Thank you for the generous reviews—I'm a little nervous to continue as

I truly do not want to disappoint, but feel so ill qualified. Let me know how I'm doing!

P.S. I am not Catholic. A fact, which I am painfully aware, will be very obvious. Please don't be offended if

I have mistaken any of the rituals or traditions I know a person of Catholic faith must hold sacred. I spent a couple hours

trying to obtain accurate research over the Internet. Hopefully the way I have demonstrated Elliot's faith in

the story has been done in a way you find respectful and not done too incorrectly. Please forgive any glaring mistakes!

He'd left the precinct about an hour after she did. So much for getting home early. Oh, well—at least he wasn't getting home as late as he'd been in the past. It wasn't the paperwork that had delayed his exit. He'd long finished what was necessary for his day to legitimately be over. He just couldn't bring himself to step across his family's trusting threshold still thinking about his partner. Thinking about her in a very un-partner-like manner. So he typed, organized, and filed any paperwork he could get his hands on, stalling the moment when he'd have to face his family—no, face his wife, knowing he'd rather she be anything but.

The drive to Queens was loud, at least in his head. Too many questions floating around causing gray havoc in his black and white Catholic world. "Why was she looking at me like that? Like a thick layer of 'need' and longing that is masking so much pain?" or "Is it possible that I am imagining all of this felt between us?" and finally "Am I being unfaithful to Kathy by my impure thoughts toward my best friend?"

It was the last question, the one overflowing with culpability and self-loathing, but also more candor than he'd allowed himself in a long time, that prompted him to turn left when he should have gone straight. Eight blocks from his home he found himself parallel parking in front of St. Ann's stone façade. Braving the wind and bounding up the steps in two's, Elliot pulled on the tall wooden doors and walked to the confessional booth.

Kneeling at the screen, Elliot opened his mouth to address his family priest on the other side. However, his loss for words prompted the understanding clergyman to initiate the conversation.

"I am listening, child. Take your time."

Making the sign of the cross, Elliot recited, "In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. My last confession was over a year ago."

Elliot paused, hesitating to admit to anyone the wrongs he felt he'd done. Deciding he was here and might as well continue, he said, "Father, I have transgressed against God and my family."

"In what way, Elliot?"

Elliot struggled to translate his thoughts into the appropriate wording. He felt indebted to Father Bennion. He had known Elliot since before he was an altar boy and had always demonstrated immense patience with the members of his parish. Elliot often wondered if he required more patience from the silver-haired priest than others. It was through Father Bennion that he and Kathy first began counseling at their separation's beginning. Even though Elliot came away feeling he was incapable of changing to the kind of father and husband he needed to be, it had meant a great deal to him that Father Bennion had never given up on him.

At Elliot's prolonged silence, Father Bennion tried to help him start. He prompted Elliot, saying, "Often a helpful pattern for examination of conscience is to review the Commandments of God. Why don't we start with the small transgressions?"

This gave Elliot a window through which he felt he could begin, and once he started it was as though he could not stop. The recent faults of his life came flashing forward and he felt he had to shed himself of them once and for all. "I have neglected prayer. I have been impatient and angry. I have taken the name of God in vain. I have been prideful and jealous. I have coveted that which I will never have…and I have…entertained impure thoughts about…"

"About who, my child? Someone to whom you are not married?"

Elliot swallowed, but it felt nearly impossible as his tongue felt like sandpaper. He did his best to answer the man honestly. He owed him that much.

"Yes, someone besides Kathy. Someone besides my wife." Elliot paused, expecting harsh condemnation. However, when Father Bennion remained silent, his lack of censure gave Elliot the encouragement he needed to continue. "But, Father, I want you to understand that although I know it does not justify it, it is not just sexual. I mean, of course I find Ol—her—attractive, it is not just sexual thoughts that distract my mind."

"You care about…'this woman'. You care deeply."

Elliot sighed at the father's perception. "Yes, I think you could say that. I do care deeply. I wish to God I didn't, but I can't not care. She means too much. Please believe me when I say I have tried. To the point of trying to shut her out emotionally in my life, but I keep failing."

"Have you tried removing yourself from the opportunity to be tempted by her?"

