'cause we all care 'bout ya and want to make sure that yer safe'n all, but yer blocking us out."

MOMO gave a violent start at that, something Mary mentally noted but chose not to press at the time. What about blocking people out could give her such a guilty conscious?

"Like I said, it's been a lot to try and handle," MOMO reiterated, although her mind seemed to be a million miles away.

"Are ya upset at any of us? 'Cause for some reason, the Little Master seems t' think – "

The train stopped, and MOMO practically dived for the exit. "It's been nice talking with you, Mary, but I need to go. NOW."

Mary watched as the girl quickly vanished into the crowd, a final swish of her hair the last thing she saw before MOMO was out of sight. Now that was interesting indeed. As the train started to move again, Mary remained onboard. She had some heavy thinking to do, and there was no better place to do it.

---

"So, did you find anything out?" the Little Master eagerly demanded the instant Mary reported to his office, jumping out of his seat as he did so. She had spent most of the trip here mentally steeling herself for the inevitable confrontation. Mary had a nagging feeling that he would not be happy with what she had to say.

"Not exactly…I tried real hard, Little Master, I really did. But no matter how hard I tried she just kept evadin' the question."

He said nothing, merely returned to seat without a word. A minute went by, then another. Still he didn't reply, and Mary began to worry.

"Sorry, Little Master…" she said quietly. He looked up at her, his cerulean eyes unreadable – unusual for a man who usually wore most of his heart on his sleeve.

"I wasn't your fault, Mary. I know that you tried your hardest, you always do." He turned away, his chair swiveling to look out the window. "Perhaps I should have gone, but I just… I never really know what to say."

It was the closest thing to a plea for help that Mary had ever heard him use. He may have always kept his emotions close to the surface, but he never let anyone else deal with them. They were his demons, his battle. Her heart went out to him as she moved a step further into the room.

"I'm sure it's just her havin' a hard time. I mean, we was all settlin' down until this Gnosis popped back up, an' then there was the observation ship, an' then I heard all about chaos tellin' you those creepy things about Lost Jerusalem an' whatnot…I guess I'm just sayin' she needs a little room."

"Mary, she had been avoiding me for a long time now. Hasn't she had a little room? Or perhaps…perhaps she simply wants permanent space."

Mary could hardly believe her ears as he uttered those words, his voice becoming introspective and thoughtful as he pondered that concept. "How can ya even think such a thing? MOMO cares about you, just like she cares about us all! Why would she want t' just cut you, or anyone else, out like that?"

"I don't know, Mary!" he snapped angrily. Mary gasped and pulled back a few steps as he turned his chair back around to face her. His voice, and face, softened as he saw her frightened look. "I don't know, Mary," he said quietly. "I've been trying to figure it out, but I can't. All I do know is that MOMO is doing everything in her power to get away from me whenever she sees me."

"What?" Mary couldn't believe her ears. "She always talks 'bout ya with such endearin' terms, and you've always been quick t' help her out or just be with her in the past. Why would she want to do something so ridiculous?"

"Because she's hiding something," the Little Master said. "That much I do know. And it has something to do with me, something bad. I'd prefer to think that she's scared of me, because the alternative is that she's hiding the fact she hates me long enough to finish helping us exterminate the Gnosis."

"But that's just so…so…so…" Mary couldn't even think of a word to describe what exactly it was. It started to make a little more sense as she thought about it, though. She had seemed perfectly happy to talk with Ziggy earlier, who had a more distant connection to the Little Master than Mary did. The cyborg may work for the Kukai Foundation, but his first – and probably only – loyalty would always be to MOMO, and to Juli Mizrahi through association. Mary, on the other hand, was indebted to Master Gaignun and the Little Master for all they had done for her and for Shelley. "Oh."

"Oh indeed," he said, without any of his usual mirth.

"Well, have ya done anythin'? Were ya mean, or did ya say somethin' rude, or did ya…?"

"Mary, if I did anything wrong I can't think of it. All that I can say for sure is that one day we were the best of friends, laughing and hanging out together. The next day she runs whenever I go near, and all of her emotions look faked, like a Realian fresh from the factory."

