took a week and a day, but here it is. I'm trying to go for a weekly update sort of thing now. next chapter will either be about a day in the life of either Aiko, or Athena. after those two chapters it will be Chunnin exams time!

I don't own Naruto. And so I curse Kishimoto everyday for making Skura and Hinata so freaking weak. I mean seriously, he gives the sharingan and rinnegan god powers, but not the byakugan? that doujutsu came from kaguya too motherfucker!

Naruto! Your sister…likes girls.

"And so does Hinata."

Luke's offhand comment as he sipped his tea gave an oh-so lovely reaction from his booth-mate.

Naruto spit out the water he had in his mouth all over Luke as soon as the words were spoken. And who wouldn't? His sister liking girls was worthy of a shocked face.

But his first and best friend? The once-shy girl that would play with him and his adoptive family in the park? The girl that would train with him regardless of what her father said? That often times accompanied their little trio on their heists?

His best friend was a lesbian!?

The images assaulting his mind gave way to a really awkward boner.

Three words. Fuck yeah Yuri!

"Hinata-Chans a lesbian!?"

Thankfully Luke covered his mouth so that everyone in the chiller couldn't hear him. So it came out as a muffle.

"Damnit Naruto! Watch what you shout! You almost spilled her secret!" reprimanded Luke in a harsh tone.

Naruto had the decency to look sorry as he scratched the back of his head and give his father's patented sheepish smile (no really, it's copyrighted). "Yeah…good catch there. Wouldn't do to have the noble Hyuga heiress's reputation fucked up no?"

"Goodness gracious! Do not repeat master Luke's words master Naruto!" came the English accented voice from across the table.

"I've been speaking these words since I was four! Ain't nobody in this Arceus-damned world that is going to stop me!"

"Can it, the both of you! Lyra's about to start!"

And so she began, singing on stage with a guitar. If you're wondering why I didn't really include her in this scene well…tough shit, the focus is on Naruto and Luke.

As the songstress was singing…and dancing with tornado hair, Naruto bent down over to Luke's ear and began a whispered conversation with him.

"So…why did you tell me that my sister and Hinata liked girls?"

Luke simply looked at him with a blank stare. "You mean you don't know?"

Cue the confused look. "What do you mean I don't know?"

Luke shook his head. "It's been going on for the past four months…"

"What's been going on for months?"

Luke simply sighed. Tired of dancing around it, he spoke the plain truth that Naruto was too dense to see. "Your sister and best friend are dating Naruto."

Blink.

Blink.

Dots were connected.

Synapses were fired and snapped together.

Thought process blue screened.

Reboot initiated…

Reboot complete.

Reviewing information.

Information on the reason for necessary reboot found…

"Naruto? Hey Naruto you there?" he was waving his hand in front of his face.

Information processed.

"THE FUCK!?"

"HEY! YOU DON'T INTERUPT ME WHEN IM SINGING CANTATA MORTIS GOD IN FIRE!"

"MASTER NARUTO CALM DOWN!" in response Naruto chucked Gilford's glass at him.

"QUITE THROWING SHIT NARUTO!"

"I'M GOOD AT YELLING TOO!" came some random green haired guy in the café.

And then the café owner peeked his head out. "This parties getting crazy. Let's chill"

And like that he adopted the scariest motherfucking face you would ever see. So scary I can't even type down how nightmare inducing it is. But it's about as bad as Yamato's creep face.

After everyone saw the scary ass face that the café owner was giving them all, they all promptly calmed down and listened to Lyra play her guitar that could magically sound like a full orchestra.

Luke chalked it up to Lyra having a legendary in her that was music oriented.

After a while Luke caught Naruto mutter under his breath "I still can't believe it…"

Sighing, and then taking a sip of his tea, Luke turned away from watching Lyra, who had begun to sing ring a bell, and turned towards Naruto. "Look buddy, I know that it's a shocker and all, but be happy for them. They got someone that wants them for them and not their fame, prestige, or looks."

With a faraway Look, Naruto addressed Luke. "I know it's just…it's my sister and my best friend. I can't play the over-protective big brother on Hinata. And I can't exactly cheer my best friend on because it's my sister…and I'm still not over the revelation that both my sister and best friend are both lesbians AND dating. It's just…I feel out of my element."

