I cannot hear what Elrohir and Legolas say after his confession but I see him fall.
He drops to his knees and then forwards into Elrohir's arms and I am off my horse and running, Estel beside me. I arrive before Estel of course. I will always beat him in a foot race.
Elrohir holds Legolas' unconscious form and he snarls when he sees me. He is fury personified.
"How many times?" His words are shards of ice that pierce my heart.
"Once...once only" I gasp, "But Elrohir I-"
He turns his back on me, shelters Legolas from me with his body as if I were an enemy waiting to attack, no better than an Orc.
Estel arrives then and prevents things deteriorating further.
"What happened?" He asks as he takes Legolas gently from Elrohir's arms and Elrohir surrenders him without argument.
"I am not sure, A faint perhaps?" Legolas is already stirring, already struggling back to awareness.
"And what caused that?" The look Estel gives Elrohir is a stern one.
"I told him I would not abandon him."
"And why would the fool think you would do that?" Estel says affectionately, and I realise he hasn't heard anything they have said. He has no idea what this is about.
He does not receive an answer because we are all diverted when Legolas opens his eyes. He focuses on Estel and when he sees who it is he panics.
"Has he gone?" he cries, as he gasps short rapid breaths and struggles to sit.
"Peace Legolas," Estel murmurs holding him back, "Slow your breathing. Slow. We are all here." But it is not until Legolas sees Elrohir, until Elrohir places his arm around him that he calms.
"I am here." Elrohir says, "Of course I am here." And slowly, slowly Legolas regains his equilibrium.
I stand and walk away. I am not needed or wanted here, at least not by my brother and Legolas is in no danger. I think on Elrohir's words as I leave, 'I said that I will not abandon him.' Legolas has failed to drive him away. He still intends to sail. I will still lose him if I have not already.
I walk back to the horses, pretend I am needed to keep them under control when in truth they will stay exactly where we leave them, I leave Estel to deal with the chaos and it is not long until he joins me.
"I am missing something with those two," he says. "This does not make sense. I am not sure what has caused this panic within Legolas. He is behaving very oddly."
"He has not been well, that much is obvious." I say, if Elrohir has not enlightened our brother then I am not about to either. "The sea longing, his father, the after effects of the attack. It has all combined to cause this. It is grief I think."
"You think it is as simple as that?" Estel is disbelieving,
"He has had a lot to deal with." I say and I avert my eyes before he can see the lies within them. "We are not designed to cope well with such things, you know this."
He sighs and gives up on questioning me.
"It is getting late. I have told them we will search for a campsite, review things in the morning."
"You think that you can hold Legolas here? That he will not flee?"
"He is strangely docile," Estel says, "I think he will do as he is told, for the night at least. I won't push my luck any longer than that."
I am filled with sudden bitterness,
"You do not think we should just put the two of them on a horse to the Havens and be done with it."
"How can you say that?" He is horrified with me.
"Because they will leave Estel! Elrohir will leave and perhaps I just want to get that over with since I cannot stop it!"
I turn on my heels and walk away. I am angry at myself and heartsick. I want to be on my own.
I walk until I am well away from them, off the path and into the woods. It is only there when I am sure I am alone that I give in to the surging grief I am awash with. I sit and I weep.
My brother will be gone and the thought of that is like a physical pain in my side, as if someone has cut me. I cannot imagine being without him. And worse than that is his anger which will simmer and fester while we are apart. When I finally meet him again will there be any relationship left to salvage?
I have no idea what to do.
I am interrupted from my weeping by a strong hand falling on my shoulder. A silent presence behind me. He drops down to sit by my side.
"Oh Elladan." He says my name softly as he puts his arm around my shoulders. I think I have never been more pleased to see anyone in my life, at first I don't even question where he has come from.
"He is going to leave." I sob, "Elrohir is going to leave me."
He says nothing but simply holds me and in the end I regain control, it is a struggle.
"You knew." I say.
"I thought it might be a possibility," Glorfindel answers, " I was concerned he might. It seems a very Elrohir thing to do, He thinks with his heart."
He is right. My brother is impetuous and passionate. He will say and do things in the heat of the moment and only later consider if it was his best option. I love him for it. Elrohir feels so deeply.
"Why are you here?" I suddenly realise Glorfindel should be miles away in Imladris.
