When I wake for the second time things are better. I can open my eyes for one thing.
"So you are finally awake. You have slept the day away Legolas!" a voice says next to me and I swing my head to face it.
It is Gimli and I am confused, wasn't Glorfindel here?
"Where is Glorfindel?" I ask.
"I sent him to eat. You have no idea how boring it is to sit here watching you sleep."
I smile, Gimli can always make me smile.
"How do you feel lad?" He asks me gently and I pause to consider my answer. I think I feel well, the tiredness has gone and the sea is barely discernible. That reminds me of Elladan. What has he done? Is my assumption of earlier correct that he has taken the sea? I decide I must see him, I must see him now. I will take the sea back for I cannot let him do that, it is too much. It is my burden to bear and mine alone.
"Where is Elladan?" I ask suddenly and Gimli frowns for I have not answered his question.
"I assume he is eating also Legolas, It is dinner time."
I sit up and swing my legs over the side of the bed.
"What are you doing?!" Gimli asks in alarm.
"I am hungry. I think I will go and eat."
"Don't be ridiculous," I know I am annoying him, "I will bring you something."
But I ignore him.
"I am perfectly able to get something myself." I say.
I find when I stand I am perhaps not as recovered as I thought I was. The room sways around me. But I steady myself, I am determined.
"Legolas, sit down and do as you are told!" Gimli snaps at me but I grace him with a smile and carry on. He ends up grumbling loudly as he hurries down the corridor behind me.
The instant I enter the room I wish I had listened to his advice and stayed where I was. All eyes are on me and the room crackles with tension. I hesitate uncertainly in the doorway not knowing what to do next.
Glorfindel breaks the silence smiling widely,
"Legolas! Good to see you awake. How are you?"
"This is not my idea, I'll have you know." Gimli speaks before I can say anything. "He will not listen to commonsense."
I sweep my eyes across the others, Elrohir is angry, I can tell. He ignores me, does not spare even a glance in my direction.
"Sit Legolas," Glorfindel draws back the chair beside him. and gratefully I lower myself into it. I turn my gaze to Elladan and he gives me a smile but he looks pale I think and overly burdened.
"Are you well?" I ask him,
"Can you not tell that through your ...bond?" Elrohir's words are laden with poison and I am taken by surprise.
"Stop it Elrohir." Elladan frowns at him, and Aragorn sighs in the background.
"What do you mean?" I say. I have obviously missed something here and I am suddenly unaccountably nervous, why didn't I listen to Gimli?
"I was wondering what other secrets the two of you have been keeping." He snarls and a shard of fear runs through me. Does he know?
"That's enough Elrohir. You are being ridiculous. I have explained this to you." Elladan is only barely keeping his temper in check but Elrohir leaps to his feet the chair scraping on the stone floor as he pushes it roughly back.
"I think I will seek some more pleasant company." His voice is ice and he turns on his heels and leaves. I am both humiliated and fearful. Is this it then? The beginning of the end of us. Please let it not be so...not yet!
"I should go after him." I stammer and stumble awkwardly to my feet but Aragorn reaches across the table and grabs hold of my sleeve.
"Don't Legolas, leave him. Now is not the time, let him calm down."
"I cannot leave this!" I say shrugging him off. He may be right but I can not just do nothing.
Elladan catches me before I have gone more than a handful of paces down the corridor.
"Don't Legolas. Aragorn is right, now is not the time. He is angry with me, you will just get caught in the crossfire."
"He is upset, I need to speak with him." I say, "I cannot walk away."
"He is unpredictable. He will calm down eventually."
"Do you think I can not handle Elrohir's moods?" I ask. "For I tell you I can."
"Of course I know that." He rubs a hand through his hair in frustration, "but I think you are ...vulnerable at the moment. I think this will not go well for you."
What he says may make sense but I am not my father's son for nothing. I do not turn away at the first difficulty. I have never done that. I turn to leave but remember at the last moment what I wanted to ask him.
"What have you done to the sea? Have you taken it?" The truth is writ clear on his face and I am horrified.
"You should not have Elladan. I never expected that!"