Mary was silent, painfully aware that she could no longer do a single thing. MOMO had made it clear she would no longer tell anyone her tiniest emotion, not even her friends. And the Little Master had just made it painfully clear that he intended to respect her feelings on the matter. Should Mary push the subject he would only get angrier and more distant, and then they would never be able to resolve their differences. No, he needed to convince himself. Perhaps a little support was all he needed.

"I'm sure that ya can figure it out, Little Master. When it comes down t' it, e'en though you don't always say the right thing, your hearts in the right place."

"Thank you, Mary. Could you leave me alone for a little while? I need to think some things through."

"Of course," Mary said without hesitation. She turned to the door, and listened to the gentle swish as the doors opened. She started to step out, and hesitated. "One more thing."

"Yes?"

"When we were talkin' on the train MOMO reacted kind of funny when I mentioned her blocking people out. Perhaps it was just a guilty conscious, but it still seemed outta place, like the words had frightened her. I dunno."

"Thanks, Mary," he said, his voice sounding a little less formal and more like his own. "I don't know what that means either, but at least it tells me she feels sorry about it."

Mary smiled, and exited the room. As she looked behind her she glimpsed him leaning against the glass of the window, staring upward into the great beyond. He had never seemed to be in more pain than at that moment, like he was once against a small, innocent child who can't understand why grandma or their dog isn't coming home. And right then she knew what the real problem was, the one he was hiding from her and all the others, perhaps even from himself.

He really, deeply cared about MOMO, more than even she and Shelley and even Master Gaignun had supposed. It wasn't a fly-by-night. No, it was deeper than that. Her rejecting him without him saying a thing, just cutting him free without a word of love or hatred, was shattering him inside. If only he had had a reason, some sign of what it meant. Did she hate him, or did she simply want to remain his friend?

Mary wished she could do something, but any help would only be rejected and ignored. No, he had used his only 'lifeline' when he had invited her to help him understand in his office. When it came to him, there was only ever one.

She staid a second more, watching his still form taking in the vastness of space. A soft whirr emitted from the door as it prepared to close.

Then he was gone.

---

MOMO felt bad about abandoning Mary, but she had been hitting closer to the mark than she could feel comfortable about. When Mary had mentioned blocking people out, MOMO had nearly jumped out of the moving train right there and then. But she had more self-control than that, plus there was no possible way that Mary or Jr. could know that she had a strange connection to him.

Why do you keep running away like this? Back on Second Miltia you learned beyond a shadow of doubt that distance doesn't decrease the link's effectiveness. So why run?

And, right on schedule, there was her conscious to pop up and ruin things. Usually it had the voice of her father or Sakura, although sometimes her mother made an appearance. Once, during her particularly awful run from Mary this morning, she had heard Albedo mocking her, telling her the only way to rid herself of this and cover her tracks was destroy the source. Needless to say she hadn't been able to feel comfortable since.

But no, this was a soothing voice, and for once it was her own, even though she had no answer. MOMO could make up a thousand excuses – she was waiting for the right time, she wanted him to be happier, she was just too busy – but in the end there was only one reason. She needed to avoid him until she had an escape route. She needed another place to stay with security and acceptance without a single link back to him, and then she could talk to him.

She had skipped dinner today, unable to bring herself to face the wounded Mary. What could she possibly say that wouldn't come out wrong? She couldn't explain the truth to her, and any lie would be forced and inadequate for someone as important a friend to her as Mary was.

No, it was easier this way. Keep running so the emotions and people couldn't keep up with her.

MOMO, without realizing it, had come to her quarters. It was her new habit to be asleep before Shion came into the room to stop the woman from trying to engage her in conversation. Really, what could she say?

After dressing herself for bed she knelt down, and said the simple prayer her father had taught her. He said it was called the Hail Mary, and it was from the Bible of Lost Jerusalem to ask for the forgiveness of sins. Recently MOMO had certainly needed that.

