Lois was silent through most of the meal. Jason ate quickly then asked if he could explore the rest of the house. When Lois didn't respond, and just continued to push her pasta around on her plate, Clark cleared his throat and said, "Sure, sport, if you put your dishes in the sink." Acting as a family was coming far too easily, and although he enjoyed the freedom, he worried about the future. Already it seemed natural; how would he go back to the way it use to be?
Lois' eyes remained unfocused, obviously lost in thought. Then she turned toward him with a fierce determination. "You're a man. Of course you're a man what a stupid thing to say. Tell me Clark, as a man, do you think that there's something flawed in me? I mean, have you ever dated someone that you know deep in your heart should be 'the one', but there just is something lacking? It's as if your heart can't be rational and listen to reason. Have you ever felt that way?"
Clark lowered his fork and studied her intently. "Is this about Richard?"
She met his gaze and seemed to realize how much she had revealed to Clark. She shrugged and then said, "I guess you've probably know that things aren't that good between us."
"I had noticed that he hasn't been in the office for awhile." Clark said gently.
"He was working on assignment, and he's just taken a temporary post in Europe. He's going to be there for a few months. Jason and I are going to move out of the house before he returns."
"I'm sorry, Lois."
"No one else knows this at the Planet."
"I can keep a secret." Clark assured her.
"I know that I can trust you, Clark." She sighed, "Richard was so good for us. He should have been perfect. He's a good friend. He's even a journalist, which is a definite plus. I mean even my parents and sister have trouble understanding that I have a demanding job with irregular hours."
Clark's mouth twitched in a quick smile. "Oh, I know how it is." But Lois was in mid-rant and she hardly even acknowledged him. "My friends all told me how great Richard was for me. Even my sister adored him, and Jason . . . That's the hardest part. He loves him."
Clark's breath shuddered in his lungs. The kitchen seemed to grow just a little bit smaller, more intimate. Lois' eyes were over bright. If she blinked, the surface tension wouldn't hold, and tears would break free. "But you don't." He responded gently. It wasn't a question. He wished that he could hold her. If only he could take away her pain. He had tried that already and it hadn't worked. "You can't choose who you fall in love with, Lois."
They sat there silently for a few moments. Lois set her fork down beside her plate in disgust, surreptitiously wiping at her eyes with her fingertips. Clark watched the way the light shimmered on her hair and wanted to do something, anything to make things right. Time, opportunity, and even memory lay as a wedge between them. He took a deep breath. "I was never a particularly popular guy in high school."
Lois snorted and then said, "Sorry. Clark, please go on".
He gave her a small smile. He wondered if it was wise to open up to Lois like this, but he could not ignore the opportunity to grow closer to her. He might be her bumbling co-worker, but he was also her friend. "I thought I'd met the girl I was destined to spend the rest of my life with. Her name was Lana Lang. At the time, I had thought no one could be as beautiful and smart as her."
Lois's eyed him widely. He couldn't deny the slight thrill he felt at her avid interest. It could be merely curiosity, Lord knows Lois had that by the bucket loads, but it could also be a sign that she really did care about him as Clark Kent.
He cleared his throat nervously continued when he realized he had fallen silent. "I eventually asked her out on a date, and to my surprise she accepted. I thought that I had finally found someone . . . . Well . . . I mean out of all the guys she could have dated, she went out with me. It wasn't long before everyone just expected that one day we would get married."
Lois hadn't ever pictured Clark being that close with a woman. She had been engaged for years, and had never felt compelled to take the final step. She reflexively glanced at her finger that had once worn her engagement ring. She saw the wedding band prop instead.
Lois thought that there was just something about Clark that made it easy to share things with him. Maybe it was because he never judged her. He just watched her with his compassionate eyes, and the look he gave her made her feel vulnerable. Lois couldn't believe that she had actually shed tears in front of Clark Kent. Again, she felt like she had never really truly gotten to know him before. Did she really know anyone? Richard, Superman, now Clark. She was deeply touched when he started telling her about his past. She closed her fist and met Clark's gaze. "What happened?"
