Chapter Theme: Unwell, MatchBox 21 (1)

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Quote of the Day: "FUCK YOU KROZE!' -Omega, YOGTAS IRC Mod.

When I was a kid, I used to play those pretend games, like the ones kids always play. You know the kind. Superheroes like Batman and the like. Yeah.

Well, I was always Batman. Joey was Robin.

Who's Joey? Don't start asking questions, I only just started. Things will make sense when I get to them. Now shut up.

Anyway, Joey was always Robin and I was Batman. Cunning and slick, and just plain awesome, that was it. I would save the day every time and beat the bad guy. I'd always felt like I was meant to save the world, like I said, so these kinds of games made me feel cool.

If I was a boy it'd have been even cooler. But anyway.

Eventually we grew up. Now, Joey is my best friend, he always has been since before we could even walk. His family lived next door to my family and we did almost everything together. But as we got older, I realized he liked me. Now, feeling that I was supposed to be a guy, this made for some awkward moments.

Especially during that kiss he stole on the baseball field when I hit a homerun for our team that summer.

Now, in a perfect, non fucked up universe, that kiss would never have happened and I wouldn't be saving the damn world.

Or at least I'd have some super cool guy helping me do it, maybe he'd have some magic or something to make it easier. And I'd be a guy.

Sadly, someone up there is laughing their ass off at the fact that it's not that perfect, non fucked up universe I'm living in, but a cracked universe.

But Joey isn't my only friend. He's also not the only boy to like me. There's also Bakura and his younger brother Ryou. They're classmates of mine, have been since fifth grade. Ryou's a good friend of mine, but his older brother Bakura, he's creepy as all hell.

He's also in love with me.

My life is so screwed up it's anyone's guess how I'm still sane.

...At least, I think I am.

Bakura is your one hundred percent psychotic creep, complete with the dagger collection. He's an okay guy when he's not trying to kill you, or, y'know, scare you to death, but he's also a total ass.

Now, imagine that total ass in love with you. Yeah. He's even worse when he's around me. Ryou says it's because Bakura doesn't know how to handle "nice" feelings because he's such an asshole that they're foreign to him.

I think he just likes being an asshole and if it gives him a chance to be a bigger one then he's on it like a rabid dog on a bleeding rabbit.

...Fuck, that's a morbid thought.

Now, those are only a few of my friends, I'm popular and I don't know why, but they're the ones who actually have a major role in this story. (And the story of my sanity, actually.)

There's also Grandpa. Well, I call him Grandpa because he likes that and my parents say he's my Grandpa, but I don't think so.

He's fucking crazy. I think he was dropped a few times as a child. Lots of crap-talk about this being the wrong universe and something happening in the proper one that screwed up timelines and magic.

I stopped believing that when I was like five. And I stopped with the "I'm supposed to have a vaguely able to use magic partner in a magic piece of jewelry help me save the world from evil with children's card games" thoughts about the same time I began this little adventure.

What the fuck was wrong with me all those years, seriously?

Well, now that you have some slightly-more-useful-than-roadkill-but-not-actually-important background information on me, I really should start explaining how I ended up here, in this mess, and then maybe you can explain to me where the fuck "here" actually is and who the hell you are.

(1) -The Chapter Theme isn't an actual theme. It's just whatever song I happened to be listening to while writing the chapter