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For almost an entire minute, Clark stood under the shower spray clutching the increasingly saturated towel wrapped around his waist. He knew Lois Lane well enough to guess that the sight of a naked man would not be enough to unnerve her. She had uncovered the truth. Lois had finally figured him out.

He dressed in an instant, and stood outside the bedroom door listening to the pounding of Lois' heart. She was making little sobbing sounds, so low that he didn't even think Lois was aware of it. He ran his fingers through his hair and adjusted his glasses nervously, before he entered the room.

Los was sitting on her bed. Her hair hung in strands around her face, and there was a lost quality to her that made his heart break.

"Lois?" Clark said tentatively. He was afraid of disturbing her, but unable to leave her alone.

She raised her head, and he caught his breath when he saw the utter desolation in her eyes. He approached slowly, fearing her reaction to his presence. Her silence was painfully eroding his composure. "Lois?"

She grew silent, catching her breath as she made room for him on the bed. Her heart was still keeping a rapid beat. He felt his own unease skyrocket.

"God, Clark. I'm so embarrassed."

Clark was so relieved that her reaction stemmed merely from mortification that he chuckled. He sat down next to her, wondering how he had managed to keep his secret safe another day. It would almost have been a relief if she had found out on her own, but that was the easy way out. Lois deserved the truth from him.

"I'll admit that I was surprised to find you there, but it wasn't exactly the end of the world."

Lois' entire body stiffened. Clark quickly scanned the area until he saw that she was mouthing the words. "The bugs"

Right. Lois still thought that they might have someone listening in on them. Clark cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Superman eliminated the rest of them. It's safe to talk."

He felt uncomfortable hedging around Lois' questions as she asked for details concerning the removal of the surveillance devices. It felt like with each question that she asked, he was deepening the lie.

When Lois told him that she had seen Superman land on his balcony, he felt frozen in place. Clark tried to conceal his reaction, but despite years of hiding, he still was not that good an actor.

"That must have been an interesting conversation, since you were still in the shower."

"Yes, well, obviously he didn't stay long, since, I was . . . indisposed."

"I'm sorry, Clark." She gasped out. "You have to admit, it's a funny image."

Clark chuckled relieved that Lois' despondency seemed to have dissipated. She wasn't so serious, and he felt as if a hard shell that had formed around his lungs, crack away. He was breathing easier now.

"Maybe he was distracted?"

"I suppose. I can sympathize. You're quite an eyeful."

Now, it was his turn to be embarrassed. He should have been aware of her presence in the bathroom. He was rarely caught unaware, but where Lois was concerned his concentration tended to scatter. He felt the heat on his face as he protested, "Lois!"

"Do you think he planned that on purpose? Maybe he liked what he saw."

She couldn't honestly believe that Superman was in pursuit of Clark Kent? He always figured that eventually she would connect the two, but never in this way.

If anyone was certain of his sexual orientation, it should be Lois.

"You don't honestly believe . . ?"

Her words were speculative, but he could see the smile playing at the edges of her mouth. "Well, we know so little about him. He isn't from around here. Who knows what's really going on in Superman's mind?"

She was teasing him. Lois was probably the only person that felt comfortable enough with either of his personas to banter with him. Clark rolled his eyes and said, "Lois, I think you know more about Superman, than anyone else."

She sobered and it made him wonder if something had happened while he was indisposed. Something was still bothering her, and he wanted to help Lois if he could. "Why did you come in there? You said something about being worried."

"I thought I heard something, and then when I called for you, you didn't answer. With all the people disappearing in this neighborhood, I wanted to make sure that you were alright." Lois had been worried about him, and it touched him deeply to know how much she cared.

Clark realized in that moment the depth of his feelings for this woman. He loved her, desperately and completely. Clark had known that Lois was his true mate when he had found the power to take her memories. The ability to affect the mind is not one of his super powers, and after it happened, he consulted the crystals.

