Elladan

For the second morning in a row Glorfindel and I are disturbed by a desperate knocking on the door. It is not Legolas however, it is Elrohir and he is frantic.

He gives me no explanation but shoves a piece of paper into my hands.

"Read this," he says, and I glance down. It is a letter written in Legolas' neat hand and addressed to him. I try to give it back to him, I have no desire to be reading their personal correspondence.

"I cannot read this Elrohir, it is private." As twins our boundaries have often not been the best but I know I would overstep them here.

"You must!" He is insistent, "I need you to tell me what to do. Please Elladan!"

I glance back at Glorfindel, what does he think I should do? He nods at me seriously so I acquiesce.

The letter is a litany of pain, reading it twists my heart with despair. Some things I had known, the depth of the sealonging, Legolas' pain at the loss of Thranduil, I remember him as he was when he arrived in Minas Tirith after that, stripped bare, his soul bleeding. Others however are a revelation. I had no idea he was still plagued by nightmares of the attack, I did not know the level of his desperate dependence on my brother. How can Elrohir ever live up to that? And his friendship with Estel? Foolishly I had believed things were improved there. Estel had told me they were, that they spoke more often, not the same but getting there. It is obvious that to Legolas they were not.

I wonder why he has written this, what has triggered it and I wonder why Elrohir is standing here in front of me instead of with Legolas. I look up at him.

"I knew none of this!" he says and I frown,

"Have you not talked to him about Thranduil Elrohir?"

"I have, of course I have, long and often. He tells me he is adjusting, that he knows it is just a temporary separation. He did not tell me this! I knew about the nightmares of course but I did not know how much he needed me. He has never said...and Estel, I thought things were better. Estel says they are. Do you not think I have been in communication with him as well as Legolas about that."

"Why are you here? Why are you not with him?"

Elrohir's face is agonised,

"He is gone."

"Gone?!" A chill passes through me.

"Last night..." Elrohir struggles to speak, " I was angry, I told him I didn't want him, didn't need him. I didn't mean it! I went this morning to apologise and found this and these letters also to Estel and Gimli. His room is bare, his horse is missing."

"Oh Elrohir, tell me you did not say those things."

"I didn't mean them!"

"I have spoken with you before about losing control," I say quietly but I will not lecture him, not when he has probably lost that which is most precious to him. He is in tears.

"What do I do?"

"You go after him." It is Glorfindel who finally speaks and he is not to be argued with.

"But where do I go? which direction has he gone?"

"You know where he has gone Elrohir." Glorfindel is stern and unforgiving.

"To The Havens?" It is but a whisper as if my brother does not want to say the words we know are true.

I grasp his arm.

"Tell Gimli, Elrohir, The two of you ready our horses. I will speak with Estel," I take the letter with Estel's name from his hand.

"But you know how well he rides. We will never catch him." He speaks as if he is already defeated.

"Even if he makes it all the way to The Havens he will not get on a boat immediately. We will intercept him there."

"And I will convince him to stay." Elrohir says but I no longer believe Legolas should stay. I have borne his sea and it is a heavy burden. It is true what I told him last night, it eases and grows quieter every hour but at first it was a tumultuous weight of pain. The thought of insisting Legolas remain and bear that makes me ill. I do not know how he has done it.

"Elladan." Glorfindel speaks to me as I leave. "I will meet you at the stables." And I realise he thinks he will come with us.

"Glorfindel, I hadn't anticipated you would come." I don't wish to hurt his feelings but I am sure the less people chasing after Legolas the more chance we have of talking to him. Too many of us and he will run like a frightened rabbit.

"I think you will need me." Glorfindel is deadly serious.

I hesitate, how do I say this? He worries about how I will cope with my brother if Legolas leaves for it will surely be a nightmare.

"I can cope with Elrohir, I promise you. I know it will not be pretty, I was with him when our mother left. Aragorn will be there to help."

"And what state do you think Aragorn will be in?"

Not a good one I think but still I am somewhat irritated by his lack of faith.

"Trust me Glorfindel," I say with a frown, "I am not a child, I can handle my brother. I do not need your help, the less of us the better if we wish to encourage Legolas to allow us to speak with him."

I can tell Glorfindel does not believe me, he is reluctant but in the end he lets me go.

My younger brother is still asleep when I reach his room and a large part of me wishes I did not have to wake him with this news. It will hurt him so deeply, I wish I could just walk away and spare him this but I know I cannot.

"Estel, there is a problem." I say gently as he gets his bearings.