Seeing that Naruto finished his speal, Luke turned back towards the show on stage. "Well I can't help you there. But what I can help you with is the creation of those water seal things you and Lyra are making."

Naruto chuckled as he too turned to watch Lyra just as Gilford went on stage to join her. "Well if you're willing to help… I'm going to need something from you."

His interest peeked, Luke quirked an eyebrow. "Oh? And what do you need from me?"

Naruto spoke in an even voice. "Draconic essence."

Luke paused. "That…is going to take a bit of meditation to obtain. How much?"

"That amount you used for that dragon pulse experiment? About one fourth of that."

Luke stroked his non-existent beard. "Hmmm…that shouldn't take long. But may I ask…why?"

Naruto simply sipped his water. "Well draconic essence would give it the density that it would require for what I have in mind."

Luke took a sip of his drink in turn of Naruto. "It sounds like your trying to make something from a clusterfuck of different energies."

He scratched the back of his head. "That's kinda what I am doing…I even got mom to help."

Luke's eyebrows rose. Both of them. "Really now…what can she do to help in their making?"

Naruto made hand gestures. "You know those chakra chains of hers I inherited? Well found out those can be used to restrain Biju chakra."

Understanding happened to Luke. "Ah, and because your using one tails worth of your regenerating two tails you got from Kurama, Kushina could help restrain them while Athena draws the seals onto them."

Naruto flashed him a fox grin. "And that's not all. Because of the draconic essence being pushed into it…"

"…it would make it possible for Athena to put the seals onto the water! That's why you said you needed the essence! Naruto you fucking genius!"

He stood up and made an attempt at an elegant bow. "Thank you, thank you. I will be staying here all night, waiting for all you plebeians to bow to your superior."

And then a can of Dr. Pepper hit Naruto's head. "SHUT THE HELL UP AND LISTEN TO THE PRETTY LADY ON STAGE FOOL!" came the shout of one, very irate villager.

Naruto was about to shout something, but found his mouth frozen shut. And then he was pushed down onto the booth by Luke. And then he was restrained by ice, had his neck frozen so that he could only face the stage, his arms were frozen to his sides, and his ass was literally glued by ice onto the booth.

"It's great and all that you came up with all that Naruto…but I want to listen to a very nice looking madam sing. So shut the fuck up and watch." He said with a condescending smirk.

And so they did. Luke enjoyed his time while Naruto…started to enjoy after about 37.26 minutes.

Such was the everyday life for two members of TEAM SEVEN.

Although if they had stayed an hour after they left they would have seen Asuma go on stage and create a literal air guitar and shred the mofo a new one.

And if they had stayed an hour after that they would have been able to witness Might Guy's legendary beet boxing skills as he went on stage with sunglasses and a boom box. The only one who can out beet him would be A the Raikage.

And let's not forget the next hour were the two of them combined their musical talents to make the greatest song in the world.

In the clearing known as training ground 12, a location that had a lake, majestic waterfall that was the source of the lake, and had a cave that the waterfall hid (there is always a cave being camouflaged by a waterfall people! always!) and surrounding that clearing was a forest of trees.

It was in this clearing that four people stood gathered around two floating balls of water that were the size of a soccer ball. Naruto, who was making the balls of water float, was also channeling one tails worth of the purified biju chakra he had. The color of the chakra tails that connected the balls of water to Naruto were blue instead of the usual red, thus making Kushina believe that he was just pumping really dense chakra into them.

Kushina herself was retraining the balls of water with her golden chakra chains. These chains were completely wrapped around the balls of water, trapping them and making it easier for Luke to do his thing.

Luke sat in between the two balls of water, with one hand on each of them as he sat in a meditative lotus position. Pumping the draconic essence that he was trying to generate into the two floating balls of water. As Athena put seals onto Naruto's skin.

When these seals faded into his skin, therefore making them permanent, Athena began to do her part in the making of Naruto's project. The mixture of biju chakra, draconic essence, and the restraining properties of Kushina's chakra chains was mixing into the water. The Biju chakra to give it power, the chakra chains to give it form, and the draconic essence to give it density, which was where she came in.