He learned that there is a bond that forms between two Kryptonians that allows them to connect on a deeper, more intimate level. Kryptonians might marry more than once for political or practical reasons, but they mate for life only once. When this happens, in situations of great stress, they can sometimes feel what the other feels. When emotions are high, they can join on a more profound level that goes beyond the physical.

Clark had unknowingly formed this kind of bond with Lois. He didn't know how it might differ since both parties weren't Kryptonian, but there was no denying its existence. The connection was still there, but it had atrophied over the years.

After the whole Zod affair, his desire to set things right for Lois had allowed him the ability to actually remove the unwanted memories. By doing this, Clark had confirmed that she was his one true mate for life, and effectively lost her forever. Or so he had believed.

Now she was here with him again, only this time things were fundamentally altered. Lois didn't love the man who saved the world. She appeared to love the man who could be with her on a daily basis. And if she didn't love him yet, she was showing all the indications that she was heading in that direction.

Lois face was turned away, her eyes downcast.

He had known that he was in love with her when he had given up his powers to be with Lois, but that was nothing to the level of emotion he was experiencing now. Clark felt almost overwhelmed with his desire to touch her, protect her, just to be with Lois.

Clark took her chin and raised her head to peer intently into her eyes. He knew that he was searching for some sign that her feelings mirrored his own.

"Do you think Jason is all right?"

"He'll be safe. The biggest threat he might face is eating too many cookies."

Lois blanched, her heart skipping a beat. "I hope he doesn't eat too much sugar. Lately, he can get a bit . . . wild."

Oh, his poor, suffering Lois. He just wished that he could let her know that she didn't need to carry this burden alone. Clark knew what a drain it was to protect a secret of this magnitude. He wanted to ease her fears and to know that everything was going to be all right. "My mom can deal with anything Jason does."

Instead of being comforted, Lois turned away. He knew that it might be too early for her to be completely at ease with him, but Clark didn't expect her to grow increasingly agitated.

"What is it Lois? What's wrong?" Something was off, he could feel it. Was it Jason?

"There's just a lot to deal with. Jason, this story, and . . . us."

Clark sighed in relief. His son would be fine. His mother was probably the most equipped to deal with Jason's special nature. Clark realized that maybe Lois just desired some assurance of how deeply he felt for her. He needed Lois. He gathered her close and kissed her. She responded instantly, pressing herself against him causing his blood to leave his brain.

He felt the love swell in him, and he wondered if Lois could feel it too. Clark trailed his lips along the edges of her face, wanting to please, comfort, and pleasure her.

He lost all track of time, and he didn't know if they kissed for a few seconds or an hour. All Clark knew was that when she pulled away, the whole world swayed around him. He was amazed at his powerful reaction to her. Something that strong could not be one sided.

"It will all work out. Jason's safe, we'll get the story just like we usually do, this time as a team, and as for us, well, there are some things that we need to work out, but there's no hurry. Just remember that no matter what happens, I'll always be around."

"Clark. There's something that I've been meaning to tell you. I never meant to keep secrets from you, but I think it's time you knew the truth."

She was going to tell him about Jason. Clark wanted to tell Lois that he already knew, to spare her this discomfort, but it would only make matters worse. He tucked a wayward strand of her hair behind her ear, as he watched her intently.

Lois said, "I know I can tell you because you're Superman's friend, I mean come on, he's even been to your mother's house, and I know we can trust you. After all, you don't have a deceitful bone in your body."

Clark shifted uncomfortably at this description of him. He was an honest person at heart, but circumstances made it impossible for him to be completely open and honest.

Lois took his hand and held it so earnestly, that it might have hurt another man. Whatever she was about to share with him was the cause of her distress.

"Superman and I have had a past. Jason was the result, but you know what? It must have been pretty inconvenient for him because he left me without any memory of our little 'fling'. So you don't have a thing to worry about Clark. You could never hurt me the way he did."