"I can't, Father. Heaven forgive me, but I can't leave her. It's not just for myself, but also for her. I think she needs me, too. And even if I separate us, I don't think it would help because she was gone for a while and when she was away from me, she still consumed my thoughts. Actually, even more so at that time than any other." Elliot felt the tears staining his cheeks, but he didn't care. "I can't do it anymore. I want to not care so much, but I am so flawed and I just can't fail anymore. It is destroying me. I think it may even be destroying her, too."

"Have you ever acted upon your desires?"

"No!" Elliot was appalled that he would even ask, but then reminded himself that adulterous activities begin with adulterous thoughts, so of course that would have been the aging priest's next logical question. "I have never, never touched or spoken to this woman inappropriately. I would never be unfaithful to Kathy with her."

Uncomfortably, he was reminded of his one unfaithful mistake: Dani.

An extensive silence followed. So long, in fact, that Elliot had to face the lattice again just to make sure he wasn't alone.

"Father, I—"

"Elliot, don't." Father Bennion's gentle, but direct, interruption startled Elliot and closed his words instantly.

"Please let me continue."

"I'm sorry, Father."

"What I was going to say was that you have been coming to me for your confessions for many years now. Probably thirty years, I'd say. And while your confessions haven't been as frequent as they ought to have been, I have learned that when you do come, you are earnest in your repentance. However, tonight I have received a completely different impression from your admissions."

Elliot was quick to amend any misunderstanding. "Please, I am sincere. I am truly sorrowful for these and all the sins of my past life."

"Elliot, Elliot, you do not need to reassure me. I have no doubt you are genuine in your regret. You misinterpreted me. What I was trying to tell you is that I have never seen you so grieved or distressed in your lament. I am concerned right now more with you than your sin." Father Bennion stopped, as if gathering his thoughts. "How long have you experienced these feelings toward her?"

Elliot was thoughtful for a moment and then said honestly, "I think a lot longer than I realized. Or at least a lot longer than I'd like to admit." Pinching the bridge of his nose, he fought off the throbbing headache that threatened to come on.

Father Bennion sighed as he continued, "I feel fairly confident that I know the woman of whom you speak. It is your partner, isn't it? The one that came to Elizabeth's First Communion so many years ago."

A bemused Elliot responded, "Yes."

"And the same one that joined your family for Midnight Mass a few Christmases later. What is her name?"

"Olivia. How did you know it was her?"

A light chuckle escaped from the good father's throat. "I've seen the two of you in the same room, Elliot. I may be a priest, but I'm not blind." Elliot was taken back at the priest's joke. Was he that obvious? And then Father Bennion asked the very question Elliot was asking himself:

"Does Kathy know?"

Ring. Ring.

Before Elliot could answer the high-pitched sound of his cell phone rudely interrupted the conversation. Elliot looked at the caller ID.

Speak of the devil. Elliot had to get out of there. He couldn't let Kathy know he'd been to see Father Bennion—she'd be suspicious and never let it go. Quickly, he mumbled an "Excuse me, Father, I have to answer this."

As Father Bennion began to protest, Elliot flipped open the phone, talking to Kathy as he left the booth, walked passed the pews and out the door.

"Hi, Kath…Yeah, yeah, I'm actually almost home…. Oh, you know, just had to finish a few files before I could duck out of there, but give me just a sec and I'll be in the driveway. I'm just a couple blocks away…. Okay, see you soon….What?…..Oh, yeah, I love you, too."

Getting into his car, he dropped his head to the steering wheel, grasping for any part of him that could help disguise the anguish he was feeling. For the first time in a long time, he closed his eyes and spoke to the One person he felt could possibly help him. Perhaps it should have been the first person he'd gone to, but that moment had long passed and it was too late for more regrets. Praying to a God he wasn't even sure he had faith in anymore, he begged for forgiveness. Then he begged that his suffering could be eased. That he could find happiness. That she could find happiness. And that by some miracle, the battle that raged in his soul, caused by his feelings for Olivia and his feelings of obligation to his family, could come to some sort of peace.

As he ended his muttered prayer, he grabbed a napkin from the passenger seat, probably from one of his many meals "to go", and dried his eyes. Starting the ignition, he pushed in on the brake and put the car into "drive". Then he went where he knew he was needed most at the moment. He went home.