The draconic essence would rise to the surface as a dark purple substance as the biju chakra made up the core. The chakra chains are what kept all this in place. The essence that was on the surface of the water balls were what had completely fused with the water. And thus created enough density for Athena to actually write seals onto them.

For three hours straight, Athena would go back and forth between the two floating balls of water writing seals. For three hours Kushina would retrain two floating water balls. For three hours Naruto would be pumping his chakra to give it his persona imprint, Biju chakra to give it power, and mold both of them into two floating balls of water. And for three hours Luke would reach deep into his soul and pull out draconic essence and out it into two floating balls of water and mix it with both Naruto's chakra, and Naruto's self-replenishing biju chakra.

The moment Athena finished drawing the last necessary seals, the seals she drew on the palm of Naruto's hands appeared, and the two balls of water were sucked into them.

Looking at his hands, Naruto pushed some chakra into them to activate the seals that were imbedded into his skin. Causing the two balls of water to pop out.

Except they were different now. They glowed with a dark blue light. The core of the balls were an even darker shade of blue. The mantle was a color of dark blue/purple, representing the draconic essence. And throughout the surface there was a golden chain design that was constantly moving.

Looking at his audience that consisted of his teammates and his mother, he began to put on a show. Sending the balls a command with his mind, the two soccer ball sized spheres of awesome took off at surprising speeds and began to tear through the trees. Issuing another command, the two balls returned to him and took on the shape of swords and began to spin around him as he charged into the foliage, destroying all around him. He then had a brilliant idea.

Jumping up into the air, and then giving a mental command to the balls of water, he channeled chakra into his feet, so that when he landed he wouldn't fall.

Image the shock of all present watching as Naruto's feet connected with the two balls of water and destruction and didn't sink through. With a smirk, he began to fly through the air on his two orbs of water.

After about an hour of fun and carnage, Naruto had enough and landed near the fellows who helped him make his weapon of choice. All present were currently standing on the lake right in front of the cascading waterfall.

It was Kushina that broke out of the group stupor, being an Uzumaki she was used to crazy shit. Hell crazy shit was in their genes. "So…that just happened."

The other two could only agree. That shit just happened. They didn't really know what it was that they were making. Just that it was going to be something.

It was Naruto that asked the important question then. "So what should these awesome balls of water be called?"

Three different voices answered him in the order of Luke, Athena, and Kushina.

"Kyogre's Anthem?"

"The wrath of the ocean?"

"The balls of steel?"

Naruto adopted a thinking pose before answering with-

"The truth-seeking orbs."

"Fitting." Everyone turned to Luke.

"And how is that name fitting popsicle stick?"

Ignoring Kushina's nickname that she had been calling him since he was nine, Luke turned to her and explained why it was.

"Quite simply, the sage of the six paths had a similar technique by that very name. Although apparently his version could destroy mountains."

Kushina nodded at that, filling away a reminder to ask him how he knew that considering the legends about the sage told little of his abilities. She then waved bye to go home and take a nap.

Restraining something with the amount of energy those ball things had was tedious hard work. Seriously.

It was after she left that Kakashi appeared in the training ground to tell his squad that they were required to do a mission today. To which they promptly decided to arrive at the Hokage's office six hours late for shits and giggles.

Three hours of cards against humanity later, and everyone went their separate ways. Kakashi went to go buy another copy of icha icha because, for some reason, a blue blur that looked suspiciously like a certain female hyuga stole it before anyone could say anything.

It was hinata for all you idiots out there.

Athena went to go and run her Pokémon squad through a few drills. Possibly try to beat out lopunny's gambling addiction.

Naruto went to the ichuraku's.

And Luke…well I was planning to write this scene for a while.

Walking up the stairway to the Hokage's office, Luke expected many things.

He expected to get run over by a rabid member of his small fanclub.

He expected Aiko to pop out of the wall and demand another fight.

He expected Aiko's little sister to come outa nowhere and challenge him to a fight to reclaim his sisters lost honor.

He expected the little shits twin to pop out with his twin to do the same as above.

He expected to open the door and see Arceus chillaxin and drinking Minato's coffee. (A death wish for all who are not of sufficient badass rank.)