He felt the impact of those words like a shard of kryptonite plunged into his heart. All the good he'd ever tried to accomplish could never make up for the terrible pain he had inflicted on the woman he loved. He wanted to sink to his knees and apologize, but he was Clark Kent, and Superman was the one who had committed this atrocity. Clark despised himself. He wanted to give up his powers not so that he could be with Lois, but because he would no longer be the man that had hurt her so deeply.

He babbled, hardly aware of what he was saying. "Lois. You can't possibly believe that . . . I mean I know how much Superman must have wanted . . . I don't think anyone would want to leave you like that."

"I don't think anyone could force Superman to do something against his will. Do you?"

He looked at her despondently, unable to form a reply. Her eyes glittered brightly, and he knew that he'd never forget this moment. "Clark, you weren't there. It took me a long time to come to terms with finding myself pregnant with no memory of being intimate with someone. Even Richard never really believed my claims. I'm pretty sure that he just assumed that I had done something shameful, or that I'd been raped or something."

"Oh, Lois." Clark moaned, burying his head in his hands.

He had thought it couldn't get any worse, but this . . . Despite his best intentions, he had effectively raped her mind of their time together. It made little difference that when he had done it, he hadn't even truly believed it possible. At the time, Clark had looked on it as a blessing. She need not feel the same sense of loss that he had experienced at their breakup. But what Lois had gone through was unforgivable.

Lois continued trying to comfort him, but nothing could relieve the anguish coursing through his being. She didn't know that she was speaking to the very man that had hurt her so profoundly. "Clark, you have nothing to be ashamed of. I just wanted to be completely honest with you. Maybe I was wrong to tell you about me and Superman. I never told anyone else before, not even Richard, but I don't want you to be . . . jealous of Superman. I just felt that we were growing close and I didn't want there to be anything standing as a wedge between us."

If only she knew. He didn't know what to do. Lois wanted Clark as she perceived him. She wouldn't be interested once she learned that Clark and Superman were the same person. He didn't deserve her love, but he couldn't leave her again. "No. I'm glad you told me Lois. And you know that I would never tell anyone else."

"If I'm certain of one thing, Clark is your ability to keep a secret."

What exactly did that mean? For the first time, Clark wondered if Lois had indeed figured him out. She smiled innocently at him. No, Lois was direct to a fault about things. If she found out about his other life, she'd rant at him. She must be referring to his "friendship" with Superman.

"It's been an exhausting day, and it's late. I think I'll stay in here tonight. I want to get an early start tomorrow. See you in the morning?"

Clark ran his hands through his hair, feeling at a complete loss.

"Thanks for listening Clark."

He wished there was someone he could talk to help him figure out what to do. He wasn't used to not having a clear-cut sense of right and wrong. Clark sighed and said, "I'll just be in the other room. Call me if you need anything. I should be able to hear you."

He left the room, the door closing behind him. It was going to be a long night.

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Clark stood on the balcony unable and unwilling to block the sound of Lois' silent sobs. He clenched his fists so hard that his hands grew numb. He wished he could do the same for his heart. Clark briefly discarded the idea of visiting Lois as Superman, knowing that there was no easy way to set things right.

How many nights had she cried like this while he was billions of miles away in the void of space? He ached for all the things he had lost, watching his child grow within the woman he loved, holding his only son when he was only hours old, making love to Lois just one more time.

He wondered if Lois could ever forgive him. He doubted he could ever forgive himself. Clark heard the world crying out to him in the night, and couldn't find the strength to move. For this night at least, Superman was no more.

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I made up a reason for Clark/Superman to be able to alter Lois' memories. I didn't like that this wasn't ever set up, it's not one of his superpowers and it's not a skill that he's learned during his years of study in the Orient. So, I thought, what if it was because he had formed some sort of bond with Lois.

Thanks again for all your reviews. Let me know what you think!

Rhea