"Although we were the best of friends, we realized that we couldn't . . . that we weren't meant to be together. We weren't in love with each other."
Lois didn't answer. Was that the reason for Clark's insecurity? Was he scared by the events if his past? Either way, she felt a kinship with Clark that was as unexpected as it was surprising. Lois reached across the table and touched the back of his hand. She withdrew it quickly, feeling a little awkward alone together in the small nook of the kitchen. "I told Richard that it wasn't working." She gave a dry laugh. "I don't know what I expected. I thought maybe he would try to reason with me, but he just calmly nodded his head like he'd been expecting this for a long time. I'm supposed to be a reporter, to uncover facts, and somehow I just couldn't see the truth that was right before my eyes."
Clark winced. If she ever learned the truth about his identity, he was certain that she would take it badly.
"I'm worried about Jason. He's had so much to deal with lately. He was there when Superman almost died. And now Richard's left."
"You're afraid that when this assignment is over, that Jason will have difficulty adjusting."
"Exactly."
"Well, Lois. I can't deny that I enjoy spending time with Jason, but if you think I should back away . . ."
"No." She waved her hand at him dismissively. "I'm sorry, Clark. Just forget I said anything. Jason's a smart kid, and it's not like you're going to go hitchhiking around the world again right?"
"No. Sometimes I wish I'd never left." Clark watched her closely listening to the way the air flowed through her lungs more quickly than usual.
"It's getting late. I think I'm going to head off to bed. Perry's going to be checking up on us shortly, and I want to have something for him by tomorrow."
Clark knew what she really wanted for him to promise her that Jason wouldn't love him and that he wouldn't get too attached to the boy. He couldn't speak for his son, but it was already too late for him.
Clark stood up and watched her leave, feeling suddenly very alone. "You can't choose who you fall in love with." He repeated to himself.
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Lois waited until Jason was asleep and Clark was settled in the other room before she threw on her coat. She crept quietly down the stairs, flinching when a step creaked. She paused and when the house remained silent, she continued until she was at the front door. Lois slipped outside.
It was dark outside. The sidewalks glistened attesting to the resent rain. The wind cut through her open jacket and she stood on the porch assessing the neighborhood as she zipped it to her chin.
A siren sounded in the distance and her thoughts immediately went to Superman. Was he there? She sighed. Aside from possibly missing a page nine story, it really didn't matter. Lois walked slowly down the sleeping street, a white cat dashed across the pathway and into a large Ash tree beside the sidewalk. The place was almost preternaturally still. The siren faded into the distance allowing her to hear the buzz of crickets and an occasional dog barking as if from a great distance away.
Lois could not really think about the story right now. She wandered the empty streets while her thoughts went over the events of the day. Before tonight, she'd had trouble picturing Clark even kissing someone. That look in his eyes seemed to hold something that made her feel unsteady. He had gazed at her while they talked with such suppressed pain and something more. It made her feel as if she were trying to get her sea legs on a rocky boat. Lana Lang. Clark had said that she was beautiful. Lois wondered if Lana was blonde or if she liked Italian food.
There was quite a lot she didn't really know about Clark Kent. She was still puzzled about the way Clark had almost lost his temper, earlier that day. This was the man who was always so kind to young Jimmy, and who always had time for Jason when he's wandering the bullpen. This was also the man who let Bruce Coville say snide remarks about his outdated suits in the middle of a staff meeting without so much as a dirty look. Clark willingly shared the byline on the stories he wrote by himself for almost a week when she had fallen behind schedule. Lois had felt like the walking dead, constantly being woken by a terrified Jason who couldn't banish his nightmares. He really helped her get through that tough time.
She looked around the neighborhood, her thoughts back on their assignment. Lois tried to find things that a home owner's association usually frowned upon. There didn't seem to be a weed in sight. All the trash bins were neatly stowed and all the driveways were unspoiled by oil stains. Lois headed toward the Club house. She debated which house belonged to Elizabeth. When she caught sight of a porcelain poodle resting on the inside window ledge, Lois decided that it looked just tacky enough to belong to her new neighbor.
