Chapter Twelve: Dying Inside

It was three days before Ven regained consciousness, and by that point Liah was so worried he would never wake up that Aidin had to actually use a spell to put her to sleep, just so that she would stop working herself into a panic. This was how, yet again, Aidin found himself watching over two sleeping Chasers, as Twilight lay curled on the couch like a cat, and Light slept in the next room. He was reading his book silently, trying to focus on anything but the world around him, when the bedroom door opened and Ven poked his head out sleepily.

"Aidin…?" he asked sluggishly. "What happened?"

Aidin patiently got up, forced Ven to sit, made him eat some toast, and explained all of the events that had taken place since the end of the battle. Ven listened intently, cramming toast into his mouth to make up for not eating for three days. When Aidin was done, he mumbled, "I… I was dying, wasn't I?" Not waiting for an answer, he looked up, his eyes wide and fearful, something that Aidin had never seen in the confident boy. "Aidin, are you afraid to die?"

"Ven, why are you asking this? You're fine. Just a little weak. You were very strained from what happened…"

"No!" Ven cried. He looked down at his feet. "Take the Light, save the world, be a knight and a hero… It was like a dream, or a fairytale. It didn't seem real." he whispered. "I never thought that what I was doing was dangerous. I never thought I could get killed. Even during the War, cowering like a scared child, watching everyone else dying around me, it still didn't seem like it could happen to me. Only then, when he had me… the darkling man… I was afraid, Aidin. I fear death, now."

"Ven…" Aidin said gently. "Please…"

"You didn't answer me, Aidin. Are you afraid to die?"

Aidin watched the Chaser of Light for a moment, mulling over his answer. "No." he said finally. Ven looked up at him sharply, and he smiled sadly. "I cannot fear death, Ven. Because every day I'm dying a little inside. Xehanort and what has happened to him, I feel as though it is my fault. You and Liah, I try to protect you and you get hurt anyway. If I cannot save my family, what am I good for? It's like a sickness, and it's eating me alive, Ven, do you see?" He looked away. "It's killing me slowly, everything going wrong. It's making me doubt. You know we are all orphans. You and Liah are the only things I have left in this world. If you two weren't there…" He trailed off, and Ven could hear what he didn't say: I would have nothing left to live for.

He was shaking, he noticed then. The Chaser of Light wrapped his arms around himself, glancing at Liah. Aidin's gaze was soft as he watched him. "Ven? Are you all right?"

"Yeah…" Ven said slowly, without much conviction. Aidin saw through the falsehood, but decided it would be best not to discuss it any more.

"I'm going to get some cookies from the kitchen. Stay here in case Liah wakes up, all right?"

Ven nodded, and Aidin left, through reluctantly. Ven curled up on the couch, wrapping himself in the blanket that Aidin had left behind. He had been confident, assured, always ready for the fight… But that was before the battle, before he nearly died at the hands of the dark, aided by someone he'd once called friend. Had Xehanort really wanted them to die? Did Xehanort hate them so much he could live with murder? Ven didn't know. But he understood one thing clearly. It would take a long time to heal from this. Not the wounds. Those would be gone in a blink, compared to the wounds to their hearts and souls. Ven sighed, letting his eyes linger on his 'sister's' sleeping face. Whispering to her, and to no one else, "I don't want to die…"

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Do you see what's happened here? Even if they couldn't win, they broke the Chasers' spirits. Sorry for the massive angst. I read the saddest KH fanfiction ever. It dealt with suicide and death, and the ANGST just seemed to come normally after that.

I hope you all realize, at least somewhat, what is going to come. I know that they were probably OOC this chapter, as OOC as characters can be when I gave them their personalities in the first place, but they've just been destroyed body and soul by this. One more chapter, an interlude, and then into the games we go. See you all there.

Li