Title: Better Me (2k12) Set immediately after 'Tales of the Yokai'

Rating: K

He hadn't shown it to his brothers, but watching events play out had affected Raphael greatly. Master Splinter had relayed the story to them on more than one occasion before now, so it wasn't like they hadn't known to some degree what to expect. It was different seeing it though, rather than just hearing it.

Master Splinter had relayed the facts of those events, but he had always done so in a controlled manner. Only once had Raph seen his father's features falter as he spoke about the burning of the dojo, the fight between himself and his onetime friend, and finally the loss of his family. Other than that, he and his brothers had never pressured their father into telling them his story. They saw how much it pained him to recall, even if he kept his tone measured and kept his whiskers from twitching too much.

That night in the lair the mood was quiet after they had told their father where they had been and what they saw. Splinter didn't really react. He sat quietly to listen to his sons, not interrupting them. He watched as Mikey dramatically played out how they had fought off Oroku Saki's minions, and as they all teased Leo about taking their souls through their butts.

It had not escaped Splinter's notice that while not unusual, Raphael had been the quietest of all of them. He watched as his second oldest filed out of the dojo and went to his room in contemplative silence. He wanted to ask Raphael what was bothering him, but that was not the way Raphael responded best. His temperamental boy had to say things in his own time and in his own way. If he wanted his father to know what was bothering him, he would say so in due time.

In his room, Raphael lay on his shell rocking slowly back and forth in his hammock. He tossed an old tennis ball back and forth on the wall, alternately throwing it high and low. The constant muffled 'thump' of the ball hitting the brick wall was oddly soothing to the young turtle. He was tired and sleepy. He had rested his face mask on the small chair in his room, something he rarely did. His brow ridge was deeply furrowed and his eyes were beginning to ache and he knew they were just shy of being bloodshot. He couldn't sleep though. Every time he closed his eyes fires danced behind the lids, and he could hear the heart wrenching scream of Hamato Yoshi as he realized his beloved wife was dead.

His father had suffered an immeasurable amount of loss. Raphael briefly thought of losing all three of his brothers at once, but did not have the courage to imagine it to its conclusion. He couldn't really bear to think of the amount of solitude and complete loneliness and depression that would swallow him whole. However his father, his master had faced it and more.

Raphael had never given such deep thought to the many adversities his father had gone through in a relatively short amount of time. He lost his best friend, his wife, at the time he believed he'd lost his daughter. Only to come to America and instead of being able to deal with his grief and pain and loss in a normal way, he was cursed to mutate into a giant rodent. Something to be despised and hated by people. On top of that, he'd had a weird version of fatherhood foisted upon him in the form of four freakishly mutated reptiles.

Raphael threw the ball harder at the wall to relieve the pent up tension he now felt constricting his chest. He felt guilty, and he tried to tell himself it was unfounded but he didn't think that was entirely true. Splinter had found himself in the woeful position of having four mouths to feed outside of his own, and he had to do it in essentially squalor. They weren't just poor. They were confined to the shadows, confined to obscurity. Through all of that, through whatever pain and heartache Splinter had been dealing with, he shouldered that responsibility. Raphael felt guilty again.

He had always been rebellious. When he was smaller he thought that rebellion was a sign of his independence, and in a way he still believed that. Now however he was finding that hindsight was indeed 20/20 as Donnie had been known to admonish. He had not made Splinter's job easy by any means. In fact his rebellious nature had been driven in part just to see how much Splinter would take from him before giving up. He had been challenging his father's authority in various ways all throughout his childhood. At this moment it made him sorrowful. He had always teased Leo about being so obedient and such a damn goody two shoes. As he lay in his hammock, he thought perhaps Leo had given thought at least somewhat to their father's plight, and had decided that through being obedient he could alleviate some of the pressure from their dad.

Raph mentally kicked himself for not being as perceptive. He had always learned by doing and experience. He guessed maybe it just took him to 'experience' Splinter's story to really appreciate all the emotional nuances that he missed while just listening to it.

Raphael craned his neck to look at the alarm clock on the table beside his hammock. In bright red numbering it read 3:24 a.m. He stopped tossing the ball for a moment as a strange urge hit him. Slowly he crept up careful not to make noise. Before opening the door to his room he listened at it to hear what he could hear. After a few moments of complete silence, he decided that the household was asleep.

Raphael eased the door open very slowly so that the noisy hinges wouldn't creek. He stepped out into the darkness of the lair. He only had one thing in mind to do, and he knew he wouldn't be able to rest if he didn't. It was taking a big chance, but he had to. If master Splinter was awake, well then he'd have to play it off somehow.

Raphael tip toed to the dojo entrance, relieved to find no one in meditation. A single candle burned on the makeshift mantelpiece where the revered picture of Splinter's human family resided. It cast an eerie glow over the entire area. With all the quiet stealth that his training allowed, Raphael slid the shoji screen to the side and let himself in. He stood in the shadow of a corner, holding his breath and waiting on his father to say something. Perhaps to ask him why he was creepily watching him sleep, or why he wasn't in bed himself at this hour.

After he was sure that his father had to be sleep Raphael kneeled down on the floor and crawled towards the bedside. Splinter was sleeping on his back, hands folded neatly over his chest, the rise and fall of his quiet breathing undetectable in such low lighting. Raphael sat kneeling beside his dad and just watched before speaking ever so softly.

"I know I haven't been the best son, dad," he began, hating to discuss his feelings like this. It was easier though since sensei was sleeping. There were no witnesses to make fun of him later.

"I know I always do stuff to get on your nerves, and…stuff like that," Raph said, clasping his hands together and willing them not to fidget.

"I can't promise that I'll change overnight or nothin'. I'm still gonna be me, and Leo's still not the complete boss o' me, but I can promise to be better. I mean, I can be a better son to you dad. I'm gonna try to do like you ask me. I'll try to be a better me." He sat quietly afterwards, not knowing how to get out of it or end it now that he had spoken his piece.

He was gonna lean down and kiss his dad on the muzzle, but thought that would surely wake him. So he settled on making a fist and very gently bumping it to Splinter's hand. A smile brightened his features.

Raphael scooted out of there as quietly as he had come in. Finally he could close his eyes and rest. He had made a peace with his father even though his dad didn't know that. Raphael snuggled into his hammock to catch a few z's before training.

In his room behind the shoji screen Splinter's eyes glistened with tears. A peaceful smile was on his face. He'd heard every word, and even had to control himself from making his own fist to match his son's.

"You didn't need to say that my son, but I am happy that you did," he thought to himself. "You are already my favorite son named Raphael. You make me so proud, and I am better for having raised you." The few tears fell, wetting the small pillow behind him.