Hail Mary, full of grace

Was that a shadow she saw at the corner of her room, moving about? She couldn't see a thing now, but her peripheral vision had certainly shown something moving about there. It's just a sign of your worn nerves. 'Darkness there and nothing more.'1

The Lord is with thee

Would any of them even notice her? Perhaps not, but she needed anything right now to at least soothe her mind that she could be forgiven by someone for her lies and hiding. Her father was disappointed in her already, he had to be.

Blessed art thou among women

That part always got her. Albedo said I wasn't truly human. If I were, I wouldn't have a 'mental link', MOMO pondered miserably. I'd be just like Sakura, a real girl that wouldn't invade his privacy like I always do. He keeps mental barriers for a reason, just to keep people out, and I go and spoil all of that. Running didn't seem so bad when she realized that she'd waltzed unannounced into his own private refuge.

And blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus

Yes, this other Mary was human. She could have children, she could be a real girl who couldn't link to other's minds or who wouldn't need an upgrade just to appear grown up. Would she even listen to a small Realian girl – woman now – listen to her sins and pray for her?

Holy Mary, mother of God

Mary was like a mother to her, watching out for her when Shion and Juli couldn't. Sometimes her carefree demeanor made her more like a sister, but her protective streak and unwavering – and unhidden – concern made her more mother than sister.

Pray for our sins

Yes, Mary, would either of you pray for me now?

Now and at the hour of our death

There was definitely something moving over there, because she had caught sight of it again. Whatever or whoever it was certainly knew how to hide. Its just nerves, its just nerves, she chanted. If you said it enough it had to become true, right?

Amen.

"Amen," she whispered aloud. Then her mind blanked completely, and she collapsed on her bed, twitching uncontrollably.

---

"Man, I can't believe this!" Jr. grumbled to himself, trying very hard not to break another window with his pounding. Gaignun had lectured him for hours about that one.

But what else could he take his frustration out on? He felt bad enough about what he had said to Mary earlier, when all she had tried to do was help. I've gotta send her a thank you or something, he immediately decided, before returning his brain to the real problem. MOMO.

So she had to be feeling something negative toward him, but the problem was what. Jr. ambushing her hadn't helped, Mary ambushing her hadn't helped, and everyone he talked to was either completely oblivious to her plight or completely unsure of what was the matter.

Maybe it was time to just step back and see what happened. But something about that sent off warning klaxons in his head, saying if he did things would only get worse. Perhaps he just needed a few theories to throw in her face, or perhaps he needed a ploy to show her he was just her friend, completely harmless.

He left the office with a mind in turmoil, pondering what was really going on. He navigated the deserted corridors without a thought, allowing himself to go to full automatic while he thought so hard he was surprised there was no steam leaving his ears.

In fact, he didn't notice the figure until it was too late. It leapt at him, sticking something painfully and sharp into a vein on his neck. He gasped aloud, wrenching it free from his numbing flesh. He threw it aside and, lacking a single gun, pulled his fists upward into a fighting stance. But the substance must be working, because he was at best imitating a drunk. He spun to face the attacker nevertheless, and froze.

It was MOMO, although not the one he knew, or even the one he had seen emerge recently. No, this one was devoid of everything, with the odd habit to twitching slightly. She looked at him blankly, and he was transported back to their meeting aboard the Song of Nephilim, with her staring like she had been torn to pieces inside.

"MOMO, wha-?" he began, only for his tongue to betray him. They stared at each other mutely, then MOMO turned and ran toward her quarters. As he legs gave out he saw the metal deck rising to meet him, and saw a sparkle of blue in his peripheral vision. I'm not gonna make it.

He lay there, immobile, in the deserted corridor.

---

Author's Note: Sorry about the delay! But we were moving, and then I got a new and improved computer (not the 15 vear old one I used to work on) …anyway, I'm sorry. But here it is! Yes, its all Jr./MOMO being weird and angsty, but I broke that up with some Mary thinking stuff. I did note they were the main pairing. But I have some plans for the others in the next chapter, never fear – they've got to come together to solve the problem of why MOMO would attack Jr, right? The answer won't be something lame like 'it was all a dream', never fear.

1 quotation from 'The Raven' by Edgar Allen Poe just in case you didn't know!