She had wandered her way past the fenced community pool and had sat down on a small bench by a green lawn that was both a drainage area and a small park. A swing set was visible in the street lights. The clouds obscured the stars overhead. It took her a moment to realize that a low yellow light was coming from an open doorway.
Lois slunk her way silently to the open door and peered inside. A large truck pulled up in a driveway just at the back of the clubhouse. Lois jumped away from the doorway behind a hedge. Two large men emerged carrying metal crates. They moved to the truck and stowed the crates in the back.
The driver got out of the front, but made no move to help them. He was a small man and had a vaguely Asian cast to his features. He seemed to be watching the houses, and his gaze settled on the hedge where Lois hid.
The men continued to make trips with crates for about five minutes and Lois gritted her teeth, trying not to move as the man continued to look oddly in her direction. Her leg was starting to cramp, and she debated the benefits of either running away or approaching them boldly. She liked the idea of putting them on the defensive, but the street was still rather quiet and she was too new to the neighborhood to really be missed. They might think that she was expendable. Whatever they were doing it was obvious that they didn't want witnesses.
Finally, the truck drove away and Lois stood up to leave and almost collided into a man. She gave an involuntary yelp and swung a fist at the shadowy figure. The figure's reflexives were quicker. The man caught her wrist swiftly and gently before she could inflict any sort of damage. There was no resistance and she pulled her fist free with ease.
"Lois?"
She regained her balance. She would know that voice anywhere, Superman. "What are you doing here?"
Her heart pounded in her chest. She almost laughed at herself. She could feel even more adrenalin in her system now then when she was hiding from the truck. She thought that Superman would be aware of it, and hoped he would just think she was startled.
"I could ask the same of you." There was no doubting the humor in his voice.
He stepped away from the shadows. His blue eyes glimmered in the low light. "You're a long way from the Daily Planet."
If she didn't know better, she would have thought he was teasing her. For a moment if felt like old times before life got so complicated. The light breeze made his cape flutter, it reminded her of who he was. This was the man who casually decided one day to visit a long dead planet half way across the galaxy. This was the man who had left her pregnant and alone.
"I have a life, you know. I'm here with Clark." She added, she wondered if he could hear the defensiveness in her voice. "On assignment."
"I flew by your house and saw that it was empty." He said as if in agreement.
"Were you looking for Jason?" Lois asked with stressed politeness. "I suppose I should have left a note or let you know somehow. . ."
Superman lowered his head, and Lois wished that the light were brighter so that she could see his expression. "I was in the area. There was a traffic accident just a few blocks over. The driver had been drunk."
Lois didn't miss the past tense. "There were fatalities?" She asked cautiously.
Superman nodded morosely. "There was nothing I could do."
Lois laid her hand on his arm and Superman raised his gaze to meet her eyes. "You tried. That's the best that anyone can ever do."
"Thank you, Lois." She dropped her hand and stepped away quickly. Her gaze strayed to his mouth and she turned away feeling as if she were betraying someone. She owed no loyalty to Richard, and Superman had made his choice when he had left her. She didn't think she could survive a repeat experience. Lois had missed Superman, and yet when he stood before her, she wanted to flee. This made her angry. Lois Lane ran from no one.
"I'd better get back to Clark and Jason."
Superman's mouth quirked oddly at this comment and Lois studied him for a moment. "Why did you come here? I didn't call for help."
"I was following the truck."
Lois' eyes gleamed with reluctant interest. "Do you know what was in the containers?"
He shook his head. "No. They must have had lead in the metal. I couldn't see inside the crates."
"Why were you following the truck?" Lois asked.
"Instinct mostly. It is a bit unusual for a truck to be coming through a neighborhood like this so late in the evening. And then when I saw you hiding in the in the shadows, I thought it might be helpful to stay close." His lips quirked in a ghost of a smile. "Just in case."
Lois smiled sadly.
"Well, I better be off. I'll let you know if I find out where they were going." Superman rose in the air and then paused as he looked down. "Be careful, Lois."
He shot into the sky.
"Good night." She whispered, but she knew that he would hear.
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