He laughs,
"Erestor tore strips off me when he realised I had let you go without me. He despairs of me I think. I followed you simply to avoid his lecturing." He even manages to make me smile.
"Aragorn told me where I could find you."
I sigh,
"It is worse than you think. Legolas has told Elrohir about us. He will sail and we will be estranged when he does so. He is so angry and I do not have the time to fix this."
"Perhaps he will not go."
"You have not seen him, he will go." I am bitter, Glorfindel cannot mend this for me but I am so glad he is there.
He touches my arm almost hesitantly,
"Perhaps, Elladan...perhaps you should think about going also?"
"No!"
I will not listen to this, Not for a second will I consider it an option.
"The sea calls you," he says, "and without Elrohir..."
"I cannot leave my sister. I will not. I do not care what the sea says to me!" That very sea at this moment roars loud and strong in my ears, the more upset I get the more determinedly it implores me to go.
It is more than that which holds me back however for if I went I do not think that he would follow me. I have never asked and although we have discussed my sealonging at length he has never volunteered to go. Now I am afraid to ask, afraid he will say no.
He looks at me through narrowed eyes,
"Are you sure you are fully recovered, from the broken bond with Legolas?"
I wonder why he asks, I wonder what he sees that causes him concern.
"Yes, yes, I have told you." I do not know why I don't tell him of the worsening of the sealonging. I tell myself it is because already it improves and so perhaps he need never know. It is odd though to keep it secret. Glorfindel and I do not have secrets. To my relief we are interrupted before he can quiz me further. To my dismay it is Elrohir who interrupts us.
"The dwarf has prepared us something to eat." He says and he speaks to Glorfindel only, he does not so much as look at me. "Estel has sent me to find you."
"We must not keep a dwarf waiting then," Glorfindel leaps to his feet. "I do not want a lecture on the lacking of manners in elves."
"I would speak to my brother." Actually Elrohir sounds as if speaking to me is the last thing he wants to do. "If you would excuse us Glorfindel."
Glorfindel glances at me and I nod. I have no wish to speak with Elrohir at the moment but I cannot avoid him either.
"Very well." Glorfindel has no option but to retreat. "I will let them know you will not be long." He says pointedly as he leaves.
Elrohir stands before me radiating anger. He does not meet my eyes but stares at a spot behind my shoulder. I know this is about to become very unpleasant.
"I need you to explain this to me." He snaps,
It is fair request, I owe him far more than an explanation.
"It was only the once Elrohir, after the coronation-"
"I KNOW that! Legolas has told me. I want to know WHY. Tell me why."
I don't know if I can because I do not know why myself but I try.
"I was drunk...but that is not an excuse-"
"No it is not!" He is so very angry.
"I had just found out about Glorfindel and Erestor, I was confused, unhappy-"
"So you discovered Glorfindel was not perfect and decided to take something of mine instead!"
"It was not like that at all Elrohir!" There is no reasoning with him when he is like this. "I wasn't thinking...I didn't think of you..." That was entirely the wrong thing to say.
"You didn't think of me?" He gasps and I see that I have hurt him, "You didn't think of me?"
I decide he will not listen to my defence for myself, because if I am honest I have none, but perhaps I can make this easier for Legolas.
"You must forgive Legolas this, he has agonised for years over what we did. It has tormented him." I remember him sitting in the rain in Minas Tirith, wounded and grieving, weeping over how much pain his guilt was causing him.
"I have forgiven him," Elrohir says calmly and much to my surprise. "Do you think me blind? I can see how upset he is. I can see his remorse. I have allowed him to suffer for too long because I chose not to see it. I will not do that again."
"So you will forgive Legolas but not me?"
"I love him! You obviously have no idea Elladan."
"And you do not love me?" Right now I do not want to hear the answer to that question but I ask it despite myself.
"I do." He says quietly and for the first time he looks me in the eye. "I do Elladan, but your crime is the greater. You are my brother, my twin and you have betrayed me. For years you have berated Legolas because of his promiscuity, have told me how he is bad for me and then you do this?" He is not the raging, fiery Elrohir I know, he is a calm and quiet, wounded Elrohir and I do not know how to handle him.
"I do love you Elladan and that is why this hurts so much."
And he turns and walks away leaving me standing alone.
And I do not blame him.