Hell, he expected Morgan freeman to be in the office chair so that he could explain the kingdom heart's plot. And gain another freckle from doing so.

What he did not expect was to open the door, see Kushina in a leather dominatrix outfit, straddling Minato, who had this look of absolute fear on his face, with all his paperwork sprawled on the floor, and Kushina having the most disturbing predatory grin possible.

Luke closed the door as quietly as possible and immediately filled away what he saw so that he could write it down and potentially barter it off to jiraiya.

Well he had to write it down so that he would have proof it happened. Because the minute he finished writing it down he was going to grab the brain bleach and chug it.

Well as least we now have conformation about who wear's the pants in that relationship.

Hanabi Hyuga was many things.

Stoic.

A prodigy.

Aware of the fact her sister was both a lesbian and a closet pervert.

An avid super sentei fan, although she tries to hide it…

The favorite daughter.

Eleven years old.

And secretly has a soft spot for cute shit.

So that was how Hanabi Hyuga, pretty much guarantied heir to the hyuga clan, and the most stoic child since itachi found herself rubbing the whisker marks of a sleeping Naruto.

This actually caused him to purr. Like a cat. No seriously. How is that anatomically possible? Well anyway, on with the scene.

She couldn't help herself. Those whisker marks just looked so adorable. And so, that was she now found herself completely drenched in water with Naruto looking really sheepish. Then again, no one knew about his sleep defense mechanism that was ingrained into his muscles after years of being woken up by pillow.

At first it started with him waking up and throwing a water ball at the nearest living object. Eventually he just started doing it subconsciously. So when the eleven year old was about to wake him up with her whisker rubbing, the mechanism activated. Trapping her in a bubble of water for about three seconds. But it was two seconds more than what was needed to completely soak her.

Levelling her best hyuga glare of 'you are absolutely beneath me', Hanabi began to stalk closer and closer to Naruto. Completely disregarding the fact that the whisker marked boy had trapped her in a bubble unconsciously, she was going to give him a stern talking to. No one disrespected her like that.

"Do you have any idea how much this kimono cost!?" she exclaimed in her childish anger.

"Chill kid. It's just some clothes. What's the big deal?"

"These clothes are what differ me from a commoner like you!"

Naruto groaned. "Great…" he muttered. "Your one of those types…"

Hanabi's eye twitched. "And what does that mean!?"

He levelled her with a look of indifference. "It means that you've lived a pampered life, had everything given to you as you were always showered with praise."

Hanabi crossed her arms as she continued to glare at the blonde boy. "So?"

"It means I'm calling you a spoiled brat kid."

How dare he? How dare this…plebian call her a spoiled child when she worked for that praise? When he soaked her favorite Kimono that her sister bought for her on her birthday? It's not her fault that she born above the commoners into a noble house. So how dare this pleb call her out?

"I am not spoiled! And because of what you did to me you need to buy me a new kimono!"

He turned around to his back was facing her. "Nope."

Hanabi was now shaking with rage. "What do you mean 'nope'? Do you know who I am!?"

He simply scoffed at her. "Not a damn clue. And I don't care to find out."

"I am Hanabi Hyuga! And I demand your respect!"

Naruto's response was to bonk her on the head.

"LIKE I GIVE A FUCK!"

He then turned around and walked away as Hanabi held her head in pain. It wasn't like the blows that she would get from sparing with other clan members. But it still really freaking hurt!

But Hanabi Hyuga is not one to give up. She is of noble blood, the prestigious Hyuga clan!

And what Hanabi wants, Hanabi gets…

…so she jumped from her position, and glomped Naruto. Hugging his torso and hanging on for dear life.

"The hell!? Get the hell off me brat!"

He was now trying to shove her off. But for some reason, despite all of his chakra and strength training, couldn't get her off of him for his life!

"No! I don't wanna!"

"Get off!"

"No!"

"OFF!"

"NO!"

"I'll buy you a new kimono if you'll let go?" he responded weakly.

"No! I don't want a new kimono!"

"Then what the hell do you want!?"

It now looked like Naruto had become a human carousal. And Hanabi was the kid hanging on like nothing else mattered.