"Do not worry," he says, "At first it was difficult but already it eases. It is not a problem to me."
"No. I cannot let you do this." I shake my head, "I will talk to Elrohir and then I will find you. I will take the sea back!" And I am determined I will. There is one more thing I ask him before I go because fear burns a hole through my soul.
"Does he know?"
Elladan is startled, he knows what I mean and we never speak of it.
"No! No Legolas. It is my sea longing that has upset him, that is all."
The door to Elrohir's room is unlocked and I let myself in. There is no point in knocking, he will only tell me to go away and I have no intention of doing that. I am stunned into silence when I see the state of his room. He has destroyed it. I can only imagine how much he must be hurting.
"What?" He is not pleased to see me, he spits the word out as if speaking to me is a distasteful thing.
"What was that about?" I ask.
He ignores my question, he is following his own path.
"Why are you here? I thought you would prefer to be with Elladan now the two of you are so close."
And I realise with a flash that he is jealous. It is strange because Elrohir so seldom is.
"Elrohir, it is not like that."
"How is it then? Please explain this bond that is so close you cannot function for an entire day when it is disrupted."
"It is not... It is nothing..." I struggle to work out what it is I should be saying.
"Nothing? Really? Being apart from me has never caused you this much distress."
I am floored by that for how do I begin to describe to him the pain being away from him causes me, the desperation with which I clung to the promise of him on my way to Imladris?
I try, but I fail.
"You have no idea Elrohir how I suffer when you are not with me."
"I am sure I do for I am sure you suffer not at all!"
He is beyond reasoning with and his words hit me like a they are the sharpest of blades. Elladan is right, I am far too vulnerable for this.
"Be gone Legolas, for I do not need you. I do not want you."
It is the worst thing he could possibly say to me. How many times have I imagined him saying those words. I am crushed, it as if he has picked me up and shattered me into little pieces. I cannot breathe.
"Elrohir!" I gasp his name.
"Just go, go to someone who does want you." He turns his back on me and I am left standing there. I can not do this any longer, it hurts too much. Everything hurts. At that moment I can think of nothing I have that is worthwhile.
I leave as he has asked me to but I do not go to find Elladan as I said I would. I go to my room, lock the door and think. No one comes to look for me, why would they?
When night falls I cannot sleep for I have slept away all the day and I am wide awake, instead I write. I write to Elrohir and everything I cannot say to him out loud I put to paper. I pour my soul into that letter and all my pain.
I tell him of my father, how much I miss him, how empty I feel without his presence, how I long to join him. I tell him of the nightmares that plague me, how lonely I am without him to stand between me and my fears, how much I need him and how lost am I when he is far away.
I speak of Aragorn and my confusion, my bewilderment at what I should do to mend things with him, of how much the loss of his friendship hurts every time I see him. And last I speak of the sealonging, the constant stress that it places me under, my weakness, the way I can no longer resist it's persistent call. I tell him it all, all except the last, my betrayal with Elladan. That I keep to myself.
I write to Aragorn and Gimli also. The thought of safe, solid dependable Gimli brings me to tears but even he is not enough to ease my hurts and I have reached my end. I can endure no longer. When dawn begins to light the sky I leave, before I can change my mind and second guess myself. I pack my belongings such that they are. It is sad to leave this place and think I will never return here again but I am resolute.
Elrohir does not want me and he was my last hope, the last thing I had to cling to. If I was more myself I would have realised they were simply words he threw at me in anger. That today he will doubtless not feel the same, if he ever did truly feel that. Elrohir can often say things he does not mean. Normally I know this but today I am too worn out, beaten down by what feels a heap of endless burden. I cannot see the truth of it. I cannot see it at all.
I make my way to the stables where I find my horse waiting for me patiently. No one sees me go and I wonder how long it will be until they miss me? Will they miss me at all? Of course Gimli will I think but then I turn my thoughts from him on purpose. Thinking of Gimli is the one thing that will weaken my resolve and I do not want it weakened.
And so I continue underneath the pale sky, alone,
I leave the valley forever.