A big thank you goes out to all the wonderful people that have stuck through with me on this story and to my beta 4ever1.
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Lois tried her hardest to suppress her tears, but she couldn't seem to stop crying. She didn't want to share her pain with Superman or was it Clark? She had thought of them as two separate people for so long, that it was difficult to merge the two in her thoughts right away.
Why had she never thought about Superman dressed in civilian clothing? Did she think he used his cape for a blanket while he slept? Or did she think he didn't need to do even that? She vividly recalled her first interview with Superman where she asked him if he ate. What an idiot she'd been. How he must have found her amusing.
With the passing of the hours, the shock slowly wore off. Lois could see the facts starting to fall into place more easily. She realized now that she had been on the verge of discovering the truth for awhile. She remembered the night at the Planet when Richard and she had bantered, teasingly comparing Clark to Superman. Now, she knew that he could overhear their exchange, and had successfully confounded their speculations with a well timed fumble.
The fact that both Clark and Superman had disappeared for the same five years should have been a tip-off; had a few postcards been enough? She remembered her thoughts about people's perceptions, their persistence of vision if you will. Sometimes it was the little things that made people fill in the blanks to complete the whole picture.
Her mind kept making connections for her. Lois remembered a multitude of incidents that before had vaguely puzzled her and now made complete sense. For some reason, Lois kept coming back to the most insignificant of details. She recalled how Clark always managed to get these amazing croissants for her, and she could never seem to find where he purchased them. He would change the subject whenever she'd try to ask. He probably couldn't tell her because he bought them from some bakery in France.
How could she be unaware that her coworker, the man she saw nearly every day, was the same man she thought of every night? Was she so blinded by clothing and glasses? But that wasn't entirely fair. Superman would never trip over his feet in the middle of a rescue. Clark, in contrast, fainted when a gun was pointed at him.
But of course, Clark hadn't fainted, had he? He had saved her from being shot, while maintaining his secret. Clark had taken a chance that day, valuing her life, someone he hardly knew, more than his secret.
It would have made quite a story. Lois might even have published it back in those first few weeks when the discovery of Superman was so new. Now, she knew it would put Jason in grave danger. And his mother.
Lois still couldn't get over the fact that Superman even had a mother. But that was the thing wasn't it? He wasn't just Superman. He was also Clark Kent. Which was the act? Clark or Superman? Or could it be that they were just two sides to one man? All that he loved would be in peril if someone like Lex Luthor ever leaned that Superman had a family.
Lois remembered their talk in the kitchen the other night. He had told her about his life in Smallville, how he had almost married a girl named Lana Lang. She couldn't really picture Superman doing such a thing. Could it be that Superman had more of Clark in him? Or was it Clark had more of Superman in him? She still couldn't stop thinking of them as two separate individuals.
When had his powers manifested? Lois had never tried to picture Superman as a baby before. Had he been a fairly normal child? He must have been normal enough that his parents could hide his unusual heritage from the world at large. Was Superman, no, Clark, she corrected herself, somewhat like Jason when he was young?
And what about his job? What would happen to him if the staff of the Daily Planet learned the truth? Perry would certainly expect better stories, she thought with some humor. Clark wouldn't really be able to work there anymore. His secret was his life. Whatever possessed Clark to work with a group of people who made their living exposing the truth?
The morning light glowed through the thin curtains, casting odd geometric patterns on the far wall. Lois was exhausted but calm. She was no longer angry at Clark's actions of the past, but she was hurt that he had never told her the truth. Surely, she deserved to know the identity of the father of her child?
What exactly did he think she would do if she found out?
All those times that Clark was unavailable for the big story, who knew that he was the big story. Some partner he was. He didn't give her near enough exclusives! Lois chuckled to herself when she realized the turn of her thoughts. She wasn't ready to forgive him, but maybe she was prepared to hear his side of the story.
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The drive back into the city was completed in silence. After just a few days of dressing casual, it struck her as somewhat incongruous to see Clark attired in his outdated, loose fitting suit.
They knew that Perry expected an appearance even through it was Sunday. It was time that they checked in. This way they could follow up on the local disappearances and that mysterious grant Elizabeth had mentioned.
Clark was quiet and withdrawn. Lois suspected that he hadn't slept all night. There were shadows under his eyes, and she wondered how that was possible with his super physiology. Her words must have had more of an emotional toll then she had expected. She couldn't seem to forget the way he had looked after she had said, 'So you don't have a thing to worry about Clark. You could never hurt me the way he did.' Lois had been hurt, but she knew now that he had been too.
Lois absentmindedly inspected the broken sunshade in her lap while Clark kept glancing at her in tense concern. Finally, she threw the broken part over her shoulder without glancing back to see where it fell.
Lois was so tired, she couldn't find the energy to make small talk, and she wasn't prepared to have a serious conversation with Clark. Her eyes grew heavy, and the scenery became a blur. It was only after Lois woke up with a start that she realized that she must have dozed off.