"I want what I want!"

"That doesn't even make any sense!"

Hanabi was now using chakra to stick to him. And Naruto was still trying to shove her off when he could've just done a simple substitution.

"If you get off me I'll be you some candy!"

She then looked up at him with the most powerful weapon an adorable child possessed. A weapon that baby Manaphy had used many a time on Naruto.

The puppy dog eyes no jutsu.

"Weewy?"

A sigh escaped Naruto's lips as the eyes did their thing and broke through his defenses.

She would use my one weakness that any female can exploit…

"Yes really…"

And that was how Hanabi Hyuga walked through the Hyuga clan compound's gates wearing a brand new kimono, a bag of candy in hand, and a lollipop in her mouth.

And trailing behind her was her guardian Ko. Who walked through with a limp and holding an ice bag to his 'iwa pride'.

Long story short, Naruto took the kid shopping, the kids' bodyguard showed up with an oak tree shoved up his rectum, pushed some of Naruto's buttons, to which he responded with taking a page out of Luke's book. With a water whip.

At the end of the day, a man got nut whipped, Hanabi got a role model, Minato got laid, Naruto got a new technique/weapon, Asuma and Guy made music history, Hinata and Aiko hooked up, and Team SEVEN completely forgot about Naruto's birthday as well as the angry mob about to knock Naruto out.

"Wait, what the hell is that voice tal-" 'THWACK'

And like a kidney stone, Naruto passed out.

Waking up in a dark room full of idiots was not on Naruto's to-do list for the day.

How the hell did that guy even sneak up on me? Dude had to be at least Chunnin for that shit…

"Looks like the demon is finally awake…" droned one of the voices from the corner of the room.

In the dark room, the only thing that could be seen was Naruto, tied to a chair with the spotlight hanging down on him.

"So how should we make him pay before we kill him?" came another voice.

"BURN HIM!"

"DISMEMBER HIM!"

"LET ME GIVE HIM A HUG!"

There was silence after that last one. Until Naruto broke the silence.

"Well as long as it's got tits, a nice ass, and a bombshell of a body, then I'll take the hugs." He said nonchalantly.

He had already untied himself.

"Damn it kiria! Why do you want to hug everybody in the world!?"

"Because everybody needs a hug! Even demons!"

"DEMONS DON'T DESERVE HUGS!"

"Yes they do!"

"No they don't!

"Your being a fuddy-duddy!"

There was a sputtering noise from the darkness.

"I AM NOT A FUDDY-DUDDY!"

"Yes you are!"

"No I'm not!"

"Hey uh…"

"WHAT!?"

Naruto had the decency to look sorry. "I'll give you a hug if you wait outside."

There was a sound of a door opening and a cry of "YAY HUGS!"

There was silence after that, before Naruto stood up from his chair, causing a collective gasp to be heard throughout the room.

"He escaped!?"

"He got out of the ropes!?"

"WE'RE DONE FOR!"

Naruto could only sweatdrop.

They do realize that I wear a ninja headband for a reason right?

"Kill it before it can escape!"

With a sigh Naruto summoned his truth-seeking orbs, which formed two barriers that acted as a wedge between him and the mob, causing all of them to fall to the floor after they comically ran into the wall.

Immedianlty, both orbs became staffs, which Naruto grabbed in one hand before grabbing the leader (he though) of the mob and throwing him at the wall, followed by one of the staffs, which pinned him to the wall.

Seeing one of the mob people get up, Naruto did a sweep kick, knocking the mobster to the floor, whereupon he was nailed in the head by Naruto's staff, knocking the fellow out.

One of the mob people came at his back with a knife that would have impaled him had he not substituted with another of the mob people, who was stabbed in the shoulder and went into shock.

He only had a look of shock before he got KARATE CHOP ACTIONED in the neck.

As the newly unconscious body was falling to the floor, Naruto turned around to deliver a jaw-breaking backhand to the guy that had tried to sneak up on him with a sword. He too fell to the ground.

After witnessing the shocking scene of having their fellow mob people knocked out with practical ease, the rest of the civilian mob people ran out screaming bloody murder, before being ruthlessly mauled by the undercover Kiara who was outside.