"This early in the morning?" He complains, "It can only be to do with Legolas then."

I hand him the letter, I find I lack the words to tell him what has happened.

"He has left you this."

He looks at me in confusion and stares at the letter in his hand.

"A letter?"

I stand and watch him read it. I do not know what is written there, he does not show me and I do not ask. It is between the two of them however I can imagine. He lifts his head when he reaches the end and his hands are shaking, his eyes fill with tears, his face pale.

"This is a farewell." He whispers. I pace my hands over his unsteady ones.

"I know."

"I had no idea...I did not know he was in such pain, that I caused him to hurt so...I thought we were repairing things between us."

"I know, Estel. He has been hiding much. We will follow him, Elrohir prepares the horses as we speak."

"We will not catch him." He is defeated already. "Not if he does not wish it."

I smile sadly in response,

"Let us just hope he wishes it then." For what else can we do?

When we reach the stables I am irritated to see Glorfindel standing there. I told him I could do this on my own. Does he really have so little faith in me?

"Elladan," he puts a hand on my shoulder, "I implore you to rethink. Allow me to accompany you. I think you will have need of me."

"Do you really think me so useless I can do nothing without you?" I hiss, the strain of the morning and my brothers' grief makes my words harsh and angry.

"I know Elrohir better then you ever could. This is for us to deal with. I AM capable of functioning without you." I am unsure as to why this is annoying me so badly, it is the fact he believes I am unable to cope without him, it insults me.

"It is not that at all, of course I believe you eminently capable." He denies my accusations but I will not listen.

"Leave it Glorfindel." I snap,

"I worry-" he tries again but I will have none of it. I will prove to him I can stand on my own two feet.

"Then do not worry. I will be fine. I will bring Elrohir back and then you can expend all your worry on him." I turn my back and leave him. His face as we depart is grim and I am struck by a pang of guilt. He is only trying to help but I do not always need him, I can do this on my own and it is better this way. Still I will not leave with out acknowledging him and I raise my hand in farewell and give him a smile. He waves as well but does not smile back. Instead he looks burdened with concern as we depart.

We ride for hours and it is probably futile for Legolas can out ride all of us and Aragorn's horse carries two riders. It is strange to see the dwarf seated behind him when he is usually with Legolas. I feel a twinge of sadness every time I look at them.

Elrohir eventually is frustrated with our progress and takes off on his own. I watch him go, his dark hair streaming behind him in the breeze. I fear for him, I am truly frightened about what this will do to him, he did not cope well with our mothers departure. This will be even worse and he will blame himself. How I wish he had held his tongue, had not inflicted those bitter words upon Legolas.

I berate myself too. I should have tried harder to keep them apart last night. I knew of his anger and I knew Legolas would be unable to manage it. I should have kept them apart at any cost. I should not have let Legolas walk away from me. Then when he did not come to see me later as he had promised I should have searched him out not left him alone in the hopes they had made some kind of peace. The sea surges in my ears, it reminds me of my failures, how useless I am. I wonder again how Legolas survives with this. It is so constant and so draining. So hard to ignore.

It is a complete surprise to all of us when we turn a corner and see Legolas and Elrohir in the middle of the road ahead of us.

Legolas has obviously wished to be caught.

They have dismounted and stand opposite each other. Legolas holds his hands in front of him as if he is defending himself from Elrohir's pleas, he does not want to hear them. And oh how my brother is pleading.

He speaks of his regret, how he did not mean his bitter words, how much he loves Legolas, how much he needs him. He begs him to reconsider, to talk, to wait just a bit longer before he makes up his mind. Legolas is having none of it. He is determined his mouth set in a hard line. He is resolute. He does not bend.

We hold back and give them space. I think Estel and Gimli cannot hear what they say but I can, I should not listen but I do.

Elrohir grows desperate as his pleas seemingly fall on deaf ears, he mentions Estel and Gimli's names, it is a low blow and Legolas' eyes flick to where we stand. I see him wavering, doubt creeping round his eyes but in the end he shakes his head.

"It is too hard, Elrohir." He says, "It hurts, all of it, I cannot do this any more. I am so unhappy."

I watch as Elrohir walks up to him and takes his hands from where they are as clenched fists at his side drawing them to him.

"I know," he says, "I know,"

He reaches up and cups his face gently. It is a gesture filled with love. Oh my brother, my poor brother, how will you survive this?

And then he speaks.

"I will come with you."

And my heart stops.