"Sorry." she muttered reflexively as she straightened in the passenger seat. They were parked in the staff lot at the Planet. Her sweater tumbled to her feet when she did a small stretch. Lois realized it had been placed over her shoulders like a blanket.
The smell of premium coffee filled the small rental car. Clark handed her a lidded cup. Lois threw him a grateful look and carefully sipped the aromatic brew. Those who came bearing gifts of caffeine could be forgiven a multitude of sins, she thought.
"You're a life saver," she said, before she recalled just how true her words were.
Clark gave her an awkward smile, and adjusted his glasses higher on his nose. "I figured you could use the extra boost, since you didn't sleep . . ." he amended quickly, "seemed so tired this morning."
They got out of the car, and Clark tripped on the pavement. He caught himself, smiling with embarrassment. Lois wondered again if his clumsiness wasn't entirely an act.
As they rode the elevator, the throng pushed Lois against Clark's side. He raised a hand to her waist to steady her. She could feel the warmth of him spread all the way to her toes. She tried to hide a smile at the thought, leaning against him a little unnecessarily.
Clark glanced down at her, giving her a small, distracted smile. Lois felt a small pang of disappointment when she realized that his mind was elsewhere. The doors opened, and they pushed through the crowd into the bullpen.
Something was up; there were too many people in the newsroom.
"Did the pope get shot or something?" Lois asked caustically.
Jimmy appeared as if he'd been lying in wait for them and said incredulously, "Haven't you heard?"
"It's about time you got here." Perry's voice boomed across the room from his office doorway.
Jimmy walked with them, not noticing that he was being shoved from side to side by the assembled crowd. "There was a murder/suicide late last night. Some loon shot five people outside of Metropolis Central mall then when he'd run out of victims he splattered his brains across Macy's front doors. You should have seen the manager's face when he discovered the mess. What a picture. I wish I'd been there to take it."
Lois carefully set her purse in her drawer as she glanced over at Clark to gauge his reaction. He was sitting carefully down at his desk. His movements were almost painfully slow. To casual a observer it would appear that he hadn't heard a word, but as Lois continued her inspection she realized that although Clark's expression was blank, his eyes betrayed his horror.
On the overhead televisions the words "Where was Superman?" blazed with bloody red letters.
With her. Lois silently answered. "These things happen all the time. I don't get it? Why are they blaming Superman?" Lois asked.
Jimmy said under his breath. "The forensic guys figured out that the shooter was hunting these people for hours."
"Maybe Superman was taking care of something else?" Lois said knowing that it was only partially true.
"There haven't been any reports of activity. And I checked the Internet tracking sites. It seems Superman did another one of his disappearing acts. Golly, Ms. Lane. I sure hope he's alright." Jimmy said earnestly.
This must have happened right after their "talk" last night. Lois felt a rush of guilt. She had caused this. Clark hadn't shown up as Superman, because he was too preoccupied with the pain she had caused him. Lois could no longer see Clark passed the milling crowd that had gathered to watch the newscast.
The whole room was abuzz with the words Superman, responsible, and tragedy resounding predominantly. The crowd parted enough so that Lois could see Clark again.
Clark hadn't moved. Alicia from the Society column asked Clark if he was all right.
Clark didn't respond. He just stared unseeingly at his desk. Lois had never seen him look so despondent. The sight broke her heart.
Something snapped within Lois, and before she even knew what she was doing, she was moving to higher ground. She put two fingers in her mouth and whistled a piercing blast of sound. The room quieted, all eyes focused on the petite woman dressed in heels standing on her desk.
Lois cleared her throat and then addressed the crowd. "Last night's shooting was a terrible tragedy, and we must always remember the victim's families in this terrible time. But I am appalled that Superman is being held responsible for this crime just by virtue of his absence. Where were the police? Where was the military? Where was the shooter's mother?"
This last line got a couple of nervous chuckles.
"It is a greater crime to place the blame for this atrocity on Superman just because he wasn't there. We all know he's faster than a speeding bullet, able to leap tall buildings and all that, but what about the other part. Yes he's super, but he's also just a man. Are we so spoiled that we condemn Superman for something he didn't even do? Do we expect him to save us from everything even ourselves? Next, you'll be blaming him for high pollution and rising taxes."
She glared at all of them, holding them personally responsible for the words still showing on the television screen. The staff of the Daily Planet murmured in quiet agreement.
Her voice dropped to an almost normal speaking tone. "Has anyone ever considered that maybe the real villain here is the shooter?"
Clapping broke the stillness, startling Lois. She blushed slightly when she saw it was Perry White. Lois got unstably back to the ground and Perry continued clapping until a few others joined in. "Well, people. I think we have our editorial for the front page here."