Walking out while dragging the mob Leader, Naruto was immediately enveloped in a hug by Hinata, who was doing an undercover C-rank.

As she squeezed Naruto she shouted "HERE'S YOUR BIRTHDAY HUG!" into his ear, which caused him to stumble out of the hug and fall onto the ground.

"GAH!"

Hinata simply giggled. She had come far from being the stuttering, timid, and inferiority-complex young girl she once was.

You can blame Anko for that. She became her caretaker instead of Kurenei in this story. So deal with it.

Before Naruto could even get up and say anything, she grabbed the unconscious mob leader and said "I'mdatingyoursisterbye!" before disappearing in a Sunshin.

With a sigh, Naruto began to walk away from both the warehouse and moaning pile of unconscious bodies and into the forest towards the village. After a while of walking, Naruto came upon the hokage monument. And waiting for him, on the head of the sandaime, was Luke, Athena, the old man himself, Baby Manaphy in his lap, Kakashi, his Vulpix, and the rest of the Pokémon.

Smiling, Naruto went to sit in between Luke and Athena. It was Luke that handed him a bowl of the ichuraku's golden Ramen special, the dish that got them on the ramen tour brochure. it should be noted that you had to shell out an entire bank account to even buy one of the ramen tour dishes.

So this was a birthday gift that everyone pinched in for their ramen loving brother. It was after his face took a bite that it became one of ecstasy. This was the que for everyone present to shout three words.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY NARUTO!"

And then the fireworks of the kyubi festival began to go off.

And this was how Naruto spent his fifteenth birthday. On top of the sandaime's head, with his family and sensei, watching the fireworks of a festival that happened on his birthday.

Extra: whatever happened to the guy who knocked Naruto out?

Mizuki as having a great day. He had left the demon Naruto to hopefully die at the hands of a bunch of idiotic villagers, stolen the forbidden scroll of secrets, and get laid before doing all that crap.

Orochimaru was going to be so proud of him! When he appeared before him he was going to be made the right hand of his master for bringing him this stupid village's most important collection of jutsu and techniques!

And then motherfucking Iruka got in his way.

"Hey Mizuki! Buddy, how ya doing?"

He immediately stopped from jumping to another branch as he saw Iruka casually leaning against the tree whose branch he was on.

"Uhhhh….im doing fine? I think…"

In all honesty he didn't really know what to do. He kinda expected Iruka to question him on why he was leaving the village. And then he would tell him while gloating evilly, just like it said to do in the villain handbook.

"So I see that you're backstabbing the village…"

"Uhh…"

"You do know the protocol for traitors right?"

Mizuki scratched his head. "Uh…I think its…imprisonment?"

Iruka then blurred, before planting a skeleton breaking kick into Mizuki's pelvis. You would think that the guy would go flying right? Tree walking exercise combined with a kick, and you get 'Iruka style: whiplash kick'.

Mizuki did not go flying. He jerked back, but his pelvis remained stuck to Iruka's outstretched foot. And then Iruka twisted it, tearing the skin into a spiral.

Mizuki did the only thing he could do, he screamed. Or tried to. Iruka had his hand over his mouth before the poor guy could even get a breath in to start the scream.

Iruka the leaned in closer to Mizuki's face, which had gone deathly pale with fear.

"We silence traitors Mizuki."

And then the traitors throat was slit with ninja wire that was connected to Iruka's other hand, the one not preventing Mizuki from screaming.

And then the dead body dropped to the floor. Iruka only sighed before he sealed up the body into a scroll, and grabbed the scroll of secrets before he began the journey back to the Hokage's tower.

Mizuki really ruined his night, he was about to get laid with Anko…again!

and so another closing on a chapter. I listened to vintage misery while typing this and I t gave me ideas. what do you guys say to a Naruto fic, where Naruto is a dragonslayer. but not just any dragonslayer, but the dragonslayer to the fell dragon Grima? the dragon god of ruin and despair?

what do you people say to that?

well either that fic idea or one were naruto is trained in hand to hand combat by captain falcon. anyways, tata!

CUE THE AIRHORNS!

BABABABWAAAAAAAAAA!