Lois glanced toward Clark, trying to gauge his reaction. His eyes were glistening suspiciously and when he noticed that Lois was looking in his direction he lowered his head. She wanted to go over to him, but not here in the middle of the newsroom. They really needed to talk.
The subdued crowd dispersed. Lois grabbed Jimmy's arm and asked him to look into the "grant" Victor Valentino received. When she looked for Clark again, he was gone. Lois followed Perry into his office.
"Where's your partner, Kent?"
"Oh, if I know him, he's off following up a lead on this story."
"This editorial takes precedence. How soon can you get it to me?"
"That depends, Chief. Do I have one or two cups of coffee?"
"Olsen, get the lady a coffee!" Perry bellowed.
"I'm right on it Chief." Jimmy said, already right next to him. Perry jumped in surprise and then scowled, but Lois could see that he was secretly pleased at the young man's ability to be in the right place at the right time.
"Now, I want to hear an update on the Iron Gates story. Got anything yet?"
Jimmy handed Lois a cup of coffee and when she took a sip she thought longingly of the cup Clark had given her. It was far superior and she hoped it was still sitting on her desk.
Lois laid out the facts for Perry, avoiding mentioning anything concerning Clark.
He must have noticed because he said shrewdly, "How are things going between you and Kent?"
Lois was suddenly flustered and she answered flippantly, "Just dandy."
"Really?" Perry said speculatively. When Lois remained silent, challenging him with a raised eyebrow. Perry relented with, "and how about Jason?"
"Oh he's fine. He's at a friend's house."
"Probably for the best. I want an update every two days and something in writing by the end of the week. And I don't mean your grocery list."
"Got it, Chief." Lois dashed out of the office before Perry could stop her.
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At the time, Clark hadn't paid any heed to what he had heard. His own pain had been paramount. Now Clark recalled the sounds with awful clarity - the pleas, the screams, and the silence that had followed.
He could have stopped it. They were right. He was at fault. If he hadn't been so wrapped up in his own misery, he could have prevented if not the first murder, surely the four that followed.
Clark could hear the accusations flying around him, but he couldn't move. He was afraid that if he stirred, Clark would betray himself to an entire newsroom filled with reporters. Surely the guilt was plainly written on his face. He could hardly bear to look up; his eyes were burning with unshed tears of shame.
Then an amazing thing happened. Lois' voice penetrated the din to capture the attention of everyone present. She asserted that Superman was no more culpable than the police or the armed service in this tragedy. Superman wasn't perfect.
As usual, Lois was right. Clark didn't feel absolved of all guilt, but the burden was lessened considerably. Clark gazed at her standing with out fear on her desk, fire flashing in her eyes as she passionately defended the very person who had caused her to weep throughout the night. She looked so beautiful.
She was amazing. He was in awe of her. Why would she do such a thing? The reason came to him with crystal clarity, because Lois always stood for the truth. She always fought injustice. Clark loved her all the more because she did it regardless of her own personal pain.
Sometimes even a superhero needed a savior.
Lois tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, her gaze catching his own. He looked away afraid she would wonder at the moisture gathered in his eyes. Clark vowed he would find a way to thank her for what she did today.
No one saw him leave and Clark was soon standing garbed as Superman on the Daily Planet's roof. He breathed in the scent of the city, and took off over the skyline. For the next hour, Superman helped when needed and most of all made certain that he was visible. His mind was not fully on the tasks he performed. The entire time, he kept going from elated about the fact that Lois had stood up for Superman, to despairing about Lois' ordeal without him. Clark realized that he had absolutely no idea how Lois would react to the truth of his identity.
On his return, he quickly located Lois in Perry's office. Clark stepped out of the elevators adjusting his tie. From a distance, he read the mock up of the next edition and saw that Lois had written an editorial for the cover defending Superman again. He was so touched by this gesture that he didn't react in time to prevent Lois from running headlong into him.
"Clark!" A pile of papers in her hands tumbled to the floor. He caught her before she could fall to the ground.
They both bent over to retrieve the fallen printouts. They were so close their noses were almost touching. They looked up at the same time. Lois' eyes had the most amazing depths. He could hear their hearts beat in unison, thundering together. Clark wondered if Lois could hear it too.
Lois gave him a small, almost secret smile, and stood up. Clark rose to his feet, feeling suddenly unsteady. He should probably provide an excuse for his absence, but he found that it was impossible to lie to her.
As if sensing his dilemma, Lois said in a rush, "Let's go Smallville. I need a chili dog with everything on it and I need it yesterday."
"Those are gonna' kill you." Clark's eyebrows disappeared behind his hair.
"At the rate I'm going, I'll be dead long before heart disease claims me. Besides, I have tremendous faith in the miracles of modern medicine. Come on." She tugged on his arm.
Clark smiled as he allowed her to pull his arm. He'd follow her anywhere.
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